My Piece of Forever
by daphne's storm
Summary: Do you only really get one chance at happily ever after? Set after Eclipse, this takes the place of Breaking Dawn. Bella gives up Edward for Jacob, only to lose him before she can tell him. The tale of how Bella finds a happy ending and her one true love.
1. Chapter 1 Where She Flies Away

A Little Piece of Forever

PREFACE

I wonder why all the love songs I seem to remember involve finding the one, or never finding someone, or losing the one. What if there was more to love than just loving that one person? What if it were possible to love two people with just the same intensity? The same fire? The same depth. But in a different way. At the same time.

And if one had to choose, could a choice be made that would leave one's heart whole? Or will the choice leave one alone? For having chosen one, would you forever mourn the one not chosen? Or could one still be happy without either choice?

My name is Bella Swan.

And this is the story of how I found my one, true love.

_Chapter 1 Where She Flies Away_

Three Years Before

It was overcast outside, the skies hinting of rain the next day and hiding even the brightest stars. The following day would have been a dismal day for a wedding – had the wedding not been mine. Only a vampire bride would look forward to clouds and gloom instead of the bright sunshine of a perfectly clear day.

I shut the drapes and moved away from the window, rubbing the tops of my arms to ward off the chill. It was always cold, or rainy, or both, in the little town of Forks where I lived. It was then that I thought of him – Jacob – and his warmth. Everything about him radiated warmth – his smile, the russet color of his skin, the lights that seemed to glint off his jet black hair. I half smiled, remembering how I used to call him "my sun". I remembered how he would hold me quietly all those times I would cry as my heart broke, waiting for me to finish, to pass out in the exhaustion borne about by weeping. Sitting quietly beside me, stroking my hair, saying nothing, just being there.

And then I felt a wrench in my heart, remembering the last time I had seen him and how he had turned away, broken. My sun was lost to me now.

I pushed all thought of Jacob aside. I was marrying in one day. No, not even a day - in 14 hours, I would be Mrs. Edward Cullen. Lying on my bed, I realized it would be the last night I would sleep in this room – under Charlie's roof. I looked around, taking in the familiar sights with fresh eyes – the old pine rocker in the corner, the purple spread over my bed. I remember how I hated this room that first week that I had arrived to begin my self-imposed exile in Forks. I had hated everything. I had hated my little room; the ridiculously slow internet connection that I had felt was my last link to the outside world. I hated the constant cover of clouds, the ever present threat of rain. It was strange to realize that after tomorrow, when I left this all behind me forever, that I would actually miss this little room.

My gaze drifted to the cork board mounted on the wall over my desk. It was covered with notes from Charlie – usually telling me he had left for the station before I awakened, and reminders to call Renee, there were pictures of my friends, most of them "candid" shots taken by Eric at the lunch table. I pulled out one from the board – it was a picture of me, Jessica beaming while Mike had his arm wrapped awkwardly around her, Angela beaming her shy smile, all eyes for the photographer. I would miss them.

There were pictures of Edward and me – many, many, many pictures. After he had returned to me, I realize now that I had become obsessed in accumulating tangible evidence that he was there – I took hundreds of pictures, I kept all his notes, saved his text messages on my telephone- I suppose it was my way of reacting to the fear that he could leave me again, and like the last time, I would be left with nothing but my memories and an aching hole where my heart used to be. So I wanted proof – tangible proof that he had existed. That he had loved me, however fleetingly. I shook my head to clear away images of myself that I wanted to forget. My emaciated face, the haunted look in my eyes, memories of waking from nightmares that left me screaming.

But that wasn't completely true – I wasn't left with nothing but memories when he had gone. I had found solace with Jacob. And while he had never filled the hole in my heart, his warmth like the sun, had made my heart grow bigger, to accommodate a new love. Not to replace an old one. A new love that had made me whole again or at least, glued together enough pieces of me so that Edward, when had come back, had something to come back to.

I noticed the corner of an old photograph sticking out from under one of me and Edward at a school dance – he in his godlike perfection, and I with what I realized was a tentative, scared look on my face, the face of someone who knows she's only dreaming and was afraid she would wake up at any moment. Funny how when I first saw this particular photograph, I thought that we had looked happy, made for each other. The perfect picture of a perfect, engaged couple.

I pulled it from under the pile; it was an old photograph of me and Jacob from when we were little kids. We were sitting on the sand at La Push beach, Jacob had his head turned away from me and was trying to drag me in the water. The five year old me was resisting with all my might, but even then, although he was younger by over a year, Jacob was winning the tug-of-war and had half-dragged me into the surf.

I smiled at the face I knew so well – the waterfall of dark, dark hair that was always falling into his eyes, even then, even the little red birthmark on his left shoulder, a dime-sized crescent moon. _"I think I was marked to be a werewolf even before this all happened."_ he had laughingly joked once, when I had commented on the one imperfection in what was, as much of it as I had seen, the perfect boy.

Another picture fell from the corkboard and brushed my hand – a newer one, taken just the past summer – the summer of Jacob – the one before Edward had returned and before Victoria's invasion with the newborns. We were on the beach again, and the sun was shining in the picture, I had my hair thrown back, in the middle of a laugh, Jacob had one arm wrapped around my shoulders and the other holding the camera out at an angle in front of us. Embry and Quil were shadow figures in the background, goofing off in the sand behind us. It had been taken only a few days before my ill-fated cliff dive, a few days before Harry Clearwater passed on – a few days before the "Summer of Jacob", as Angela and Jessica had dubbed it, ended.

It had been sunny that day, but still chilly – this was, after all, still Washington. Jacob and I had been lounging around his house, lying on the rug in front of the television, too lazy to do more than flip channels. Jacob spoke, breaking the silence, "All this Emeril is making me hungry."

"Honey, you're always hungry…" I teased.

"You called me honey." He said a hint of a smile in his voice.

"It was a figure of speech." I snorted disdainfully.

He rolled to his side and looked down at my face. As usual, I felt dwarfed by him, almost overcome by his sheer heft and how even supine, he loomed over me.

"Was it? Or are you starting to succumb to my charms and hot body?" he joked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Hah! You wish! You're delusional, werewolf!" I retorted, pushing vainly against his chest as he loomed over me. "Am I? Am I really?" he grinned evilly, coming closer and closer. My breath hitched in my throat and I saw a shift in his eyes, gone was the laughter playing there earlier – now his eyes were like liquid pools mesmerizing mine. He leaned into me and my mind went blank for a second, was he….. and then the recognizable roar of Embry's old pickup truck sounded from the front yard and the moment was lost. Quil and Embry burst into the small house like twin whirlwinds and they practically dragged us out to the beach, where we had spent the rest of the day.

My hands stilled as I put down the picture. That was the moment I chose the sun, to live, to grow old, to have friends and family…to give up forever, and Edward, to touch Jacob Black.

Barely had the magnitude of my decision begun to sink in, when my telephone rang - the shrill sound breaking me from my stupor. The caller ID flashing on my screen surprised me. What reason did she have to be calling me at this hour?


	2. Chapter 2 Where She Loses

_**Author's Note**__ : I'm sorry I forgot to put this in earlier. I'm new to this and haven't published anything before – unfortunately I'm not quite an expert on uploading documents, configuring settings..etc. In fact it took me twenty long, frustrating minutes before I realized that I needed to check my external email to see your reviews._

_On that note – thank you very much for the reviews. I've always loved writing but have always been too much of a coward to put my writing out there. The reviews I've gotten so far have encouraged me to keep on with this journey. _

_So belatedly, this introduction is in order. Simply put, I wanted a stronger Bella - someone who didn't need a man to make her complete. However, I also wanted her to end up with Jacob. But NOT by default. I likewise didn't agree with stories where Edward suddenly turns abusive or controlling just to give Bella an easy way out. Hence this story. This is canon until it deviates from the events of Eclipse. Breaking Dawn never happens. AU/AR. Everyone is in-character. OCs everywhere, most importantly "Caleb" – whom I guarantee you will all love_

_I have set it after Eclipse when Bella tells Jacob she's in love with him and yet chooses Edward. It will span five years – not always chronologically. I have the ending written but the middle still floating around in my mind. I know that's weird, but no weirder than the fact that I'm even writing this at all. _

_I've rated this M just in case. I have no idea how to write lemons and refuse however, to wimp out and simply fade to black, so by the way, in case anyone's interested, I'm looking for a beta or someone to collaborate with me on those parts? Please email me if you're interested._

_My apologies to the talented Ms. Stephenie Meyer. All the wonderful characters and the world they live in is hers. If any of my writing echoes hers, it is only because I have gotten lost in the world she created, no plagiarism is intended. _

_I own nothing of Twilight except the hardbound set of books I got for Christmas. _

Ch_apter Two_

_Where She Loses What She Never Had _

"Alice saw you decide. She saw you leaving. I can help you." was her only reply.

"But…but…" I stammered, "Why Rosalie? Why would you do this for me?"

"You know how I've always felt about this. It's not you Bella, it's not that I don't want you as a sister - it's not. It's just that if it had been me, I would have chosen differently. And I'm happy that you've chosen the right path, the path I would have chosen for myself…" she paused. Then after a few seconds, added urgently "Go now. While you still have that choice. Before he comes" She replied, her voice, steely but sad.

"What about Edward…" I asked falteringly, my voice sounding like it came from far away.

"He saw what Alice saw, he knows Bella. He left soon after. I think he's on his way to see you." Rosalie continued.

I was too numb to speak, I just stared my reflection in the mirror, as if looking at a stranger and wondering what it was about this person that was so familiar. All I knew at that moment was that I couldn't wait for Edward to find me; that I couldn't stay and break his heart as well, the way I had broken Jacob Black's. I didn't know how I would find the words to explain or the courage to say the words I would, if any, find. Because this was entirely my fault – my indecision, my cowardice, my neediness. I realized in that split-second how cowardly I'd been, hiding from the fact that I loved Jacob behind the façade that I wanted to spend eternity with Edward. Hiding from the truth that I had been more in love with the idea of tragic love than I had been with Edward himself.

And then I realized I had no way to leave and nowhere to go. I had left my truck at the Cullens earlier that night, when Edward drove me home, joking that he was getting me a new car as soon as the wedding was over and we could use my truck as a planter if I still wanted to keep it around. Oh my god, I thought, the wedding.

"I can't…I can't stay here…Charlie…my mom, the wedding…." I stammered.

Rosalie's voice broke into my thoughts just then. "I parked your truck at the end of your street. The tank is filled and the keys are in the ignition and I left some money in an envelope on the driver's seat. But you have to go now, before he gets there, before he convinces you to change your mind again." Rosalie replied, her voice low and urgent. I nodded dumbly although a small, still rational part of my brain, told me that she couldn't see. Then the phone went dead.

As if in a trance, I gathered my things. Almost zombie-like, I swept handfuls of clothes into a bag and suddenly hit by a sense of urgency I couldn't quite explain, I rushed towards the door. As I was leaving, my bag bumped into the chest of drawers next to my bedroom door, and I heard something clatter to the floor. It was my bracelet with the wolf charm Jacob had carved for me and the big heart shaped crystal Edward had given me glinted in the faint light from the hallway. I stopped and turned back, going back into my room, I picked it up and put it on.

I don't really know why at the time. It had cost me a few minutes of the little time I had to make my escape. Maybe even then, fate already had some purpose in mind.

I touched the heart shaped crystal, it was cold and perfect. And then my eyes drifted to the little wolf, so perfect in its detail - and then I thought – Jacob! I'll find Jacob and we'll run away…he'll take me away.

In hindsight, I should have realized that I was doing it again – being needy and selfish – expecting Jacob to agree to clean up my mess, again; and expecting that he would be there to do it. But that night, I never stopped to consider what the consequences of my actions would be. Typical of me. Typical of the old me. I realize now that I was in part, exchanging one crutch for another. Needing Jacob to "rescue" me from a situation that I had created myself.

I left with no plan really. I just thought of getting to La Push – and Jake – as fast as I could possibly could. I had no idea if he was there or if he still wanted me. My only goal was to get to Jake and tell him I loved him. And the rest was a blank. I would think about it after.

The house was quiet as I left, Charlie still hadn't returned from the Station where he was finishing some last minute paperwork to prepare for his coming absence for the next few days, with all the wedding festivities Alice had planned. Renee, who had waited to long to book her flight, would not be arriving in Forks until a mere hour before the wedding.

Still, I didn't want Charlie to catch me leaving. Again, like with Edward, I was too much of a coward to face the pain and disappointment I knew my leaving would cause.

Instead, I left a note on the fridge door. My mind drifted back to another day, another flight and a similar note.

Dad,

I have to go away. Again. I know you'll be angry and disappointed,

But please understand that this is something I have to do.

I'm so very, very sorry for everything. I'll call and explain

as soon as I can.

I love you,

Bella

I practically ran to my truck then – afraid that Edward would catch up to me. Terrified not that he would hurt me but rather, afraid that I would have to explain my decision to him face to face. Ashamed that my fickle mindedness and indecision had led us to this. Ashamed for the embarrassment that a runaway bride would cause him and his family, who had shown me nothing but kindness in the entire time that I'd known them. Terrified that I would hurt yet another person who loved me .

I was like a little child playing with matches. Mesmerized by the beautiful flames and then afraid to face up to the consequences when I burned something. I felt like a plague destroying everything – everyone, in my path.

But as the truck pulled out unto the street, I found myself pressing on the accelerator, a sense of elation starting to grow inside me, slowly overcoming the fear – my heart was singing, softly at first and then louder and louder, as I left Forks further and further behind. And the song it was singing was Jacob - Jacob! I would see him soon, and I would tell him I loved him. I would tell him that I had made my choice and that I had given up forever for him -- for us.

I was so lost in daydreams that I didn't realize that I had crossed the border into La Push. When the beams from my headlights suddenly lit up the silhouette of a man standing in the middle of the road, I was jolted from my daydreams – I stamped on the brakes so hard that the tires squealed, my old truck protesting loudly.

"Jake! Jake!" I laughed, shouted, cried incoherently as I stumbled out of my truck and threw myself into rock hard arms.

That weren't his.

"What are you doing here Bella? Shouldn't you be home getting ready for your wedding?" a harsh voice sounded over my head. I looked up and it was Sam Uley, his face dark with anger, a sneer in his voice, his arms holding me away as if I had a contagious disease that he was afraid to catch.

I stumbled back. Not once had Sam ever spoken to me this way. Jacob would never have allowed it.

"I…uh…Jacob…I was coming to find Jacob…" I managed to stutter.

"What for? Haven't you done enough to him already?" another voice in the darkness said, dripping with hostility. Quil.

"Quil? Please, where is he? I just need to talk to him. Please. I don't have a lot of time…." I begged, trying to make out his form in the gloom.

The large figure that I could barely see, just behind Sam shifted, as if to approach me or at least I hoped, to give me the answers I needed to hear. He seemed about to speak but, so swiftly that I didn't even see him move, Sam stepped in front of him, one had raised, in a gesture to stop.

"He's not here. He left the day he received your wedding invitation." He said in the same harsh voice, almost spitting out the words.

I stared at him, uncomprehending.

"He's not here." Sam said again, enunciating each word carefully, slowly as if talking to a child or an imbecile.

"Please, please – can't you phase and ask him to come back? Please! It's very important." I begged hysterically, stretching out my arms toward him

For a moment, I saw Sam's eyes soften as if with sympathy, but the moment was fleeting and his eyes were hard again – cutting. Obsidian. Pools of hatred.

"He refuses to talk to us. We don't know where he is or if he can even hear us." Sam finally said.

"Wh-when?" I asked

"The day he received you wedding invitation."

I was silent. That had been ten days ago. Why had no one told me? Why hadn't Charlie said anything? Then I realized that I had been too wrapped up in my own turmoil of indecision the past ten days to notice that the outside world existed, much less what happened to it.

"Di..did he leave any word for me?" I begged.

"He said to tell you he never wants to see you again – if you ever came around here. It's over Bella."

Sam's words hit me like a physical blow. I could have sworn that at that moment, I large hand had thrust itself into my chest and squeezed what was left of my heart.

Vaguely, I heard a wolf yelp, as if in protest – but again, Sam raised his hand for silence.

"Did he say that? That it's over ? Never?" I whispered, feeling the blood drain from my face, and all the adrenalin leave my body.

It was quiet for a while. And then Sam spoke again.

"He left and you should leave too. Go back to your blood sucker. Your work here is done. Congratulations. You've finally succeeded in breaking Jacob Black." He sneered over his shoulder.

With that he and the rest of the pack ran off into the forest swiftly, soundlessly, like shadows.

I sank down to the asphalt road, in the flood of light from the headlights. I don't know how long I sat there. Or when it started to rain. Or when the rain softened to a barely perceptible drizzle. After what could have been only a few minutes or several hours, I saw a pair of bare feet come to a stop before me and I was forced to look up - Leah.

I flinched, expecting a blow of some kind – but her face didn't wear her usual look of dislike or loathing. She just looked….sad.

I think I was surprised by this more than I was surprised by the fact that she was even there.

"Why did you come? She asked me quietly.

"I wanted to tell him that I chose him…that I've left Edward." I answered simply, not knowing what else to say or how to explain.

Leah nodded her head, her face grave. Then she turned and started to walk back towards the forest.

"Wait!" I shouted. She paused mid-stride.

"Why did _you_ come?" I asked her.

"Because I hoped that's what you'd say." She answered, not turning back to even look at me. And then almost so softly that I almost couldn't hear her. "Because if you did, then maybe there would be some hope for me too."

"But he's not even here….he doesn't want me…." I said my voice low and despairing.

"But you came. And you chose him in the end. That's what matters. The two of you have a chance to be happy now, even when it seemed impossible just a few days or even hours ago….it's the possibility of happiness…" She said. I waited for her to finish, but she stayed silent.

"And if there's hope that Jacob and I can have a happy ending…there's hope that Sam…" I started tentatively, with a flash of insight, realizing where her mind and her heart were leading her. I stood up to walk toward Leah.

She lifted her hand - I don't know if it meant goodbye or if it meant for me to stop talking - but it didn't really matter because she was gone before I could say another word.

I understood Leah more in that moment than I ever did in all the years I've known her and I think, after that, that she would never really hate me with quite the same intensity again.

We finally had something in common.

---- 000 -----

It must have been close to midnight when I got back into my truck. I only realized I was shaking from the cold after I dropped my keys twice and had to grope about in the darkness looking for them. This would have been funny – if Jacob had been here, he would have teased me about my "gracefulness" - if Jacob had been here…except he wasn't.

When the truck finally started, I turned up the heater as high as it could go – which given my trucks advanced age, was not really all that warm.

Where would I go? What did I do now?

I realized there was nothing left. Jacob didn't even want me. I was so arrogant and presumptuous, so sure of myself that I had assumed that he would be there waiting for me even as I was preparing to marry another man.

Yet, I couldn't go back to Forks and go through with the wedding.

Although it was tempting. It would be so simple. I wouldn't have to apologize or explain. Edward would take me back, and he would understand. He would ask no questions and no one would have to know I ran almost ran away. No one, other than the Cullens knew I had even left. I could go on with the wedding and live forever – like I had planned. Like I had been begging Edward for the past two years.

Edward. _He doesn't deserve this _– a part of me screamed. _But I can make him happy. I can try! _- I argued with myself_. I'll forget Jacob, and we'll leave Forks and I'll be a good wife for as long as he wants me. I can make him happy._

_But you won't love him the way you love Jacob. And he'll know the difference _– the small voice in my heart told me. _And what about Jacob? How much can you really love him if you're so ready to jump back to Edward?_ The same voice taunted.

_Does Jacob deserve this either? Do you even really love him? Or are you just afraid to be alone?_

_What do you think it will do to him if he finds out that you came here looking for him only to marry Edward anyway? Do you really want to do that to him? Again? You can pretend to the world that you never ran away, that you never tried to win Jacob back – but Sam knows. And the pack knows. Jacob will know too._

I sat in my truck. A third part of me sat back listening to the two other parts of me argue from a distance. Did that even make sense? I must be losing my mind. I closed my eyes and willed the voices in my head to stop.

And then it hit me. Rosalie said Alice had seen me leaving. If I had left to be with Jacob and we were meant to be together, Alice wouldn't have seen me leaving. Everything would just have blacked out. My future, if it was with Jacob, would just have disappeared.

I frantically tried to recall Rosalie's exact words when she had called me, hoping that I was wrong. That I misunderstood.

But no. Her words rang clearly in my mind. _"Alice saw you decide. She saw you leaving. I can help you."_

I froze. Jacob and I had no future. I was alone.

Strangely, I didn't cry. Perhaps by this time, after hearing Sam deliver Jacob's message, I had no tears left. Or perhaps the pieces of my heart were already so broken, there were no pieces left to break further. I imagined my heart not merely broken, or splintered, I imagined it ground to tiny, shimmering powder – like when you break a glass and grind it under your feet. Maybe that was why I didn't feel anything. Because the parts left were too tiny to feel anything. The detached part of me – the by-stander in my earlier one-person-argument - wondered , _isn't it funny how your mind wanders when your world is falling apart, how you can think nonsensical thoughts like this when you should be coming to terms with the end of your life as you knew it? _

And miraculously, all the turmoil and despair, my panic, my fear cleared and I came to two realizations - one, I loved Jacob but he didn't want me anymore and two, I could not go back to marry Edward.

What was I going to do now?


	3. Chapter 3 Where She Gets Lost

Author's Note :

Thank you again for your reviews, they've kept me from giving all this up. I have a totally new depth of respect for all the real writers out there. This is soooo much harder than it looks.

I know the story line has been a little erratic – again, please bear with me. I know where Bella's going, it's just that the trip keeps veering off in unexpected directions.

I apologize for any errors in Geography or Climate or the US Public Highway System. I'm not a native of the United States and live in a completely different continent. We have no snow or cold. What we do have is a lot of rain, a lot of sunshine and a lot of imagination.

Again, my apologies to Ms. Stephenie Meyer for borrowing her world and her characters. All errors are mine.

Please continue to enjoy the ride.

Chapter Three

_Where She Finds Herself_

It must have been three in the morning and I was still somewhere along the interstate. Somewhere in Oregon. I wasn't really sure. I didn't even know if I was going the right way. I had never driven this far out on my own before - I was amazed my truck had even made it this far. I must have been going the right way though because the man at the last convenience store I ask for directions at said I would be passing through the

Again, I don't remember much about leaving La Push that night. I find it odd that I can't remember that.

I had decided to go to California – my mom's cousin Jeannette lived there and she would understand my decision. Or at least try to. When I first broke the news of my engagement to my relatives, she had been the most vocal in raising her doubts about me getting married right out of high school and I thought now that maybe she was right about it being to early for me to commit to Edward "forever" – not realizing that in Edward's world, forever literally meant, well – forever. Aunt Jeannette had always been my favorite relative and I knew that of all my cousins, she loved me best. She would understand.

My plan was to stay in California and fix myself first – become Bella. No, not "become" - rather, **find** Bella. Just Bella. Not Jacob's girl or Edward's fiancée. I could live with Aunt Jeannette for a while. I could look for a job, get my own place and even maybe go to college, if I could afford it. California was sunny. There would be no vampires there. No werewolves to break my heart.

And then maybe…maybe when I was better, when I was whole, when Jacob came back, I could go back to Forks and win him back and show him that he was never the second choice – that he was the only, real choice. If he ever came back.

I shook my head to clear it - such grand plans and no concrete means to achieve them!

I was sleepy.

But my mind would not stop its frantic wheeling and I thought of Jacob again. I thought of our first kiss - how firm his lips had been and yet how gentle they felt on mine. I thought I could smell pine in the air blowing in through the window. I remembered how Jacob always smelled of the woods, of pine and fir and green, growing things, of clean, crisp air and the sea.

On my left, the forest was deep and dark and on my right a cliff stretched endlessly and faded to black. Outside it was dark and and cold. There was no rain here and the skies were clear – it seemed like there were ten million stars out. I wondered where he was now. I wondered if he was looking the same stars. And I wondered if he thought of me too.

The headlights from a truck coming from the opposite lane flashed, and the crystal heart on my bracelet reflected the light. And then I thought of Edward. He would be frantic by now. I shouldn't be doing this. I should at least call him.

I stopped the truck and pulled over – my hands shaking, I reached for my telephone – 85 missed calls. I hit redial before I could change my cowardly mind again. He answered on the first ring.

"Bella?" his beautiful voice washed over me.

"Did Alice see me call you? " I said weakly, not really knowing what to say. My heart was pounding. I was amazed I had even found the courage to make this call.

"As a matter of fact she didn't. I've asked her not to look for you anymore. She won't be doing that from now on." Edward said, trying to sound lighthearted.

I felt a pang of missing him then. Maybe my heart wasn't completely dead after all. He would be sitting somewhere, one hand holding his phone, the other running his fingers through his messy hair, a crooked smile on his face…or maybe not.

"Tell Alice I'm sorry. And that I'll miss her." I said.

"That, she did predict you would say." He said with a bitter laugh and then more somberly, "We'll respect your decision Bella – Alice won't be looking for visions of you anymore. She said to tell you that she's trying to understand and that even if she doesn't, she loves you anyway."

"We all do." He continued.

"Tell her I love her too. In fact, I wish she were here with me right now." I told him.

"Where are you?" he asked urgently. "Charlie's worried sick."

"I'm on the interstate somewhere, I think I'm out of state already…I'm ok. Please tell him I'll call."

The line was quiet again.

"Why, Bella?" he finally asked.

Finally. The question I had been dreading. The reason why I had not made this call long before this. The reason I was buying time – to find the words to explain. Except, the moment had come, and I had no words.

"I'm sorry." I said simply.

"I know." Was his quiet reply.

"Where will you go?" he asked me, "Are you going to Jacob?"

"No." I answered. "It's not about choosing between the two of you anymore. It's about finding me. I think I was so busy trying to please everybody, I kind of lost "me" in the confusion. I can't even remember who I was before you. Or before Jacob. And, he doesn't want me anyway." I said in a rush, realizing as I was saying the words, that I had not known these things about myself until I had uttered them just then.

"I don't think I can love either of you the way you deserve until I can sort myself out. What sort of sick person can claim to love two people and then turn around and hurt both of them? How can I love anyone? I don't even love myself. I don't even LIKE myself."

"I know it looks like I was running from you to Jacob. But that's not all that it is. I think I was really running away from me – does that even make sense to you? So I guess it's good that he doesn't want me either and it's good that you know all this…. Because if we had gotten married tomorrow, you would have been marrying a shell. A little wind-up toy that doesn't know her mind….a stupid little Bella doll waiting for Edward or Jacob to wind her up and point her in the direction they want her to go."

I had to stop. My breath was coming in gasps and to my dismay I realized that it was in fact, physically possible for my heart to burn and tear even more than it already had that day. Would it ever stop I wondered? Or was heartbreak like a cancer – it would spread to my limbs and my bones – my soul - until nothing was left of me but shimmering tiny fragments of ground glass.

"Maybe some day…" I said. But then I stopped, not finishing my sentence. Afraid to make new promises when I had just broken old ones beyond repair. I caught my breath.

"Does this make any sense to you?" I asked him. Praying that it did because, in my own haze of pain, it was finally beginning to make sense to me as well.

"It does actually. It explains a lot." Edward said in answer to my confused question.

"You know we could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble if I could only read your mind right?" he joked weakly. I imagined the crooked smile again.

And then quietly, in a voice as soft and gentle as a moth's wing he asked me "Are you saying there's hope for us?"

"No…yes… I…I don't know…I don't know." I answered.

He was quiet for a long time. "Come back to me Bella. Please." he finally said, his voice pleading, all the heartache he was feeling somehow crammed into six short words.

"I'm sorry Edward. I'm really, really sorry. I just can't…." my voice broke and I started sobbing.

He was quiet again. For a while, the only sound was the occasional swish of tires on the wet asphalt when the rare car passed my truck, and my broken sobs.

"Sssshhhh…Bella, it's ok. I understand. I do. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." He reassured me, soothing me with the same voice he would use on nights when I would wake up screaming from nightmares.

And guilty as I felt, I forced myself to believe what I knew to be a lie – because doing so absolved me from my sins somehow. I struggled to calm myself.

"Just promise me something, ok?" he asked.

"Is this like the promise you made me make you the last time?" I whispered, remembering that day in forest behind Charlie's house when he left me. When this all started. Were we back to that? "Because, you don't have to worry, I'm not going to do anything dangerous…or stupid" I said.

"I know Bella. You're different now. Stronger – I guess I have Jacob to thank for that. I don't worry about that anymore." Edward replied. And then he paused, and I waited for him to continue.

"Rosalie was right though." He said again. "I would have tried to stop you." He gave a laugh – even over the telephone, it sounded forced and bitter. I was silent.

"I'll always love you, you know." He said in the soft voice I knew so well. The soft voice which, on most nights, was the last thing I heard before I slept. The space where my heart had been stretched and tore a bit more.

"I'll always love you too." I said. And I would. He was a good person – soul or no soul. Vampire or not. And maybe, because I was letting him go, instead of taking advantage of his goodness, I was becoming a good person too.

"I know." Edward said. "Now about that promise…" he continued.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Promise me you call me if you ever need me. For anything. I don't care how long it's been or where you are or where I am. There's a Cullen and Hale Law Office in Boston. It's been there for decades. It will be there for decades more. If you ever need me, they'll know where to find me." His voice was intense.

"Yes." I said.

"Promise me. Remember this ok?" he emphasized, his voice intense. "For anything." He repeated.

"I promise. Cullen and Hale. Boston." I repeated.

"I love you Bella. Forever" he said and then he was gone.

I sat in the truck for a while, just looking the telephone but not really seeing anything. Idly, I noticed a thick white envelope on the floor of the passenger's seat beside me – Rosalie. I opened it and saw a bundle of money about half an inch thick. There must have been twenty thousand dollars in there or more. I was going to put the envelope in my purse, but then I paused and put it in the inner lining of my jacket. At least it wouldn't fall out until I could find a way to send it back to Rosalie.

It was 3:30 am. Maybe I should call Charlie too. Or maybe not. My very limited store of courage completely depleted by my conversation with Edward. I could at least text him. Renee would be in Forks soon and I needed him to be able to calm her down. I could do at least that. had enough courage for that.

Hi Dad, I'm ok. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this I promise I'll make it up to you somehow. I'm going to Aunt Jeannette in California. I'll call you when I get there. I love you. Please explain to Mom.

I decided to send an SMS to Aunt Jeannette as well – if I kept this up, I could be in California tomorrow night.

Hi Auntie. It's Bella. I'm coming to you. Can I stay for a while? I'll explain when I get there. If my mom calls, pls tell her.

I pressed send and started the truck again.

I was sleepy. And cold. And tired. For some inexplicable reason, the cold was wrapped not just around my body, but my brain…my heart. I was glad for the cold though, it kept me numb. I shut out that part of me that was coping with the Jacob's abandonment, and the part that was mourning the loss of Edward and the part the part of me that was so very scared that while I seem to have found my backbone, I had lost control of my life. I just needed for the numbness to last until I got to Aunt Jeannette.

I pulled out into the highway again – it was quiet this time of the night. The only traffic on the road was my truck and the occasional log hauler barreling past me. I was so cold. The heater seemed to have died on me. Damn. I shivered. My telephone fell off my lap and landed on the seat next to me. The outbox icon was flashing, I guess I hadn't sent my text messages. I was reaching for my telephone to hit the send button again when the bright lights hit my eyes, momentarily blinding me --- and then blackness.


	4. Chapter 4 Whe She Finds Shelter

Chapter Four

_Where She Finds Shelter_

I opened my eyes and hurriedly closed them again. How could the simple act of opening my eyes cause such excruciating pain? There were bright lights above me and the beams cut into my eyes like lances, shooting pain straight into my brain. Maybe if I opened them slowly. Tentatively, I tried to lift my lids training my gaze sideways and away from the bright light.

"Well it's about time you rejoined the living." a cheerful voice from somewhere ahead of me said.

I opened my eyes fully now, having adjusted to the light. My head hurt, my mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool and the first thing that I realized was that I could actually feel each individual part of my body that hurt. And that most of my body hurt.

I turned my head towards the direction of the voice. A lady was standing in an open doorway a few feet from the foot of my bed. I tried to speak but my voice felt rusty from disuse and my throat was dry. All I could do was let out a little croak.

"Don't try to talk dear, here drink this." She bustled over, a blur of hospital green scrubs, and handed me a cup of water with a straw through the top. I greedily sucked – the water felt like the best thing I had ever tasted. "I'll go get Dr. Taggart." She bustled out again.

"You gave everyone quite the scare young lady." said yet another voice said coming from my left side. I tried to turn on my side, but my right hand seemed to be connected to the bed – I looked and saw numerous tubes and IV lines running up and down my arm. Ugh. I hate needles. I turned my head to the left, looking for the voice, careful not dislodge anything.

In the bed next to mine lay a woman, maybe in her sixties or seventies. While the long hair that spread over her pillow was snowy white, her face was still beautiful - had high cheekbones, and long lashes the creases here there not detracting from but adding to her beauty. Her clear blue eyes sparkled mischievously and she was smiling at me - "Welcome back." She said wryly.

" Wh—where am I?" I asked, confused. Did I know her?

She laughed heartily her eyes dancing, and then the laugh turned into a cough. "I'm sorry dear." she apologized, "It's just that you sounded like a character from one of those soap operas just then…" she said still chuckling.

"Now Em, you're not giving my newest patient a hard time are you? Give the kid a break, she just woke up!" another voice, male, sounded from the doorway and I turned my head again to see a man coming in.

I immediately liked him or at least, he looked kind – he had crinkly hair going gray at the temples, and the same merry blue eyes as the lady next to me – Em, he said her name was.

"I'm Dr. Taggart, and your roommate here is my Aunt Emma." He proceeded to my bedside and began examining me, shining alight in my eyes, inspecting what felt like stitches on my forehead. "You're in Harbor, Oregon at the country hospital. And since introductions are being made, we'd like to know your name too. You've gotten everyone in town intrigued!" He told me.

"My name is…Bella." I said weakly.

"Bella…?" he said, with an expectant note in his voice.

"Bella…", I licked my parched lips, biting my lower lip, trying to remember what came next. To my horror, I couldn't remember. My mind raced, as if it had suddenly woken up. I could remember my favorite color – blue, and that I liked Cherry Cokes, that I had a red truck, that I hated needles, that I used to play on a beach somewhere. I could remember the texture of sand between my toes but for some reason, I couldn't seem to remember the rest of my name.

"I don't…don't know. I don't remember…" I stammered, looking up at Doctor Taggart, panic in my eyes. I started to rise from the bed, but he laid a soothing hand on my arm, "Don't get up. Don't worry" He said soothingly, motioning to someone over the by the door. "It will come back."

I looked at Emma in the next bed, her eyes were filled with pity, and worry. A nurse came in just then and injected some clear liquid in the IV connected to my arm.

"You've suffered a lot of trauma, you were in a car wreck. This is just your body's way of trying to heal itself." he continued. "Sometimes, your mind causes you to forget traumatic events until your body is well enough to handle it."

"Wh – when?" I asked.

"It's not something I can put a deadline on. It could be months, or weeks. Or sometimes days. To be frank, I haven't seen too many cases like yours. You're lucky you didn't sustain any major injuries, other than your leg of course, just cuts and bruises. That truck of yours was sure tough." He smiled kindly. I suddenly realized why my le had felt leaden – I was in a cast from my thigh down.

Suddenly, I had a flash of memory. A rusty old red truck. Laughter. A hand patting the hood. _ "The old girl and I have a loooong relationship. She could take on a semi and walk away!"._ More laughter. I tried to remember. I knew it was someone important. It was frustrating, just somewhere on the edge of my consciousness.

"But you did take quite blow to the head. We'll do another CT Scan in a few days. 'Til then, you need to rest. That's the best medicine for you right now." Dr. Taggart continued.

I was already woozy by then. I guess whatever the nurse had in injected into my IV was putting me to sleep. I vaguely made out his figure writing something on a medical chart at the foot of my hospital bed before I must have fallen asleep.

---- 000 -----

I must have slept through the rest of that day and all night as well. When I opened my eyes again, watery morning sunshine was flooding the windows on the other side of my bed.

"But soft, what light from yonder window breaks?" Emma said, smiling mischievously at me again.

I barely knew her but for some reason, her reassuring smile and clear blue gaze immediately calmed my panic. I smiled too, tremulously.

"Arise, fair sun and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief." I finished.

"Romeo and Juliet, Act 2 Scene 2." I said automatically, then stopped. I looked at Emma, bewildered. "How can I remember that? When I don't even know my name?"

"You have anteroretrograde amnesia." Dr. Taggart's voice sounded from the hallway. A few seconds later, he came into my room.

"What?" I asked, looking at Emma again. She smiled comfortingly.

"It's a form of memory loss brought about damage to the brain, or shock or emotional trauma. Your brain shuts down to let your body heal. In your case, the CT Scans show no physical trauma to the brain so my opinion is that the amnesia has been brought on by the shock of your accident." He explained, coming to stand by my bed.

"Like I said, you're very lucky. I'll never know how you walked away from that accident with just a broken leg. Although mind you, you broke your leg in several places. Still it's a miracle that's all it was." Dr. Taggart narrated, shining a light in my eyes and motioning me to follow the movements of his fingers with my eyes.

"Your truck is totaled, I'm sorry. The police say they had to haul it off to the junkyard, it can't even be salvaged for parts. They tried to see if they could at least identify the licenses plates but no luck." He continued.

"Was there anyone else…anything in the truck?" I asked, afraid he would say there was but still hoping he would say that there was some tangible clue of who I was or where I was going, where I was from. Was there anyone out there looking for me?

"I'm sorry Bella. The truck driver who pulled you out said that the truck was already starting to burn when he arrived. He couldn't even save…" he paused, coughed and then continued. "Unfortunately, the police haven't found the guy who sideswiped you either. They sent an APB out but it's been a week and there has been no response." Dr. Taggart explained, his voice gentle. Pitying.

"My truck…was it red?" I asked.

"Why do you ask?" Dr. Taggart responded, a look of excitement and interest on his face.

"I seem to…I can remember…" I shook my head, as if that would force the pieces of my broken memories to fall into place. "I have these flashes…like snapshots in my brain, of an old red truck."

"That's good Bella!" Dr. Taggart said happily. "And it was red, you're right."

"Good?" I asked

"Yes. It will take some time before we can gauge the extent of your memory loss. In most cases, the patient's long term memory eventually comes back, especially if, like in your case, you're already having these flashbacks." He explained. "Long term studies of patients have shown that…."

"Now Jake…" Em started, interrupting him. My breath caught. I knew that name. I looked around frantically, trying to find who she was talking to – and then realized she was referring to Dr. Taggart. I closed my eyes, concentrating on trying to remember who that was or why I would remember it so vividly. "Don't tire Bella out with your scientific mumbo jumbo. The girl needs her rest." she continued.

"It's ok." I answered her, smiling. "I feel better, actually. Just really sore."

"I'm sure you do. Jake here's really stingy with the Demerol!" Emma said, laughing again. "I'm glad you feel better though. It's really lonely here with a roommate that's asleep all the time."

"Well don't tire her out with Shakespeare either!" Dr. Taggart retorted, patting Emma's hand and with that, he left the room, promising he'd come back tomorrow.

We were quiet for a while, and then Emma spoke again. I looked at her and her eyes were gentle now. "Don't worry Bella. It will be ok."

My eyes watered. Her tone was so motherly and kind and yet strangely, I felt suddenly small and alone and afraid.

"It's just that I don't know what will happen to me…I don't know what I'll do when I get out of here…" I tried to explain.

"Something will come up. God always takes care of His own. I truly believe that." Emma replied.

I nodded, then forced a cheery smile on my face.

"So what are you in for?" I asked her.

"Oh Jake's just being n over protective sissy." Emma declared feistily. "We're each other's only living relatives you see, so he tends to overreact. I had a touch of pneumonia a week ago and he dragged me in here. I told him I'd be fine at Wolf River Inn but he wouldn't hear of it. So here I am…"

"Wolf River Inn?" I asked in a strangled voice. The name resonated in my brain. Was it somewhere I'd been?

"It's my little bed and breakfast place, I've been running it since my father passed on. It's been in our family since the late 1800s. Of course now, only Jake and I are left. His father was my older brother. Jake's parents died in a car accident when he was 12 and he lived there with me until he left for medical school." Emma explained.

"What's it like?" I asked idly, hoping she would say something that would explain why the name resonated with me so much. Maybe I'd been there? Or was going there?

"It's pretty isolated. We only have fifteen rooms and we mostly get older people or honeymoon couples. It's beautiful though…" Emma said, a smile creeping over her face "It's surrounded by woods and there's fishing nearby. It's very peaceful."

"That sounds wonderful." I said wistfully.

"Yes it is. I think you'd like it there." Emma said, looking thoughtful.

---- 000 ----

Over the following days and weeks, we developed a routine of sorts. Each morning when I woke up, Emma would quiz me on Shakespeare quotes, and to her delight and my bewilderment, I seemed to know all of them. She then moved on to Jane Austen novels, Hemingway and even Faulkner. Whoever I was, I must have been a good student at least.

It amazed me to discover what I knew, but at the same time, frustrated me that I could remember so much and yet not know my identity.

I was very fortunate to have Emma those long days at the hospital. Otherwise, I don't really know how I would have survived. After the first week, Dr. Taggart authorized the removal of most of the tubes and wires on my arm.

Holy Trinity General Hospital in Harbor, Oregon, where they told me I was confined, while modern, was small by big city standards. The nearest big hospital was in Brookings, about an hour away. The medical staff was composed of mostly locals and in most cases so were the patients, except in my case.

While accidents along US 101 where they said I was found were sadly not uncommon, in a town this small, my "mysterious" circumstances had apparently given the townsfolk much to talk about. Hence, for a stranger in town, I got a lot of visitors. Most were friendly, curious really although I began to feel like a circus freak until Dr. Taggart banned any more visitors.

The two nurses on our floor, Jodi and Felicity, were friendly from the first. While going about their duties in the quiet, practiced, methodical manner that they both shared, they nonetheless made me feel that they really cared about me – even stopping to sip a cup of coffee with Emma and chat with us in our room on their breaks. At first, I'm sure they were just driven by curiosity about the strange girl like all the others – after all, even Dr. Taggart admitted that their small hospital had never had a case of amnesia before me – but as they got to know me, I wanted to think that they came because they liked me. Wistfully, I thought that if in my real life, I had a mother somewhere, or aunts, that they would be like them.

Jodi and Felicity became good friends over the next weeks, encouraging me to write down whatever memories came to me, sometimes bringing me wildflowers from outside and one day, making me cry when they brought me a cup of strawberry ice cream as a treat when Dr. Taggart ordered the last of my IV lines removed.

If I had occasional daydreams that Jodi or Felicity were my mom or aunt, I yearned everyday that Emma would be my real family. She was the first person I saw when I woke and I think I initially felt attached to her for that reason. But as the days passed, I drew more and more from her strength, her sense of humor and her constant, unwavering faith that I would get better. Emma seemed to instinctively perceive my moods, always having a kind word or a reassuring smile, or a tart, funny comment when the occasion called for it. She let me cry, just holding my hand, and she listened when I had what she called my mind pictures". But mostly, we talked about her past and her life now.

I learned that Emma had been a Literature major in Oregon State but that she had leave school at the end of her junior year to take over running the inn when her father passed on. Her mother had died when Emma was in high school and her older brother, Jake's dad, who was a doctor too, was not interested in running the business. I sensed there was more to the story, but other than a sad look that came to her face when she spoke of her leaving university, Emma never revealed more.

She had been running the inn for several years when at 30 years old, she "inherited" the then ten year old Jake Taggart, when his parents died in a car accident. I asked her once if she had ever gotten married but she didn't answer. After seeming lost in her thoughts for a few minutes, she forced a cheerful smile and said "I once convinced myself it wasn't all that important to have someone to love that way, but when I eventually changed my mind it was too late. I was heartbroken for a while but then Jake came along and I got over it. Becoming mom before you ever became a wife kind of makes you do that…you realize you have to start living for someone else. Not much room for self-pity really." She finally said.

While she seemed content with her life and her inn, I could tell she was lonely there. There was always a note of something sad in her voice, especially when she talked of how she lived after Jake had left for college and medical school. "I keep at him to get married and give me grandchildren" she said half jokingly, clearly thinking of Dr. Taggart as her own son, "but he's married to his work and I think that train passed him by too. He's forty three now and I keep nagging him to marry Jodi over here but he won't listen to me…" Jodi, who was at that moment, placing the tray of our evening medications on the night table, just blushed and looked down. "Now Emma…." She said warningly, her face blushing prettily.

"Don't "Now Emma" me young lady – you and Jake have been making goo goo eyes at each other since you were four and he was seven." Emma said defiantly, the mischievous twinkle back in her eyes.

--- 000 ---

One morning, Jodi and Felicity came to my room, a bulky brown paper wrapped parcel in Jodi's arms.

"Hi honey." Jodi said cheerfully. "Sheriff's office called yesterday and they said your personal effects were ready for pick up so Felicity here went and got them for you" she said, walking over.

"Not that there's much of it left. They think most of your things burned with the truck." Felicity added softly, her eyes looking worried, perhaps wondering how I would take the news. I opened the parcel. There wasn't much really. Just an anorak, boots and a shirt.

"The good news is, you had quite a lot of cash on you, so you don't need to worry about money for while when you get out of here." Jodi said, trying to lighten the mood. "And since you don't have much in the way of clothes…you get to go shopping!"

"I have money?" I asked bewildered.

"Paramedics found twenty five thousand dollars hidden in your clothes when they examined you at the accident. They were wondering if you were a drug dealer on the run, but decided you looked to pretty to be doing that." Felicity joked. And then she and Jodi exchanged a look, their faces sobering up.

"Actually, Sheriff Knowles asked us if you were willing to talk to him about that. Dr. Taggart says it's ok as long as you agree." Jodi said.

I nodded.

--- 000 ----

The first thing I saw of Sheriff Knowles was his brown leather sheriff's jacket – he had his back to my door and appeared to be talking to either Felicity outside. Again, that nagging feeling that something I should know teased the edges of my consciousness.

"Now Bert, you can talk to her, but I'm warning you not to upset her or you'll answer to me." Felicity was saying fiercely "And that's Dr. Taggart's orders too." she added, "The poor girl's been through so much already."

"Come on Felicity! Of course I won't, you know me better than that!" Sheriff Knowles said, in a deep baritone voice. "Is she awake?" he asked.

"Yes. Yes I am Sheriff." I said, calling over to him. Emma got out of her hospital bed and walked over to sit beside me. She was scheduled to leave the hospital the next day and already, I was panicking at the thought of being alone.

"Hello Bella." Sheriff Knowles said, walking into the room, "Morning Miz Taggart" He said, nodding to Emma.

"Good morning Sheriff." We said, almost in unison. Emma squeezed my hand encouragingly.

"Well young lady, I'm sure you know you've caused quite a stir with your amnesia and all." The sheriff began. "Dr. Taggart says you're doing much better though. Do you remember anything at all about where you came from? Or where you were going?" he asked.

"No." I said sadly, shaking my bowed head. "I keep trying to remember but…all I get is just little snippets, like pictures in brain. And I don't know who the people in the pictures are…" I tried to explain. "When I try to think about where I was going, it's all blank. I just have this feeling like there was something urgent about wherever it was I was going…like I needed to get somewhere really fast or get away from something…" I stopped, feeling stupid. "Does any of this make sense?" I asked, looking from Sheriff Knowles to Emma in despair.

Sheriff Knowles was silent, and cleared his throat. "There's also this matter of the money hidden in your clothing. Do you have any explanation for why someone your age would have so much cash on their person?" He began.

"Come on Bert Knowles!" Emma protested "You're not implying she stole the money or was doing something illegal are you?!" she continued, a mutinous look on her face.

"Calm down Miz Taggart. I'm just doing my job." He said.

"No Sheriff, I'm sorry. I don't." I said, wishing I could give him more than that.

Sheriff Knowles, ran his fingers through his hair, as if in exasperation, then he sighed heavily. "The truth is, we're stumped." He admitted.

"We've checked with every county in state and there haven't been any missing person reports fitting your description. Although truth is, you look like you could be anywhere from 16 years old to 20 – if you're an adult, the police won't accept a missing persons report from your parents anyway, if you have any." He said sadly.

"We haven't identified the other girl that didn't make it either, her car was in even worse shape than yours. It burned and they didn't get her out in time. We don't even have a body. And the sonofabitch that did this is running around out there somewhere..." he said, angry and frustrated, although looking apologetically at Emma as the profanity slipped out. "Sorry Miz Taggart." he mumbled.

"There was another girl?" I asked.

Emma looked warningly at Sheriff Knowles, as if to stop him or to warn him.

"It's ok, I can take it. Could you please tell me what happened?" I begged.

Sheriff Knowles pulled up a chair closer to the bed where Emma and I were sitting.

"As far as we can tell, you were pulling out from the shoulder on the 101 and you were hit by a truck coming from the opposite direction. We think that your car spun and then was tail-ended by the third car, traveling behind you. She ricocheted off the side of your truck but the impact pushed both your vehicles off of the cliff side. If the angle had only been a few feet off, you would have hit the trees on the left side instead and maybe she would have made it too…." He continued.

"You're very lucky because your truck took most of the impact. They don't make cars like that any more…. the other girl was in one of those Korean tin can cars. It folded like a crumpled piece of paper on impact. Her car door jammed and it was already burning up when the paramedics arrived. They couldn't get her out – her car set your truck on fire too. They just had enough time to pull you out." He finished gravely.

"It was my fault she died? Because my truck was in front? In her way?" I stammered, feeling a heavy weight on my shoulders. Feeling sorrow for this nameless faceless girl I had not even known existed until a few minutes before. Feeling responsible and guilty.

"No no, don't blame yourself Miss Bella. The skid marks show she was going way too fast on that last turn. She didn't stop in time and it rained that night so the road was slippery…" Sheriff Knowles reassured me. He was quiet for a long time before he spoke again.

"Dr. Taggart told us that when they examined you after the accident, you had a lot of bruises already – that weren't new or from the accident. You had scars of stitches too on your scalp and arms. And the x-rays showed you had quite a few healed breaks in your bones….." he said quietly. I just gazed at him, not really understanding where he was going.

"I've been considering your circumstances, the stash of money, how young you are, why you were traveling alone on the highway by yourself at that time of the night – Bella," he said gently, "do you think maybe you were running away from someone?" he asked.

"Wh—what do you mean?" I asked him, bewildered.

"Well honey…" Emma started, motioning to Sheriff Knowles to be silent. "Dr. Taggart and Sheriff Knowles think that the number of your old injuries are consistent with some form of domestic physical abuse… and well, considering the other things, they believe you were running from an abusive parent or boyfriend. Or that someone was after you." She explained, holding my hand tightly.

My heart stopped for a minute. Could I have been? I asked myself. It was possible, given everything that he had just said. I remembered the undefined feeling of urgency that I felt whenever I tried to find memories of the night of the accident.

My face must have reflected my fear.

"Don't worry Bella, we'll all take care of you." Emma reassured me.

Sheriff Knowles nodded gravely. He then stood up and started walking towards the door but then stopped and turned around again.

"By the way, the Paramedics bagged this and put it in with your things – it's not going to go with the fashionable hospital gown, but I thought maybe you'd like it back? You were wearing it when they found you." The sheriff said kindly, taking my hand and closing my fingers around something.

It was a silver chain-link bracelet with two charms hanging from it – one a heart shaped pink crystal that glimmered under the hospital fluorescent lights, momentarily dazzling me. I must have been staring at the heart for a few seconds, when my gaze was inexorably drawn to the other charm, a tiny wooden wolf. It was intricate, beautiful and strangely, it felt warm and alive in my hands. I traced the lines of the little wolf lovingly, it was as if it would come start walking around on my palm at any moment. For a second, my heart leapt as if it would burst out of my chest and then it stopped, like something had died. There was something hovering at the edges of my memory – "_It's just a hand me down."_, a velvety beautiful voice - and then my own voice, disjointed "_It's beautiful. I'd be proud to wear it." _ Were we speaking to each other?

"I wasn't able to give it to Felicity when she came for your things because it was locked up in the evidence room with the money." the Sheriff continued. "I was hoping it would help you remember something but….anyway, Miss Bella, please leave word at the station as to where you're going to be staying after you're discharged. We'd like to know where we can reach you in case…." he said.

"I…I uh..don't know. I haven't really thought about that yet." I ruefully admitted. What an idiot I was. Of course I couldn't stay here forever. Then I started to panic. Where _**would**_ I go?

"It may not have jogged her memory but I think it's a sign from God." I suddenly heard Emma speak, she was looking at my bracelet, smiling. "She'll coming home with me – to Wolf River Inn."

I opened my mouth, starting to protest. I couldn't impose on Emma like that. What if my memory never came back? I couldn't live with her forever…

"That's actually a very good idea." Sheriff Knowles said, interrupting my reverie. "If Dr. Taggart and I are right, and someone is looking to hurt you, whoever you're running from will have a harder time finding you at the inn than they would in town."

"You're absolutely right Sheriff." a new voice said from the doorway, "I was going to suggest it myself." It was Dr. Taggart.

I opened my mouth to started to protest again but like the previous attempt, I was forestalled by the doctor.

"Emma has been looking for someone to help her manage the inn for a while now, you know. She's really not getting nay younger" Dr. Taggart began. Emma snorted in disdain.

"And after Sheriff told me about his theory that someone's after you, I think you'd be safer with her. We can easily screen whoever's looking for you if they come asking around in town." the doctor continued.

I looked up at Emma, who nodded in confirmation. "But..but…" I said, halfheartedly trying to argue, although really, I wanted nothing more than to hug Emma and sob with relief. "Sheriff said I have some money…maybe I could pay for my room and board?" I offered.

"What about you help me at the inn, and you can work off your room and board. We can discuss when you feel better." Emma added, putting an arm around my shoulders.

"So it's settled then?" Sheriff Knowles asked rhetorically, nodding his head in satisfaction.

"By the way," Sheriff Knowles said, taking some papers out of his jacket pocket. "I'll need you to sign for the bracelet. I've left the money with the Hospital staff, it's in their safe." He handed me the sheaf of papers. "I'm afraid you'll have to sign in triplicate – my secretary's really strict about stuff like that. She found it in my drawer and wouldn't believe that it was evidence – I think she thought I was giving it to some girl on the side. She'll have my hide if I don't bring back these release forms." Sheriff grinned.

I couldn't help but grin back. For some reason, he made me feel safe. I couldn't really explain why, but I knew instinctively that he'd look out for me.

"Admit it Bert, Janine's just a naturally suspicious person and it's too bad you're as henpecked in the station as well as at home." Dr. Taggart teased, winking at me and adding the aside "His secretary's his wife so she keeps him in line pretty good."

I suddenly remembered meeting Janine, I just didn't know she was Sheriff Knowles' wife. She was one of Felicity's friends and she had come over with a group of other ladies once, with flowers for me from some sort of club they were in. Eventually the other ladies had stopped coming to visit, probably when the novelty of the amnesiac girl had worn off, but Janine would still come in sometimes to chat or at least say hi if she was passing by to visit with Felicity.

"Well at least you can be sure no one will find Bella unless she wants to be found" Sheriff Knowles said laughing along, "At least, not if they ask at the Station!" he finished, raising his hand in a gesture of goodbye and leaving with a cheerful "Bye Bella, Jake, Miz Taggart."

And that was how I ended up at Wolf River Inn.


	5. Chapter 5 Where He Was

Chapter 5

_Where He Was_

JPOV

Do you want to know how long a werewolf can run without sleep? Or how that feels? I can tell you right now – so far the longest has been eleven days. Or at least, I think it's been that long. Prior to this, I had held out for six, maybe seven days. But the further away I got from La Push, the faster I could seem to run. I used to think that there was an invisible steel rope that bound me to my home, my tribe. I guess it wasn't my home I was bound to, but Bella. When I received Bella's invitation to her wedding, it was as if that steel rope had broken, and I felt no need more urgent, no desire more powerful than to just run away from the pain. And so I ran, and ran. I'm still running, maybe if I run far enough, I can even forget. I don't know how long I've been gone, maybe because in this form, days and nights seem to merge and truthfully, I haven't really given enough of a damn to even keep track.

The only time I ever phase back is when I call my father. But even during those brief periods, I would feel my anger and my sadness rising like a gigantic wave threatening to overcome me and I want to hit something, hurt someone. Of course I could never do that. Not for fear of the law or jail, but for fear of what that would do to Billy and considering how he's respected my need to do this, to leave him and La Push, and what I'm outing him through now, I could never, never lash out the way I would want to.

As an animal you can run all you want and maybe if you run fast enough you can run away from all your demons. You don't need much more than food and water, both of which there are plenty in the forests of where I was right now, (Canada maybe) if you're not squeamish about blood. You can sleep anywhere when the fatigue and exhaustion finally gets the best of you and your paws are too sore to take another step.

That's why it's much easier to be an animal.

But the best part of being an animal is simple.

Wolves don't cry.

I don't think they physically can cry. And they don't feel the same human pain as much. If you stay wolf long enough, you become just a little, infinitesimal bit less of man with every day that you stay a wolf. I used to fear that so much, when this all first happened. I used to fear my own strength when I phased, I used to fear that I would lose myself – and to be perfectly honest, my greatest fear had been that Bella would turn away from me in disgust, because I was an animal. A monster.

The funny thing is that she took my being a monster all in stride. And the painful part is that, she didn't want me not because I was a freakish monster, she just didn't want well – me. Thinking about it now, I think I would have preferred if she had recoiled from me when she learned what I really was. If she had just been disgusted with the giant monster that I become.

Because then, I could blame this curse for keeping her from me.

The thing is, even if I had been the most normal man in world, she still wouldn't have chosen me. I would have even been happier if she had chosen someone else, someone ordinary, normal. Because again, I could blame it on my monstrosity. I could still imagine that had I been normal too, human, ordinary – then maybe she would have chosen me.

In the end, she did choose to be with a monster – it's just that I wasn't the right kind of monster for her.

I was exhausted. And I wanted to die. I wonder if I were to throw myself under a log hauler, would I survive the impact? What would happen to me if I died in my wolf form? Would I stay that way until they came to haul my bloody carcass away? Or would I have any energy to phase back to human form at the last minute? Either way, I'm sure the world's biggest road kill or alternatively, a dead naked Indian guy on the interstate would be enough to make the news. And if she heard the news, would she even care?

I looked up. The canopy of trees above me was thick and dark. The air smelled of rain, wet leaves and earth. Whereas I used to love their smell of the forest and the rain, now it smelled only of rot and decay and death.

God damn it to hell. God damn Edward Cullen. God damn his money. God damn his beautiful bloodsucking family. God damn them all to hell.

I laughed bitterly. Maybe Edward Cullen was bound for hell - did vampires even have souls? But at least, I had beaten him in something. I had beaten him to hell because I was already living there.

I wondered if they were married by now. I'd lost track of how long it had been since I had run out of my house and started on this journey with no end. I wondered if my Bella was a leech too by now. If her brown eyes were now blood red, if her skin was now as beautiful as marble and just as cold.

And then I wonder if I could still find it in me to kill my enemy, because without doubt, if Bella had been turned, she was my enemy too now. I had a duty to kill her….

….although I had sworn I would love her until her heart stopped beating.

But I lied.

I would never stop loving her. Even if her heart has stopped and her skin has turned to ice. And I would die protecting her if she needed me. She wouldn't even have to ask. Because without Bella, I don't know if there would even be a me.

I stopped dead in my tracks. You stupid, selfish mongrel I berated myself. If Bella _had_ already been turned, then Sam and the pack would declare war on the Cullens. _She needs me. _I wheeled around, the adrenalin burning off any exhaustion I had been feeling.

I ran…and ran… until the trees were just a dark blur, until the sky was starting to lighten. For the first time in weeks, my running had a purpose. If Bella needed me, I would be there and God help Sam and any of the pack, if they tried to stop me.

I must have already cross the Canadian border by now – maybe it was my imagination or maybe, secretly I had in fact missed home, but the trees and the scenery seemed to be more and more familiar as I loped along the forest. Even the smell, a faint briny scent of the ocean overlying the familiar smells of the forest tugged at me, and I sped up – knowing that I was getting closer and closer to Bella. It was then that the endless, maddening yapping started up again…and this is what sucks about being a werewolf.

Even in the middle of the fucking forest, in the middle of fucking nowhere, I could hear them as loud and as clear as if they were next to me, surrounding me.

For weeks I had successfully kept them out of my head – even Sam and his alpha commands to return. It had shocked me – it had never occurred to me before that I could disobey an Alpha edict – but at that moment, when my anger was greatest and my sadness was overwhelming, I simply said NO – and then it was as if a long, taut cord that had bound me to my wolf brothers had suddenly snapped and I was free. After that moment, while I could still feel some connection to them, while I could still hear them in my head when I chose, I could tune them out at will – even Sam and his alpha voice – and I found that when I willed it, they were not able to read my thoughts as well. I had stopped listening to them after the first night I had run, but from time to time, I would tune in – worried about Billy and shamefully, part of me hoping that someone would mention Bella.

"_Jacob! Jacob!"_

It was Seth. I mentally debated blacking his thoughts out again and shielding mine…but then, what the heck, he would see me soon enough anyway.

"_What the fuck do you want Seth? Didn't I tell you to leave me alone? Didn't I tell ALL of you to fucking leave me alone?"_

Seth whimpered.

"_Please just listen to me. You have to come back now."_

"_What I do and when I do it is none of your goddamn business."_

"_Jacob, its Bella."_

I was quiet. This was not something I wanted to discuss. Or even hear about. I gave up.

"_If you're going to tell me she's been turned, you're wasting your breath. I'm not fighting Sam's war. I'm not going to be part of anything that hurts her. And I'll kill every single one of you that even touches a single hair on her head so God help me. I'm coming home now. Tell Sam what I said."_

"_That's not…"_

"_Shut up Seth. I don't want to hear this."_

Another voice in my head joined us.

"_You need to listen to him Jacob."_

"_What the fuck is it with you Clearwater's, huh Leah? Can't you just freakin' leave me alone?"_

"_Jacob! Listen to me. YOU. HAVE. TO. COME. HOME."_ she shouted, drowning out Seth's pathetic howls. I stood still to listen. Her voice was different from the last few weeks when the pack had taken turns mentally berating me for "abandoning" the pack, demanding that I come back, accusing me of betraying my people. It was panicked, urgent.

"_There's been an accident."_

My first thought was that something had happened to Billy. I didn't believe that one man would be capable of feeling more than the pain I was already carrying with me like a burden I couldn't shake, but when I heard Leah's voice, I felt the dark, empty space inside me tear apart further, I felt like a shotgun had been fired straight into my chest, into an open wound that was already festering.

"_It's not Billy." _ she reassured me

I calmed for a bit.

"_It's Bella."_

And I ran faster than I had ever run, or ever will again.

--- 000 ---

LEAH'S POV

We heard his thoughts before we caught sight or even scent of him. They were disjointed. Crazed with grief. Angry. An incoherent string of obscenity and angst.

_God damn it, God damn it. This is all my fault. All my fault. Shouldn't have left her. Fucking leech. He was supposed to take care of her. Fuck. _

The litany of obscenity went on and on. I couldn't bear to listen, it felt like I was intruding on something intensely personal, embarrassing. I turned away, as if that would drown him out or prevent me from seeing his pain.

The pack had gathered behind Billy's house, knowing that if Jacob came home, that was the first place he would go.

Jacob's huge russet wolf burst out of the woods and skidded to a stop in front of us. Before anyone could even say anything, he had phased back. The weeks in the woods had not been kind to Jacob, or maybe it was more the despair eating away at him than the effects of the wild. His face was leaner, his longer and his eyes looked…haunted, was the only description that entered my mind. Without a word, he went into his hose.

For several long tense moments, we wondered if we should go inside to talk to him but with one grim shake of his head, Sam forbade us from doing that. A few minutes later Jacob came out again.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice steely with resolve. I could tell though, how much it was costing to him to remain calm, his hands were shaking almost imperceptibly, and his jaw was set impossibly tight, like someone bracing himself for a blow.

"She came here the night before her wedding to Cullen. We told her you were gone and she left. We didn't know what happened until Cullen came barging in here demanding to know where she was. She never made it to her wedding Jake." Sam explained. He paused.

The rest of us exchanged uneasy looks. There was much he hadn't told Jacob yet. Unconsciously, Quil and Embry moved to Jacob's flanks, anxious, worried about Jacob's reactions to the part that was still to come - the part that neither of them was brave enough to tell him.

"There was an accident…Bella…they think she died…" Sam began, but he got no further than that when Jacob went wild.

"NO!!! FUCK YOU SAM!! YOU LYING SONOFABITCH!! SHE'S NOT DEAD. SHE CAN'T BE DEAD DAMN IT."

Quil and Embry leapt to his side, each holding an arm, trying to restrain Jacob and failing, until Paul and Jared bodily threw him to the ground and held him down.

"We tried to tell you Jake, but you wouldn't answer us…" Same began again. "And it happened far from here, you couldn't have reached her in time."

After what seemed like hours, the paroxysm of tears and invectives and rage began to abate. We gathered around Jacob, each of us embarrassed to be witnesses to this meltdown, embarrassed that we were intruding into Jacob's pain and yet no one wanting to leave him.

But of all the people there. I believe I was the only one who could fully empathize with Jacob. After all, all the others had never felt the sting of rejection, they had all found their imprints and had never experienced the heartbreak of not being loved in return, or worse, having someone love you with a love that was however, just not quite enough for them to choose you. It was then that I decided that Jacob should know all of it - including the parts that Sam had chosen not to tell him. At least she came back to him, chose him in the end. At least HE had that – something that I never had, never would have. HE deserved to at least have that.

I was about to speak up when suddenly, Jacob spoke first, breaking the deep uneasy silence that had settled over us like a dense fog, so that I felt like, while we were physically close to each other, that I was nonetheless, alone.

"You said she came here." Jacob said quietly, his voice heavy now. Lifeless. As if the storm of anger and aguish that had just passed had robbed him of all energy. "Why?"

Sam was quiet. I waited expectantly and when he said nothing…

"She came to you Jacob. She said she came to tell you she was choosing you. She was leaving Edward." I said.

"And what did you tell her?" he asked, quieter still.

"I…I sent her away. I'm so sorry Jacob…I didn't know…" Sam said, equally quietly.

And then there was pandemonium. All of a sudden Jacob had phased into his huge russet wolf and lunged at Sam with a loud growl that terrified me. Sam phased too and the sound of their bodies colliding in mid-air, and their angry growls filled the clearing behind the Black's house.

We all phased then, prepared for…I don't know what. We could not take sides, this wasn't our fight. Sam was our Alpha…but Jacob was our brother. Meanwhile, the fighting intensified and I heard the sounds of more wolves arriving – the new members of the pack – Lukas, Joseph, Phillip, Mark and Aliya.

"Stop it! Stop it both of you! Please Jacob!!"

I turned to see Emily running towards them and in an instant, I knew what she intended to do - in a few seconds, she was about to hurl herself in between two humungous, enraged werewolves. Without conscious thought, I threw myself into the fray to stop Sam and Jacob before Emily could get there, and in a second Jared and Paul had done so as well and were holding Sam back. Quil, Embry and Seth were doing the same for Jacob.

Emily reached us then and looking bewilderedly at them, collapsed to the ground in an instant, covering her face with her hands.

Seeing her this way, all the anger seemed to drain out of Sam in an instant and he phased back, immediately going to her and holding her in his arms.

I winced. I know it's been more than a year and yet, every touch, every loving look they exchange is like a little knife cut, not enough to kill me but enough to momentarily blind me with pain.

Jacob phased too and shook off Quil and Embry's restraining hands. I moved to join them, Seth behind me.

"I'm sorry Jacob. I thought I was doing what was best for you, what was best for the pack. I made a mistake, I should have heard her out." Sam apologized again, speaking over Emily's head as she continued to cry into his chest.

"Yes. You should have." Jacob just said quietly, in control now. The he strode off into his house, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Everyone remained silent, unsure what to do. Eventually, although I didn't notice how or when exactly, everyone had left except for me.

I walked over to the Black's back porch and sat on a step, not really waiting for Jacob to come back out but just thinking how totally and completely my life changed from a year ago when I last sat here – my dad had been visiting Billy, I hung out with Jacob and he was teasing me to confess that Sam and I were secretly engaged. Seth had been lounging about, his head not moving from his intense focus on his PSP console.

And now...well…my father was dead, Seth was growing up so fast that sometimes I didn't recognize my baby brother anymore, we periodically transformed into beasts…and Sam, well, you know how that goes. He and Emily are engaged now, although Emily says they don't plan to get married for another couple of years yet. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to banish the mental pictures of their wedding – because in my mind, I was carrying the bouquet, I was walking towards Sam down the aisle – and yet, I couldn't imagine how that would feel. How it would feel to be happy again.

And I swore that when that happened, I would be far gone from here.

So I would just sit here, I thought, in case Jacob needed a friend. Because when Sam had imprinted on Em, I wish I had had someone who understood. Maybe not a friend, Jacob and I had never gotten along well enough for that, but maybe he would need to be around someone who knew of rejection, and loss and death…and unrequited love.

I was an expert at all four.

--- 000 ---


	6. Chapter 6 Where Only FirefliesCould Hear

Chapter 6

_Where Only the Fireflies Could Hear_

It was the third night of my vigil outside Jacob's house.

On the first night, right after Jacob arrived, right after the fight with Sam, I had stayed on the porch until I must have fallen asleep. I woke up around four am the next day when a cold, wet muzzle – Seth – had nudged me awake. There was an old worn afghan thrown over me, which I folded carefully and laid on the top step before I left.

The second night was a repeat of the first. I'd gone on patrol and straight to Jacob's house when my shift ended. The others must have known where I was headed, but Sam hadn't given any orders we were to stay away so no one questioned me. The younger kids, Phillip and Lukas, were too scared of me to ask any questions anyway. I woke early, folded the afghan again and left for home, and work.

By the third night, I was beginning to berate myself for keeping up with this fruitless wait. Nonetheless, I stayed. It was peaceful here and occasionally, Seth, Quil or Embry would come by to stay with me for a few minutes, on their patrols. Tonight though, it was just me and the fireflies.

I remember when we were kids, before Sam and I were together, we must have only been 8 or 9 years old then. One night we stayed out late in the woods and he showed me a tree in the woods behind the Black's house where, for some reason, the fireflies liked to roost. It was beautiful. It looked like Christmas. We lay under that tree just staring up at the branches, talking. We stayed so long that I think my mom must have gotten worried and sent out my dad to look for us. We had heard my dad and Billy calling out in the woods and realizing how long we had been gone, I was terrified of how much trouble I was in. "Don't worry Lee Lee, I'll take care of you." Sam had said, taking my hand as the voices came closer and closer…a brave look on his little boy face, standing in front of me as if to protect me from the inevitable scolding.

I don't recall now if we ever did get the spanking we probably deserved for staying out in the woods that late but what I do remember is that when Sam Uley had taken my hand that night, I had fallen in love for the first time in my life.

I wondered if the firefly tree was still there and if the fireflies still came. I hadn't gone back there since the night Sam came to break off our engagement. I wonder if it, like everything else that was beautiful and good and happy in my life, was gone too.

When I woke up, it was dawn again and Billy was sitting next to me in his wheelchair. The afghan was in his hands and he had been about to throw it over me when I woke. And although with the temperature I was running, the blanket was completely unnecessary, the gesture brought an unwanted sting to my eyes. When my dad was still alive, I would often fall asleep on the old couch in the living room after studying all night and without fail, no matter how late I had fallen asleep the night before, my dad must have come to check on me and put a blanket over me to keep out the cold.

"How is he?" I asked Billy quietly.

"About the same." He answered, shaking his head slightly. "He hasn't said anything to me since he arrived. He just came in, gave me a hug and went into his room."

I nodded. I remembered how I was after Sam – for an entire week, I had holed up in my room, alternating between bouts of weeping, cursing or being in a zombie-like state where I would stare at the wall for hours, as if it held some mystic explanation for why my life had turned upside down in a few seconds.

"I'm worried Leah, it's not natural. He doesn't talk, or even cry. It's as if he's all dried up inside. Like he died too. It wasn't even this bad when - when his mom died." Billy confided, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I clasped his hand and squeezed it, not really knowing what to say.

"I wish…" I started. And stopped, because my voice quivered. "I wish I gotten to know her better you know?" I said, and he knew exactly who I meant. He nodded and I continued. "I used to hate her. She had everything, it seemed. And she never seemed to value how much Jake loved her. But that night she came here…" I couldn't continue, I had no words.

"Do you know I was the last person to talk to her before the crash?" I asked Billy.

"What did she say?" a soft voice said from somewhere in the depths of the doorway behind us. Billy and I both turned to look. Jacob was standing there, face haggard, his eyes dark and shadowed. Billy squeezed my hand briefly and wheeled himself back into the house pausing only to pat Jacob on the arm, without saying a word.

Jacob came to sit beside me and looking at him, I realized he was only a kid really. The curve of his face still carried a hint of the Jacob I used to know. The young Jacob, with the always-ready smile, not the angry young man I had come to know when I had first turned. I realized that he was not that much older than Seth. Because the werewolf gene once triggered, turned us all into adults practically overnight, albeit only physically, it was easy to forget sometimes how young they – we – all still were. Jacob was only 19 now but the look in his eyes at that moment belonged to an old, old man.

Tried as I might, I could find no excuse to forestall what I needed to say. What I had sat here waiting for three nights to tell him. So left with no other option, I began my tale of that rainy night before Bella's wedding.

"She came in the middle of the night, Sam smelled her coming for a long ways off. He was on patrol that night with Paul and Jared. He sent Paul to get us and when we got there… Sam was already sending her away. He told her you had left and that she should go back to Edward, away from him."

My words tumbled out in a rush, as if I told them fast enough, they would bounce off Jacob's skin like rain on an umbrella and spare him the pain. Or maybe, I was trying to save myself the pain of having to be the one telling this story.

I saw Jacob's jaw tense, as if he were about to erupt – I put my hand on his arm, wanting him to understand wordlessly that I needed to finish.

"Please, Jacob, just listen. Sam…well…he had the best of intentions. We all knew how much you were suffering already and he honestly didn't really know what she came to say. He thought he was protecting you…" I continued, part of me wanting to defend Sam and yet another part, wanting to share in Jacob's condemnation of Sam. It's always easier to hate than to love. And it's also easier to hate when there is someone to share your hatred.

"We tried to reach you…but we didn't know if you could hear us. You wouldn't answer and Billy said he didn't know where you were. Sam was under so much pressure – the elders were on him to find you and bring you back and yet Billy told us to leave you alone – that you needed to work this out on your own….:" I continued.

Jake was silent now, unmoving as a stone and just as cold. I didn't even know if he was listening or if he could hear what I was saying from the distant, dark cold planet he seemed to be in.

"When the Cullens learned of Bella's accident, Edward went crazy. He was well – like you were three days ago. The day they heard of the accident, he came here demanding to know what Sam had told Bella, he was…frightening…even for me, and I'm not afraid of very many things. The pack was outraged, Edward crossed the treaty line. But Dr. Cullen came driving up right behind Edward and he told Billy about the accident. Billy stopped the pack from attacking and Dr. Cullen and those two other sons of his dragged Edward away... I wanted to hate him you know, I was trying to prepare myself for war…but if you had seen him…." I stopped and realized that tears were flowing down my face. And a part of me wondered when I had started crying.

"Later, Charlie told Billy that Bella had sent him a text message that night that she was going to her Aunt Jeannette in California – but she never made it there. For weeks, they searched for Bella. Bella's mom and stepdad….the people from Forks, the Cullens even got a group of their other leech friends to help search. But with the arrival of each new vampire in Forks, the younger kids began to phase – first Paul's cousin Phillip, he's just 14 and then Joseph Beaulieu, he's 15 now. You know them right?"

"Lukas and Aliya had phased last, you probably don't know them. They just moved here, right before you left. Their mom is a distant relative of the Calls, although no one could really trace how. They came here after their father died."

"Sam was frantic with all the new werewolves phasing and Charlie blaming him for Bella's accident. The council kept saying that you had the right to know and that we should find you but you were shutting us all out….Sam sent us out all over, even the new kids. Half went as far as Canada and Alaska…sometimes we found your scent but we never found you. The other half, Seth, Quil, Embry and Sam went out looking for Bella - for weeks, I don't know when Sam even found time to sleep or eat. But they would all dead end at the same spot on the 101. Sam wouldn't give up though. I guess he feels guilty or maybe like me, he wishes he hadn't judged her so harshly…but eventually, the elders ordered him to stop the search parties."

I was rambling and I knew it. But I didn't have the words to tell him the rest or maybe I did have the words, but I didn't have the heart.

"How did it happen?" again, that dead voice. Bland. Lifeless. Like he was asking about the time or the weather.

"About a month ago, the State Troopers officially informed Charlie that they were calling off the search for Bella. They didn't think she ran away or was kidnapped. They said there was no body to identify but they think they had found her truck, or what was left of it in a junkyard near the Washington-Oregon border. Charlie went up there with Billy and Sam, hoping that they were wrong and that there had been some mistake. But it wasn't…" I paused.

"That's when the Cullens left Forks, for good they said. They haven't been back since then and no one else has phased so maybe they're really gone for good. She was right though, you know…" I paused, "…the Cullens, they're not bad people. And I think they really did love her, the way you…." I stopped, there was a big lump preventing me from speaking…like a rock had been lodged in my throat.

"The troopers told Charlie that Bella had been in a really bad collision and that her truck must have flipped over several times before it crashed off the side of the cliff on 101 and burned. They said…they said…it took hours to put out the fire and that they had pulled out a female body but it was so badly burned, they couldn't identify her. Not even dental records. It was really bad. The junkyard people showed Charlie and Billy and Sam what was left of her truck...it was…terrible…Jake…I wish…I wish I wasn't the one telling you this. But I saw what it looked like, through Sam's eyes…." I stopped. Not knowing what more to say and afraid of how much blood each further word was drawing from Jacob.

"For a while, Billy thought Charlie wouldn't make it either – he just stopped eating or sleeping or doing anything other than look for her. After Bella's mom went back to Jacksonville, he kind of broke down – he got really drunk one night and Seth and I found him in the woods – we took him home to mom – he just kept crying and rambling about what a bad father he was. I don't know what my mom told him that night but the next day he seemed better or at least, we think so. He acts normal now but when I patrol his house at night, I see him sitting by the window just looking out at the woods all night…every night. Billy told me he threatened to shoot Angela's dad when he suggested that Charlie have a memorial service for Bella." I paused.

"I guess some part of him still can't accept she's really gone."

He just nodded. And in the waning moonlight, I could see tears sliding down his face. Silent. Not like the storm of angry weeping he had given into on that first day. Just a silent stream of tears coursing down his face, and Jacob making no attempt to hide them or wipe them away.

"But Jake…she came back for you. That was the last thing she did. That must count for something." I said, getting up. I couldn't take more of this.

He looked up, angry.

"How can you even say that?!!" he shouted, coming to his feet and standing in front of me, his fists clenched, shaking. "How can you say that when she's dead?!!! It doesn't matter anymore!"

I looked at him, and saw myself.

JPOV

"Because if it had been me, it would matter. It would mean EVERYTHING. Because even if he had died, I would know that in the end, at least he had loved me too…that counts for something." Leah said softly, coming closer to me - as if by braving my wrath, she could convince me of the truth of her words.

And with Leah, of all people, holding me, I began in earnest to cry for the girl I lost and the life I could have had.

Memories played like a movie in my head, snippets of scenes, crowding each other out like kids in line for ice cream, pushing to get to the head of the line, feeling like they should be first. Like when you hit fast forward on a video player and every scene flashes before your eyes, long enough to tantalize your imagination but not enough for you to fully see and be satisfied. Leaving you wishing that you could have seen more. That you could have paid enough attention and stored every detail in your mind – except you never thought you would need to. Because, foolishly, you thought they would always be there. Or that you could make new ones.

Behind my closed eyes, I saw Bella's face the first day she had moved back to Forks, her smile when she fell in love the truck. I remembered that day on La Push Beach when we took a walk and I fell in love with her all over again.

And then I remembered her haggard face after Edward had left and she first came to La Push, the defensive way she would hold her arms about her torso as if she was afraid that if she let go, that she would fall apart. I remembered how I hated seeing her that way, feeling that I could kill the man who had hurt her so badly that she physically cowered from the pain.

There were memories of later days, when some of the hurt had gone out of her eyes and she would laugh or smile as we worked in my garage, of how her face lit up when she rode her motorcycle for the first time. How she had held herself so rigidly, keeping her tightly fisted hands in her lap at that ridiculous movie when both Newton and I were trying to hold her hand. How she would always bite the top of her pencil while thinking over something as we did our schoolwork on the floor of her living room.

And the way she had kissed me in the clearing that night.

I wept for the little girl I had played on the beach with, the one whom I toddled after as soon as I could walk Billy said. The girl who said I was sort of beautiful and touched my face with fingers as gentle as a butterfly's wing. The girl who, even though she thought that I was a monster, that I was hurting people, still came to warn me and the pack when a posse of hunters was organized to search for us. The girl who took care of her dad, and sometimes mine, who never seemed to think that anything she did for others was worth something to all of us.

I cried for the little things I would never see or feel again – the satin of her hair under my fingertips, the way she always smelled of lavender and honey, the habit she had of hiding behind her hair when she was shy or afraid. I would never again bask in her smile, the one that started in her eyes and slowly, shyly crept over her whole face. I would never again hear her voice or her laugh. I would never make her laugh again.

And I cried for what we would never have. A home of our own. Dreams. Little brown-haired children who had their mother's eyes.

And the tears came down faster.

When I was still running, it took every bit of my will to keep those memories out – because I knew that if I gave in, if I had dared to remember one single moment, then the others would just be in the background waiting for their chance to break my heart. But that night, I let the floodgates open and the memories of the girl I loved, the girl I now had lost forever, wash over me because there's no point in running when there's nothing left to run from.

"Come on Jacob, let's take a walk. I wanna see if something's still here…" Leah said, reaching for my hand and pulling me along when my tears had stopped, after what seemed like hours. "We have to hurry, it will be light soon and they'll be gone."

We walked for a few minutes, not talking – Leah seemed to know exactly where she was going. We reached a small clearing in the woods behind my house. There was a huge tree in the middle and in the darkness of the forest, the fireflies that lit the tree made the scene look like Christmas had come early. It struck me as strange that having lived here all my life, I had never found this place. Bella would love to see….but no. I shook my head. Bella would never see this. She was gone now. And for the first time since I arrived back in La Push, the enormity of my loss started to become real.

"I've wondered if this was still here." Leah told me, walking toward the tree and breaking into my thoughts. "I haven't been here since Sam and I broke off our engagement…" and then she laughed bitterly. "Or I should say, since Sam broke off our engagement."

"We used to come here when we were little you know." she said. "He proposed to me here too…I guess it was only fitting that he would call of the engagement here….I just wished he hadn't you know?" Leah continued and her eyes gleamed wetly in the moonlight.

I walked over to her side and saw her fingers tracing the rough bark, over the wood and the initials "SU & LC" carved by childish hands into the wood inside a crooked heart.

"What do I do now?" I asked Leah. I had no clue. It seemed like for the least three years, ever since Bella had arrived in Forks, I had lived only to love her. To win her. To protect her always. And now that she was gone, I was like a kite in the wind, with no string to hold me, no direction to go but crashing down.

Leah turned away from her reverie by the tree, took my face between her hands and said simply, "You just go on. Every day wake up and force yourself to get out of bed. You pretend to smile. You go to school and to work. You answer politely. Sometimes you pretend you're having fun, just so no one thinks you've gone completely insane…." she paused, looking into my eyes as if trying to gauge how much I was understanding, smiling ruefully.

"Everyday, it gets a tiny bit easier. The smile won't hurt your cheeks as much. And the world will gradually stop being black and white. And one day, you'll realize that you did have fun…somehow or that when you laughed that day, it was real..."

"Jacob," she said finally, "…it will never stop hurting completely. The pain will always be part of you. But I promise you this. One day, you'll realize it doesn't hurt quite as bad. And you just go on."

Her eyes were sad. And I knew that of all the people in my life, Leah was the only one who truly understood what I was feeling.

In the pack, we had always referred to each other as "brothers" but Leah was just…well Leah. She had never really belonged, and no one thought of her as more than an aberration, the big mistake of a girl who had strangely turned into one of us, the one who tortured us with her pain over Sam. And to be honest, I never took the time to really understand her or empathize with her, having been selfishly too involved in my own troubles. She was the last and least likely of my "brothers" in the pack that I would ever have imagined ever having this conversation with.

But that night Leah Clearwater truly became my sister.


	7. Chapter 7 Where She's Found

_**Author's Note:**__ First, I'd like to express my deep, deep gratitude to Renas Asylum, MissScarlett202, reddog25770, and redwolf22 for having started this journey with me and for still sticking around - I don't know any of you but I want you to know that reading your reviews and knowing that someone actually reads what I write has encouraged to me to keep writing this. Please PM me anytime! (PS I'm still looking for a beta…)_

_Again, I'd like to apologize if I have made geographical errors re Washington and Oregon, my only excuse being that I'm not a native of the US and am basically relying on Google and Wikipedia for my information…which may not be the smartest thing to be doing._

_Lastly, in case anyone is wondering, there IS actually a Harbor, Oregon, although I've taken some liberties with describing it. Likewise, Wolf River Inn is loosely based on "Wolf Creek Inn" (which also actually exists) in Southern Oregon. I found it accidentally one day while stuck in the beginning of chapter 3 and during a random google of the word "wolf" – see __.com__ for pictures._

Chapter 7

_Where She Was Found_

BPOV

"Bye Bella!" Rosie called to me as she, Abby and Maggie got into her old car. The three of them worked as chambermaids and waitresses at the Wolf River Inn and along with Jesse the chef and Maggie's husband Aaron the gardener, they ran the place with Emma. Emma often joked that if she died in her sleep, they could go on running it without her for weeks before they even noticed she was gone. This was usually met with a round of denials and good natured objections.

"Sure I'd know" Aaron said "If you went and died Miz Emma, I'd only have Maggie here to nag me and it would be a heck of lot quieter!" he joked.

From the first day, they had welcomed me and treated like part of their family – especially Maggie and Aaron who were both in their sixties now and who had never had children of their own. In fact, according to Rosie, other than the occasional honeymoon couple, I was the youngest resident that inn had had since Dr. Jake left for medical school - even the guests were mostly middle-aged sportsmen who had come for the fishing in the area.

I waved back at them and got into my old jeep that Dr. Taggart – Dr. Jake now, had helped me find – red. Or it had been red. But I kind of liked the washed out red color, there was something comfortingly familiar about it. I had even named it Bessie after Aaron told me it was old and sturdy and could possibly withstand a herd of stampeding cows. It was old but it got me to town and back on the few days a week that I left the Inn.

I had been living here for almost a year now. At times, it seemed like I'd always belonged here and at other times, I would feel a tightness in my chest, a longing for something I couldn't quite define, like I would never really be complete until I knew what it was I was missing.

My memory never really came back. Dr. Jake, who visited Emma often, said that in most cases, it helped the patient if they were in familiar surroundings or if they had familiar faces around. He said that in those cases, sometimes a single face or a familiar place or even a phrase or gesture could unlock the subconscious part of the mind where the memories were lying dormant. He told me that the memory process was like a machine – and that we just needed to find the right "switch". But unfortunately, we didn't know where I was from and didn't have that option. He said there were specialists I could see in Portland or Seattle and often offered to take me to see one. But despite my loss of memories, I was oddly content at the Inn, with my new family.

To be honest, part of me was afraid to find out who I really was. I could never come up with an explanation convincing enough to cover the fact that I had apparently been running from something or someone, nor could I find any explanations why I had been traveling with so much cash. On the rare occasions that Sheriff Knowles and his wife Janine came to have dinner at the inn, I'd ask them if there had been any inquiries about me but I was always disappointed, until I'd stopped asking altogether.

At any rate, I found that I was happy with my life, my new job at the Inn. At first, I had been skeptical that I would really be of any help and feared that Emma had taken me in only as a charity case. What Emma called "running" the place was really just limited to manning the reception desk, and doing the account books. The staff was so well trained that they really didn't need more than an occasional reminder of what to do. But after a while, I got my bearings and Emma let me take on more responsibility. I would take reservations, attend to the guests as they checked in or out of the inn, order supplies and make sure they were delivered on time or call for the occasional repairmen when the need arose.

Harbor, Oregon was the nearest town to the inn and it still took a half an hour to get there. It was quiet and small, and everyone seemed to know everyone else. Main Street consisted of small offices of the town's few accountants and other professionals, the local branch of Payless Shoe store, Long's Drugstore, the local bank, a salon and barbershop, the local hardware store and an Antique shop run by Jodi's sister Marsha. Other than the ubiquitous fast food joints, there was only one other place to eat in town, Main Street Café, across the street from the town's only gas station and car repair shop.

On my first few months, I had been apprehensive about going into town to run my few errands. I always felt like everyone was staring at me, speculating on who I was and probably wondering if I were some criminal or serial killer who had temporarily lost her memory and had ended up in their little town. But like in all small towns, the people in Harbor were really just simple, friendly folk and eventually, the curiosity turned into acquaintance, the acquaintance into acceptance, until I was no longer the strange "girl with the amnesia" but was generally accepted as "Miz Emma's girl" from the Inn. It felt good to me that the shopkeepers knew my name, that Suzy at the café kept a special booth for me and that I seemed to belong here even if I had only been here for about a year.

With Emma and Jake's encouragement, I even enrolled in some courses in business and journalism at the local community college's summer session, making the half an hour trip two afternoons a week to attend my classes and while I was there, to run whatever little errands Emma had for me. They had wanted me to enroll for a degree full time, but with no school records or any proof of my identity or even age, I had to settle for taking the few classes I had on my schedule now.

I looked forward to those two days a week when I went to Harbor and I loved my classes at the community college. I think, in my "real" life, that I must have been a good student, or at least I must have read a lot because once I had access to the library I discovered how much I loved to read.

Anyway, that was where I was headed now, to school.

While I loved Emma and the rest, it was still nice to be around people my age sometimes although I never made any deep friendships at school, always worried that becoming friends with someone would give occasion for questions about my past and how I came here. And it was awkward having to explain. Occasionally, some boy would try to ask me out, but after a few attempts without any spark of interest showing on my part, they would usually leave me alone. The girls were not as much of a concern, in a town this small a new girl was always viewed with a faint distrust, as competition for the few remaining boys who had opted to stay instead of moving to the bigger cities like Portland. Thus, it was easy for me to be invisible almost, or at least to blend in, like I had always belonged here.

The only real exception to my friendless state was Bethany Mitchell, Jodi's daughter from her first marriage. Dr. Jake and Jodi had brought her to the Inn for dinner once and I had been in charge of serving their table that night. We had instantly taken a liking to each other. Bethany was a sophomore at the community college, studying to be a nurse like her mom. Unlike Jodi, who was always calm and unflappable, Bethany was bubbly, boisterous and open, with an occasionally warped sense of humor that never failed to cheer me up. I guessed she was around my age although I suppose we'd never be sure, and I usually felt so much older than she was. While we didn't have any classes together, we got off at around the same time and usually headed to the Main Street Café for a cup of coffee or a snack after school before I went off on my errands.

Today I got off a little earlier than usual, my English Literature professor had given us a pop quiz and then had sent us home once we had finished. It was still warm outside, and sunny, although in the late evenings, you could already feel the temperature dropping just a bit, warning of the coming fall. Since I had some time on my hands, I decided to leave my car at the school parking lot and walk the few short blocks to the Main Street Café, completing my few errands for the day on the way. Bethany wouldn't be there for at least another half an hour yet anyway.

I got to the café in a few, pleasant minutes and slid into our usual booth by the window overlooking Main Street. The waitress Suzy, who knew me by name now, and expected Bethany and me to come in every Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, walked by and placed my usual cup of coffee in front of me.

"Hey Bella!" she said cheerfully, "You're kinda early today aren't you? Would you like some blueberry pie to go with your coffee while you're waiting?" she asked me,

"No thanks Suzy! Just the coffee for now. You know Bethany will be ordering loads of food later anyway and since she never finishes her food…." I trailed off, smiling at her. Bethany approached food like she approached life, with gusto and with a child's eagerness to try everything all at once, hence her supposed constant battle with the bulge – at least in her head - she looked perfectly fine to me, beautiful and young and carefree.

I sighed and turned my head to look at my reflection in the glass window, it was opaque but I mentally catalogued the picture in my mind's eye. Oval face, dark brown hair, brown eyes – the only pretty thing about me was my skin, which was clear and smooth – except for the scar very close to the hairline over my left eyebrow. Dr. Jake said it had needed stitches from my accident and I must have gotten it when I hit my head on the wheel. I had gained some weight over the months that had passed after I left the hospital but I could still see a bit of a hollow in my cheeks and dark shadows beneath my eyes. At least my hair had mostly grown back, it was now almost about shoulder length. Felicity said it had been much longer when they brought me in, but they had to cut most of it off in the ER to treat my scalp lacerations.

I was eventually brought out of my reverie when I saw a small, bouncing and wildly gesticulating figure next to a familiar green Mazda Miata parked next to a pump at the gas station across the street. I must have missed the first part of her charade, but Bethany seemed to be alternately nodding towards a shiny black car that was just pulling out of the gas station and miming fanning herself and wiping her brow exaggeratedly. I had to grin although I had absolutely no idea what she was going on and on about.

She breezed into the café a few minutes later, her hair in a halo of curls around her head, looking like a miniature Irish souvenir doll with her red hair and the Kelly green top she was wearing.

"Well hello Ms. Woolf! You're early today." she said bouncing into her seat. "Coffee please, Suzy! And the menu too!" as if the menu ever changed since the day she had first come in here with her mom, all of three years old.

My new name, Bella Woolf, was kind of a joke between us. I was released from the hospital with the records bearing only the appellation "Jane Doe", since they had been filled out when I was still unconscious and later, we weren't even sure if "Bella" was my real name.

When I was filling out applications for Harbor Community College, I had no idea what to write on the personal information sheet. Bethany, who was helping me at the time, went to town creating a new identity for me.

"Wow! You could be anything. Father's name - hmmm….Juan Carlos of Spain? I know! I know! Mick Jagger!! You could be Bella Jagger" she joked. I mock frowned at her. We had only known each other a few months at this point, but already, I loved Bethany like a sister – she was in fact, probably as close to a sister as I would ever have, given my circumstances.

"Be serious pixie!" I told her.

"Ok, ok… " she relented "Write birthday July 4th 1989, this way you'll never have to work on your birthday. And you'll be 21 already in a few months and we can get into bars!" she dictated over my shoulder, cackling gleefully.

"Name - Bella of course. Unless you wanna change it to something more exotic like…Talulah, Cassandra or Scarlett?" she suggested. I had rolled my eyes at her silliness and laughed.

"Last name – hmm….how about Ford? Dr. Jake said you were found in a ford truck…no scratch that…too morbid.." she said, shuddering delicately. "Taggart?" she asked me.

I shook my head.

"Don't you think living here for free isn't enough of an imposition? You think I should steal their last name too?" I asked her sarcastically. "Besides, it's bad enough that everyone's gossiping that I must be Dr. Jake's secret lovechild from the '80s – imagine what they'd say if I started using their last name."

"Ok how about Woolf? Like Virginia Woolf? Bella Woolf from Wolf River Inn. That sounds cool!" she enthused, bouncing on my bed like an overly caffeinated pixie.

"I think I can live with that…Bella Woolf" I said, rolling the name around in my mouth. I liked the sound of that somehow.

"Bella? Bella, weren't you paying attention? Earth to Bella!" she said waving her hand in front of me and brining me back to the present.

"Ooops sorry Beth, I was miles a way for a second…" I apologized to my friend. "What was that again?"

"I said…Bella, did you not see me across the street?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Well, not entirely. But I did catch the end of your performance…" I joked, "What was that all about?"

"Oh my god Bella, the mooooosssst divinely beautiful man was in that black car!! He was like seven feet tall or something…like a Greek god. Soooo sooo hot!" she said grinning wickedly and pretending to fan herself again.

"Really, Beth." I said wryly, knowing only too well how Bethany could occasionally exaggerate and get overexcited "Now what would a Greek God be doing in Harbor, Oregon you think?"

"Well honey, if he needs anything, and I mean anything at all, tell him to come in here." Suzy, who must have been all of 56 years old, winked playfully at me, placing Bethany's cup and the menu down on the table.

"I don't know!" Bethany laughed from behind the menu where she had buried her head. "Banana pancakes please Suzy. Maybe he was lost? Bella, would a side order of bacon be weird with that since it's like three in the afternoon? I would have jumped his bones too if only...Oh and some hash browns please."

Suzy just rolled her eyes at me, religiously writing down, correctly may I add, the entirety of Bethany's weird order. Breakfast food at three pm. Something only Bethany would do.

Both of us were used to Bethany's usual stream of consciousness-type conversations and had each been able to follow the particular aspects of Bethany's monologue that had been directed at us in particular. Suzy bustled away to place Suzy's order.

"So why didn't you? You could have at least introduced yourself – the jumping his bones part maybe would have been a little, itty bitty premature for a first meeting." I teased her.

"You think?" She smiled naughtily and then continued "I was actually going to, introduce myself I mean, but he was with this Amazon type girl…Pocahontas rather. She was beeeee-youuuu-ti-ful even if I only ever saw her profile from the window. Just my luck, a Greek God finally comes to Harbor, Oregon and he's taken." She complained good naturedly.

"Well, maybe they're staying in town and you'll still get your chance." I reassured her.

"Ha ha. Funny Woolf." she said, sipping her now cooling coffee.

A few minutes later, her order arrived and we got caught up speculating on whether or not Dr. Jake was about to propose to Bethany's mom and when he would do it.

And all thoughts of Pocahontas and the Greek God were forgotten.

--- 000 ---

"I really gotta go Beth. You know Emma worries when I drive after dark." I said getting up from the table. It was almost five o'clock by the time we were done with the girl talk and although the afternoon sky was still golden with the sun of an Indian summer, the shadows were already lengthening.

"I'll walk you to your car." Bethany offered starting to walk with me.

We had only gone half a block when Bethany suddenly gasped, clutched my arm and dragged me into the recessed doorway of Heirlooms, the antique store run by her aunt Marsha. Like most small towns, it appeared to me that Bethany was related in some way or other, to everyone in Harbor.

"You idiot!" I laughed at her antics "…why are we hiding? And why are you whispering?"

"Bella…" she hissed, staring down the street at the local Bank. "The Greek God! He's still here!" she stage whispered.

I looked up from where I had been fumbling in my bag for my keys, down the street to the town's one and only ATM machine.

All the color drained from my face. And my heart stopped beating for what seemed like an interminable length of time.

I knew that face, I remembered that smile. All of a sudden, just like that, I knew who I was.

"Bella? Bella? Hey? What's wrong…." I could hear Bethany say, but her voice seemed to be coming from a long, long way off….. and then I felt nothing.

"Damn this blackness…" was my last thought, "…why is this always happening to me?"


	8. Chapter 8 Where She Comes Home

**Author's Note : **This story has kind of taken over my life, hence the frequent updates. I'm worried though that in my haste, I may be making a lot of errors insofar as the timeline. So, as a favor, in case you notice any glaring inconsistencies, can someone please, please PM me?

A big thank you by the way to luvinj for letting me bounce some ideas around with her.

Please continue to review my story (please, please, please….) I look forward to each one and find myself compulsively checking my account for your new reviews.

If you're not busy can you answer these for me: (1) _do you think the temporary amnesia and recovery scenario is plausible? if you could change that part, what would you change about it? (2) what would you consider to be an acceptable, palatable (or the very least mitigating) circumstance for a man to sleep with someone other than the girl he professes to be in love with? _

I look forward to your reviews (cross fingers here) and your answers to the questions above.

And once again, I own nothing of Twilight etc etc etc.

**Chapter 8**

**Where She Comes Home**

_**Charlie's POV**_

I wearily took off my jacket, removed my gun from its holster and placed it as always, in the lockbox I've kept in the hall closet ever since Bella was born. I was dead tired but this was a ritual I'd been doing for twenty or so years and it was automatic, second nature now. Anyway, these days, being dead tired was more of a relief than anything else. Being dead tired meant I had a good chance of simply sleeping through the night, being dead tired meant that I spent less conscious time alone in the house and the majority of the time unconscious in bed, that I wouldn't have time to think and that I would have the perfect excuse not to clean the rooms upstairs. Especially that one particular room.

As I hung up my jacket on the already overloaded peg, a pile of coats and scarves tumbled to the floor and I bent over to pick it up. I found in my hands, one of Bella's raincoats, a bright yellow slicker very much like the ones I used to buy her for her occasional visits to Forks when she was a little girl. I stroked the shiny yellow material for a moment and then hung it up carefully back in the closet. Bella hates…hated it when I left stuff on the closet floor…said she could never find her stuff when she was in a hurry.

Sue has been on me to "move on" and I kinda agree with her on principle. Although I'm not quite sure what else to do. Sue says I could start by clearing out Bells' room. Part of me wants to, but it's just that something else always comes up at the station whenever I plan to get down to actually clearing out the room and giving her things away. Well no, that's not exactly true. The truth is, I can't bring myself to go up there and pack away her things – that would just be so final. So this day, over a year since…she left, her things are all still in her room, her books are still on her nightstand, her clothes in the small closet, in fact, all over the house. I've tried to make myself go in her room at least once a week to at least dust it, but it's so much of a struggle that the last time I think I was in there was in January.

Sue even volunteered Seth and Leah's help in clearing out Bella's room, but Leah immediately scotched that idea, supporting my refusal to give Bella's things away and telling Sue to leave the subject, and me especially, alone. It was great to have Leah on my side of that argument. But also well…strange. I never knew that Bella and Leah had even been friends.

Anyway, Sue says it's not natural that I should keep Bella's room exactly the way it was. Like some sort of shrine she said, everything unchanged. Well, that's not exactly true, since I did change one thing…I shut that damned window she used to keep open all the time for that Cullen boy's night visits that she didn't think I knew about. I have to admit to myself though that Edward deserved at least civility from me even if I could never totally forgive him for that time he left Bella. Still, his efforts to find her and his very genuine distress when we first found out she had vanished went a long way toward making me see him in a kinder light. Plus those parents of his are really just well, nice people, for all that they're so rich and different from everyone around here.

I shook my head slightly. The last thing I need today is to remember that god awful time.

When Renee left me, taking Bella with her, I thought I wouldn't survive the loneliness. Back then, and for a long time after, I thought that THAT had been the lowest point of my life. But there's something just infinitely worse about losing a child than losing a wife, like there's something abnormal and wrong in the order of the universe when a child dies before their parent. It's just wrong.

The house was quiet as usual. It's not as if when Bella was here, that she made a lot of noise or anything, but ever since she moved back in with me, I always had a quiet enjoyment in hearing the faint sounds of her walking around in her bedroom, the sound of her off-key humming when she cooked dinner for us, even her occasional sarcastic remarks about the amount of fish piling up in our freezer. I think what I miss is simply the knowledge that she was somewhere in the house even if I couldn't see or hear her.

I went to the living room and settled on the sofa – when Bella first came to live with me, she had taken down all the school pictures of her that I had put on the mantle. After the accident, I went up to the attic and took them back out again – it was painful, but also good, to have those reminders of her. I'm sure I'm like every other dad out there who thinks the world of their kid but my Bella…well she was just really, a very good kid. After everything her mom and I had put her through, passing her around like a football every summer, never being able to give her a "normal" family, having her take care of first Renee, then me instead of the other way around and still, she turned out to be one of the nicest, sweetest, non-whiniest young people I know. I stared at Bella's pictures now, a visual record which I arranged in correct sequence from kindergarten to her senior year, of Bella growing up before my eyes.

The house was peaceful and quiet except for the hum of the old refrigerator from the kitchen and the occasional rattle from our antiquated radiator.

These days, it's so deathly quiet that I've been seriously considering selling the house and getting one of those new condos they're building nearer to town. I'm a footloose, fancy free bachelor right? But I'll miss this old place, and it holds a lot of memories for me. And when you get to be my age, memories become very important. Billy always laughs that annoying guffaw of his when I say stuff like this. He says that we'll both be around for years yet, doddering around on canes and playing with grandkids. Except well, in my case, I guess I won't be having any – grandkids that is. And even if we haven't even hit 50 yet, I feel so very, very old.

It's easy for Billy to laugh, at least he still has his kids. And Jacob's as good a kid as they come – well, maybe not a kid anymore. Billy and I always kinda hoped that Bella and Jake would end up together - Renee used to say that Billy and I were like meddling old women – but really, what's so wrong about wanting your daughter to marry your best friend's son? When Bella and Jake were really little, Billy and I would often just plunk them down in the sand in La Push beach and watch them from a distance, sipping our beers and talking. Even then, although Bella was older, Jacob was her protector, and he followed her around like the sun and moon rose and set around her head.

I've seen Jake around town since he came back last year, not so much at Billy's house since he and Leah went and opened that business of theirs in town and he moved out. He's all grown-up now I guess. Billy always says he's glad Jake moved out and that Jake needs to be on his own now, but I know he secretly misses having him around. Jacob's different now though…serious, more responsible, he talks and acts like he's 50 instead of 20. Not that he talks to me much these days. It's as if we both don't want to see too much of each other because that would only remind us of her…or at least that's how _I _feel about it. But he takes good care of his dad and all that maturity is good I suppose, last thing Billy needs is for Jake to run away again. Still, it wouldn't kill that boy to smile once in a while.

I've never talked to Jacob about Bella and the accident. Billy said he had a very, very rough time when he came back and found out she was gone but he seems alright now, hanging out with Sam Uley and those other La Push boys. I even see him with a girl now then, usually a different girl each time, although lately, it's been with that girl of Lucia Call's from La Push. Well good luck to him I guess. The poor kid needs to move on too anyway.

Sometimes I forget I'm not the only one who lost Bella. Other than Renee and me, and the Cullens I guess, I never realized that Bella had had other people in her life until Pastor Webber came to the station one day and offered to have a memorial service for her because he said her old classmates and friends from Forks High were asking when the service would be.

I'm ashamed to say that I threatened to shoot the poor man, but really, it had only been a week since the troopers had come and I hadn't come to grips with the finality of Bella being gone yet. I got drunker than a skunk that night and a lot of nights after that.

Once, I went up to La Push to call out Sam Uley, as if an old man like me could take someone his size, and those other La Push kids on. I know he had been one of the last people to see Bella. Sue had let it slip once that on the night of the accident, Bella had stopped at La Push first looking for Jake and that Sam had sent her away, telling her that Jacob had run off. Now I realize that it was irrational to blame Sam for anything, what had happened was accident. To their credit neither Sam nor any of the others fought back that night or even lifted a finger to defend Sam. He just kept saying sorry over and over again.

I left La Push like the hounds of hell were on my tail and proceeded to my house to get very, very loaded. Somehow, I wound up at Sue Clearwater's house that night and she gave me a good, long talking to. She was luckier she had said, since she had had Seth and Leah to think about when Harry passed, but that didn't mean I should just give up on living. She also told me a lot of things I really didn't want to hear - especially on the subject of how I was bordering on alcoholism and how I was letting my life go down the drain one bottle at a time. Bella would have hated it Sue said, and did I really think Bella would want this?

I've stopped the drinking since, except for an occasional beer with Billy….but I still haven't had a memorial service and I'll be damned before I go and put a marker in the town cemetery for my baby.

_There you go again Charlie_, I mentally scolded myself, _Are you deliberately trying to make yourself crazy?_ _You gotta stop thinking about this all the time._ I sighed and had to agree with the voice in my head. I was trying to psych myself to get up off the couch and rummage for food in the kitchen when the telephone rang.

It was probably my deputy, young Andy Newton calling from the station again, his younger brother had been Bella's classmate Mike. Andy was a good kid, fresh out of the academy, really responsible but still wet behind the ears. Hence, the frequent calls when he drew the night shift at the station. I dragged my body up from the couch and up the receiver from the side table, already mentally preparing myself to have to go back to the station again.

"May I speak to Chief Swan please?" a man's voice said on the other end.

"This is Charlie Swan, may I know who's calling?" I asked.

"My name is Jake Taggart, Dr. Jake Taggart that is. I know this is going to sound somewhat strange sir, but may I ask you to sit down? I have some news about your daughter Bella."

The voice on the phone was speaking slowly, deliberately, as if the speaker was making an extreme effort to sound calm and composed and to somehow transfer some of that composure over the telephone lines to me.

I sank down into the couch. My knees were shaking. I wanted to slam the receiver down. I don't NEED to know more. Why was a doctor calling me? Did they do some sort of autopsy? What does it matter if they did? I don't WANT to know the gristly details of how my Bella died. It's enough that she's dead.

"Chief Swan?" the voice asked, "Are you still there?"

"Uhhh…yeah...I'm still here." I managed to say, my voice shaking.

I suppose I should just hear him out and get this over with.

"It's actually good news..uhm…that is…I don't really know the best way to say this…" he started.

Good. They must have caught the sonofabitch that sideswiped Bella's truck. Still, this supposed "good news" wasn't "good news" to me. It wouldn't bring Bella back even if they put him in jail for a thousand years.

"Chief Swan, Bella's alive." Dr. Taggart said.

I fell to my knees in shock. Disbelief. Confusion.

"What the fuck kind of a sick joke is this?" I shouted into the phone, clutching the receiver tightly, as I could squeeze the truth out of an inanimate object. I felt my chest constrict, my temples throb.

"I assure you sir. It's not a joke." Dr. Taggart continued. It was quiet on the other line, and I heard static, noises like the receiver was being passed on to someone else.

My heart started beating again. Erratically. Could I be having a heart attack? A stroke? Or was this just another one of my nightmares?

"Daddy? Dad? It's me, Bella." said a voice that I had never thought I would ever hear again.

And in the forty seven years I've been blessed by God to remain here on earth, I swear that I have never heard and will never hear anything more beautiful than the word "Daddy" that I heard on the telephone that day.

_**BPOV**_

"Dear Edward,

It's me, Bella – I know you probably think this is some kind of a joke but it's real. There's a very long explanation -- and I hope I will get to tell you one day. The short version is, I was in an accident and I forgot who I was for a while – I ended up in Harbor, Oregon for some reason. But don't worry, I'm alright and I'll be fine.

I've wanted to call you for days now. My dad says you were a tremendous help to him when they were all looking for me.

It's very difficult to write this…I don't know what to say exactly and I'm not even sure you'll get this. I'm sending it to Cullen & Hale like you said. I've tried to pick up the phone and call you but I wouldn't know what to say if I did...

Anyway, thank you for everything. Again, I find I have to apologize for my behavior, I owe you another apology this time for making you and everyone else believe I was dead. For the worry. I know I'll always be in your debt. Please thank Esme and Carlisle for everything they did for Charlie as well, and please tell Alice I miss her.

I'm going back to Forks tomorrow. I'm scared but I need to do this. But I need to get my life back or at least, see if I have life to go back to there.

I know it's been a year, but to me our last conversation seemed like it only happened a few days ago, so for whatever it's worth, I will always love you.

Be happy for both of us.

Love,

Bella."

I hit the send button on my email before I could change my mind. I had written and discarded and re-written the same letter so many times that it had stopped making sense to me two hours ago. But it was something I needed to do. I've wanted to call Jacob or at least write him even more than I had wanted to get in touch with Edward but…

How exactly does one come back from the dead? It's not like there are books on the proper etiquette for that out there. But then I suppose if there were, there wouldn't really be much of a market for it. Does one take out an ad in the paper? Send "I'm Back from the Dead" cards like those "save the date" cards for weddings? I realize I sound facetious. But it took Bethany asking me these same, irreverent questions to make me see the comedy in the tragic melodrama that I thought my life had suddenly become.

That day in town, I had seen Sam Uley and his face had been the proverbial "switch" that had turned my memory back on. He had not noticed us and had driven off soon after the incident -- I'm thankful with every fiber of my being that he had not seen me that day because I have no godly idea what I would have done or what I would have said. The hatred and contempt in his eyes on the night I went to La Push having been one of my last memories and at that moment and to me it had only just happened.

Bethany later told me I had blacked out for a second and that she had dragged me into her Aunt Marsha's shop where they had called Dr. Jake. We both laughed at how, according to Bethany, I finally got to indulge in a fainting spell like the girls in the Austen and Bronte novels I loved so much. Bethany also jokingly insists that I fainted simply to deprive her of her chance to meet the Greek God and that if I had been so averse to introducing her, that I should have just said so.

Bethany was one of the strongest lifelines I had, besides my parents, Emma and Dr. Jake, on those first few days. Her ability to find humor in the situation, whenever I felt like I was sinking and overwhelmed, and her willingness to listen to me about what my life had been like, about Jacob and Edward, helped me get through that difficult time. Emma and Dr. Jake, true to form, had stepped in to help me deal with the hardest of things to do - calling my parents, unraveling the mess that was created by my disappearance and the screw up in the paperwork that had wrongly identified me as the dead body pulled out of the wreck.

It was hard to transition from "Bella Woolf" back to "Bella Swan", I felt like I was so different, so much changed from the weak, indecisive and confused girl who had ran away from her own wedding. But fundamentally, I was just still Bella - I loved Charlie and Renee, my new Harbor family, and still, after all this, Jacob.

Bethany couldn't understand why I had laughed until tears were running down my face when I realized that I had been living as "Bella Woolf" at "Wolf River Inn" for the last year – the irony of it was both heartbreaking and unbearably funny. Unfortunately, I didn't want to scare her off with talk of vampires and werewolves.

Truly, the hardest part was wrapping my head around the circumstance that everything in my life, all the emotion, all the pain, all the wounds in heart which were still so fresh to me – were all old news to everyone else. That everyone else had moved on, that a lot of things change in one year.

Before my scheduled return to Forks, Renee and Charlie both came over to Wolf River Inn to spend a week with me – to ease me back into my old life they said. With Dr. Jake's recommendation and Emma's very voluble opinions on the subject, they had decided that it would be better if my sudden "resurrection" was gradually leaked out so that people would have time to get used to the idea before they saw me again. In fact, Emma, Renee and Dr. Jake were emphatic in their insistence that I just stay in Harbor. I had a good life there they said, and Charlie would be sort of nearby.

Whereas the old Bella would have probably quailed and given in, and even I, the stronger, new version of me inwardly cringed at the thought of the stares and whispers and curiosity, the year I had spent with no pre-conceptions of myself, no baggage from the past, had changed me in some subtle, indefinable way. Or as I liked to believe, maybe Emma's quiet strength and self-confidence had somehow rubbed off on me.

So despite Emma, Jake and my mom's insistence that I stay in Harbor, I quietly refused and stood my ground. And I prevailed. I would return to Forks with Charlie.

Stupid, stupid girl right? But I argued that I needed to get my old life back, that Charlie needed me, and that anyway, in a few weeks, everyone would get tired of talking about the runaway bride, the "dead girl walking". But if I had been brutally honest though, my main reason, my ONLY reason for wanting to return was to see HIM again. My Jacob.

My hands hovered over the keyboard… "Dear Jake" I started typing.

Then hit backspace.

The thing is, he HAD to know I wasn't dead. I'm sure by now, he would know I was coming back to Forks. But in the last month since I had recovered my memory, I had no word from or about him. It was as if to him, I was really dead. Or worse, that it didn't matter that I was alive.

I ran my fingers through my hair. I was getting a headache from all the thinking about Jake.

I thought instead of Renee and Charlie and how they had both changed so much. Although the physical changes were what had immediately struck me - Renee had new, deep lines etched in her face, and a certain sadness in her smile and Charlie looked ten years older, grey streaks at his temples – the emotional and behavioral changes in them were what drove home the enormity of the past year.

Renee was quieter now, calmer, more thoughtful, as if my forever young, flighty mom had somehow grown up, overnight it seemed or at least to me. When we were alone together, she would often suddenly stop mid-sentence, and look at me, as if slowly absorbing the fact that I was really there.

"You're different now mom." I couldn't resist telling her the other day.

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking at me bewilderedly.

"I don't know…just sort of...more serious?" I ventured, knowing the words were wrong and inadequate.

Renee just shook her head, and looked far away for a moment.

"I guess I'm still just getting used to you being back." she told me. "When you were gone, I blamed myself for your accident….if I hadn't let you go to Forks, you wouldn't have fallen in love with Edwin…or Jacob…and maybe you would have been safe."

"Oh mom!" I told her, giving her a hug "You know that's not true. I wanted to go. I chose to go to Forks. And well, Edward" I said, emphasizing the correct name "and Jacob...those things were meant to happen to me I guess. I needed to learn to make my own choices. Not to have them made for me."

"What happened that night was an accident, Mom. My fault really, for not paying attention to the road…" I assured her. "You shouldn't blame Edward, or Jacob…you shouldn't blame yourself. I'm the only one at fault here." I told her.

We were quiet again after that, until the moths were clustering around the amber light of the light bulbs on the verandah reminded us that it was time to go in. Again, this was something new that I needed to get used to in my mom now. My mom, who used to be so frantic, like she needed to fill in every empty space with action or conversation, was quieter now, more introspective. And I shivered not from the cold, but from this and the many, many changes I knew I had to face soon.

--- 000 ---

As for Charlie, my heretofore undemonstrative father had changed too. Although I had always been secure that my father loved me unconditionally, Charlie wasn't a man for sentiment or outward shows of affection. The most affection he had ever shown was the occasional awkward hug, and usually only when my episodes of clumsiness had led me yet on another brush with death or injury. Now, Charlie would surprise me by suddenly hugging me or ruffling my hair, or squeezing my hand, as if he, like Renee was looking for physical validation that I was there. It was…different. But good. But then again, I was different too I guess.

We were out on one of our walks in the woods, when I finally dared to ask Charlie the question that had been burning on my tongue the last few weeks.

"Dad, do you ever see Jake?" I asked him tentatively, wishing my hair were long enough to hide my face like it used to.

"Yes." was Charlie's completely unsatisfying answer. Great. He wasn't going to make this easy for me.

I could tell Charlie desperately wanted to stop at that, but I pushed for more although a part of me realized that there was something he thought he was protecting me from. Something he felt I wasn't ready to hear yet. I steeled myself then, wrapping my arms around myself in a reflex that had become ingrained in me – something I hadn't done in a year, a habit I had forgotten about until that very moment. I saw a mental picture of myself in exactly that pose. And I remember how angry it used to make Jake when I did that.

"So, how is he? Does he have a girlfriend?" I insisted on asking Charlie, trying to keep my voice light, as if I didn't have to drag each word out of me for fear of what his response would be. I also managed to paste a bright smile on my face, and I thought my cheeks would crack open and bleed for the effort.

"He's good. Good." Charlie said, looking at me from the corner of his eyes. Apparently my acting skills had improved of late and he nodded to himself, as if satisfied that I wasn't going to break down or go ballistic on him.

"I don't get to talk to him much since he moved out of his dad's house. He and Leah put up a business in town, a car repair shop and restoring those old cars he loves so much. Leah got some money from her dad's insurance you know, and she capitalized Jacob's business. They've all but stolen all of Jed Dowling's business now. Jake's also in college now, part time at least, so he and Leah hired some of their friends from La Push to work for them part time. I guess they're doing good if they can pay for all that extra help." Charlie said. His obvious attempt to evade my second question did not go wasted on me.

"Oh. That's really great Dad." I said, still striving to keep a casual note in my tone. "I'm surprised about Leah and Jacob going into business together though, I always thought they couldn't stand each other."

"Well, they seem to get along just fine now." Charlie said

"So…they're..like…together?" I managed to ask, my voice cracking on the last syllable, all pretense of not being affected flying out the proverbial window.

To my surprise, Charlie laughed.

"Heck no! Leah's got half the reservation on its ear, dating one guy after another – none of them Native American at that, breaking hearts left and right. She's got Sue worried, but Leah's got a good head on her shoulders. And Jake, he's always with a different girl every time I see him…well uhmmm…I mean...lately mostly with that girl Aliya." He continued, clearly unsure which was worse, Jake and a lot of different girls, or Jake with just one particular girl.

The words "different girl every time" brought me renewed hope. Maybe, even if Sam had said Jake didn't want me anymore, I still had a chance to win Jake back, if he wasn't in love with anyone – hadn't imprinted yet.

And then a second later, my brain processed "Aliya" and a strange ominous thudding began in chest.

"Aliya?" I croaked, looking up at Charlie.

"Lucia Call's daughter, must be around your age or so. They moved back to the reservation after her husband died, Lucia's I mean. She's Embry Call's second or maybe third cousin? I don't remember much about Lucia - since she eloped with her late husband when we were all in high school - except that she was really good looking. Those kids of hers, Lukas and Aliya are real lookers, that Lukas suddenly got huge too, for all he's only 15, like all the other Quileute boys…" Charlie continued, then stopped, when he saw my face pale.

"Dad did Jake…does Jake look different to you now?" I asked him

"What do you mean?" he asked me, perplexed.

"You know...different…like older maybe?" I asked, hoping he would say no.

"Well, it has been a year. I guess he looks older. More serious." He said, and my heart plummeted to my feet.

"No, not older – not physically anyway, it's just his eyes, and how doesn't smile as much." He told me, correcting himself.

"It was very hard for him too when you….vanished, honey. Billy said he didn't sleep or eat or come out of his room for days. I wish I could have more to tell you but truth is, I kinda avoided him after you…" he cleared his throat, his voice thickening.

Even a month later, Charlie still couldn't say the word "dead" around me. And when forced to even think about it, the gruff, tough Forks Chief of Police always looked like he was about to scream, or shoot someone. Or worse, cry.

Suddenly, Charlie stopped walking and embraced me tightly, kissing the top of my head.

I understood. Sort of. I remember when Edward had left me, I would avoid anything or anyone that reminded me of him. At least I had had Jacob then. My dad didn't have anyone.

And Jake…well I guess he had his pack and other…distractions. I couldn't really blame him for moving on. What was I anyway? Just a girl he didn't want, who (probably conveniently) died before she do anymore damage.

I stopped. Where did this awful, bitter person come from? Even after Edward had left me, I had never been this way...resentful, cynical. So quick to hate.

Part of me wondered if what they – the pack - thought of the whole situation. I wondered if my "dying" had been anything more than a temporarily interesting bit of news from town or if worse, it had been met with relief that the vampire girl was gone for good.

They would know by now that I wasn't dead after all. I'm sure Charlie would have told Billy. I wondered if Jacob…but no. I wasn't ready to think about that yet.

I just tried to nod my head, my "It's ok dad." muffled by Charlie's jacket.

"I've forgotten how tiny you are Bells." Charlie said, unwrapping his arms from me and looking down, "Maybe we should send you to live with Billy at La Push for a while so you can catch whatever those kids down there have. I don't know what they're feeding them but they all seem to be getting huge."

I just shook my head at him. Forcing up a fake smile from a depth of hidden strength I didn't even know I had – no need to let Charlie know how much I was hurting.

"Well, I guess we should be heading back in now." Charlie said "We need to get an early start tomorrow."

We were headed back to Forks. Back to my past and back to my future – whatever that was going to be.

--- 000 ---


	9. Chapter 9 Where the Month Ends

**Author's Note:** Again, my deepest gratitude goes out to everyone who has been reading this story, especially to everyone who has been kind enough to leave me with reviews and feedback.

I take so much pleasure in reading every single one and look forward to more of your comments or suggestions. Please, please continue with the reviews.

It's really the reactions and reviews that help me to make the characters more three dimensional and make the story more real – at least as real as a story that involves vampires and werewolves could possibly be.

My question for this update: Do you think that insecurity and uncertainty about someone's feelings towards you would be enough to make you doubt their fidelity, make you vulnerable to the "attractions" of someone else, despite the fact that you believe this person is the love of your life? Please PM me. I'm really interested to hear your thoughts on this point, it's a crucial point that will determine the actions of Bella and Jake in the next chapters. Or at least, I'll know if everyone will end up forming a lynch mob to get me. LOL.

Lastly and as usual, the characters all belong to Ms. Meyer, the rest is copyright of this author.

**Chapter 9**

**Month's End**

_**BPOV**_

I must have fallen asleep, soothed by the hum of the car engine, the warm air blowing from the vents and the rhythmic swish of the tires on the wet asphalt.

"Bella…Bella honey…we're home." Charlie said, breaking the silence and softly shaking my shoulder.

I sat up from where I was slouched in the passenger seat and rubbed the remaining sleep from my eyes. Charlie and I had left Wolf River Inn at barely five in the morning and I was still groggy from having woken up so early. With me, even a 10 hour nap wouldn't suffice, not if I had been forced out of my nice, comfortable bed at 4 am.

Renee had flown back to Jacksonville the day before we left, but Emma and Dr. Jake had been there to see us off, as well as Bethany who had spent the night with me by way of a farewell slumber party. I had made her promise to visit me in Forks as soon as she got off from school, but part of me knew that with the distance, there was a pretty good chance that we would just drift apart. This thought made me sad, even in Arizona and certainly not in Forks, I had never really made the kind of deep friendship I had with Bethany. She hugged me sleepily, looking like a 10 year old in her pajamas, bundled in an old pink chenille robe she had borrowed from Emma.

"You take care, you hear?" Dr. Jake had said, giving me a quick hug "I'm gonna expect periodic reports from my favorite patient ok?"

I nodded, my throat thick with the tears I was trying to stop from overflowing. _You're being silly_, I told myself_. It isn't as if you'll never see them again_. After all, I had promised them that Charlie and I as well as Renee and Phil would come for a visit around the Christmas holidays.

Emma shooed Dr. Jake away from me and wrapped me in her arms in a tight embrace and then she took my face in both hands and said, "Remember Bella, you always have a home here with us."

I nodded, unable to speak and simply returned her embrace.

I stared at their dwindling figures in the rear-view mirror until they merely dots in the distance. Charlie reached over and gave my hand a quick, reassuring squeeze. "It will be ok Bells, you'll see."

I just nodded and hoped he was right. And the highway stretched out, seemingly endlessly before us. I said nothing until the fingers of dawn that were creeping over the horizon slowly turned from gray, to pink, to the bright light of a new morning. And then I shut my eyes, hoping sleep would take me and while away the hours until I was home again.

--- 000 ---

We were driving through town now and I looked around desultorily, until I remembered part of Charlie's and my conversation in the woods yesterday, that Jake had opened a business in town. I suddenly sat up, and narrowly missed hitting my head on the sun visor.

"Whoa there!" Charlie said, "…you okay sleepyhead?, looking at me from the corner of his eye as he returned someone's wave through the windshield.

At my request, Charlie hadn't driven the cruiser to pick me up from Oregon and instead, had borrowed a neighbor's truck. I wondered if I was paranoid in thinking that everyone would be anticipating Charlie's – and my – return to town that day. I took some small comfort in the fact that we would have been far more conspicuous if we had driven through town in the Sheriff's Cruiser. Nonetheless, I could see a few heads look pointedly in our direction, curious eyes trying to see through the opaque passenger windows.

"Char…Dad, you didn't go and organize any kind of a welcome home party or anything did you?" I asked him. Half of me hoped that he would say no. And the half that was secretly longing to see Jacob, was hoping he would say yes. The same part that that got smaller, and sadder everyday in the last month that Jacob didn't call or write me.

We were pulling into our driveway now and through the window, I could see the trees at the edge of the house looking forlorn, a few leaves here and there already beginning to turn yellow with the coming of fall - like a debutante at the end of her season, her finery a bit bedraggled and tired.

"Well…uhh…uhh…not exactly…." He said, hesitant, clearly worried about how I would react. "Uhh…Sue said you'd probably be too tired to cook dinner for us so she offered to come by around dinner time and bring something for us. I don't know if she's bringing anyone else. Billy knows you're coming home today though…" he responded, looking at me in the same manner I imagine a dear looks into a mountain lion's eyes, waiting for it to spring.

I just shook my head at him and got out of the car. I had been hoping to spend the first night home alone, I needed the solitude promised by the thought of sitting by my bedroom window in my old rocker, to give me time to process the changes that had once again, taken over my life over the past month.

Charlie was pulling my solitary suitcase from the car when I heard the telephone ring from inside the house.

"I'll get it!" I yelled to Charlie, making a sudden about-face. My foot caught on one of the ever present ruts in our driveway, made even more perilous by the wetness of the unrelenting drizzle. I quickly regained my balance though, before anything major happened and walked into the house, puzzled at the dumbstruck look on Charlie's face.

"Hello" I breathed into the phone, a bit short of breath from my sprint into the house.

"Bella?" I heard the most beautiful, familiar voice in my ear. The sound of satin and velvet, of dark smoky nights and lullabies. And all of a sudden, a million memories, memories I didn't know I had, memories I didn't know I had forgotten came rushing back, like the endless lapping of waves on the shore. Soft, but unrelenting like sand in an hourglass. Fleshing out my two dimensional memories of him with a multitude of details, of sound, of touch, of smell with just the uttering of my name.

"Bella? Are you still there?" he asked me.

"Edward?" I said, softly, afraid I was dreaming. "How did you know I was home?"

"Alice." He said simply.

I could see him as if he were sitting right next to me. I remember the feel of the silk of his hair on my hands, the intoxicating smell of his skin, the crooked smile that used to make my heart beat like a startled butterfly.

"She saw us having this conversation."

"Oh." was all I could say. "How is Alice?" I asked, a thousand questions vying for space in my head and priority in my speech.

"She's much, much better since she can see you safe and sound now." Edward answered, a hint of a smile in his velvet voice.

"I wondered about that…" I said hesitantly "...why she never saw me when I disappeared."

"She thought that you had gone to be with Jacob. She tried to find you but you were just…not there. We assumed it was because you were with him. And then after you called me that night, she agreed she would leave you alone, not look for you anymore. We didn't even know you were missing until Charlie called Carlisle to tell him you were missing on your way to California. She was frantic then, but she couldn't find you. You know how imprecise her gift is…" Edward continued. "Carlisle thinks that it's because when you lost your memory, you weren't "you" anymore, at least…not the "you" that was fixed in Alice's mind."

"Like she was looking for the same radio station but on the wrong frequency?" I volunteered.

"Something like that…" Edward chuckled. "So I'm glad you're home...and safe. I would have wanted to come see you but…I didn't know if you wanted me there."

There was a hopeful note in his voice. And without a single doubt in my mind, I knew that for Edward, the love he felt for me was as fresh as the newly recovered memories I had of him. I knew that with one word from me, he would be here.

And yet, while my memory still had gaps as wide as oceans, and there were parts of my life that I feared I would never fully remember, I was very sure that Edward was not the one I loved.

"It's ok Edward. I'm sure it would be a long trip from…from…from wherever it is you are right now. And I think…I think that we need to start letting each other go." I said, interrupting him mid-sentence. Making sure he wouldn't finish what he wanted to say, for fear that that my insecurity, my fear of resuming my old life, would tempt to use his love as crutch to hide behind.

He was so quiet on the other end of the line that I wondered if he had heard me.

"Well, you certainly give the word "undead" a whole new meaning to me now." he joked, after a few minutes, sensitive as always to my moods.

"At least it will certainly make me stand out in your memories of girlfriends past." I joked too. It was easier this way. The bantering. Better to laugh, to joke, than to talk of things that would make me – us - cry.

"You'll always be the only one Bella." Edward said, his voice sad again. I was at a loss. I wished with all my might that I could return the sentiment, that I could love him back in the same way – the way I used to. But I stayed silent.

I was resolute that even if Jacob was lost to me, that I wouldn't settle for the safety of second best. I had survived a year of not knowing who I was, of loving and being loved by borrowed family, I would survive losing Jacob Black.

"Take care of yourself Edward." I just said.

"I will. Don't forget your promise." He reminded me.

"I **DID** email you didn't I?" I asked him with a note of playful reproach, hoping to bring back the lightheartedness of a few seconds earlier.

"Email doesn't count." He countered and then he continued again "Cullen & Hale. If ever you need me for anything. No strings attached Bella."

"I promise." I whispered. But the telephone had already gone dead in my hand, Edward's beautiful voice replaced by the strident beeping of the dial tone.

I put the receiver down. A little shiver went down my spine and for a second, I felt like someone was watching me. I looked around, Charlie was still outside but as I peered into the woods from the window, I thought I saw a glint, a movement. But in a split second it was gone. I must be imagining things...or maybe it's the strangeness of being here again.

I sighed and went upstairs, going straight to my room. I was half-afraid that everything would be gone, that my sanctuary would be empty of all the little pieces of the life I had left behind.

It was exactly the same. And I blessed my father for it.

"Bella? Are you in here? Sorry to leave you alone on your first night home." Charlie said, peeking into the room. "Sue will be here around 9:00 she said, if a late dinner's ok with you. I need to go to the station for a bit. This way we can all have dinner together."

"Sure dad. I'll be fine." I said "I'll try and take a nap – I'm kinda sleepy." I sank down on my bed.

And then I got up and walked to the window – it was tightly shut and someone, probably Charlie had secured the latch that held it in place. I struggled to get it open but the wood had expanded, fighting my efforts. Finally, it budged and I threw the window wide open.

I inhaled deeply. It smelled of Indian summer, of apples, and smoke, the air was wet, redolent of fir and pine and the salty tang of the ocean. It smelled of home.

It was dusk again, I noticed idly. And then I went back to my bed and let myself drift off.

--- 000 ---

**ONE MONTH BEFORE **

**Leah's POV**

"Look, I'll call you again, ok? My mom is trying to call me on the other line and it might be urgent." I said wearily into the telephone. For the life of me I will never understand men. One date and they think you're married.

"Was that Flavor again?" Jacob asked, a teasing note in his voice. He looked up from his laptop where had been multi-tasking – or so he claimed – doing research online for a paper at school and looking for some parts for Gloria – the 1965 Mustang Convertible which was his current "baby", right now just a pile of rust and junk in a corner of the garage.

I grimaced.

"He has a name you know." I said sarcastically "…but yes, Mr. Nosy, it was Jeremy." I had to concede. "I hate when they keep calling me like that!" I said, frustrated and irritable. "It's like they stalk me." I shuddered.

Note that although Jacob knew perfectly well that my current boyfriend's name was Jeremy – ok, maybe "boyfriend" wasn't the correct word. He was more like a…convenience. Just someone to hang out with, bring to the occasional party and most of all, piss Sam and the rest of the pack – no, the rest of the reservation – off. Jacob started calling my boyfriends "Flavor" as in "Flavor of the Month". According to him they were all interchangeable anyway, usually blond, buff, crazy about me, and easily replaced.

"They _**stalk**_ you? How many times has this particular Flavor called you today?" Jacob asked again, barely concealing his mirth.

"Well...twice." I muttered.

"What was that again, eh?" Jacob said, miming old Quil, cupping his hand to this ear.

"Twice I said, you jerk!" I retorted. I stood up and walked over to perch on the edge of his table.

"Leah, two phone calls in one day does not equate to stalking." Jacob replied, rolling his eyes at me over his monitor.

"Well he texted me too so that counts as three." I muttered, scrolling down the address book of my phone to locate my mom's number.

If anyone had told me two years ago that I would be sitting somewhere discussing my love life with my business partner who just happened to be Jacob Black, I would have collapsed in hysterical laughter. Yet here we were. We never talked about Sam or Bella again after the night at his house a year ago, but we simply couldn't go back to our bickering ways after that. I guess when you let someone see you at your most vulnerable, you unconsciously give them permission to be in your life. Now, I couldn't imagine how my life would be like without Jacob in it, it would be like losing my mom, or Seth.

He could still annoy me at times, but Jacob was different now. Physically, he hadn't really aged, but it was as if his emotions and thinking had finally caught up with the speed that his body had matured when he first phased. I suppose losing the love of your life can do that to you. I know I've changed tremendously from the starry eyed young Leah who used to trail around Sam Uley like a lost puppy.

Of course I also wasn't the bitter, angry bitch that I was a year ago either. And having Jacob around helped with that. You really can't be around him for too long without his personality rubbing off on you I suppose. But mostly I realized, it was the simple act of reaching out to somebody, the fact that I shared my memories with Jacob, my pain over Sam that forged a bond between us that night.

Anyway, it had been maybe a month after Jacob's return when Seth and I went to the Black's house to switch over for patrol. Although there had been no scent or sighting of any bloodsuckers since the Cullens had left, Sam still insisted on the nightly patrols. Late as it was, we found Jacob still awake and staring blankly at a letter in his hands.

"What's that?" Seth had asked, trying to grab the letter out of Jacob's hand from Jacob's left hand side as he flung himself into the couch.

"Will you quit you overgrown pest!" I said exhaustedly sinking into the couch on Jake's other side.

"Well congratulate me I guess, I just got a scholarship to Port Angeles Community College. Apparently they have some federal funding for minorities and they're offering me a slot in their mechanical engineering program." Jacob said, looking dazed.

"Wow! That's great Jake!" Seth enthused. "Why don't you look happy?"

"I don't remember applying for this scholarship." Jacob replied.

Seth and I looked at each other guiltily. Seth widened his eyes at me and then raised his eyebrows up and down clearly wanting me to be the one to own up. I gave him the eagle eye while again, he looked pointedly at me and widened his eyes again. Stupid wolf puppy.

"Uhmmm…uh you know how you were filling out your college applications before you ran off?" I asked.

Jake raised his head and looked at me quizzically.

"Well my mom was over here checking on Billy one day and she found them and showed them to me. Since I was sending out my renewal application for my scholarship, I-kinda-sent-yours-out-too." I said in one breath, waiting for the inevitable fireworks.

"Look Jake, you don't have to take it… I'm sorry if I interfered. I just really felt bad for you then…and anyway, I thought if you came back, it would be nice if you at least had some options you know…." I explained.

"Yeah Jake. She worked so hard on that, she wrote your essays, even forged your signature and everything!" Seth said enthusiastically, jumping in. "Owww!!" he suddenly yipped as I kicked him hard in the shins.

Instead of the outburst I was expecting, Jacob suddenly reached over and hugged Seth and I.

"Thanks guys. You know I love you right?" He said and then gave Seth a noogie.

"Ewwwww…." Seth complained, rubbing the top of his head.

"Seriously though, I can't do this. I mean even with the free tuition, I can't afford live down there or the gas to drive up and down everyday." He said ruefully.

"Well Mr. Black. It must be your lucky day because Leah the genius and I actually had some purpose for coming up here." Seth said smugly, crossing his arms over his chest and smiling broadly. "If say…you had a job, you could earn some money for school…especially say, if the job was like in your own business."

"What the F is this idiot babbling about?" Jacob looked at me inquiringly.

I hadn't been able to contain my excitement either.

"Remember how we got some money from Dad's life insurance?" I explained to him. "Well if Seth and I pool our money, we could put up a business." I told him.

"And what sort of business would that be Donald Trump?" Jacob asked, inclining an eyebrow.

"Well uh…that's kinda where we need you…" Seth said.

"Aha! I knew there was some weird catch!!" Jacob explained, a triumphant gleam in his eyes.

"I was thinking that since you like being a grease monkey anyway, that we could open up a garage. Everyone complains about Jed Dowling's prices anyway, we could give him some competition. We can finance it and you can be industrial partner." I explained.

"And while I'm being grease monkey, what are you and the puppy here gonna be doing? Other than being moneybags of course." Jake asked, still skeptical.

"Well the puppy still has a year of high school left so he'll pretty much be useless. But if we fix our schedules right, I can be in the garage on your days for school and you can take over when I have to be in school. Seth can work everyday after school." I began.

"How come you guys get off for school and I have to work everyday?." Seth complained. "Owww!!" he shrieked again after another hard kick from me.

"Seriously though, I can run the business part of it, it's my major after all, and you can do the grease monkey part." I teased Jacob.

"Are you guys sure about this?" Jacob asked, and I saw a spark of hope start burning in his eyes. It was as if he suddenly came back to life, like the boy he had been before Bella died was still somewhere in there. Not completely back, but definitely buried somewhere in there. It was enough.

Seth nodded enthusiastically.

"As a matter of fact, it was my mom's idea and the council likes it too. They think it will be good for all of us, maybe even generate jobs for the other kids on the rez." I assured him.

And that's how Black & Clearwater Motor Company started. It was hard going for a while, at first Seth, Jacob and I were exhausted from juggling our schedules, plus school, plus doing all the work at the garage. Even I had to learn how to do a basic oil change or tune up to meet Jake's obsessive-compulsive, obsessed perfectionist standards. But we had an exclusive on all the repair work for the tribe which paid the rent long enough until after a few months, the Forks townsfolk realized what a great deal they would be getting with us and the business really started to boom. Now, a year later, we could actually afford a bigger garage, and to hire Quil and Embry twice a week and the younger pack members when the volume of work required it. Lukas and Joseph especially, were always hanging out at the garage with Seth anyway. And of course, Aliya always had some excuse to be there.

I never really liked that girl. Granted, as Jacob repeatedly points out, I don't like any of the girls he or Seth date, but Aliya just struck a particularly hateful nerve in my body. And believe me, the La Push boys had quite a little pack of groupies – even my baby brother. No accounting for taste I guess.

I think it was the way Aliya carried herself, especially after she first transformed into one of us – like she was the best thing that had ever happened to the La Push pack. Unlike me, Aliya reveled in being a werewolf, like she had won the genetic lottery or something. I mean, really, I got the same physical benefits she did out of it, the long glossy hair, the metabolism that left us with lithe bodies, long legs and not an ounce of fat, but I don't walk around like I'm expecting men to genuflect at my feet…men in general and Jacob in particular, and then the rest of the pack, as if she had some hierarchy of bloodline on her agenda. But then again, it was a relief to not be the only she wolf in the pack.

If my transformation had caused a stir, Aliya's had caused all of us to question everything we had ever believed in the lore of our transformation. Everyone had thought that my transformation was a one-of thing, an aberration but then Aliya transformed and this coupled with the almost simultaneous discovery of Jacob's unique abilities to separate his mind from the pack mind, to block us out – and suddenly the rules, the long held beliefs we had about imprinting, of the pack mind, flew out the window and no one was quite sure now about what was set in stone and what could change.

"So did Sue really want you to call or was that just to get rid of Flavor?" Jacob asked, snapping my thoughts back to the present.

"Uh yeah." I replied absently, already holding the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?" my mom said, picking up on the first ring.

"Mom, it's Leah. What's up?"

"Leah, oh my god. Where are you? Is Jacob with you?" she said frantically. My mind processed the tone of her voice, the urgency – and my blood froze. I remembered a similar call, the one I got when my father died. And I braced myself. _Please God, please don't let it be Seth. _

"Mom. Calm down. What is it?" I managed to croak, wishing that I could hang up the phone without hearing her news.

"Leah…you'll never believe this….I mean…uh…Charlie…Charlie, he called and…" My mom sounded dazed, not necessarily sad, just incoherent.

"Mom, please just say it. You're scaring me." I implored her.

By now, Jacob's curiosity and worry had overtaken him, Sue was as much his mom as mine now and he could sense from the one side of the conversation he could actually overhear, that something was wrong.

"It's Bella. She's alive. Thank God." My mom said, and I heard her burst into tears on the other end of the line.

My telephone made a loud clattering noise as it slid from my lifeless fingers and slid across the floor to a stop at Jacob's booted foot.

"What Leah?" he asked me, confused. "Is Sue alright? Seth?"

"Jake, it's Bella – they found her, she's alive." I told him, not knowing how else to say it and not quite believing it myself.

**JPOV**

_She's alive. She's alive._ Leah's words reverberated in my brain like a mantra, like the ticking of a clock, over and over, like the beating of my heart. Leah was looking at me, her hand extended, as if to comfort me – or to catch me? I felt lightheaded, dizzy.

"Jake, Jake!" Leah said, pulling me by the hand like a kindergarten kid and pushing me into the old couch we kept in our office. Moments passed. Silent except for the occasional sounds of cars passing by outside.

"She's alive." I parroted and when I spoke the words aloud, it suddenly dawned on me that it must be true. Sue wouldn't be so cruel as to torture me with false hope. Not when I had spent the best part of the last year putting my life, my sanity, back together.

"I'm going to phase" Leah announced, suddenly jumping up from the couch "I need to know what's going on."

"I think that's a good idea too." I said, and we both went out the back door, and into the edge of the woods bordering the back of the garage.

As soon as I phased, it started.

"_Jake, she's alive." _It was Sam.

"_I know. Sue called Leah. What else do you know?" _I asked, I could sense through Sam that the rest of the pack was coming in.

"_Billy said someone called Charlie, and Charlie got to talk to her. She's in some small town in Oregon." _was Embry's quiet contribution.

"_I want to see her."_ I said, not asking but stating a matter of fact.

"_Charlie said the doctors don't want anyone doing that, not yet anyway. No one's allowed to call or talk to her until she comes home. They said she's traumatized and it might send her back into shock. Billy said Charlie's bringing her home in a month." _Embry added.

"_The doctor told Charlie she had amnesia and didn't realize who she was for a year. She said she saw me – remember that trip Em and I took to California – we stopped at a few places in Oregon, and she must have seen me there." _Sam added, sounding contrite. _"I'm sorry Jake, I should have been paying more attention – if she had been nearby, I should have been able to recognize her scent…" _

"_How convenient. Do we even know that she's not just faking the amnesia?" _a new voice, skeptical, sarcastic, antagonistic. Aliya. She trotted over to stand near me.

"_Shut up Aliya. You know nothing about her, you don't even know her. She's not like that." _ Leah growled.

"_YOU shut up Leah. You don't tell me what to do. Anyway, how do we know she didn't just run off with that leech she was so in love with and then now she changes her mind and wants to come back here? " _

I felt a stab of pain in my chest. Could it be true? Or at least possible? The Cullens did disappear soon after Bella. Could it have just been an excuse to leave? I must have made some sound because suddenly Leah was a t my side, pressing against me, as if to offer comfort. _Of course not!_ I berated myself. Leah had said even the Cullens were distraught about her disappearance…but it didn't make sense…surely the fortune telling Alice would have seen where Bella was, if she had really vanished? Could it have all been a ruse? But if so, why would she choose now to return? I shook my head, forcing the suspicions, the thoughts, away. Not my Bella. At the very least, she wouldn't hurt Charlie that way. _But Aliya's the only objective one here…maybe if you looked at her from her point of view…maybe what she's saying makes sense…_a small nagging voice said in my mind, a counterpoint to the other voice that was celebrating, rejoicing that my Bella was still alive, and that she was coming back.

"_You forget your place in the pack Aliya. You don't challenge me." _Leah growled back, a taunting note in her voice, as if daring Aliya to fight her.

I placed myself between the two she wolves, prepared to stop them, but before the matter could erupt into anything more serious, Sam intervened. _"Stop it, both of you."_ The double timbre in his alpha voice resonating. Aliya whined, chastised. Leah just snorted, moving away.

"_We don't know anything. And we shouldn't assume anything either. You know how I feel about her Jacob. She's a nice girl and all, but in the end, she's not one of us. She's not good for you. I don't want you throwing your life away over her again." _Sam said. _"I won't allow her to disrupt the pack again."_

I was quiet. I knew exactly how Sam and the Elders felt about Bella. I know they all believed she was wrong for me. That she had been the cause of all the trouble in the reservation, how they think she somehow attracted the vampires to Forks and caused all the mutation amongst us.

But I also knew how _**I**_ felt about her. And in the hierarchy of things, I didn't really care what the pack or the Elders felt - not when it came to her.

"_I know what I'm doing Sam."_ I said simply and walked back into the woods where I phased, blocking all their thoughts and suspicions from my mind.


	10. Chapter 10 Where They Meet Again

**Chapter 10**

**Where They Meet Again**

**JPOV**

It was only a little past six, or so I approximated - you can't actually wear a watch when you're constantly shifting from human to wolf – but it was already dark and I knew that the dark, along with the thick copse of trees in the woods surrounding Charlie's house concealed me from view. The house was dark, except for the porch light and Charlie's cruiser was gone. I wondered if anyone was even home. Maybe they had gone to La Push? But no, Seth and Leah had been positive that they – that is, the two of them and Sue – were going over the Swan's house for dinner at nine. And then I noticed that her window was open and a wave of memories flooded over me, both sweet and painful. I used to climb in through that window at night on my patrols, just to check on Bella and talk for a few minutes when she was so scared of the vampire Victoria. But then again, so did Cullen. Did she leave the window open for him or for me?

_Should I?_ I debated with myself, _"Well it's better than hanging out here like some psychotic stalker." _ But then, "_What if the bloodsucker is up there with her huh?"_

"_Jake, stop being a pussy and go up there. You know we'd smell him a mile away if Cullen is up there."_

"_Leah, what are you doing here?"_ I asked, exasperated.

"_Uh…I'm kinda not alone…these two idiots insisted on coming too."_ She replied Quil's chocolate brown wolf and Embry's gray spotted wolf coming to join Leah's lither, smaller gray wolf.

"_Hey Jake.." _Embry said, tentative.

"_Bro! We couldn't let you do this without your wingmen right?"_ Quil added, cocking his head to the side.

"_I don't need instructions for this!" _ I retorted "_Besides, does Sam know you guys are here?"_ I asked, knowing full well that Sam and Elders wanted to discourage me from any further association with Bella.

"_Well he said YOU weren't allowed to be alone with Bella…he didn't say anything about us…" _ Quil explained.

"_You know! A loophole kinda thing…" _Embry added eagerly.

"_And besides, if these idiots can manage to control their thoughts, Sam won't need to know anything, right boys?" _Leah added.

Quil let out a long howl in agreement.

"_Way to go genius!" _Leah said acerbically. "_Why don't we just take out an ad that we're here? This way Sam knows exactly where to find us and kill us." _

"_Oooops…sorry, got carried away." _ Quil apologized.

I was about to comment when suddenly, Embry nudged my flank with his massive head, and then inclined it toward Bella's house.

"_I think Quil woke her up."_ He said.

We all perked up our heads in the direction of the house and true enough, we could hear a faint movement from Bella's room, and then, a sudden gust of wind carried her scent to me. It was and still is the sweetest most intoxicating fragrance I've ever smelled. In the year since I'd seen her, I'd forgotten how alluring it was.

"_Well good luck bro. Call if you need us." _Embry said, following Quil into the woods.

"_Don't worry Jake, I'll keep Sam off of you. And Quil the Noisy One will howl if anyone comes close." _ Leah assured me. _"Oh and by the way, please try not do anything that will make me blush later?"_ she teased before trotting off into the gloom.

I heard Quil and Embry snicker.

"_Don't listen to her Jake, I'm sure Embry and I can make a sacrifice and relive whatever memories you have…"_

"_Pervert!"_

"_Witch!"_

"_Well here goes nothing…" _I muttered, preparing to phase back.

**BPOV**

I suddenly sat up in my bed, it was dark, and cold. I felt groggy, disoriented. I reached to switch on the lamp on my left side, and my hand met only empty air. Wait – I realized that I wasn't in my room at the Inn anymore – I was in my old bed, in my bedroom – in Forks.

The green digits on the alarm clock on my desk read 6:20, I had been asleep for over an hour. I had been dreaming, nothing I could remember, just flashes of me running through the forest, not running away I realized, but running as if to catch up with something…and then a wolf howled and I woke up. The sound still echoed in my head. As if it were real, not part of my dream.

"_Bella!" _ I heard a loud whisper from somewhere outside my window.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Was I still dreaming? It was the same voice that I went to sleep every night thinking of, the same voice that resided in my dreams every night for the last month. Was I awake? Was this just another part of my weird dream?

"_Bells!" _ the voice came again, urgent, and my hearts thudded against my chest, as if it would burst, like a bird beating against a cage trying to get out.

I ran to the window and looked out, my eyes adjusted to the darkness now.

And there he was. Looking up at me, his beautiful smile gleaming like a beacon in the darkness.

"Jake…" I managed to gasp.

"Move away from the window, I'm coming up." He stage whispered again.

And then suddenly, he was there. Filling my room with his presence, his warmth, his smell – bringing me the scent of pine, the dense woods, the brine of the ocean and making me feel like I truly had come back from the dead. It was only then that I realized I hadn't breathed properly in a year. And with wonder, I reached out my hand to touch him.

Then suddenly I was in his arms, crying as he stroked my hair, kissed my face, my neck, every part of me he could reach. "Bella, Bella" he whispered over and over again into my hair, into my skin. And with each kiss, each murmured word he healed my heart.

His warmth, though it was something I had been used to, was suddenly shocking to me now, new again. And I realized I had been cold for months, and I pressed myself closer to him, my arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers tangling in his hair. I could feel his heart thudding against my chest, echoing mine. I could stand it no longer - I moved my hands to his face and tugged on it until his eyes met mine.

"Jacob," I whispered "Jake, you're here…I love you."

"You're home." He said, and then swiftly his lips claimed mine, relentless, demanding. I felt as if I were drowning in Jacob and that if I were, then it would be a good way to die.

I was vaguely aware that we had moved back from the window, the grip of Jacob's hands tight on my hips as I tangled my hands into his hair, kissing his beautiful face, his lips, his eyelids - whatever I could touch and kiss. I kissed him hard and fast, my lips moving swiftly with his. It was desperate, starving and he let out a low growl, pulling me closer to him, tracing his tongue across my own bottom lip, demanding entrance. I opened my lips and his tongue swept into my mouth, tasting me, dueling with my tongue, making me feel like I was burning, making my body ache with want.

I whimpered lightly as he knelt on my bed, the mattress giving way to his weight. He wrapped my legs around his waist, and held me tight, pushing me to him, his hands running up and down my back, as if memorizing every line, every curve. I could feel his arousal against me and the answering wetness and heat at the juncture of my legs. His hands moved up to cup my breasts and I leaned into him, wanting more, wanting him, wanting to rid my self of the barrier of clothing that was keeping me from feeling his hot skin on mine.

"Jacob," I groaned into his mouth. I had never been kissed this way before. I had never felt this wanting, this burning need for some indefinable relief that I knew only Jacob could give me. I could feel him grow harder against me, his skin grow even hotter if it were possible, his hips thrusting against my center, as if mimicking a dance that we both knew was inevitable.

He moved his body hard against mine, his weight on me, moans issuing from my lips as he set my ablaze, my body on fire. I clutched at his arms, moving with him.

"Bella, I love you." He moaned, his hands moved and tangled into my hair and he kissed me harder. His lips soft but insistent, demanding and his body hard with need, pushing against me. I felt his hand move under my shirt, and his fingers seeking my breasts. He let me go for a moment and then in one swift motion, lifted my shirt away from my head and threw it over the side of the bed. His shirt joined mine soon after and I could run my hands over the silky skin of his chest, his abdomen.

He drew in his breath sharply and his hands were suddenly all over me rough, hard, but gentle. And I felt like he left a trail of fire where he touched me. And then he moved his lips away from mine, I mewled, protesting the loss of contact, pulling his face back to mine. Jacob laughed, a low, guttural sound that sent veins of fire shooting though me. He took both my wrists and pinned them over my head with his hand as he lowered his face to my stomach and kissed my bare skin, soft light kisses, moving upward until his mouth reached the barrier of my bra. I looked down at him, and his skin was beautiful, a gleaming golden copper against the whiteness of mine.

_Jacob, my Jacob._

God. I wanted him. I wanted to feel his mouth on me. My breasts felt heavy, I needed him to kiss me. My thoughts were incoherent now. I was just a mass of want and need, of desire. This was too much. I had to stop. His hands were on my breasts now, kneading, teasing me, and his lips were on my bare stomach, drawing patterns with his tongue that left me writhing with need.

"Stop please…" I said, pushing his hand away, panting with need. He stopped immediately, his eyes heavy lidded with want, as I'm sure mine were. "I'm…I'm sorry...it's just that, this is all moving to fast…I've never…" I wanted to explain, I felt stupid at admitting my inexperience.

He smiled, and then with the gentle tip of one finger, stroked my planes of my face, as if he were committing them to memory.

"I missed you Bells." He said, his voice low and husky, "When I heard…when they told me you were dead, I wanted to die too…I couldn't understand why the world hated me so much. Why I lost you before we could even be together. I was so stupid for running away…if I had stayed, you would have found me that night…"

I put my finger to his lips, stopping the waterfall of apologies, of guilt.

"No Jake, it was my fault for not realizing it sooner, for wasting so much time." I reassured him. "I think that maybe, all that stuff had to happen you know…"

He looked at me skeptically, "You had to get into an accident and almost die?" he said, an incredulous, almost amused look in his eyes.

"No not that!" I said, slapping his arm playfully. It occurred to me that I should be embarrassed, lying in bed with Jacob, both of us half clothed, but then, it felt so natural, so comfortable. I flipped over to my side so that I was facing him, moving my arm to cover my chest. Jacob shook his head and deliberately moved my arm away, tracing the curve of my breast as it peeked over the top of my bra, sending shivers down my spine. "Stop that, I can't think when you touch me." I scolded him.

He just smiled and continued tracing lines up and down my skin.

I was silent for a moment, looking for the right words. "I think I needed to be away from you, from here and from everyone – I needed to be somewhere where no one knew me, because I needed to get to know myself."

He nodded. "I know. I felt that too when I got your wedding invitation…the thought of you and that leech…" he said, his muscles tensed and I knew he was upset, that he still bore a grudge toward Edward, a chip on his shoulder that would never heal.

"Sssssh. Let's not talk about Edward. He knows where he stands. And where you stand. I love you but you can't make me hate him. Part of me will always love him, but it's not in the way I love you. It's like there are two of me, and the one that loves you, well…that's the "me" that I want to be." I tried to explain, kissing his shoulder then, tracing the little red crescent moon shaped mark there. It brought back a memory, one I had lost.

"Do you know how I realized I loved you?" I asked him, idly tracing patterns of my own. He looked at me, shook his head a little and continued his exploration of my skin.

"I found a picture of us – from that day on the beach with Quil and Embry - and I realized, I would rather live one year, in the sun with you, than live forever and ever, in the darkness with Edward. And so I ran away…" I narrated.

"I'm not the girl that runs away anymore, the one that let's people make choices for her." I tired to explain, "I'm not the same me anymore Jake. I've changed a lot…" I told him. "But the one thing that hasn't changed is that I love you. I'm just glad I got the chance to tell you…I thought I had lost you forever."

He nodded, and leaned forward, kissing me softly. "I've always loved you Bella. I'll always love you. You'll never lose me." He said, and my heart was whole again.

"Don't say that. No one can really promise forever, can they?" I said sadly, knowing fully well that if Jacob imprinted, it would be the end of us. He opened his mouth to contradict me, but I put a finger to his lips again, wanting him to hear me out.

"But it's ok Jake, we have this…we have now…and for however long I can have you. I've realized that I can be alone you know? My life would be more beautiful, and I would be the happiest girl in the world if I could have you with me always…but if I lost you, I would still have memories of this…"

"I won't let that happen." He insisted fiercely, pulling me to him and wrapping his arms tightly around me. "Why are you talking of leaving me again when we've just found each other?" he asked. "You know I'll be hounding you every second of your life for the rest of your life right? You won't be able to get rid of me." He teased.

I rested my head against his chest and felt the heat of him on my cheek, the pounding of his heart in my ear and I was content. This was enough. Even I lost him again tomorrow, this would be enough.

"Ok, but don't say I didn't tell you so if some hot babe out there steals you from me…" I said, trying to match his teasing tone. I snuggled deeper into his chest, almost purring with contentment.

"Sure. Sure" Jacob said. And I smiled.

Suddenly, a wolf howled from somewhere in the woods. Jacob stiffened and then stood up from the bed, his brows meeting in concentration. He suddenly bent down, kissed me on the forehead and started putting on his shirt.

"Wha…where are you going?" I asked, panicking that he was leaving. Not having had enough of our reunion yet, wanting him to stay with me forever.

"That was our early warning device…a.k.a. Quil." he informed me "I think your dad is coming. I don't think he'll be to excited to find me in your bed already when you just got home."

In a panic, I looked over at the desk – 8:47 the green digits glowed in the darkness. Darn…I had to get up, downstairs. Sue would be here soon… I looked over and Jake was about to climb out the window. I ran over and gave him a long, hard kiss. He looked taken aback. I felt my face flush – this was something I never would have done before. But I felt like a starving man who had suddenly been given all the food he can eat, and I couldn't seem to get enough.

"I think I like this new you." Jacob chuckled. And then he put his hand behind my head and pulled my face to his, kissing me hard, and deep, his tongue dancing in and out of my mouth, mating with mine. Promising things that we both knew we wanted. I was breathless when he let me go.

"But you'll be back right." I said, not asking him. Stating a fact.

"That's what she said." Jacob smirked, and then jumped out the window.

--- 000 ---

**Author's Note:** I may have to change the rating from "T" to "M" after this chapter, just in case you're looking for it and it fails to show up on a search. I've been trying to avoid anything lemon-y but it seems inevitable with Jake and Bella's raging hormones, ha ha ha. So just in case… I've never written anything like this before so please bear with me (I was feeling so embarrassed while writing it that I felt like I was blushing – and I was all alone!)

Anyway, again thanks for the reviews and the PMs. Please keep them coming!


	11. Chapter 11 Where She Runs the Gauntlet

**CHAPTER 10**

**Where She Runs the Gauntlet**

**BPOV**

I barely had time to twitch the covers of my bed into place and pull my shirt over my head and before I heard the front door slam downstairs.

"Bells! I'm home! Are you awake?" Charlie called.

"Hi dad! I'm up here, I'm just about to take a shower." I informed him, and ran to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, lips swollen, my face flushed, my hair a tangled mess – Charlie would definitely know something was up if I came down looking like this. I quickly showered and returned to the bedroom, preparing for my first taste of "real life" - the Clearwaters would be the first people from my old life that I would see in over a year, and honestly, I was scared to death of Leah.

I quickly dressed and stood by my dresser to check how I looked. I grinned at myself - I hadn't felt this good in a long time, and for once, I looked at myself and liked the girl I saw in the mirror. She looked young, and happy and corny as it sounded, in love. I had never looked or felt this way even when I was still with Edward, our love for each other was real and sincere, but it had always seemed fraught with heavy drama, with the constant threat of danger, of loss. Even after he returned from Italy, our relationship, and my feelings for Edward were always tainted with the fear that he would leave again, and the aftertaste of the rejection I had felt when he left. I had never experienced a love that was as unconditional, as light, as natural as the love I felt for Jacob. I shook my head – no sense in dwelling on things past, not when the future held so much promise.

My reunion with Jacob had surpassed anything I had ever dreamed of or even hoped. For the past month, I had been haunted by the thought that he had forgotten me; that he moved on or had fallen in love- or worse- imprinted on someone else. And it was that fear that had kept me from calling or writing him. I knew I had no claim on him and that any chance I had had of winning him had been lost my own weakness and indecision. And yet, miraculously, he still loved me! The memory of how he had expressed that love for me, only a few minutes hence, brought a blush to my face and sent my pulse hammering again.

I heard a couple of cars pull up outside, and a babble of voices – the Clearwaters had arrived I guess. Strangely, there seemed to be more noise than was warranted by the arrival of only three guests. Swallowing a sudden lump in my throat and squaring my shoulders, I decided to go downstairs and get the inevitable over with – hiding up here from Leah wouldn't help and I WAS looking forward to seeing Seth and Sue.

I walked briskly down the stairs, barely had my feet touched the bottom step when a pair of strong arms grabbed me and enclosed me in a bone crushing hug.

"Bella! Welcome home!" I heard Quil's voice from somewhere above my head.

After a few seconds, I was passed into another set of massive arms and had the breath squeezed out of me again. "Glad you're home Bells, sorry about that night…." Embry said in a low voice. I couldn't do more than nod against his huge chest.

"I suggest you let go of her before Jake gets here and kills you." I heard Leah's wry voice. Embry immediately dropped me to the floor where I stood stunned for a minute.

This warm welcome was the last thing I was expecting – after that night at La Push, I thought they all hated me.

"Hey guys, nice to see you too!" I said beaming at them, peeking over Embry's shoulder to smile at Leah. She was smiling back at me, looking mischievous. Again, this playful side of Leah was something unusual for me to see, having been the frequent recipient of Leah's glares and looks of disdain before I had left.

"Looking for someone?" she teased. I must have flushed again because Leah's grin widened. "He won't be here for a couple more hours…he had to stay and finish an urgent job at the shop." I nodded and blushed again. Darn it. I need to learn to control this.

Before I could respond, Sue came in the front door closely followed by Seth and my dad, each bearing what looked like a ton of food – I had forgotten how much these werewolf boys could consume.

"It's nice to have you home Bella." Sue said quietly, coming over to give me a kiss and a brief hug. "Your father was distraught about you, you know?" she added, exchanging a meaningful look with Charlie who had come to stand next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. Hmmm… Something was definitely brewing there.

"Hey Bells!" Seth beamed shyly at me over his cargo of food.

"Wow Seth! You've grown so much!" I said, taken aback at how grown up he looked and how tall he'd gotten – in my mind, he was still the gangly boy of a year ago.

"Yup! I'm 6'3" now – soon I'll catch up to these jerks…" he said, indicating his head towards Embry and Quil. They glanced up and threw menacing looks at Seth and it looked for a moment that a scuffle would ensue until Sue intervened "Enough. Now will you please get the food in the dining room before everything gets cold and ruined?"

--- 000 ---

Dinner was over and still no Jacob. Still, it was good to be back amongst friends – even Leah, who had always used to be antagonistic towards me. It was strange, but good, to feel that somehow, a tentative bond of friendship had grown between us. That something good had been born that night at La Push. Throughout dinner, the boys kept up an unending lighthearted banter. As if by tacit agreement, no one asked me about the year that I was gone, and I assumed Charlie had warned Sue, who in turn reined in the others. I was glad. Although I had changed much over the year, I was still uncomfortable being in the spotlight, and preferred to listen, rather talk than about myself.

Soon after dinner, Quil, Embry and Seth excused themselves, telling Charlie that they had to be up early the next day for some unspecified reason, but really leaving for patrol. I walked with Embry to the porch to see them off. Of Jacob's brothers, Embry was the one I had always found easier to talk to, the exuberant Quil sometimes being too loud and rambunctious for me.

"Thanks for coming." I told him softly "I was kind of afraid to see any of you guys again after…" I trailed off, not wanting to bring back that horrible night.

"Don't worry about it Bella." Embry assured me "If it's worth anything, Quil and I are sorry too – for not standing up for you that night. Thing is, we really didn't know why you were there and…"

"And Sam ordered you not to talk to me?" I finished his sentence for him, bitterness creeping into my voice.

"Don't be too hard on Sam ok? He was really sorry and upset after – he nearly killed us sending us on those non-stop search parties for you and Jake. He takes orders from the Elders too you know…and well, I guess he just thought he was doing what was best.." Embry tried to explain.

I nodded as if I understood. But really, my mind rebelled at the unfairness of it all. The fact that Sam and the Elders would never forgive me for what they believed I brought upon the tribe and that they would never accept me as good enough for Jacob.

"For what it's worth Bella, Quil and I, and Leah and Seth, we're Jacob's friends first and members of the pack second. And whatever he chooses or decides, that's what we'll support." Embry said, titling my chin to look up at him, to see the sincerity in his eyes. "Just don't hurt him again, ok?" he concluded, smiling crookedly.

"You'd better not be trying to kiss Jake's girl over there! He's gonna kill you for sure!!" Quil yelled from the driver's seat of his truck. He honked the horn loudly. Embry and I laughed and I watched him sprint to the truck.

Whereas, a year ago, I would have probably died of embarrassment at Quil's loud pronouncement, I felt a little thrill at the acknowledgment that I was, and hopefully, would always be, Jake's girl now.

--- 000 ---

**JPOV **

Damn Andrew Marks and his stupid car. If not for this rush job, I would have been at Bella's house having dinner with her and the rest. But while the garage was doing well, we were NOT doing well enough to be turning down work, and since neither Seth nor Leah could handle this, I had had to return to the garage after leaving Bella's house.

The truth was, I would have finished the job much faster if not for the fact that I had been, as Seth so gracefully put it, "mooning over" Bella and my plan to see her as soon as she had come home, all day. I had to stop and smile. I must have looked like an idiot. But I couldn't help it – the memory of Bella flinging herself into my arms, her soft sweet mouth, her smooth skin under my fingers…I felt my jeans become uncomfortably tight…_Ok, don't go there buddy._..I scolded myself. _The sooner you get this done, the sooner you can go back to her. _ Right. _Fuck this. One phone call will NOT derail the entire job._ _Just one little call._

I got out my phone and dialed Bella's house, the phone rang interminably, or so it felt.

"Hello?"

"Bells?"

"Hi." she said, and stupid and sappy as I probably sound, I suddenly missed her more than anything.

"Sorry I missed dinner. Did you miss me?"

"I missed you." She whispered.

"Why are we whispering?" I asked, a laugh in my voice.

"Uhh….oh yes, yes we are of course. Of course." She said brightly. Her voice unusually loud and cheery.

"Oh. Leah and her folks are still there then?" I said. And then it occurred to me that this would be a good time to try something I've always wanted to do.

"Yes, that's right."

"That's too bad. Because you know, I just wanted to tell you that I wish I were there. I would be standing behind you, kissing up and down the back of your neck, the side of your jaw, that hollow behind your ear. You smell so good there. Like honey and sunshine. And my arms would be around you, running up and down your sides…"

She made an unintelligible gurgling sound on the other end. This was kinda fun. I'm sure she was blushing as red as a beet, and despite all her attempts at casualness, whoever was there could probably tell something was up.

"I'd like that….that." She said, again in a fake cheery voice. It would have been convincing too if her voice hadn't cracked on the last syllable.

"You know what I'd like?" I asked her, talking softly.

"Errr…yes?"

"I'd like you to see what you wear to bed. Can you leave your window open for me tonight…so we can continue this conversation?"

"Uhmmm….sure, sure." she said, clearly embarrassed and probably unable to tell me off because there were other people there. _You are a bad, bad boy Jacob Black_.

"Or better yet, I'd like to see you taking off what you wear to bed." I said, even more softly, wishing I had been next to her, to swallow the little throaty gasp she made with a deep kiss.

"Or you could keep it on and I promise to kiss all the parts that show..." I promised, drawing yet another shocked gasp from her. I was about to say more, enjoying her discomfiture, when I heard the bell at the shop door jangle and a familiar voice calling my name.

"Jake? Jake are you still here? Jake?"

Damn.

Aliya.

I sighed. I guess I needed to fix this now – yet another thing I needed to fix before I went to Bella's house.

"Hey, I gotta go ok. I'll try and see you later ok? I love you Bells." and had to hung up, preparing to face the proverbial music.

--- 000 ---

Part of me was relieved that Jacob had hung up, I felt as mortified as if Sue, Charlie and Leah had been able to actually hear our, mostly one-sided, conversation. I'm sure that my red, flaming face gave me away. "Jacob?" Leah asked, her eyebrow lifting sardonically, her mouth twitching in amusement.

Another part of me – the insecure, jealous part, wondered WHY he had ended the phone call so abruptly. And WHO the voice calling his name had been. I couldn't have imagined it – having had the earpiece of the phone held as close to my ear as physically possible, afraid that Leah would overhear Jacob's extremely inappropriate comments.

"Uhmm…yes." I managed to answer. I wondered if I should bring up my suspicions, or if to do so would be make me sound like a paranoid witch. Still, I felt like I needed to know or else, I would be tempted to steal Charlie's cruiser, drive to Jacob's garage, and find out for myself who it was.

"Is he still coming over? Because if not, I think we should start putting away this stuff…" Leah said, waving her hand in the direction of the dinner table.

"Uh…he said he wasn't going to be finished until late…so I guess he's not." I said.

I moved to the table and started piling dishes on top of each other, clearing the table. Leah joined me soon after, sorting the leftovers.

"Do you girls need help in there?" called Sue's voice from the living room where she and Charlie were having coffee. Yet another change in Charlie. Usually, after dinner, my dad will grab a beer and stare at ESPN for hours. Now, he was sitting in the living room (and not in his Lazy Boy), carrying on a civilized conversation over a cup of coffee.

"It's ok, we're good Mom!" Leah replied.

"So what do you think of that?" she suddenly asked me, inclining her head towards the living room.

I had to giggle. "Actually, I think they're kinda cute...when did this start?" I asked.

"Actually, it's thanks to you...sort of. Charlie got so wasted one night, we found him wandering in the woods and took him home to my mom...they've kinda been spending a lot of time together since then." Leah informed me.

"Well...what do YOU think about it?" I asked her. I think she was surprised. The timid old Bella would never have had the nerve to ask. I suddenly remembered how retiring I was - never daring to ask what I wanted to know, my first goal always to be inconspicuous.

Leah giggled too, and I had to smile at the unfamiliar sound. I looked at her just then and saw a glimpse of Sam's girl - the one without the chip on her shoulder and the broken heart. And I was glad that, among other things, coming back to this life would give me a chance to get to know this beautiful, damaged, fascinating girl -- and maybe, if I was lucky, become her friend.

"Actually, I think they're kinda cute too." Leah said in a whisper "I'm glad mom and Charlie are happy, God knows how hard it was for her when my dad died....and your dad's a really great guy."

We worked in companionable silence for a few minutes until then the jealous, insecure part of me took over and I blurted out. "Leah? Do you know if Jake's working alone at the garage?"

She looked at me quizzically, and then as if something suddenly dawned on her, she said "Are you really asking me that question or are you really asking me if I think Jacob's alone tonight, whether at the garage or otherwise?" she asked. Leah was, if anything, always unabashedly candid and frank.

"Well…the second, I guess." I had to admit. Looking down at my hands as if the stack of dirty plates I was carrying to the kitchen sink were fascinating me.

"Honestly?" she said "He's probably not."

I dropped the plate I was holding in the hot soapy, water and it made a loud thud as it hit the bottom of the sink. Leah came to join me at the sink, and rescued the plate. "Why don't you wash and I'll dry?" she said, standing next to me.

"Bella, you were gone a long time and Jake…well, you know how he is. Some girls mistake that sweetness of his for something more than it is…and Jake, well, he is just a guy after all." Leah said, being brutally honest as always. But her eyes, when I looked her way, were kind and somehow sad, as if she were unhappy about having to be the one to tell me the news.

"In fairness to Jake, he thought you were gone forever. For a while, he didn't talk to anyone but me, Seth, Quil and Embry. He refused to meet up with the pack and ignored Sam for a long time. I know he blamed Sam for what happened to you." She explained.

I nodded, and continued stoically washing the mound of dirty plates, happy that there was something to keep my hands occupied.

"He was like…a lifeless caricature of Jake we knew for the first few months. Then, when we started the garage and he became really engrossed in it, you know how he is when he has a new project, slowly he begun to be like his old self again. And you know how those boys are with their groupies…first the girls were hanging out at the garage making eyes at Seth or Quil and Embry…and then I guess they realized that Jake was available after all....the groupies just expanded to include Jake's." Leah narrated, shrugging.

"Did…did he date anyone in particular?" I finally found my voice. Leah looked at me, assessing me, weighing her words.

"You know Bella, there are always going to be some girls that are more…shall we say determined, than others." She said carefully "…but that doesn't mean Jake encouraged them. I mean, if anything, he's an equal opportunity flirt."

I absorbed those words for a moment, starting to feel panic building up in me. "Aliya?" I finally murmured.

"Oh yes." Leah answered, her eyes narrowing, "Let me rephrase that. There are some girls that are more determined than others, and then on a whole, higher level, there's Aliya. She's just…always around. Like she has some sort of special Jake radar. So honestly? I'm willing to bet you she's over there right now. If you want, we can call up a posse and kill her?" she offered, and it seemed she was only half-joking.

"What's she like?" I asked, afraid to hear but also curious to know what the competition was like. Torturing myself.

"She looks a lot like me actually, tall, long hair, typical Quileute features…" Leah said. _Right,_ I thought sardonically _You forgot to mention the part where like you, she's beautiful, statuesque, incredibly sexy...so unlike me.... _ "…which just about figures, since she's one of us."

"One of you what?" I had to ask.

"She's a shapeshifter too. She's part of Sam's pack." Leah finished.

I dropped another plate. This time it broke.

"Why do you dislike her so much?" I had to ask, wondering about the enmity in Leah's eyes. "What did she do?"

"It's not so much what she does really…" Leah said, shrugging. "It's just the way she acts like she's queen of the pack – no that sounds bad. I'm not jealous or anything. You KNOW I don't like being the way I am. She's welcome to be queen if that's what she wants...It's the way she's thrown herself so much into the whole pack culture. Like running around as a giant dog makes her better than everyone."

"Or maybe I am just jealous. I don't know. But, really, I don't buy the I'm-a-poor-little-girl-my-daddy-left-me routine. I just don't think she's as nice as she pretends to be – although those idiot boys lap it up."

Leah put an arm over my shoulder, and to my surprise, said comfortingly "For whatever it's worth Bella, I really believe Jake's heart has never been in it. He's always been in love with you – even when he thought you were dead. All those girls, well…they were just…there."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked her suspiciously. Not quite trusting this Leah. Waiting for the old sarcastic Leah who hated me to reappear at any moment.

"Oh I just decided you're not so bad…ever since you discovered you had a backbone." she said teasingly and I had to smile at her assessment. "But if you break his heart again, I'll break your arm!" she threatened.

I nodded and just smiled, glad to have a friend. I dropped another plate.

"Now will you please forget it and stop massacring Charlie's dishes. You know that boy is crazy about you." Leah said.

--- 000 ---

**JPOV**

"Hey Jake! You're working late!" Aliya said, walking straight toward me and kissing my cheek.

"Hey Aliya. Uhmmm…if you're here for Lukas, he left over an hour ago." I told her.

"Oh I know. I saw him at home before I came over here." she said, leaning against the side of the car I was working on. "So have you had dinner yet? I thought we could go out and grab something to eat."

"No thanks Aliya. I really need to finish this tonight. Andrew Marks is heading to Seattle tomorrow and he's picking up the car at six." I answered.

"Are you sure?" she insisted, leaning over the side of the car to peer at me. I could smell her flowery perfume.

As usual, Aliya looked, well…magnificent…I mean, girls like Aliya and Leah – they're not girls you describe as "pretty" or "cute". These were girls that stopped traffic on those occasions we went to Port Angeles or Seattle. I know for a fact that Leah once caused a fender bender at the community college parking lot when she bent over to pick up a book she had dropped. And Aliya was not far behind in looks at all.

Leah's been playing the field. What with her flavors of the month and all. I don't know what's going on with her sometimes, and she swears it's not intentional, but it's like she picks them out of a catalogue, the only thing they have in common being that she picks out the ones that are the total opposites of Sam and since they're all Caucasian, guaranteed to piss him and the entire Council of Elders off.

Aliya's a different story. Ever since they moved back to La Push, she hasn't really dated anyone. Well…anyone but me. Although I don't classify it as dating. I mean, she's at the garage all the time because her brother Lukas works for us and plus, well…there's the pack stuff. And that part, the fact that she's a wolf too, I guess that what got me into this mess where everyone thinks we're together.

First of all, it was just easier to hang out with girl that I didn't have to keep secrets from or explain stuff too – like the part where I suddenly turn into a huge furry monster? Secondly, she's so gorgeous and kind of intimidating that she keeps the other girls away which is sometimes a relief – although Embry and Quil think I'm crazy. Thirdly, Sam and the Elders are so clearly ecstatic about our supposed "match" that it's kept THEM off my back as well. And last, well, she's actually a nice girl that's just had a rough life. Not to mention that, to be totally honest, she's not exactly hard on the eyes.

Still, I was mentally kicking myself for letting things get this far. Or maybe not. The truth was, I liked Aliya… and if Bella hadn't come back, maybe we could have been happy together. But it would never have been the same. I probably would have been content – but I would never have known the kind of happiness I felt whenever I was around Bella.

"Hey…earth to Jake!" Aliya said, playfully punching my arm.

"You know what?" I said, getting up from where I had been bent over the engine, "I think I could just about use a break. I can't leave 'til I finish this but what about you have some coffee with me? We can sit in the office for a while."

"Sure!" she said, her face brightening. She led the way to the office and started busying herself with the coffee maker as I went to the tiny washroom and cleaned up.

She handed me a steaming cup of coffee and followed me to the old sofa where she sat next to me. We sipped in silence for a while, and yet it wasn't the usual comfortable silence we've shared before. The tension, at least to me, seemed a like a thick woolen blanket threatening to suffocate me.

"So…what brings you over?" I said putting down my cup. _Way to go Jake. Really eloquent._

"Not much really. Lukas told me you had this rush job and were working late so I thought maybe you'd like to get something to eat."

"Yeah…well…you know how it is with work and stuff…I actually had to miss a dinner I was supposed to go to for this." I told her.

"I know." She said quietly, turning her face away "Bella's back huh."

"Uhmm yeah." Was all I could muster.

"So are you guys back together?" she asked, still refusing to look at me.

"I don't know…" I answered "I hope so…I mean…she's…"

"Yeah. I know, "the one". Right?" she laughed bitterly. "What about us?" she asked, her voice quiet, but hard, with an edge I couldn't quite place.

"Ali…" I started, not quite sure how to say anything. Afraid to hurt this beautiful, brave girl before me. Wishing with all my heart that I could find some way to do this without causing her pain. I knew Aliya's issues about abandonment. And men. And how her dad had left them.

"Please don't call me that." She asked me quietly. All I could see was her profile. She still hadn't looked at me but I saw tracks of tears going down her cheek.

"Look Jacob…let's just make this easy for everyone, ok?" she said, a bitter note in her voice. I opened my mouth to speak but she stopped me. "It's not like we were together or anything, right?" Aliya said, finally turning to me with a forced, brave smile on her face. In the light, she looked fierce and beautiful, a warrior princess.

"I'm sorry…" I began again.

"I'm sorry too." Aliya said "I thought well....never mind what I thought...", she stroked the side of my face. And then she rose from the couch and quietly let herself out.

And I sat there in the office, by myself, feeling like a total asshole.

--- 000 ---


	12. Chapter 12 Where East Meets West

**Chapter 12**

**Where East Meets West**

**BPOV**

I woke up to the sound of someone softly calling my name. Jacob was very late. I must have fallen asleep past midnight because the Clearwaters hadn't left until after the late news at 11:00 pm. I sat up, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the dark. It must have been almost dawn, although the sky outside my window was dark, and I could hear the soft patter of rain on the roof.

I suddenly remembered my first night in Forks, and how I had cried myself to sleep, putting a pillow over my head to muffle the sound of the raindrops. Funny. I had forgotten how I had hated the rain. It was a comforting sound now. The sound of home.

"Hey sleepyhead…" Jacob said as he came in through the window. Like I always felt when he was near me, it was as if the axis of my world tilted ever so slightly, to center on him, and everything else shifted in space, fell into place, everything became secondary to the center which was Jacob. It was as if a part of me was missing while he was gone, a part I didn't even know was missing until he came back, and he fitted himself into place, making me feel that I was finally complete.

"Hi…" I replied, turning to my side to face him. His face was only inches from mine, and even in the dark, I could see the glow in his eyes, the same glow that I'm sure was reflected in mine. I couldn't resist, and I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek, the line of his jaw, the perfect bridge of his nose.

"Do you know that you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen?" I whispered, and he closed his eyes as my fingers continued their exploration, touching the lush, long sweep of lashes and tracing the ridge of his cheekbones. His hand caught mine, flipping it over and kissing my palm, sending my blood to boil.

"You look tired." I said, noting the dark shadows under his eyes, kissing each one softly.

"Long day." He said, smiling crookedly, kissing the tip of my nose. "…but I'm better now, with you." he trailed off, staring at me intently, as if trying to memorize my face.

"I still can't believe you're really here." he said softly, "I needed to come see you for myself."

I felt butterflies dancing in my heart, and I smiled. Feeling utterly content and blissfully happy.

"You should have just gone home to rest…" I told him.

"No, I would have just missed you too much, and ended up here anyway. Besides, I did promise you I'd come over. Among other things." he replied, reminding me of our earlier telephone conversation and a naughty little smile lifting the corner of his mouth. Then he ran a fingertip over the spaghetti strap of my top which had slipped from my shoulder. My eyes followed the same finger as it moved down, tracing the curve of my breast. And I shuddered.

"You know Charlie's just down the hall right?" I told him, putting my hand over his, stilling its exploration of my body.

He groaned. "Sure, sure." But he stopped nonetheless. "Would you like me to go now?" he asked.

"I never want you to go." I told him, too much in love to even bother trying to conceal what I felt. Even if it made me sound like a lovelorn idiot.

"If I promise to be good, can I get into bed with you?" he asked, the naughty smile in place again.

In lieu of an answer, I simply moved and made a place for him beside me, patting the bed invitingly. Jacob slid in beside me, taking up most of the space in my bed. It had always felt perfectly adequate in size to me – even with Edward in it, on those nights he used to watch me sleep. But Jacob, just as he did with everything else in my life, dominated the space with his presence, his sheer mass. He opened his arms and I snuggled into him, my back to his chest. We fit together perfectly. As if God had carved and smoothed and contoured every rise and hollow of his body with the specific intent that I would one day fit into them. I wriggled in contentment, warm from his heat, drowsy and completely happy.

"I'd stop doing that if I were you." his soft whisper tickled my ear. "Unless you stop that, I won't be held responsible for my actions." I blushed and realized that he was pressed tautly against me, his arousal evident and burning a line of fire against my back. I froze and he chuckled softly, his warm breath raising goose bumps on my neck. Suddenly, I was wide awake. I flipped over so that I was facing him.

"Jake, if I asked you something, will you promise not to be mad?"

He raised an eyebrow and looked at me inquiringly.

"When I was…gone…did you…were you…seeing someone else? I mean, I'm not breaking up anything, am I?"

**ALIYAH'S POV**

It was sick and masochistic of me to be here. I knew it. And yet I couldn't help myself. After I left the garage, I phased. I was so angry I couldn't help it. I just needed to run, to get out of my skin.

It was typical of my life I guess, for yet another man to leave me. First my real father and then Lukas' dad, and then Matt…and now Jacob.

When mom, Lukas and I moved back to La Push, it was primarily a way for mom to deal with her grief at losing Lukas' father – well – our father, the only one I've had since I was five. When Dad just left us, he left with no word, no explanations, he just disappeared one day. Mom decided that we should move back here, to her tribe. We cut all ties with the past, and even took up mom's maiden name – Call - to start clean she said. I was more than happy to move. Leaving California was not something I mourned, I was more than happy to leave memories of Matt and our baby…but that was just too painful to contemplate.

I was only 18 when I found out I was pregnant. Matt and I had been dating for over a year by then and stupidly, I thought he loved me as much as I loved him. I was so happy. Even young as I was, I WANTED the baby, a little part of me and a little part of the boy I loved. Foolishly, I even convinced myself that he would be happy when I told him we were having a baby. Little did I know that while I was good enough to sleep with, good enough as arm candy, I apparently was not good enough, not "white" enough to marry. Not even for the sake of our baby.

The night I told him, Matt stormed at me – screaming that I was a selfish bitch trying to ruin his life, to derail his plans of going to UCLA, of trying to destroy his future. Worse, he refused to believe the baby was his, although I had been a virgin the first time we slept together and I had been seeing no one else since then. Although he never lifted a finger against me, part of me wished he had gone ahead and hit me instead - because bruises fade, but the memory of his words, the disgust in his eyes were things that would never go away.

I never saw him again after that night and I lost the baby a month after – the doctor told me that sometimes, miscarriages happen because there was already something wrong with the fetus, that it was defective in some way, and it was God's way of sparing it from deformity or illness. It's not even a baby yet, my mom had tried to comfort me, it's just a bunch of blood cells. But despite their reassurances, I knew why my baby died.

He died because his mother had no more heart.

When Lukas and I first phased, I didn't share the emotions that the other members of the pack experienced when they discovered their true selves. I never had a moment of self-disgust or fear. This was my destiny. This was why fate had brought us to this place – so we could take our rightful place. For the first time in my life, I belonged somewhere – more than belonged, I was special. I was worthy.

Falling in love with Jake had not been part of the equation. I simply gravitated towards him because I felt at that time that he was as damaged as me. We both had lost someone, and when I told him about my little baby that had never even had a chance to live, I felt that he understood because he knew how it felt to have your dreams die too.

To be honest about it, I sought him out, it wasn't an accident that I was often at the garage or at the beach when I knew he would be. To be fair to myself, I knew - I could tell - that he desired me although it was clear that he was fighting it. Fighting as some sort of sick tribute to the girl he lost. Then again, because he was in love with a dead girl, I thought I could happy with just a friendship, a friendship I could share with man who wasn't befriending me just to sleep with me.

At the same time, he posed the challenge of being unattainable. And I could never walk a challenge by. It started as a game for me, to prove how desirable I was, how worthy. I don't recall when it happened exactly but in the end, I just fell. And I thought he was falling too.

Until she came back.

And once again, I was tossed aside, by yet another man, like yesterday's trash.

I saw Jacob climb in through her window and in the dark, against my better judgment I crept closer to the edge of the woods, my dark gray fur making me practically invisible in the darkness and gloom of the woods. With my enhanced senses, I could hear every whisper, every sound, the rustle of fabric, the sighs of contentment. And each sound was a physical blow that wounded me.

"When I was…gone…did you…were you…seeing someone else? I mean, I'm not breaking up anything, am I?" I heard Bella whisper.

I pricked up my ears, awaiting Jacob's response, it was a matter of survival, of hope. It was his time to choose. Although I knew that the choice had already been made, and I had not been the one, part of me still hoped.

At the very least, I needed, wanted to hear at least an acknowledgement from Jacob that we had shared something special.

"I love you Bella, I've been in love with you always. Even when I thought you were dead, I loved you." Jacob replied and my heart plummeted. "When you were gone, there were other girls, but none that meant what you meant…what you mean to me."

I was glad I was a wolf. Wolves don't cry. They can't cry.

"What about…Aliya?" Bella asked him, her voice taut, tense, worried. _Good. You'd better worry. Because I'm not giving up. I will never give him up._

"She was…very special. But she's not you. No one could have ever taken your place." he answered simply.

"Did you…do you…love her?" she asked. _Stupid stupid girl. Stupid stupid question. Do you really want to hear the answer to this one?_

"I don't know…I think maybe. She was there when I needed to feel human, when you were gone. There was always something missing, and I always found myself comparing her to you…but she helped me through that time…if you had never come back, if I had had enough time…maybe…" he answered.

At least he was honest.

_And "maybe" is not NO, it's not NEVER. _

"I've never loved anyone the way I love you Bella. And I never will again." he promised her. Breaking my heart with each word but at the same time strengthening my resolve.

And then I ran again. Because wolves don't cry.

**JPOV**

Bella was silent now, and I feared that I had driven her away with my honesty. And yet, I felt I owed it to both of them to be honest about what I had shared with Aliya. I wasn't proud of myself for using her, but I would have been even more ashamed of myself if I had lied to Bella, if I had denied any involvement with Aliya. She was a wonderful girl and she would make someone a wonderful mate someday. Just not the one for me.

"Hey…are you still awake?" I whispered against Bella's hair. It felt like strands of silk against my mouth, it smelled like lavender and heaven. I felt her nod, not a word escaping her, tears slowly running down her face.

I pulled her closer to me, and tilting her face to mine, I kissed each tear as it fell, covering her face in kisses, as if by doing so, I could take her pain as mine.

"I love you Bella. Always." I promised her.

"I love you too" she whispered "Forever."

Then there were no more words.

--- 000 ---

It had been almost two weeks since I had come home to Forks and I found that my perspective had changed almost completely – or perhaps, I was looking at the world through different eyes. I can't remember it but Charlie said that I had hated Forks when I first came here, that I had hated the rain, the town, the woods. I don't know how much of my - apparently new – appreciation for Forks stemmed from the fact that I was seeing through the eyes of someone who had lost home and fond it again or if it was simply beautiful now because it was where Jacob was.

The next weeks passed in a blur for me. And to this day, I still look back to those first weeks in back in Forks as some of the happiest I've ever known. It had been to me, a halcyon fortnight spent rediscovering family, and old friends, old haunts and all of this with Jacob always by my side.

Charlie and Billy seemed to take Jacob's and my new relationship, not merely in stride, but with a quiet contentment, as if it had been something they had been waiting for all along. And with what I felt was our parents' blessing, I was confident that there was no doubt that Jacob and I would make a life here, together despite whatever obstacles there would be.

I discovered that while I had known Jacob all my life, there was also much to him I didn't know. For one thing, I learned that in the year that I had been gone, Billy's diabetes had gotten worse, leaving him unable to do any further work, so that Jacob was practically supporting himself and his dad as well as putting himself through college.

I discovered that while he never talked about it and that I had assumed Jacob was an indifferent student, he was in fact, not only extremely intelligent, but diligent as well – which led to his college scholarship. For Jacob, school was just another responsibility - like his job or his obligations to Billy and the tribe - he did not dwell excessively on those things, he simply did what he had to do. Responsibility was second nature to him, and he took his responsibilities to his work, to school, Billy and the tribe very seriously.

The discovery of these new things taught me new things about the boy I loved and made me fall even more in love with the man he had become.

I learned new things about myself as well, things I had forgotten, or lost. And things that I could hardly believe were about me. Things I had forgotten about myself, and I was glad for the change.

I rediscovered my love of books, I found sheaves of paper, stories I don't remember writing, and my desire to become a writer.

I found that eyes would widen in surprise when I righted myself after a near spill, or when on reflex, I caught something that fell. Charlie told me I used to be really clumsy, that I tripped over everything and was constantly hurting myself, having little accidents that a lot of times, ended up in the hospital emergency room. Leah commented that I was different now, more serene, sure of myself - and maybe this was why I was less clumsy. I secretly believed that being with Jacob and having him fulfill the missing part of me gave me equilibrium. Jacob just complained that he missed rescuing me.

One morning, I woke to find Charlie stripping the yellow paint off the kitchen cabinets.

"Good morning Bells." He said cheerfully "…wanna give me a hand with this?"

"Sure dad. Uhh….what are we doing again? " I asked him, stepping over the cans of paint scattered on various places of the kitchen floor.

"Well, I thought it was just time for a change….you know I haven't really done any work on this room since your mom left." He said matter-of-factly. This again, was something new to me. From the earliest I can remember, Charlie has avoided talking of the day that mom left and when he was forced to do so, it was always with a tinge of a deep sadness in his voice.

The yellow kitchen cabinets had been one of my mom's last "projects" before she had left Forks and Charlie – an attempt to bring sunshine into the house, in the rainy little town she hated so much. For years, the room had stayed yellow, like a mute testament of Charlie's refusal to get over my mom and her abandonment.

"That's great dad." I told him, meaning it wholeheartedly. Renee had moved on long ago and I wanted Charlie to be happy as well. Or at least, be open to the possibility of happiness.

"I thought it was about time." He smiled down at me from the stepladder where he was perched and I'm sure that neither of us were referring to the paint anymore.

"So what color are we painting it?" I asked him, rolling up my sleeves and preparing to help.

"Well, Sue came down to the hardware store with me and we picked out this nice blue color…what do you think? She thinks it's pretty." he replied, nodding towards the cans of paint on the floor.

And that's when I realized that Charlie and Sue were involved more seriously than I had thought, and I was happy for my dad – that he had in fact, finally moved on.

I kept regular touch with Emma, Bethany and Dr. Jake – like Renee and Charlie, they were my family now. I even found that occasionally, I would miss Wolf River Inn itself, and Harbor. But with work and Jacob, I was busy and content.

Not that everything was all roses and sunshine. While Billy and Sue were accepting, even happy, about my relationship with Jacob, I knew that the rest of the Elders were not. It meant a lot to them to keep the bloodline "pure", to have the new generation marry into the tribe – God forbid that they marry a "white" girl – to keep the old ways alive, to breed and entire new generation of "true" Quileutes.

While we never talked about it, I could tell from Jacob's studied and deliberate avoidance of any talk of the pack that Sam and the rest - with the exception of Quil and Embry as well as Leah and Seth who were practically my family now - were still suspicious of me and I knew I would never be accepted.

By tacit agreement, Jacob never brought me to any of the pack get-togethers, and I knew he was avoiding them as well, spending as much time with me as he could without neglecting his duties to them. And I knew I was blamed for Jacob's seeming "abandonment" as well.

On the rare occasions that I was in La Push, I was treated courteously but distantly, like a stranger who's not welcome but to whom polite conventions must at the very least be observed. While Sam was always unfailingly polite, he was not the same protective, almost older-brotherly person I had come to know, and while Emily was as nice as always, she always looked apologetically at me as if sorry that she was not allowed or was herself avoiding any sort of friendship with me.

I had missed the fall semester at the community college at Port Angeles but they told me that they would give me credit for the classes I had taken in Oregon. I could enroll the following term. Meanwhile, I got my old job at Newton Outfitters back, with Mike off to college in California, Mrs. Newton needed the help and was glad she didn't have to train anyone new. Clearly, I'd never get rich working there, but with what I had saved from working at Wolf River Inn, I would have enough to cover at least a year of community college. And while the pay wasn't great, the perks were fantastic. Specifically, the fact that the store was only a couple of blocks away from Leah and Jacob's garage and that meant that Jacob was always nearby, joining me for short breaks, and driving me to and from work on the days that he didn't have to leave early for school.

I glanced up at the large clock on the wall above the rack the held the display of all of our latest camping gear and willed time to move faster - only twenty more minutes and Jacob would be here. It was a nice day – or at least nice for Forks – and since the night promised to be clear, we planned to have a moonlight picnic on First Beach with Leah, Seth, Quil and Embry. It was Friday and Charlie was off duty, so he and Billy had gone off on a fishing trip upstate early this morning – don't ask me how the fish here in Forks differ from the fish in upstate Washington, but it must be pretty significant because Billy and Charlie were as excited to go off on their trip as two kids on their way to Disneyland.

Since my dad and Billy would be gone all weekend, this meant that Jacob and I could spend two nights at his house – alone. While part of me was thrilled at the thought, another part of me was completely terrified. While I knew that becoming physically intimate with Jacob was something that was at this point, inevitable - I knew this would change our relationship forever, that once I had given him my body to go with the heart that was already his, there would be no more turning back for me, no more hope of loving anyone else.

I always thought I would wait until I was married – or at least that's what Edward had wanted. But whereas Edward had always been raising walls in our physical relationship, Jacob was always breaking down the barriers of my resistance. And with Jake, I found myself more and more unable to resist, especially since he sneaked into my room practically every night and spent each night infinitesimally but surely chipping away at my barriers, taking more and liberties each night, until we were both a bundle of nerve endings, and I felt that I would self-combust.

I was practically bouncing up and down in impatience by now. I glanced up at the clock again and saw that barely two minutes had passed since I had last checked. I sighed, contemplating how long the last 18 minutes of my captivity would seem like. The bell from the store's entrance sounded, _great, at least dealing with a customer will make the time go faster…I just hope they don't take too long…_. I turned to attend to the newcomer and saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life walking towards me.

And in an instant, I knew who she was.

She was magnificent – tall, so tall that I would probably only barely clear her shoulder, with a figure that was sensuous and full despite her slender frame. Her hair flowed down her back like a shimmering black waterfall and her face looked like it had been sculpted by an artist. Her skin was darker than mine, a honey golden color - the kind socialites and movie actresses paid hundreds of dollars for at tanning salons. And she moved with the grace of a lioness - effortless, flowing but also ominous, feral. I found myself wanting to take a step back, and thankfully was able to stop myself – I would NOT cower before this girl.

Aliya looked a lot like Leah, but somehow older, although she couldn't have been much older than us . She just seemed more worldly, sure of her place, assured of her own beauty. They shared not only the same features, but the same look, like they were hiding an inner wound. Only in Aliya's case, she looked as if the world owed her for her hurt she intended to make it pay, while Leah covered up her wounds with a false bravado, like she didn't care.

_How could I possibly even hope to compete against this girl? _ I thought to myself. _She's everything I'm not, everything I could never even hope to be._

"Bella." She said, making a statement, not asking a question. She knew exactly who I was as well.

"Yes. That's me. And you must be Aliya." I said, surprised that my voice was steady and calm – that it did not betray the fear, the turmoil inside me.

"You know who I am?" she asked, although I could tell it didn't come as a surprise.

"Jacob has mentioned you." I told her, my words measured.

"Really?" she said "Well, he never mentioned you were…" she stopped, motioning at me up and down, as if assessing me and finding me worthless.

"I was what?" I countered, daring her to finish her sentence. Where was this newfound bravery coming from? I had always been non-confrontational, I was always the kid that just stayed quiet, unresponsive to taunts and jibes, thinking that words could never hurt me. And yet, here I was standing my ground – or at least attempting to – against this warrior princess.

"…that you were so small." She said, making the word small sound like she meant something else – and I knew what she meant. I was small, pale, boring, ordinary -- so unlike her.

"Well, now that we've settled that, did you actually come in here for something or is this just a social call?" I asked her, wanting to get this over. Wanting to get her away from me.

"Oh I'm done here I think – there's nothing "special" I can see. Nothing I need to bother with" she drawled, looking at me from head to foot, insulting me with her arrogant, assessing look. Making me feel ugly and insignificant.

And for the first time in my life, I desperately wanted to hit someone, to inflict physical pain.

I was about to retort angrily, my eyes were stinging with unshed tears, my hands clenched – I so badly wanted to hit her – when a new voice joined the conversation.

"You're done here alright And if I don't see the back of you in five seconds, you're going to hurt so much, you'll forget your name."

Leah.

Aliya's beautiful face twisted into an ugly scowl as she turned to face my defender.

"Keep your nose out of this Leah, it's none of your business." Aliya said in a low, intense voice.

"My friends are my business. And you know Bell and Jacob are my friends." Leah said, emphasizing each word as she reached us, coming to stand between me and Aliya.

I took a step forward so that I was shoulder to shoulder with Leah. I was glad for her presence but I also didn't want this girl to think that she had intimidated me or scared – although she did.

"Really? And I suppose you know all about Jacob and me." Aliya said insolently.

My heart clenched. I was imagining the worst of meanings that could possibly be implied by that short sentence. I schooled my face into a mask of indifference. I would rather die than have Aliya know how much it hurt.

"I know enough Aliya. For instance, I know that you're the one that's been throwing yourself at Jake all these months." Leah said smugly.

Idly, I wondered how much trouble I would be in with Mrs. Newton if both of them phased in the store and had a drag down, knock out fight. And then I thought how satisfying it would be if I could tag team with Leah and help her kick Aliya's perfect ass. Or better yet, her perfect face.

Aliya looked enraged, and then she took a deep breath and suddenly seemed in control of herself again.

"Well, just for Bella's information I never heard Jake complaining" she said coolly, "…about anything we did together."

"Anything." Aliya emphasized, looking at me pointedly. With that, she sauntered to the door and walked out.

My hands were shaking and my tears were blinding me. Leah was quiet for a while, and then she put an arm around my shoulder.

"Hey…are you ok?" she asked. I looked at her incredulously.

"I was almost attacked and was verbally abused by my boyfriend's ex, who just happens to be like ten feet tall and to look like the movie star version of Pocahontas, not to mention that she could have just phased and literally, like - killed me. Literally. Oh, and also clearly, she wants to steal my boyfriend back. What do you think?" I asked, the tears finally overflowing.

I suddenly realized how ridiculous I sounded and I stopped. And then we both laughed.

"Yeah…yeah, I am." I told her, wiping away the last of the tears. "Thanks for sticking up for me though."

"I was actually considering not saying anything – you were doing pretty good on your own." Leah said "But I can never resist getting a rise out of the freaking bitch."

"Leah!" I admonished her "I should wash your mouth out with soap, you've been hanging out with those boys too long."

"What did I say?" Leah said, feigning a look of innocence. "You know she is – I mean literally is – a bitch. And you know I mean that in the scientific sense of the word."

"Sure sure." I just said, thankful to Leah for helping me through that and for helping me find some humor in what had truly been a horrible experience. I looked up and finally, the clock read 6:00 pm. Finally.

Leah saw where my gaze was headed and then said "Come on. Time to go. Jake sent me to get you by the way, he got tied up at the garage but we're supposed to pick him up, he should be done by now."

She started to walk towards the door while I hung up my vest and took my purse off the hook. "Oh, and by the way, do you realize you've been hanging around Jacob so much you're starting to talk like him" she asked over her shoulder.

"Sure. Sure" I muttered, following her out into the street.

--- 000 ----

**Author's Note:** Hi everyone, I hope you enjoyed that chapter. I'm having such a struggle with Aliya's character. Most of the time, I want to strangle her but at the same time, I kinda feel sorry for her. I'm kind of fascinated by her right now and I didn't want to completely villain-ize her, hence her POV in this chapter.

_Question for this update:_ What do you think of Aliya so far? Does anyone other than me feel any sympathy for her at all?

Please leave me a review if you're enjoying this story so far. It gets very frustrating sometimes when you're wondering if anyone actually bothers to read what you write. You can also PM me if you have any other comments or suggestions. I'd really like to hear to your thoughts on where the story's going so far.

So please, please, please review. I'd like to reach as many people as possible and it feels like unless a story's been reviewed lots of times, no one really bothers to read it.


	13. Chapter 13 Where The Sun

**Author's Note** : Ok, here we go. I wonder how many of you were waiting for this. Please be kind (and please review) it took me forever to write this, and I blushed the entire time. Considering that I'm a married woman, I shouldn't be blushing so much but…well, this was just difficult to write.

Enough of heavy drama for today so no Aliya here.

Just fluff and lemonade for your enjoyment.

Reviews pretty please. I need motivation.

Question : Leah's character is demanding development, she's becoming too interesting to be merely secondary and I'm wondering if I should write her story here or save it for another series. What do you think?

Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters created by Ms. Meyer – but I'm gonna ask Santa if I can have Jacob for Christmas.

**Chapter 13**

**Where the Sun Touches the Earth**

**BPOV**

I was lying on my tummy, my hands tracing mindless patterns on the sand in front of me, I was warm and a little drowsy from the bonfire that Quill and Embry already had blazing by the time we got to the beach and pleasantly full from the hotdogs and chips we had just eaten. Our little picnic was set up in one of the small sheltered coves, far from the main drag of First Beach. Already, the sun was setting in a blaze of orange and purple on the horizon and I could see the crowd on the more populated part of the beach already thinning, mothers gathering up their kids and packing away blankets and baskets. I saw couples walking, hands twined, ending their day. There were little black and brown haired children of various ages trying to evade their moms, running back into the water for just one more dip – and I had a fanciful vision of a little black haired baby lifting its arms out to me – I smiled. Maybe some day….

Behind me, Jacob and Seth had set up a tent several feet away from the bonfire, in case it suddenly rained they informed me as they were coercing me into helping – this was a usual and very practical precaution when you lived in this part of Washington.

I idly watched the boys play football – it was supposed to be Jacob and Seth versus Quil and Embry but for some reason, there were special rules which involved Seth constantly getting sacked and tackled at every opportunity. The rowdy and somewhat violent game was likewise punctuated by loud and extremely entertaining trash talk between the two teams. I would have been worried for Seth's continued good health, if not for the fact that I knew he was a werewolf, and thus would heal easily.

"You throw like a freakin' girl!" Jacob yelled at Seth as the latter fumbled a pass.

"Oh yeah…well you run like one!" Seth retorted.

Jake then dropped the football and suddenly dived into Seth knocking him to the ground. With a loud whoop, Embry and Quil abandoned all pretense of playing and joined the fray, launching themselves into the tangle of flailing arms and kicking legs. Right about then, the supposed football game degenerated into a werewolf brawl.

"No fair! You're not allowed to gang up!" I could hear Seth yelling over the laughter and the din.

"Quil and I are -- we're on the same team!" Embry shouted back, now holding Seth's neck in a headlock, as Jacob and Quil lifted Seth and started walking toward the water.

"Say Uncle!!!"

"No way asshole!!"

"Stop it Jake! You asshole! We're teammates" Seth protested.

Jacob just laughed as the three continued to attack Seth, tackling him to the ground every time he managed to get up and try to run away.

"This is punishment for dropping the freakin ball" Jacob yelled as Quil and Embry bodily lifted Seth and started walking purposefully towards the shoreline.

"You'd better not be dropping me in the water again you assholes!!" Seth was threatening now.

The other three just laughed and continued walking. They were effortlessly carrying Seth, who while younger and somewhat slighter in build, was nonetheless, huge – as huge as these wolf boys get. I had to wonder what all the teenage girls on the beach thought of this sight – it was like a shoot for a magazine – all the bronze skin and muscles these wolf boys were showing off must be raising a few temperatures. Despite the chill that was starting to cool the air, the boys were dressed only in their usual cut-offs or board shorts. Wolves must be allergic to shirts for some reason, I thought wryly. I looked around and true enough, the boys were the focus of attention of a group of high school girls who were giggling and pointedly looking our way.

I smiled back at them, a bit smugly I must admit – after all, the hottest guy in the bunch was mine.

"Hey ladies!!" Seth called out cheerfully as he managed to pull away from his attackers.

The girls giggled again, and one brave one waved at Seth – Seth was waving back until Jake and Embry caught him again and started dragging him to the water again.

"Dammit you guys! I didn't bring any more dry clothes!!! You've dumped me in the friggin' water three times already!!" Seth yowled.

There was more laughter, followed by a huge splash.

"Aaaauuurrrgggghhh!!!! Fuck! Shit!!! Fuck!!" screamed Seth, finally surfacing and chasing after Quil and Embry who were running away. They probably could have gone faster if they hadn't been almost falling down in the sand, convulsing with laughter.

I really needed to talk to Seth about his language.

Just then, Leah came out from the tent.

"What the heck is wrong with you people? Could you be any louder?" she shouted at the boys "And leave my baby brother alone!" she added, shaking her fist playfully at Quil and Embry's retreating backs.

Jake trotted over and lounged on the blanket next to me.

"Hi beautiful!" he said, dropping a kiss on the back of my neck. I immediately scooted over to snuggle against his side. It was automatic now, the way we immediately gravitated toward each other whenever we were in the same place together, and I could never feel perfectly at ease until some part of Jacob's body was next to mine, even if it was as simple as the feel of my hand in his, or his arm brushing against mine.

"Hi yourself." I answered, smiling up at him. "Are you done beating up on Seth?"

"For now." he smiled back. "I need a kiss-break." And then he leaned over and softly kissed me on the mouth. Forgetting where we were, as was what usually happened when Jacob kissed me, I leaned into the kiss, deepening it.

"Oh for crying out loud, get a room you two!" Seth yelled from the shoreline, as he jogged over to join us at the bonfire. He was dripping wet and threatening to shake the excess water off on Leah who wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Or even better, get a tent." Leah said, dropping to the sand to sit next to me, a knowing grin on her face.

"Huh?" I looked questioningly from her to Jake, and back. Both looked extremely pleased with themselves.

"What?!"

"Well, since your birthday is coming up soon, the boys and I have decided to give you a present." Leah said. "You and Jake are spending the night here on the beach in that tent over there." she concluded with a self-satisfied smirk.

In fact, I had completely forgotten that it was my birthday in a few weeks. I'd be 22 – and I felt a mild moment of panic – I'd be two years older than Jake, even if were he aging, which he wasn't….I'd be an old lady.

"So did you tell her yet?" Quil asked, joining us as well, followed closely by Embry.

"But my birthday's not 'til September…" I said weakly. Alone. All night. Alone with Jake. Why was I even arguing, part me of asked.

"Well, we don't know when we'll get another golden opportunity to get rid of both Billy AND Charlie at the same time again, so we decided to give you your present a month early." Quil explained, grinning.

"Unless…you don't want to be alone with Jacob?" Embry teased, lifting an eyebrow.

I was about to protest regarding the sleeping arrangements – or at least make a halfhearted show of protesting - when Jacob cut me off. I looked at him inquiringly.

"This way, I wasn't exactly lying to Charlie…..he asked me this morning if you were sleeping at my house – he didn't look too happy about that idea – so I said no." he narrated. "I mean, technically, you **AREN'T** sleeping at my house, you're sleeping out here."

I had to laugh. Trust Jacob to find a loophole to get his way without having to tell an outright lie.

"Jake and Bella underneath a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Seth chanted.

Jacob threw a piece of wood at him, which Seth successfully dodged.

"And stuff like this Seth, is WHY we're always beating up on you." Jacob said.

"But Charlie thinks I'm spending the night with you." I told Leah, still not convinced about the wisdom of this plan.

"As long as we don't go home to my house, my mom's not gonna know you aren't." Leah said. "You didn't say you were sleeping specifically at our house right? You just said you were spending the night with me – wherever that may be." she explained patiently.

"And then on Sunday afternoon, Jake will take you to my house in time for Charlie to pick you up. If he erroneously assumes that we were there the whole time…that's not our fault right?" she continued, looking at me as if I were impertinent for doubting her logic.

"And so if Bella's sleeping here, where are YOU going to spend the night?" Quil asked Leah. "With one of your flavors?"

Embry froze for a second and then dropped the log he was carrying into the fire, causing sparks to fly up into the air.

"You asshole. Like I'd tell you." Leah retorted disdainfully. "Actually, if you HAVE to know, I'm in between flavors at the moment."

"What? Did they run out of blondes in Port Angeles already?" Embry suddenly asked. His voice was teasing, but I had to wonder at the sharp, almost angry look that went with the question. Jacob must have noticed it as well – I saw him glance sharply at Embry. I looked too. But Embry's face was bland now. He was busy poking at the fire, making the blaze burn hotter.

"I think I'm done with blondes for the moment." Leah said quietly.

Well this was awkward.

We were all aware that Leah's blonde, Caucasian, disposable boyfriends were the cause of much outrage among the Elders of the bribe and especially with Sam. Apparently, Embry agreed with them on that point.

"Yeah…because according to Leah, they _**stalk**_her." Jacob teased in an attempt to lighten the mood. Seth looked up and laughed, unable to comment as his mouth was full – at this point he and Quil had discovered that we still had lots of leftovers and were busy devouring them.

Embry looked up again, alert. And Leah just looked uncomfortable.

"Well…they keep calling me and it's sooo annoying…" she tried to explain. "If you call someone more than twice a day, for no important reason, then that's stalking."

This statement elicited howls of laughter from all of us.

"But if they have nothing important to discuss…they shouldn't be calling me, right? Right?" Leah implored, trying to convince someone to agree with her.

Fresh laughter ensued.

"They just won't leave me alone!" she finally said, pouting.

"That's because you lead them on and never deliver." Quil hooted. I suddenly realized what he was referring to. When they were in wolf form, each member of the pack had access to each other's memories -- even the most intimate, embarrassing ones.

"I'm just discriminating." Leah retorted.

Embry snorted.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Leah demanded, glaring at the perpetrator.

"What?" Embry asked, holding out his hands palms up, an innocent look on his face.

"I _**heard **_you." Leah said.

"I didn't say anything." Embry insisted.

"You snorted."

"Whatever."

"Since when were you so concerned about my love life anyway? Huh? Huh?!!" Leah challenged.

"Fight! Fight!" Seth and Quil chanted, pounding their fists on their thighs as they sat on the sand.

"Oh shut it, you two idiots." Embry said getting up and walking away. "I need to get home anyway, my mom said she had stuff for me to do at the house tonight."

"Well, I guess that's my cue too. I'll be sleeping at the garage tonight in case you need anything. See you guys at my house tomorrow?" Leah said, glancing over at Jacob and me. "Are you sleeping at Quil's?" she asked Seth.

"Yup." Seth grinned, getting up too. "Quil and Embry still owe me five bucks each from the last time I whipped their asses in Tekken. I'm planning to make more money this weekend."

"Cause you cheated…" Quil muttered.

"You letting baby Claire-bear distract you so that you dropped the Xbox controller does not constitute cheating." Seth said.

They were still arguing as they walked off to where Quil's truck was parked. Leah waved goodbye too, and Embry's tall profile was just a distant blur against the dark backdrop of the night.

A few minutes later, we heard three cars start – and drive off.

It was suddenly very quiet.

And I suddenly felt very shy.

--- 000 ---

As if on cue, it started to drizzle. Big fat raindrops fell and sizzled as they hit the bonfire, making steam rise up in little wisps.

"Come on!" Jacob suddenly said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet.

"Come on where?" I asked.

"Let's take a dip!" Jacob said playfully, starting to run to the water.

"Are you crazy?! It's gonna be freezing soon!" I protested, but allowed myself to be dragged in anyway.

The beach was completely empty now except for us. Suddenly, Jacob lifted me in his arms and twirled me around. To my eyes, the splash of the water and the raindrops falling seemed suspended in space, like little diamonds, glittering, as if the stars had fallen down from the sky.

"The raindrops look like diamonds…" I said softly, knowing I must have sounded stupid.

"Don't you know?" Jacob smiled down at me, his eyes playful "I hung them up there for you."

I lifted my hand to touch a raindrop that had gotten caught on his lashes and he kissed my palm softly.

Jacob stopped when we were waist deep in the water, and then very slowly, he took each of my arms and wrapped them around his neck, and then he slid me down his frame until we were face to face. And then he kissed me. Over and over. Softly. As softly as the drizzle of the rain, or the falling of a snowflake. And I forgot to breathe.

"Ok, maybe this was a bad idea. I think we should go inside, you're shivering." Jacob whispered against my ear. With that, he lifted me into his arms again and carried me to the waiting tent.

It was warmer inside than I had expected, perhaps simply by contrast to the outside which was already becoming chilly. Autumn was definitely on its way.

Jacob lit a propane lamp which he placed in a corner of the tent. It was a small enough space, but the lamp did not illuminate it entirely. It was still shadowy, the corners dark, and with the patter of the rain outside, it was cozy.

Tenderly, Jacob wrapped me in a large towel and I sat cocooned in warmth - watching him as he stripped off his wet clothes. I couldn't keep my eyes off him – the magnificence of him, the sheer mass, the gleaming skin and the muscles that rippled beneath. Clothed, Jacob was one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen – naked, he was simply breathtaking.

When he was done, he unwrapped me from the towel, stripping off my wet clothing and leaving me only in my underwear. He undressed me slowly, kissing each inch of skin as it was exposed. He did this slowly, deliberately, as if time had stopped and there was nothing in the world that was more important. I finally stood before him, near naked. I had thought that I would be embarrassed, shy. But the look in his eyes made me feel like the most beautiful most desirable woman in existence. And I was proud. Proud that I could make this beautiful man want me.

"I love you with all of me Bella." Jacob whispered, cupping my face in his hands. "Do you want this as much as I do?" he asked.

"I love you too. With all of me." I answered, and leaned over to kiss him.

And the kiss was my answer as well.

**JPOV**

I don't know when the nature and the tempo of our kiss had changed from the long, deep, tender kiss that she gave me. The feel of her soft, wet tongue running over my lips, tentative, shy, drove me wild and before I could stop myself, I was ravaging her mouth, kissing her as if I had been starved of her – which I had. I was already hard. Almost painfully hard. I wanted nothing more than to throw her down on the floor and sheath myself in her, to take her over and over until neither of us could think or speak.

But a larger part of me wanted to slow down, afraid that I would overwhelm her, scare her.

So I asked her if she wanted what was going to happen as much as I did. Stupid. What if she said no? But instead, my sweet, shy girl, gave me as good as she got, kissing me back fiercely, writhing against me, burning my skin.

I felt her little hands tugging at my hair, urging me closer. I lifted my hands to stroke her face again, as I kissed her neck and left a trail of kisses on her collarbone. She tasted sweet and smelled even better. I wanted to taste every single inch of her. I wanted to bury myself in her warm body and stay there until I died.

I ran my hands up and down her body, scarcely able to believe that we were really here, really doing this. Her skin was as soft as butter and so smooth that my rough hands glided over it. I looked down at her and she was gazing at me, surrounded by my arms, her skin gleaming pink and white, luminous against the darkness of mine. And she was looking up at me with the sweetest expression of love and trust.

"Beautiful." I said – the only word that could form in my now almost incoherent mind. I moved my hands lightly to cup her breasts, afraid that she would pull away. When I palmed them, she let her head fall back and let out a low moan. "Jake…" she panted. And her voice was thick with want, with lust.

It was my undoing.

**BPOV**

I watched, fascinated as his hand left my breast only be replaced by his burning, searing mouth. I couldn't speak, I felt like I was going to fall. I simply wrapped my hands in fistfuls of his hair and pulled him closer to me, arching into his mouth, wanting more. Wanting him to take all of me in his mouth. His lips pulled my already stiff bud into his mouth, his tongue flicking across it and I sucked in my breath with a hiss. No one had ever touched me, tasted me this way.

At the sound, Jacob looked up, and seeing my dazed expression, he lifted me against him and then lay me on the pile of sleeping bags on the floor of the tent. After having been held against Jacob's burning body, the covers were cold and I shivered. But in a heartbeat he was behind me, not merely warm, but burning hot – even hotter than he had felt just a moment ago. He lifted my hair as he slowly nipped at and kissed the back of my neck. One hand continued to fondle my breast, while the other traced slow circles on my abdomen, the circles getting bigger, going lower, making we writhe. I felt myself grow wet and Jacob groaned into my ear. I knew he could smell my arousal.

He flipped me to face him and I gasped at the feel of his chest against my breasts, his body pressed against me, the length and the hardness of him showing me in no uncertain terms exactly how much he wanted me too. I was looking up at him and he slowly stroked his hand down the side of my face, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. And at that moment, I knew I would never be as happy as I was, for the rest of my life. I realized that I could never be without him anymore. Whatever happened after tonight, he would by my first and my last. Forever.

As if he could read my mind, Jacob smiled and then slowly brought his lips to mine again, pulling my top lip into his mouth and softly sucking it as I mimicked his movements with his bottom lip. He tasted of the sun, of the ocean. And I wanted to drown.

His hands slipped into the waistband of my underwear and slowly pulled them down, his fingers brushing my the backs of my thighs, stroking my calves, while his mouth continued to explore mine, drawing loud moans and sighs, which I was surprised to realize, were coming from my throat.

Jacob sat up and slowly lifted my leg, planting soft, slow kisses down the length of my leg where his hands had just been, kissing my ankles, my calves, moving ever so slowly up to my inner thigh. His eyes were hooded – intense - and our breathing sounded loud in the enclosed place. He took a deep breath, and looked at me questioningly. Dumbly, I nodded, incapable of speech.

I was running my fingertips over the contours of his chest, his abdomen, his muscled back – every part of him I could reach. I idly thought that I may have been hurting him, leaving scratches where my fingers dug into his back. But all thought was lost when his mouth moved up to my thigh, becoming more urgent and heated, driving me to madness until I felt his breath on my very center and I whimpered. He continued kissing me there, until I felt that he needed to stop or else I would die, I would combust.

"Now Jacob…" I begged "…please, please."

He shifted again, coming up so that our faces were level and I gasped as his hand came down between us to cup my center. I cried out in his mouth when his finger entered me. It hurt a bit, and I stiffened in his arms. Jacob's free hand stroked my hair, and he rained little kisses on my face, soothing me. In a little while, my body relaxed and the sting ebbed a little. I kissed him, hard. Showing him I was alright, telling him without words what I wanted, and pushing my body wantonly against his.

"Are you sure Bella?" he asked, panting now as hard as I was.

I nodded, clutching him closer to me, as waves of pure pleasure began to course through me. He fumbled for something over my head, I heard the rustle of fabric as his hand sought something in the backpack behind me.

"Jacob…now…please…." I begged, pulling at his arm. It was not only that I didn't want to wait -- at that moment, I was incapable of waiting.

"I need you…now…please…I can't wait."

"Bella…" he began, torn between desire and responsibility.

But I couldn't wait. I couldn't be responsible. I needed him at that very moment. I pulled him to me again with all my might, thrusting my body up at him, offering myself.

"Please baby…I need you inside me…please."

With a low growl, Jacob relented. He stopped his searching and suddenly grabbed the back of my head, pulling my face into his and kissing me deep, hard - he had never kissed me this way before and I knew that it was going to happen. At last. But then, it had always been, at least to me, inevitable. I already belonged to Jacob in every other way. My body was simply the last to be given.

I was afraid it would hurt and I braced for the pain as his finger slid from me and I felt the head of his manhood pushing into me. I only noticed that unbidden tears were running down my face when Jacob kissing my face, kissing each teardrop as it fell.

He was not even fully inside me and yet I felt I was being torn in half, he kissed me again, parting my mouth with his tongue. He kissed me even more deeply now, his tongue mating with mine, thrusting in and out, as if mimicking our bodies. After a few moments of this torture, I forgot about the pain, kissing him back, running my hands up and down his body, my tongue dancing against his. He reached down between us and his seeking fingers parted me, I was already slick when he touched me - rubbing me, causing me to writhe against him and to become even wetter.

Then with a quick thrust, he buried himself fully inside me. I shuddered, both from the pain and the shock and also, with the realization that it was done.

"Don't move baby." He whispered, "It will feel better soon." and he kissed me again until the pain slowly ebbed away.

We stayed that way for a few minutes. From the tenseness in his shoulders, the stiff way that he held his body and tightness of his grip on me, I could see what a Herculean effort Jacob was making to hold himself back, to keep still inside me.

The pain was almost gone now and I began to feel the fire in me that had been temporarily doused by the pain, burn to life again. I moved tentatively against Jacob, eliciting a low, agonized groan from him.

"Bells…god…baby, you have…to…stop…or else…" he ground out, holding me still.

"Jake…I need…Jake…" I could only murmur. Unsure what I wanted, knowing only that I needed him to fulfill me.

Jacob slowly began to rock against me, and I could feel every inch of him moving within me, in and out of me, his arms holding me tight, and his lips placing random kisses on my face, my neck, my breasts. The more of him I felt, the more I wanted and I began moving too, in counterpoint to his thrusts. I felt both our bodies building in tension with each movement and just when I thought I could take no more, I was flying.

I was flying.

As I drifted back down to earth, I looked up and saw Jacob watching me, his eyes burning, his body still thrusting into mine. His eyes continued to hold mine, and he moved faster and faster, harder and deeper until I felt the same waves of fire and want starting to build within me again.

"Come baby." he rasped into my ear, "Come with me."

And with a feral growl, I felt Jacob explode inside me, filling me completely, his warm wetness gushing out of him into me, streaking my legs, making me whole.

And I flew again.

"I love you Bella." Jacob whispered.


	14. Chapter 14 Aftermath

**Author's Note: **Hi everyone. Thanks again for the reviews. Please keep them coming! (I think I'm getting addicted to reading them) I really appreciate your reactions to the story.

I'm glad that you all seem to like my Leah – I thought she got a raw deal in the books and I wanted to explore her character more fully – unfortunately, she's now demanding her own story. (Which I plan to write when MPOF ends)

So to be a bit redundant --- if you like this story and want to encourage me to keep writing it – please, please, please press the review button at the end! Mwah!!

Disclaimer : Once again, the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer but the story below (and unfortunately, Aliya) belong to me.

**Chapter 14**

**Aftermath**

We were very still. And I was content to just lie in his arms, timing each heartbeat, hearing it slow down, his breathing becoming less labored, as mine was. Gradually, his breaths deepened and I felt him relax in sleep against me, his face buried against the back of my neck, his arms loosely wrapped around me. In sleep, Jake looked so much younger, stripped of all the responsibility and worry he carried on his shoulders in his waking moments. He looked softer somehow, more vulnerable. I allowed myself the luxury of watching Jacob sleep and worshiping him with my eyes - his flawless skin gleaming russet in the dim light, the red crescent moon on his left shoulder, the lock of hair that was always falling into his eyes. I remembered the day on the beach and realized now how badly I had wanted him to kiss me. He did not stir and I closed my eyes.

I felt boneless. I was tired and sore, but pleasantly so. And yet, I couldn't fall asleep. So much was racing through my mind.

I tried to take stock of myself, wondering how different I was now - if I would look different somehow- or if Jacob would see me differently. I wondered if he still felt the same way that I did – if he also felt that we were connected in some indefinable, permanent, life altering way. Or did only girls feel this way? Was it just sex to him? Was I going to be just another conquest? What if I had disappointed him in some way? Was I being compared to all the other girls who had shared the same things with him – and found wanting? Inexperienced?

I felt a sudden rush of hatred for all the girls who had come before me. Especially Aliya. I'm sure that beside the memory of her flawless face and perfect body, I would pale in comparison not even second "best" – just a very, very distant second.

I felt an even stronger rush of hatred. And self-disgust. Our run in at Newton's replayed itself in my mind like a bad movie. _You must be Aliya._ How eloquent, I berated myself sarcastically. _Could you have been less original?_ I tried to think of all the sharp retorts I could have said. _I could have said…you must be the unwanted ex – or you must be yesterday's news. Lame. Well – less lame than "you must be Aliya". _ And I cursed my plodding mind for coming up with such lame responses, even this late in the day when I had had more than sufficient time to formulate a suitably cutting response. But how does one pick a fight with a warrior princess anyway? She was probably entirely capable of ripping out my throat.

I squirmed. Humiliated at how stupid I must have seemed to Jake's ex-girlfriend.

"Hey…" Jake said sleepily, planting a kiss on my shoulder and tightening his arms around me.

"Sorry. Did I wake you up?" I asked, twisting around to face him. It felt strange, but good, to be lying here in his arms, with no barriers between us.

"It's ok." He smiled at me. "Did I sleep long?"

"No, an hour maybe…"

"Are you ok?" he asked, sensitive as usual, to my mood.

"Just thinking." I answered.

"About me, I hope."

I smiled up at him. Not knowing where to begin. Not wanting to sound like an insecure idiot. He looked at me questioningly.

"Is something wrong?" he asked quietly, trepidation in his voice "Are you sorry that we..."

"No. No." I hastened to assure him. Not wanting him to think a single bad thing about my perfect night.

"Please tell me what's wrong…you do know you're scaring me right?" he asked.

"Jake…I know you've…that is… you've been with…" I tried. But I couldn't find the words again and I sounded, even to myself, illogical and rambling. So I took a deep breath and just stuck with the plain, unvarnished truth.

"I guess maybe you noticed that I haven't done this before…" I began, looking up at him. "And I know that you…well, you're more experienced and…."

He still didn't speak. I was fishing for reassurance and I knew it. And with each additional second of silence, my heart dropped, little by little, and tears were threatening to form in my eyes.

"Did you…did you ever sleep with Aliya?" I managed to ask. I looked down, afraid he would see the tears in my eyes and the fear in my face.

He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face up, forcing me to meet his eyes. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

"You're not answering my question." I retorted.

"If you had even the slightest idea how much I love you you wouldn't even be asking that." he said.

"But you're still not answering my question." I insisted stubbornly.

He sighed. Exasperated. "Why is it important? What we shared…that was the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced in my life. Whatever came before doesn't count Bella. Nothing I've ever felt and no one else has ever even come close. There's only you." he finally answered.

Looking in his eyes, I knew he meant every word. And the wildly jealous, extremely insecure part of me was satisfied – for the moment.

"I've never…I mean I never…" I began again.

"I know baby. I could kinda tell." He said with a grin, pulling me closer. Cupping my face between his large hands, he tilted my face up to his again. "What you gave me…by choosing me to be your first…that was the most precious, wonderful thing that anyone has ever honored me with. And no one can compare to that."

And then he kissed me so hard that I couldn't think of an answer, much less vocalize one. His mouth moved unwaveringly against my own, crashing into mine. _God, he was such an incredible kisser_. There was nothing gentle or playful or tender about this kiss. It completely took my breath away. It left me in no doubt as to what he wanted. And so help me, I could not have possibly stopped him. Or wanted to.

I looked up and saw him suspended over me, his skin gleaming in the weak light. "God, Bella, you are _so_ _beautiful_." I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of me.

As our bodies twined tightly against each other, his body thrust slightly against my own. I could feel him rubbing, brushing against me, already hard and aroused and at that moment, I knew I could not possibly wait any longer, that I wanted him inside me. The longing, the ache that he had awakened between my legs was undeniable and intolerable. Matching his movements, I rose up against him and thrust my hips urgently against his body trying to convey without any words, what my body so hungrily craved for.

"Bella…" he groaned, "..you have to stop that. I want this to last…but you have _no idea_ how badly I want you right now."

"_Jake_," I muttered between kisses, "I need you to _make love to me_ right now, please."

"Bella, I love you _so much_," he whispered with heavy eyelids as his lips inched closer to mine. I couldn't stifle my moan as Jacob's hungry lips, instead of kissing my mouth, moved slowly down my neck and then to my breasts. I gasped, and the sound was loud in the small tent, I arched my back, and with greedy hands brought Jacob's face closer to me. He took one of my erect nipples into his mouth, kissing and flicking it with his tongue, dragging more moans and gasps from my throat - those sounds seeming to inflame him even more as he sucked hungrily at my breasts. I held him close, my body thrusting against him instinctively as his lips and tongue moved greedily around my chest, his warm hands roaming my body igniting fires wherever they touched.

I felt a rush of wetness flow from me and Jake looked up, then his eyes grew even darker. I watched in anticipation as his hands slid up my thighs, his thumbs inching dangerously close to my wetness. He held me close as we kissed, one hand cradling my head, the other touching me int he most intimate manner, his fingers mimicking what my body so hungrily wanted. At my moan of impatience, he broke free of the kiss for a moment and gazed deeply into my eyes one last time, I smiled gently up at him, allowing my eyes to tell him how much I loved him. Then, slowly and gently, he glided into me.

As he slowly and steadily increased the pace of his thrusts, I felt the heat and tension building inside me. I grabbed at his hips and pulled him to me as hard as I could, _i wanted him deeper_ and _deeper_ inside of me. "Jake!" I said urgently "I want you now...please..please now." The pace of his motions intensified, his movements jerky now, almost rough, drawing ragged breaths from both of us, filling me completely as I felt myself clinging to the edge of consciousness.

"_Bella… I'm coming…_" he groaned into my ear, he thrust into me one final time and I felt my body explode too, my heart pounding against my chest, in time with his.

When I had floated back to earth, I looked up to see him staring intently at me. "Bella…were you sure about this?" his eyes searched mine, "We didn't use anyth…"

A cold chill ran up my spine as I realized what he meant. But I didn't want worry or fear to ruin my perfect night. I lifted my hand to his face and covered his mouth.

"Please Jacob, please don't say anything. This was perfect."

I looked deeply into his eyes and he held my gaze. He was beautiful – his eyes sparkled, his body drenched and glistening with sweat – and then he reached over and lovingly pulled me even closer into him. I nestled my head on his massive shoulder and sleep overtook us both.

--- 000 ---

It must have been close to dawn when I woke up with a start - the second Jacob slid away from me, my body protesting both form the sudden cold as it did the loss of contact with Jacob. He was moving stealthily, obviously trying to be careful not to wake me. I sat up, disoriented, clutching the covers to cover my nakedness.

"Ssshhh…" he whispered, trying to soothe me back to slumber "…go back to sleep Bells. I just need to trade shifts with Leah and Embry. I'll be back soon." he said.

Getting up, he hastily pulled on his jeans and dropping a kiss on the top of my head, left the tent. I tried to get back to sleep as soon as he left, but sleep eluded me and for some reason, I was wide awake. I heard a rustle outside and wondered if Jacob had forgotten something. The dawn air was chilly without Jacob warming me. I rummaged around and found my duffel bag next to Jacob's backpack. Pulling out some clothes, I hastily changed and decided to get up.

"Hey." A soft voice greeted me as I emerged from the tent "…you're up early. Did I wake you up? Jake's gonna bitch at me again…"

"Hey Leah…" I mumbled, realizing that I must look like a mess. "Do you know where I can…" I motioned up and down my disheveled self.

She pointed me in the direction of the shower facilities and I trudged over in the faint light.

I felt better after I had a quick shower, the water was freezing but invigorating. I brushed my teeth and hurriedly tied my still wet hair back from my face.

When I came back, Leah had gotten the bonfire going again and was staring sightlessly at the flames. I sat quietly next to her, wondering what was wrong and scared to ask, scared to step beyond the bounds of the tenuous friendship we were still forming. We sat quietly for a long time, until fingers of light started creeping up the sky, tingeing it pink and orange.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I finally asked, casually.

She was quiet still and I wondered if she even heard me. I was about to give up and go back into the tent when she suddenly spoke. She looked at me and there were tears running down her face. I was aghast. I had never seen Leah cry – I'd seen her angry, I've been at the receiving end of her bitter sarcasm, I've known when she was sad or upset – but never once had I seen her cry.

"It's just…I'm just being stupid." She said, looking away from me again, gazing at the sea as if it would answer all her problems.

"Is it Sam again?" I asked quietly, already knowing the answer. Or so I thought.

"Yes…no…Damn it. I mean, I should just get over it right? He imprinted, it wasn't something he chose. Right? I just don't know how to move on." She said. I didn't reply. I knew she needed me to listen more than she needed any advice I could give her – after all, what did I know?

"I need to just get over it right? I mean, there's other men out there. It's not even that I think I'm still in love with him…but you know, every time I get even close to just…just even kissing anyone else, I can see his face. And then when I feel like I could fall for someone else…some sick part of me feels...thinks that I'm cheating on him or something. What a joke huh?"

I said nothing and she continued.

"Sorry Bella. I'm just not looking forward to later…Saturdays are just harder. I mean, I can deal with seeing Sam…it's just Sam and Emily together…." She said, shrugging her shoulders helplessly.

"I'm sorry Leah." I just said quietly. "I wish there was something…."

"No it's ok, really. Just having another girl to talk to helps…you know? Before…before all this, Em was my best friend and I could talk to her about anything. But the thing is, that night…I didn't just lose my fiancée, I also lost my best friend." she answered.

"I know. I felt that way…that night before my wedding…when Sam told me Jacob was gone. But I'm sure it's ten times harder for you…" I answered. "I just wish I could do something for you…ever since I came back…next to Jake, you're the best friend I have."

Leah nodded, understanding. "I know. Weird huh? I used to hate your guts." She said, smiling through her tears.

"Ditto." I answered with a smile of my own.

And then her face became serious again. "Do you think it's possible for…for someone like me to fall in love again with someone else? I mean… because Emb…someone told me I'm clinging so hard to being bitter and angry that I don't realize there's no love left behind the bitterness and anger anymore."

I thought about it and knew without a doubt what my answer would be.

"When Edward left me…you remember how I was…I actually prayed to die, you know? Like my life had ended somehow, I loved him so much. But then, Jacob was there – had always been there. Maybe I just hadn't been ready to love him yet. I know my love for Edward was...is…as real any love could be. But my love for Jacob, even if it came second, it's not second best. It's just different." I paused, waiting for some sort of reaction from her.

"So I know you'll fall in love again. Like I did. And it will be more beautiful because you're different now – stronger, older, may be wiser."

She nodded absently, a thoughtful look on her face. "I hope you're right. But how would you even know? I don't think I'd recognize love again if it was staring me in the face." Leah finally said.

"I think you'll know." I replied. "Sometimes, it's the last person you thought it would be…I mean, Jacob was just my friend for a long, long time. I didn't even see him in that way until he kissed me…"

Leah smiled bitterly at some private joke and then said "Meanwhile, I'm stuck here, still alone…and I need to deal with Sam and Emily's blissful togetherness every Saturday." There was a bitter, sad smile on her beautiful face.

I realized that she referred to the Pack's weekly gathering with the Elders. It was usually held on the beach, at a big bonfire. Given the limited entertainment options at La Push, it often seemed like half the reservation turned up there on Saturday nights. And I knew Leah had to put on a brave face, and even now, more than a year later – ignore the knowing looks sent her way, the speculation at why she was still alone and worse, she had to act unaffected at Sam and Emily's obvious happiness.

"Why do you go?" I asked. I wondered if I, the coward that I was, in the same situation, would have the same strength of character to show up week after week, and watch the man I loved with someone else, my heartbreak in the open for all to see.

"Because it's my duty. We all have to go. And above all things…we "must" perform our duties to the tribe. When my dad was alive – I used to hear him arguing with my mom sometimes about him doing his "duty". He practically drilled it into Seth and me about how we already had the cards stacked against us, how life outside the reservation would be so hard – so we owed to our tribe to make something of ourselves. To set a good example for the younger kids. When I joined the pack, it seemed like the responsibility quadrupled somehow…sometimes I wonder how many of the tribe know about us…I'm surprised that none of the kids have balked at our supposed "perfection" being thrown in their faces all the time." she narrated.

"But strangely, the younger kids seem to look up to us – to Jake and Sam especially – like we're some sort of role models. It just gets hard having the Elders in your business all the time, making sure you're setting a "good example" for the tribe." She sighed deeply "…and that's why I go – alone – every single week. Because above all, we need to be icons of perfect behavior for everyone else…"

"Oh. I didn't know that part. I didn't realize…Jake doesn't really talk about it much…" I told her.

"You know Jake. He actually has it much harder than me because of…." Leah started, then stopped, as if afraid she had said too much.

"Because of me." I finished.

Leah nodded, looking shamefaced. "Sorry Bella…I didn't mean for you to find out this way. If it's any consolation, Jacob's so determined to protect you that he never puts a toe out of line – I mean, he says that if he meets all his duties to the pack and to the tribe, they would never have any reason to object to you." She explained in a rush, wanting to put things right.

I felt a sudden rush of anger at Sam and the Elders – those unnamed, faceless "elders" that seemed to be controlling everyone's lives. But then, I realized that loving Jacob included accepting everything about his life – including his duties to his people. Being a good son, setting an example for the younger kids, being responsible – those were things that were intrinsically Jacob and if I changed any of those things, he simply, would not be my Jacob anymore.

Still, I was determined not to be cowed by them, and if it was worth one damn, I was going to stand by my friend, at least tonight and for how many other Saturdays she needed me.

"You don't need to be alone…at least not tonight. I'll stay with you." I offered.

"It's ok Bella. I'm getting really good at acting at these Saturday meetings." She assured me. "Can you promise me something though?" she asked

"Of course."

"If …when the time comes when Emily and Sam announce their wedding…could you be there with me? I think I'll need a friend then." She said.

"Of course." I said again, simply. Meaning every word. It was the least I could do for Leah, after all she'd done for me. And I knew she would do the same if ever I needed it.

We both stared into the dying fire. No words were left, each to her own thoughts, until we noticed the sun had come up completely, bathing the empty beach with the weak, buttery sunlight of early morning.

--- 000 ----

**JPOV**

There was nothing I wouldn't have given at this very moment to have stayed where I was a few minutes ago – alone, in bed, with Bella. But like everything else, my own wishes were subordinate to doing my duty. And my duty involved doing this patrol and following Alpha orders. I've never stopped to question my duty – but that didn't mean I didn't occasionally resent it – it was just something that I had to do. Something I owed to my father, my tribe, the pack.

And the sooner I finished this patrol, the sooner I could get back to Bella's side.

I stopped to sniff the air and then searched with my mind who I would be sharing patrol with. Since the Cullens left, there had been very few signs of the cold ones. The one or two that the pack had brought down in the past year were nomads, passing through our land, probably thinking that it would be easy pickings in our isolated town. None lived to realize their mistake. Nonetheless, Sam insisted on the patrols.

At least lately, they had been reduced to nightly patrols instead of the twenty four hour shifts Sam had had us on. And with the size that the pack had grown to, this meant I only had to patrol two nights a week. It was a good thing. The mounting work at the garage, plus my long commutes to and from school were taking their toll and I felt that I barely had enough time with Bella.

_Damn._

I caught their scent in the air and realized just who Sam had paired me up with. I don't want to think he was doing it on purpose but it would be awkward, to say the least, nonetheless.

_Sorry, man._ Quil said. _I traded off with Embry, and Aliya was already phased waiting in the woods._

I just nodded.

_Will you be at the bonfire tonight? _Quil asked. Even phased, it was obvious from his stance that he had something on his mind. Or maybe we just knew each other so well that we could already read each other's moods.

_Of course. You know I never miss it._

_Are you bringing Bella? _

_Of course. I belong there and she belongs with me._ I thought angrily. I knew very well that my bringing Bella would anger some of the tribe – especially those who had wanted me to stay with Aliya – to marry in the tribe and what? breed more little werewolves? It seemed lately that all the Elders were concerned about was "keeping the blood pure" and respecting traditions – it was the same crap they spouted whenever they objected to another of Leah's boyfriends.

_Hey…don't jump on ME. I was just asking – you know who else will be there right? I mean they might not be too happy with…_

_Yes. I know._ I cut him off. _But the sooner they realize she's not going anywhere the better. _

_Don't judge them too harshly Jake – they all thought that you and Aliya… _

I stopped him again with a low growl, my hackles rising. _I'll do my duty by the tribe Quil, they should know that – but not on this._

_I know. I know…._ Quil shuffled in the dirt, looking uncomfortable or at least as uncomfortable as the seven foot tall wolf could look, _ I just wanted you to know that Embry and I -- we'll _ _always be your_ _wingmen still ok?_

It was only a few seconds before Aliya's charcoal gray wolf came out of the gloom of the woods and trotted up to me. I wondered how long she'd been there, although I knew however far she may have been, that she had heard every word.

_Talking about me again? _ she said teasingly.

_Aliya._ I acknowledged her. Quil snorted and said nothing. I was surprised. I had always thought that Quil and Embry, whose father was related to Aliya's mother, if forced to choose between Bell and Aliya, would side with the latter. I was ashamed to have doubted them – after all, we had been friends all our lives and brothers now.

_So Jake, did you miss me? _ She replied. _"I meant going tag team __on patrol __of course." _

_Sure, sure. _I responded. I decided that sticking to business would be the least painful way to deal with this. I could sense her anger and her sadness – and I didn't want to get into any of that.

_So Embry, you take the west perimeter, Ali you take east. I'll cover the shoreline and the South. We can rendezvous back here. If there's any trouble don't play hero. Call me and I'll get word to the rest._

_Ok Jake…see you later. _ Quil said, already disappearing into the woods.

_I've missed you Jake._

_Please don't Ali. You know it's over._

_Is it really? _she asked. And then she deliberately filled her mind with her memories of us, of that last night we had slept together before I learned that Bella was still alive. Visions of her gleaming naked body, of our limbs entwined, of my hands running over her skin, and then of my face as I entered her body. Even a saint would have admitted how glorious her body was and how well she knew to use it, and how physically gratifying that night had been…and I'm no saint.

_Stop it. _I growled. _It's over. WE ARE OVER NOW. I love her._

_I don't think so Jake. We're not done, not by a long shot._ She said and she loped off into the woods. _You forget I can see what you see, feel what you feel…and I know you still want me._

Furious, I burst into a run, as far way from her as possible – not knowing if I was furious with her for taunting me or furious with myself because I allowed some part of me to react to her physically.


	15. Chapter 15 Where Promises Are Made

**A/N : **Hi guys. Please enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it. Again, I will shamelessly beg for reviews and hope to hear from you guys.

The weird part is that I've already finished writing the last two chapters of the story – so I'm writing this backwards and working my way from "the end". Weird – but it somehow works.

**Chapter 15**

**Where Promises Are Made**

"You know you don't have to do this…you don't need to go." Jake said, taking my hand as I stepped out of his car. It was twilight and the first stars were already out, though their light was still dim from the remnants of the sunset. Picking up on my mood, Jacob knew how much I was dreading this night – and without a single complaint he even drove me home to change clothes since nothing I had brought seemed suitable – and I had wanted to make a good impression.

"I know…but it's important to you, and Billy. So it's important to me." I replied, unlocking the door and replacing the key in the overhanging eave.

"You do know..." Jacob said speculatively, his face teasing "…that hiding the key up there isn't going to fool a determined robber right? I'm quite disappointed with Chief Swan and his sloppy security precautions."

"Sure. Sure." I answered – as if anything ever happened in Forks – that key had been sitting there since before I was born. Well nothing, other than the periodic vampire vs. werewolf thing of course.

Jacob laughed and then suddenly gave me a quick kiss "Leah's right…you're starting to talk like me." I just smiled cheekily at him and entered the house. We went quickly through the empty rooms, our footsteps echoing on the stairs as we climbed up to my room.

"Wow Bells – this is kinda a rare experience for me." Jake said as he trailed behind me, his hand firmly holding mine. I think he was worried I was going to trip or something – and then I remembered how Charlie had said I used to be so clumsy that I fell down the stairs all the time. Maybe the combination of a near death experience and amnesia had miraculously cured me of clumsiness.

"You know – climbing the stairs to get to your room." he said "It's weird for me – I feel like I should climb in through the window."

"Ha ha ha." I retorted sarcastically. "You and…" and then I stopped. I was about to say _"You and Edward both."_ and thought I had stopped in time, before he noticed.

I glanced back at Jacob again, and his face was somber. I stopped suddenly and faced him, causing him to bump into me, almost knocking me off the stairs. "Yeah...me and Edward both, huh?" he said, as if reading my mind.

I captured his face between my hands, I was two steps up higher than him and from this vantage point, we were almost at eye-level. "Stop it Jake." I begged. "You know I didn't mean for it to sound that way…can we just forget it?" I pleaded with my eyes and leaned over for a kiss, the only way I knew to persuade him.

He said nothing and we continued up to my room. As soon as we entered the door, Jacob kicked off his shoes and lay on my bed, his hands behind his head – the picture of perfect repose.

I on the other hand, was still nervous about the evening's outing. I knew that I would be the subject of speculation, that my every move would be scrutinized like a bug under a microscope at the bonfire. And worse, Aliya would be there. No doubt with a posse of girls as tall and beautiful as her. So the vain, jealous part of me wanted to look nice tonight – and the jeans and t-shirt I had originally planned to wear didn't seem right. I was staring into the depths of my closet – wishing that a fabulous, beautiful outfit would materialize out of thin air.

"Bells…Bells…" Jake crooned from the bed in a sing-song voice, cutting into my intense contemplation of my closet. "Do you realize you're wasting time staring at those clothes when you could be over here with me?" he teased. I grinned back at him and gave up. A clean pair of jeans and a semi-nice top would have to do. He was right. I was wasting time.

"Really?" I asked him teasingly, laying myself full length by his side, resting my head in the hollow of his shoulder. "What should I be doing instead?"

"Weeeell…" he drawled, his hand sliding under the hem of my top, caressing my skin. "You could be right where you are and I could be doing this…" I gasped as his hand moved over my breast, the thin bra I wore not really an effective barrier against the heat that his hand generated.

"Or I could be doing this…" he murmured, turning to his side and nibbling my neck, planting soft kisses along my jaw line, his hand reaching behind my back to unsnap my bra.

"Uhmmmm…" I murmured as I closed my eyes. His hand had moved my bra aside and my brain was beginning to shut down.

"Did you seriously just purr?" Jake said, and my eyes popped open. He was looking down at me, an amused look on his face. I felt myself blush furiously.

"You're beautiful." He said suddenly, serious now. "You know that right?" he asked, tracing the flush of color on my cheek with a fingertip.

I smiled up at him. "As long as YOU think I'm beautiful…then I am."

"I love you Bells." He said, stroking my face.

"I love you too."

He kissed me again, deeply this time. "You know…" he murmured against my mouth "I've always had this fantasy about making love to you in your room" he said playfully.

In lieu of a response, I arched toward him as he ran the back of his hand up and down my stomach, then up to my breasts which felt heavy now, needing his touch. I pushed myself off the bed, needing to get nearer to him but he pushed me back down, one hand pinning my wrists above my head and the other drawing lazy circles on my abdomen, and I arched against him again.

"Do you want me to stop, Bells? Are you still sore from last night?" His whisper was harsh and urgent. He knew I couldn't resist him and yet, sweetly had still asked permission nonetheless. I shook my head, mute. I needed him too badly to answer. "Just say stop, Bella." And when I didn't answer, he snapped open the button on my jeans and his hand released me to pull them off my legs in one smooth motion.

"Don't...stop...Jake."

He smiled at me before kissing me again, his fingers slipping roaming under the waistband of my underwear. Then he flipped me on my side and pulled me back against him so that he could push my hair up kiss the back of my neck. I shivered. His hand slipped under my chin, tilting my head back to kiss me while his other hand skimmed over my body. With a moan, he slipped off my underwear and his hand moved up my thigh, spreading my legs and finding the wetness there. I arched off the bed, a small scream torn out of me as he slipped two fingers inside me.

He continued to kiss me, my face, neck, my shoulders. One hand stoked my breast, and the other moved in and out of me so that I came around his fingers. I bucked against him, moaning his name over and over like a litany. His eyes never left my face, watching me fly.

I grabbed his face kissed him, and then pulled at his jeans, wanting him to be as naked as me, wanting him inside me, But he stilled my frantic hands and smiled wickedly before rearranging me on the bed, like a rag doll. Suddenly I was on my back again, looking up at his glorious face and running my fingers through his hair, now free of the ponytail and tumbling in ebony waves around his face. His hands parted my thighs and I forgot to breathe as he began to kiss my calves, working his way up to knee, to my hips, my inner thighs. He continued his torture, running his tongue all the way up my leg until he reached my center. He kissed me there briefly, and I felt waves of pleasure beginning to build inside me again, then slowly, he stood up and shrugged out of his jeans. I closed my eyes, trying to catch my breath, until I felt the bed give under his weight.

"Open your eyes, Bells. Look at me." he ordered, his voice guttural, almost angry. My eyes sprung open, just in time to see his face as I felt him push inside me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, deeper inside me.

"Open your eyes, Bella," he ordered again, not changing the urgent rhythm of his thrusts against me "I want you to see me...only me.. while you come."

For the life of me, I could not have possibly formed a thought to enable a response. Even my breathing was labored and ragged and harsh -- as was his, as his thrusts got harder and faster. I moaned as he kissed my mouth hungrily, his tongue dueling with mine, then moving down my neck, licking the hollow of my throat.

"I love you Bells" he moaned against my skin as we both exploded together, and pleasure shot through my entire being.

It was a long time after before we could speak. I lay on my side perfectly content, Jacob behind me, his arms wrapped securely around me and wishing we could just stay here instead of leaving for the bonfire, tracing idle patterns the bed sheets.

"Bells? Are you awake?" murmured Jacob against my neck.

"Hmmm?" I asked, not wanting to speak or move or ruin the spell that was still weaving its magic on me.

He gently turned me over to face him and then brushed the hair from my face, looking deeply into my eyes.

"I want to ask you something…I mean…it's probably weird now…and maybe too late…" he mumbled, running his hands through his hair.

I was suddenly amused, and very curious. My Jacob had never been one to be at a loss for words. "Yes?" I asked

"Will you be mine?" he said simply. And with that he lifted my left hand and kissed my ring finger before slipping an intricately worked silver ring on it.

"Yes." I answered. And it was enough. We needed no other words.

I lifted my hand and looked at the ring closer, it was beautiful, a complex interplay of swirls and lines that ended at an intricately rendered wolf's head. But as I was admiring it – it fell off my finger, and my face fell too.

"It's too big for me." I told Jacob, looking up at him. A silly superstitious part of me felt a shiver of apprehension. "Jake, wasn't that bad luck? Was it a bad omen that it fell off?" I asked him, anxious now.

He kissed me on the nose. "Silly. It's a man's ring. It's not supposed to fit you."

I cupped the ring in the palm of my hand, admiring it. And while I wondered what exactly this meant – Charlie would certainly have a coronary if I told him we were already engaged, but then, Jacob didn't exactly ask me to marry him so maybe we WEREN'T engaged. My confusion must have shown on my face because Jacob tilted my face up so my eyes could meet his.

"It's not an engagement ring – not yet, I'm still saving up for that one." He smiled happily at me and I beamed back. "It's a promise ring. It's my promise to love you forever. It's been in my family for a long, long time. They say it's Taha Aki's ring and it's been passed down by every chief to his son since then. It's slipped onto the girl's finger and then later she wears it on a necklace – or at least my mom used to."

"It's supposed to symbolize that the man while he's Chief of the Tribe, makes himself vulnerable, gives himself to her, puts himself at her disposal." he explained, his face earnest.

I could see now, how this - his family, his tribe, his heritage – meant very much to him, that it was an integral part of him. And I felt honored that he was sharing some part of it with me.

Then lifting my wrist, Jacob unclasped the silver charm bracelet he had given me a long time ago. "You can wear it on this if you want."

"I think it's time this went, don't you?" he said with a sidelong look at me as he removed the pink crystal heart that Edward had hung there. Placing the heart on the bedside table, he replaced it with the promise ring.

I nodded.

"You're mine now. And I am yours. Forever." he said.

--- 000 ---

The bonfire was already underway when we finally reached La Push – having been "detained" by Jacob's further activities after he had given me my ring.

Unfortunately, Jacob had to go off and leave me the minute we arrived as he and Sam had been summoned by the Council for the meeting – he said the rest of the pack had been excused for the night. I was glad not to have to see Sam, it was always uncomfortable, to say the least, seeing him.

I looked over at Jacob, they were huddled across the bonfire, their backs to the sea, where the Elders usually sat at these bonfires. He smiled at me and I waved back, forcing a determinedly cheerful look on my face.

"Well look what the tide dragged in." I heard a caustic voice stage whisper behind me. There was a titter of giggles and I knew who it was. Aliya and her little gang of clones.

"Yes." I retorted calmly. Drawing confidence from knowing that Jacob loved me. That he promised himself to me. I had nothing to fear from this girl. "The tides **DO **drag in a _**LOT**_ of garbage around here don't they?" I said, looking at Aliya up and down.

Sizing her up and visually dismissing her. The way she did to me at Newtons.

_Score one for Swan._ I thought.

"You don't belong here." Aliya hissed at me. "You should leave. And you should leave Jacob alone." She challenged, her stance angry, her arms crossed over her chest. She loomed over me, as did her friends, although they were not as tall as she.

"Apparently, Jacob thinks that I do." I said.

"And **YOU**, you're the one that needs to leave Jacob alone because he's with me now." I snapped at her.

"Oh don't be so sure. Just be warned Isabella Swan…" she drawled out my name like it was an insult "I don't intend to play nice."

"Good that's clear then, I don't intend to either." I retorted.

Aliya opened her mouth to speak, but then looked over my shoulder for a second and stopped. She seemed satisfied now with just trying to stare me down, but I refused to back off. I would win this staring contest if it killed me.

"So I see you're being your charming self as usual Aliya." Leah drawled from somewhere behind me, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"And if you're done playing with Bella, can you and your little friends run along? We have more…interesting things to talk about." Leah looked pointedly at my wrist, and Jacob's ring glittered in the firelight.

Aliya's gaze followed Leah's, and then her eyes hardened. Without another word, she turned and walked away.

"Nice one Swan!" Seth said giving me a high five. "Man Embry, I know she's your cousin…and she's kinda hot…but whoa is that girl a bitch!" he confided.

"Mind your language asshole." Embry retorted, and his admonition was followed by hard whack on the head from Leah – who apparently agreed with Embry. "And for the record, she's only my THIRD or even FOURTH cousin or something like that. We're practically not related at all."

Leah reached over and smacked Embry on the back of the head as well. His eyes glittered for a second, or maybe I imagined it because he simply said "What?" in an injured tone.

"You mind your language too." Leah grinned cockily, her look was exasperated, but her eyes softened infinitesimally as they fell on the boys' laughing faces, the angry irritated look provoked by Aliya gone now.

"So Bella," she said "I see we need to have a little talk about certain…new acquisitions?" and then taking my arm, she led me to an unoccupied corner, a wide smile on her face.

I saw curious eyes look in our direction. "Apparently, they're not used to seeing you this chipper Leah." I grumbled.

"I know." Leah said smugly "I love throwing them for a loop. I'm sure they're all secretly wondering if I have a new boyfriend or something."

"Don't you?" I teased. As in fact, Leah seemed almost…happy. Certainly, there was a marked contrast between her now and the girl I talked to at our campsite this morning.

We had neared the space Leah had indicated. Quil, Seth and Embry had already spread a blanket on the sand, anchoring one end with a cooler – at which Seth and Quil were currently rummaging through. When we approached, Quil threw Leah a can of soda which she deftly caught with one had. Embry, ever the gentlemen, handed me mine ceremoniously. Then each grabbing a beer, they joined us on the blanket.

"Thanks Embry." I said, accepting the soda. He just smiled.

"Seth." Leah suddenly said "You'd better not let me catch you sneaking a beer over there."

"Leah…." Seth groaned. "Do you have to act like a mom all the time?"

"I'd say she'd stop…" Embry contributed "…if you stopped whining like a baby all the time."

All of sudden, there was a lull – and I looked up from the contemplation of my suddenly fascinating can of coke to see four sets of curious eyes looking at me speculatively.

"Are you sure you're really werewolves?" I joked "Cause I'm starting to wonder if you actually phase into those old gossips that hang out in Darla's Salon down in Forks. Such scary monsters you are."

"Very funny says the formerly dead Bella Swan – so what does that make you? A Zombie?" Quil teased.

I stuck my tongue at him.

"Oh really mature Bella." Quil rolled his eyes at me "You slay me." He collapsed on his back, chortling.

"Ahem…I think we were discussing Bella's new _accessory_?" Leah said archly – lifting my hand up.

"Wow." Embry said. "So he really did it huh?"

"What?" I asked, looking bewilderedly at each grinning face "What?"

"Do you even know what this means?" Embry asked me.

"Well…I know it was his mom's ring. That it's been in their family for generations…but it's not like we're engaged or anything…it's a promise ring. Yup, that's what he said." I rambled on, "A promise ring."

"Uh well…it's kinda more than that. I don't think anyone other than a Chief's wife ahs ever worn that ring." Embry said, casting cautious looks at Quil and Leah.

"A promise ring huh?" Quil said, grinning widely.

"That's what he said." I retorted.

Embry seemed to be about to say something but I cut him short, knowing already what it would be.

"Sure. Sure. I already know this -- I'm hanging around Jake too much…starting to talk like him, blah blah blah." I intoned. The three boys burst into laughter.

"I'm happy for you both Bella." Leah just said, giving me a quick hug.

"Oh my God, I need to call mom – or a priest , 911? My sister's been possessed – she's actually smiling and hugging people." Seth said, feigning shock.

"Shut up moron." Leah said, but the words were softened by the smile in her eyes.

Just then, Jacob came into sight, scanning the crowd for us – his eyes lighting up when they finally met mine. He loped over to us and I watched him as he approached. Although I was pretty sure the girls on the rez were used to him by now, Jake nonetheless turned more than a few heads as he walked toward us. Even in an old plaid flannel shirt and faded jeans, he looked like something out of a girlish fantasy. I wondered how I could possibly have deserved to have someone like him smile that way for me. I also wondered what my own face looked like whenever I saw him – if it lit up in the same way.

"Uh…Bella, you may want to shut your mouth, the drool's getting all over the blanket." Quil teased. I blushed furiously.

"Hey bro, you giving my girl a hard time?" Jacob said, dropping down unto the sand beside me, immediately wrapping the nearest arm around my waist.

"Well you left her alone so long…" Seth said, waggling his eyebrows exaggeratedly.

"I wouldn't even go there if I were you." Jacob warned, and then his face tensed, as if concentrating intensely. And they all froze for a moment and then – Quil, Embry and Seth were whooping around, clapping Jacob on the back. This earned us even more looks and glares, especially since Seth accidentally sent a shower of sand on the people nearest to us.

"It's final then?" Leah asked.

Jacob nodded. Looking sheepish. "I promised them I would do it when I turned 21 and that was almost a year ago – they've been bugging me to do this since Billy got sick over the last winter…"

Leah looked like she was in shock and to my dismay I saw tears rolling down her face. "It's finally over." She kept murmuring. "I don't need to bow anymore …can't order me around, he can't make me submit." And then I understood.

Jacob was alpha now – not Sam.

And the yoke of submission that had so chafed Leah had been taken away from her. The burden of having to obey the person who changed your life so completely and destroyed your dreams – was just suddenly, gone.

Jacob was looking down at me, his eyes worried. "Is this freaking you out?" he asked me "...this whole Alpha thing?"

I shook my head no. "It's just another part of who you are Jake. And I love all of you – even the scary parts." He laughed then, led me back to the blanket and wrapped his arms around me. Leah sat down near us and eventually Quil Embry and Seth had calmed down enough to join us too.

"What does Sam think about this?" Embry asked, sensitive as usual to nuances that his other, more rambunctious brothers, often overlooked.

"He's been wanting me to do this since I came back." Jacob said. "I think he's relieved that I'm taking over the responsibility."

"And the others, do they know?" Quil asked.

"No." Jacob said, "They'll announce it at the next Council Meeting – a month from now. Meanwhile, can you all just chill?"

"Oh yes almighty Alpha." Seth intoned, earning him a whack on the back of the head from Jacob.

"And this, Bella…" Leah said dramatically, sweeping her hand in a wide arc to encompass Embry who was lounging at one edge of the blanket, Quil who had his head stuck in the cooler again, no doubt looking for more beer, and Seth and Jacob who were now wrestling on the sand.

"…is why I'm not so thrilled about being a part of a pack of morons." She concluded.

"Yeah, yeah. You keep saying that…you know you love us." Seth said, attempting one last jab at Jacob who easily sidestepped it as he came back to my side and plopped on the ground.

"So are you doing your usual – in-and-out-of-here-in-a-flash thing this weekend?" Quil asked, gazing over at Leah.

"Nope." She replied.

"What?!!" Quil said an exaggerated look of shock on his face, "No hot date this weekend?"

"I thought I'd hang out with you idiots for a change." Leah said dryly "My IQ's getting a bit too high and I need to lower it a bit."

"Like those guys you date weren't such big idiots themselves." Embry muttered. I looked at him and shrugged. I hoped for his sake that Leah hadn't heard that.

"What?" Leah asked ominously, turning her gaze toward Embry. Ooops. Apparently, she had.

"I. SAID. YOUR. BOYFRIENDS. ARE. ALL. IDIOTS." Embry said, coming to his feet and standing in front of Leah, enunciating each word carefully as if to make sure she understood him completely.

Jacob and I exchanged uneasy glances. "Awkward much?" he mouthed to me. I shook my head, warning him not get involved in… this again. This again? What was up with those two? I looked at Quil and Seth, who both just shrugged.

"AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Leah yelled at Embry.

"You should watch your language Leah, it's unbecoming." Embry said then paused.

"It means what it means -- they're all idiots. You have really bad taste in men." he continued, brushing sand off his jeans.

Leah just stood in front of him, barring his way, a glare of fury on her face. Clearly, she intended to stay rooted on the sand until this was resolved.

Then very calmly, almost gently, Embry grabbed Leah by the tops of her shoulders, bodily lifted her off the ground – no mean feat since she was only a few inches shorter – and placed her to one side, out of his way.

I forget sometimes how huge and strong these boys were.

"I'm leaving." He announced to no one in particular, and then he was just…gone.

"God. What an asshole!" Leah muttered. Without a word to the rest of us she picked up her things from the blanket and stomped off to god knows where muttering angrily beneath her breath so that I only caught a few words "...unbecoming? what the hell does that mean? Who even uses words like that?"

"Your sister certainly knows how to clear a party…" Quil said, earning himself a glare from Seth.

"Well if Embry didn't provoke her all the time…" Seth said, jumping to Leah's defense.

"She's just so touchy." Quil complained.

"Yeah, yeah…and like Embry's such a paragon of virtue." The younger wolf retorted.

Jacob and I simply looked on in amusement, having nothing to contribute.

"Meanwhile…I'm leaving too." Quil said, getting up from the blanket as well.

"What?" Seth protested "…we're not playing Tekken tonight?"

"Fat chance. You already cleaned me out last night." Quil answered, waving goodbye at us as he walked off, followed by Seth who was still challenging him to another round at the X-box.

"Do you realize that in maybe twenty years or so – those could be our kids?" Jacob asked me wryly. I mock shuddered – but inwardly smiled, imagining beautiful little black haired babies calling me "mama".

"I guess party's over…come on lazy." Jacob said, getting up and hauling me to my feet. We folded the blankets and cleared the area quietly.

We were leaving – walking back to Jake's car – when I saw trouble. I must have frozen mid-stride because Jacob tightened his grip on my hand, no doubt thinking I was about to trip in the sand.

"Leaving already?" Aliya asked, her voice pleasant for a change – although I knew it was put on solely for Jacob's benefit.

"Uhmm yeah – we've kinda had a long day." Jacob replied, pleasantly too. He looked down at me and I blushed, remembering exactly why the day had been so long – most of it spent in my bed.

"Don't blame you…" She drawled "…the beach is just sooo…boring tonight." Feeling her gaze going up and down me I was very sure she wasn't referring to the beach.

"The beach is just fine." Jacob said, his smile turning forced.

"Yes, the beach is perfect - it's the riffraff in the crowd that we don't like." I said caustically, giving back a glare as good as I got.

_Score Two for Swan, warrior princess Zero._

"Excuse me, but was I talking to you?" Aliya turned to me, her eyes blazing. Another girl, one of her friends, put a restraining arm on Aliya, but she brushed it off angrily.

She took as step toward me threateningly, at which Jacob stepped between us, shielding my body from her.

"If you talk to her, you talk to me." He told Aliya in a low, intense voice. "Whatever it was – between us, it's over Ali . And I'm asking you to leave her out of it."

Then not once letting go of my hand, he led me to away in the direction of the parking lot, neither of us taking even a single look back.

"Are you ok?" he asked me, "Sorry about that."

"I'm ok." I answered, not wanting him to know how shaken I was by each encounter with Aliya, despite my outward bravado.

Lost in thought, I wasn't looking where I was going. Luckily I managed to sidestep a protruding rock before I could trip over it. Jacob's large hands were suddenly on my hips, steadying me – unnecessarily.

For some reason, that small act suddenly - and maybe unreasonably - angered me. I hated that everyone thought I was so puny and helpless, that I either could be easily bullied or needed to be rescued all the time.

"I'm fine. You didn't have to do that." I snapped, my voice rising a bit.

Ho looked taken aback, dropped his hands.

"Sorry I snapped." I sighed. "But really, I wasn't going to trip or anything."

He looked at me thoughtfully, and then nodded his head slightly. "I know. You actually aren't…don't…" he said, weighing his words carefully now.

"Aren't such a klutz anymore?" I said, putting his thoughts into words for him.

He smiled sheepishly.

"I know. It was weird for me too - everyone seems to keep expecting me to fall down and stuff…" I trailed off. "I wasn't clumsy when I…woke up, in Oregon."

"Why's that you think?" he asked curiously.

"I don't know really. The bump to my head?" I said flippantly. He laughed. And then softly, I said "And then there's my other theory…"

"Hmmm?" he said, looking at me quizzically.

"I think it's because a part of me was always missing before I realized I loved you – it was throwing me off balance somehow. And when I did realize how I felt, everything just sort of fell into place. Like some weird equilibrium." I tried to explain. "Is that weird?"

Instead of answering, Jacob stopped and kissed me, right there.

And on a nondescript leafy path, covered by scrub, somewhere on the fringes of First Beach, I found heaven.

--- 000 ----


	16. Chapter 16 Revelations

**Chapter 16**

**Revelations**

**BPOV**

While at home, if allowed to, I am entirely capable of sleeping through the morning, and waking up to an empty house with Charlie already off to the Station. Today however, just like yesterday, I woke up way too early again.

Jacob's tiny room was still dim, the early morning light coming in through the two small casement windows not being enough to light up the space. It had gotten cold over the night, condensation fogged up the windows and the air in the room carried a chill. Even with the windows all shut, the room smelled of the woods, of pine, of the ocean, of green growing things. I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs – I always associated the smell of the outdoors with Jacob – there was just something so clean and pure about the air here.

Despite the chill in the air, I was nice and toasty – even in nothing but a thin old t-shirt I borrowed from Jacob and despite the fact that last night's blankets were a tangled heap at the foot of the bed. Jacob has a tendency to kick them off in his sleep. Sleeping with a werewolf has some distinct advantages in this weather.

I glanced up at Jacob's bedside clock. Ugh. 5:45. Clearly, too soon to get out of bed. Not that I wanted to, or could – I lay on my side with Jacob's body cradling me, his massive legs trapping mine and his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. It was obvious that extricating myself from his secure hold would be a monumental task – that is, assuming I wanted to extricate myself. I think I must have wriggled with joy. I couldn't think of any better way to wake up than this, right here, in this exact way, with this person.

"Stop it… you shameless hussy." Jacob's sleepy drawl sounded in my ear "…didn't you already get tired of ravishing my innocent body last night?" I giggled. Last night had been…well…let's just say that this whole sexual intimacy thing? It's apparently something that gets better with practice.

"Good morning." I sighed, stroking his arm.

"Is anything wrong?" Jacob asked, as ever, sensitive to the nuances in my voice. Even before, when were little, and then later when we were older and just friends, he could always tell, even from just the tone of my voice, if I was sad or upset or worried.

I suddenly had a flashback of being about eight years old – Jake must have been only six then, almost still a baby. Charlie had gone to La Push to go fishing with Billy and deposited me at the Blacks to play, much to my dismay, as they went off. Back then, I was even more painfully shy than I am now. We had just come from church so I was still dressed in one of those ruffled monstrosities my mother used to buy for me, and I was painfully embarrassed by my appearance.

I had been sitting on a step on the front porch of the Black's house, scuffing the toes of my too shiny, patent leather red Mary Janes in the dirt, making patterns in the dust and watching a bunch of kids playing kickball in the street. The other girls and boys had been bigger than Jake, maybe my age, including Rachel and Rebecca, his twin sisters.

"Hey Bella!" Rachel had shouted "Do you wanna play?"

Rebecca just waved but continued playing.

The Black twins were always nice to me, but I was not particularly close to Rachel or Rebecca. The twins were so close, so sufficient unto themselves, that it always felt as if they didn't need any other friends, and given how quiet and awkward I was, we had never made much headway into forming a friendship. On these visits to La Push, I always ended up playing with Jacob who was younger than the twins and whom I thought, maybe, also felt left out by his sisters.

The game stopped, and to my mortification, all eyes turned curiously to me. Although I knew the twins, and Jacob – I didn't know any of the other kids.

"Come on Rachel!" one of the little boys had shouted, "You're holding up the game! She doesn't look like she wants to play."

Rachel and Rebecca looked at me encouragingly, but I shook my head. Knowing I'd only probably fall down and embarrass myself.

"See? Told ya." the same little boy said.

Another little girl peered closely at me "The white girl probably doesn't want to mess up her pretty dress and her shiny shoes." She said disdainfully, earning a laugh from the other kids.

All the other kids. Except Jacob. This is actually my very first conscious memory of him – his round, still babyish face set in grim lines, a crease on his little forehead, glaring at his friends for making fun of me.

"Stop it. Let's just play, ok?" Rebecca tried to convince the other kids.

"Shiny shoes, shiny shoes! White girl with shiny shoes!" another little girl chanted and soon the rest took up the chant. I felt big, fat tears starting to roll down my face.

"Uh oh! We made the white girl cry!"

"We're dead now – she's gonna tell her daddy on us and he'll arrest us all!"

Then like a tiny whirlwind, Jacob suddenly planted himself squarely in front of me, his hands fisted tightly at his sides. "Leave her alone!" he had shouted angrily at the other kids, who had all stopped chanting by then – looking at him strangely. Jacob had a staring contest with the ringleader – who must have been at least four years older and much taller than him. After several long, tense seconds, the boy shrugged his shoulders and turned away, losing interest in making fun of the white girl and going back to the game.

"It's ok Bells." little Jake had said, trying to comfort me. "I won't let them make fun of you." And then he took my hand and sat next to me on the porch stoop.

He'd been my best friend since that day.

I was snapped out of my reverie and back to the present by Jacob's worried voice.

"Bells, honey. You ok?" he asked again, kissing my neck to get my attention.

"No…I mean yes. Just a little sad that our weekend is over." I confessed. Jacob wrapped his arms tighter around me and kissed my neck again.

"We have a whole lifetime ahead of us to do this you know." He reassured me, earning a smile. "And besides, I'm at your house practically every night anyway."

I replied, wanting to reassure him to. "I know…I just hate all the sneaking around behind Charlie's back you know? I keep worrying he'll walk in on us and…."

"And kill me?" Jacob said teasingly. His hands were creeping up my body again, the old t-shirt I had borrowed from him, already starting to bunch up around my waist.

"If he ever finds you doing that I'm _preeetty_ sure he will." I said wryly, halfheartedly trying to swat his hands away.

"Oh you like it." he said confidently.

"Lack of self-esteem has never been a problem for you I see." I teased him but belying my token protests, I rolled over to face him, languidly leaning into his caresses and lifting my face up for a kiss. I could already feel him, ready for me, pressing against my belly. Unconsciously, my body began to move against his and Jacob pressed his palm against my lower back, pulling me closer to him.

Jacob's eyes sparkled, then his lashes fluttered closed as he shut his eyes and his lips approached mine. My mouth parted slightly, eagerly waiting for his kiss.

Rrrrrrring. Rrrrrrrring. Rrrrrrrrrrig.

"Damn it." Jacob cursed, interrupted. "If that's Seth, I swear I'll have him running patrols everyday from now 'til Christmas…"

Rrrrrrring. Rrrrrrrring. Rrrrrrring.

"I guess I need to get that." he said breathing a huge sigh, untangling himself from me and getting out of bed.

Without his warmth wrapped around me, the bed was suddenly cold – so I decided I might as well get up too. I could cook us breakfast and we could pretend we were married, that this was our house. The thought brightened me up considerably and I padded into Jacob's tiny bathroom to wash up.

Jacob had thrown on a pair of boxers and had finally located the cordless telephone under our hastily discarded clothes from last night.

"_Hello?"_

I washed my face, inhaling the clean, fresh smell of the plain white Ivory soap that was all Jacob used. I smiled at the mirror, thinking that I looked…well, pretty. Or was it just because I was so happy?

"_Uh good morning Miz Call. No, it's ok I was already up."_ Jake said into the phone. I looked over at him, toothbrush in hand and choked on a giggle. He smiled mischievously. And his eyes widened as I slowly peeled pulled the shirt over my head and with a mischievous smile of my own, stepped into the shower.

"_Well I last saw him last night, about nine?"_

"_No, not since then."_

"_No. He didn't say."_

"_Maybe he slept at the garage?"_

"_Alright, I'll tell him when I see him. We're all going up to the Clearwaters tonight for dinner."_

The water drowned out the rest of his conversation. A few seconds later, I heard the rings on the shower curtain rattle as it slid open and a very naked Jacob entered the tiny shower stall with me where he immediately grabbed me.

"Uh uh!" I said, slapping his hands away as he started to grab me again. "I'm done showering." I continued, stepping out and grabbing a towel off the rack.

"You're no fun…" he grumbled.

"Do you want fun or do you want breakfast?" I asked.

"Oh. In that case…pancakes?" he said, laughingly.

"I knew it. You just want me for my culinary skills." I retorted.

"No." he said mournfully "I really just want you for your body -- but pancakes will do for now."

With a big grin, I left the bathroom and got dressed. I was done dressing before Jacob finished his shower and walked out into the living room.

There was a large, lumpy shape on the sofa. My heart pounded. _Could Billy and Charlie have possibly come home earlier than planned? Shit. I was soooo dead. Jacob was soooo dead. _

Then the lump moved. And groaned. A loud groan.

A loud _feminine_ groan. "My head…"

"Leah?" I heard Jake's voice from behind me. Then suddenly the room was filled with bright light as Jacob flipped all the blinds open, letting in the morning sunshine.

"Uggghhh…light….are you trying to kill me?" Leah complained, pushing herself up into a semi-erect position into the couch.

"You look like hell." Jacob said, taking in her messy hair and her rumpled clothing.

Actually, I thought she looked fine – messy hair and rumpled clothing notwithstanding. I wish I looked that good when I just woke up.

"I feel like hell." She mumbled.

"So what are you doing on my couch?" Jacob asked her.

"I slept here last night. You guys were probably so _otherwise occupied_ you didn't hear me come in." Leah mumbled, looking guilty. I exchanged a look with Jacob. Clearly, Leah was lying about something.

"Oh." Jake said. "Ok."

"Wow, must have been pretty late, we didn't hear you come in." I said. "You want breakfast? I was just about to cook."

"Yup, must have been midnight." Leah said, avoiding my gaze. She was lying again. And moreover, she knew that I knew she was lying. Leah suddenly stood up and stretched "Can I use your shower?" she asked Jacob and without waiting for permission, stalked off.

I turned to Jacob, and whispered _"What was that about?"_

"_I have no idea." _ He responded, looking intrigued as well.

"_She wasn't here when we moved to your room and that was at 1:00 am." _ I insisted, my voice, despite my efforts to be quiet, rising on the last syllable.

"_Ssssshhh!"_ Jacob admonished, covering my mouth and bodily dragging me into the kitchen where we collapsed into loud gales of laughter.

We got to work with breakfast, where Jacob was, surprisingly, pretty handy around the kitchen. At my inquiring look, he merely shrugged and said "Billy and I need to eat too you know…I kinda picked it up."

"So who was it on the phone?" I asked as I whipped the pancake batter in a large bowl.

I was making twice the usual amount I usually made for Charlie and myself but I figured that with two hungry werewolves on my hands, the usual amount wouldn't be enough. Jacob ate enough for three grown men and Leah held her own pretty well too, but for all that their bodies always remained perfectly toned and neither of them gained any weight. Life is sometimes so unfair.

"Embry's mom. He was supposed to drive her to church this morning but apparently, he never came home last night." Jacob's muffled voice came from the depths of the freezer where he was rummaging around to find some bacon.

My suspicions rose up so suddenly that I dropped the large bowl I was carrying on the floor – the stainless steel of the bowl making a loud, jarring, clanging sound. Luckily, only a few drops of batter splattered on the kitchen floor, otherwise I would have had to start over. Jacob looked up.

"Are you ok?" he said, hastily putting down the package of bacon he was holding on the sink and concernedly coming over to me.

"Yup." I smiled brightly. I was girl with a mission to get to the bottom of this mystery.

"You have batter on your face." Jacob said.

I hastily lifted my hand to wipe away the offending stain when Jacob wrapped his hand around my neck and drew me closer to him – and licked the batter where it had landed on the tip of my nose.

"Gross!" I complained laughingly.

"Gross?!" Jacob said, taking mock offense. "You think my kissing is gross?" Then he pulled my face closer again and kissed me deeply, his tongue slipping into my mouth and caressing mine, making me forget we were in the middle of the kitchen with a big bowl of pancake batter in my hand.

"Oh I see we're making quite lot of progress on the breakfast. Working hard huh?" I heard Leah say. I pushed Jacob away and looked over the side of his arm to see Leah leaning on the jamb of the kitchen doorway.

"And good morning to you too Miz Clearwater." Jacob said, letting go of me and going back to his cooking.

"Yeah…yeah…is there coffee?" Leah said and ambled over toward the coffee maker where she busied herself with making a cup.

"So, you get in really late?" Jacob asked again, expertly serving the now crisp bacon

"Uhmmm…yeah. I had to...to uhmmm…I couldn't…couldn't go home cause I told my mom I'd spend the night here with Bella." she finally completed her sentence, a pious look on her face, and also looking triumphant – like a child figuring out where a problematic piece of a jigsaw puzzle goes. "You know – the alibi?"

"Oh." I said, putting a plate with a stack of pancakes in front of her and casually asking "By the way, Embry's mom called, did he mention where he was headed when you guys left last night?"

Leah choked on her coffee. I handed her a napkin quietly and raised my eyebrows, promising - no assuring - her – that we were going to have a little talk about the topic soon.

"Uhh….ho…hot." she coughed, sticking out her tongue and fanning it with the napkin. "Uhmmm, no he didn't say." She mumbled into her cup.

Jacob looked at me, delayed realization dawning on his face. He grinned evilly and I mimed zipping my mouth shut, pointing at him. He nodded.

"Oh ok, that's too bad. Miz Call was wondering where he was, seems he never went home last night and he was a no show this morning to drive her to church." Jacob said causally, taking the seat opposite Leah and immediately attacking his own, much larger, stack of pancakes.

I just sat down to my food, a small smile playing on my lips. Things were certainly getting interesting over on the rez.

Breakfast consisted mostly of Jacob making (very unsuccessfully) veiled comments and Leah's unintelligible mumbles. I had to choke back a laugh a few times at Leah's disgruntled expressions.

"So you came in pretty late huh?"

"(mumble)…(mumble)…asked that already you wretch". Leah muttered again

"Around like twelve you mean?" Jacob ventured again

"For god's sake Black, just spit it out." Leah finally said, exasperated. "What do you want? If I answer one question, will you leave me alone?"

I looked at Jake warningly, but he just grinned back unrepentantly.

"You didn't really spend the whole night here did you?" Jacob asked

Leah sighed and shook her head. "Fine." She snapped. "No I didn't"

"And you didn't spend it alone did you." Jacob said.

"You already had your one question." Leah snapped, triumphant.

"It wasn't a question." Jake grinned at her "It was a statement of fact."

"Auuuurrrggghh!" Leah said, stomping away from the table. I could her loudly complaining about men in general and nosy werewolves, Jake in particular, as she crossed the living room. A few seconds later, the front door slammed and we heard Leah's car screeching out into the street.

"Weeellll…." Jacob drawled out "Something smells rotten in the state of Denmark…"

I just had to laugh.

--- 000 ----

**BPOV**

"Hi Bella!" Sue said as she engulfed me in warm hug and then ushered Jacob and me into the brightly lit house. Even from the front door, my nose detected the smells of something delicious wafting from the direction of the kitchen.

"Hi Sue." Jacob said "Thanks for inviting us to dinner."

"You know you're always welcome." Sue replied warmly "Seth's in the living room playing with Quil again. Why don't you go on in? They haven't moved from there in hours."

"Do you need any help in the kitchen?" I offered.

"Why thanks!" Sue gladly accepted my offer, "Can you help Leah with the last minute stuff? Your dad just called. He and Billy are about ten minutes away. I need to change."

"Sure!" I replied already walking towards the kitchen. Sue headed upstairs while Jacob went to join Seth and Quil at the living room – where from all the loud complaints I could hear, Quil was apparently losing again.

"Hey Leah." I said, joining her at the kitchen counter. "Need help?"

"Sure." Leah answered and then immediately put me to work chopping up cabbage for what looked like a mammoth bowl of cole slaw.

"Hmmm…" I said, surveying what appeared to be mountains of food in various containers on the kitchen counters "Aren't we uhmmm…maybe...making too much food?"

Leah laughed at my expression. "Well, there's you, me and mom, that's three and then there's Charlie, Billy, Jake, Quil and Seth – which makes eight, I think we have just about enough." she replied, looking around with satisfaction at what appeared to me to be enough food for at least twenty people. "You forget how much these boys can eat." She added, her flying as she julienned carrots.

"Eight? Isn't Embry coming?" I asked.

"Shit!" Leah suddenly yelled and I saw blood dripping in rivulets where she had sliced open her finger. "Could you please not do that when I'm holding a deadly weapon?" she muttered angrily, running water over the wound. A few seconds later, the blood stopped and the gash was already pink and healing – I never ceased to be amazed by the super-fast werewolf healing thing.

"What?" I asked, offended. "What did I do?"

"Just…let's not talk about Embry ok." Leah finally said with a heavy sigh, going back to her culinary activities.

I hid a smile and quietly went back to chopping the cabbage. I promised myself I would not raise the subject again – and make sure Jacob didn't either – until Leah was good and ready to talk about it. I was hoping though. Of all of us, I think Leah has gotten the rawest end of the deal. Sure, Jacob and I went through a really tough time – but getting back together in the end cancelled out all the bad stuff. In Leah's case, there really wasn't any hope for a happy ending – once Sam imprinted on Emily, that had been the end of the story.

The thought sent a little frisson of fear through me. The fact is, I was very aware that Jacob could imprint as well – and that would be the end of us – and this fear colored and tainted every single happy moment I had with him. I pushed the fear away as I always did. Surely, after all we'd been through, we deserved smooth sailing from hereon end?

As it turns out, I didn't have to wait long for Leah to bring up the topic herself. Or at least, something peripheral to it.

"Bella?" she suddenly asked, breaking the companionable silence we had shared the last few minutes.

"Yes?" I asked cautiously,

"You know, I never believed it when Jacob used to try to make me see your side of things – I never bought the whole story that you loved Jacob and that you loved the bloods…Edward…too. I mean, genuinely cared about both – at the same time. I really thought it was just you being greedy you know? I'm sorry – didn't really know you and I shouldn't have judged you – I thought it was just you being a spoiled brat bitch…getting a kick out of having two guys on a string." she trailed off, looking at me apologetically.

I smiled back her, not taking offense at her words although they stung nonetheless. At least with Leah, you always know where you stand. No sugar coating the truth. Even when it hurts.

"I know. I'm sure it must have looked that way." I answered. "I think that's why I fought so hard against my feelings for Jacob at the start – I couldn't understand it either – I thought Edward was my soul mate and yet, here I was having these emotions for Jacob."

"So it's possible right?" she asked quietly "I mean…you've been there right? It doesn't make it wrong…Do you…did you ever feel guilty – when you were with Jacob? Like you're being disloyal to Edward?"

"I think that's why I was fighting it so hard before. Because even when I thought Edward was gone, that he didn't want me – I was clinging to the idea that we were still together – or that I should wait…" I answered.

She nodded.

"Leah, is something wrong?" I asked her.

"No…yes…well…not really." she shrugged, looking defeated. "Just confused."

"About?" I prompted, dying with curiosity but afraid to ask more.

"I kinda kissed Embry last…" she mumbled

"What?!!!" I shouted. "You what?"

"Will you please keep it down?" Leah hissed.

"What?" I asked again.

"You heard what I said. And it's not what you think." She hissed. "It was an experiment. A very bad experiment that went wrong very badly."

I lifted my eyebrows questioningly.

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore." She said with finality.

"Ok." I replied, hiding another smile.

"I threw up after." Leah confessed, shamefacedly. "I'm sure it was as distasteful for him as it was for me."

"Then why are you so upset?" I asked. "Aren't glad it's out of your respective systems?"

Leah just glared at me. Other than irritation, a myriad of other emotions registered on her face – and there were many in that instant – was a mixture of disgust, some regret maybe or frustration. But also, I thought I saw a faint, faint glimmer of longing. I couldn't tell and didn't want to push my luck so I went back to mixing the coleslaw.

"You love Jake right?" Leah suddenly asked again.

"Yes." I answered.

"But you also love Edward?" she asked "You loved two people."

"Yes." I said, "…but not the same way."

"At the same time? How can that even be possible?" Leah continued, argumentatively.

"I guess they meant something to a different part of me." I told her. "In the end, I just had to realize that I loved Jacob more – that I was just too busy trying to hold on to my idealized, romantic notion of loving Edward, of him being my soul mate, I didn't see what was in front of me all along."

"But you loved him still, Edward – even after he treated you so badly? Even when, you said, you felt like dying?" Leah continued, probing.

"I did." I answered her truthfully. "I'll always love Edward, he'll always be a part of my life."

She nodded thoughtfully.

"Hey what happened to that huge rock that was hanging off your bracelet?" Leah asked. I was surprised that she had noticed, but then, a lot of things about Leah were surprising me these days.

"You noticed?" I asked.

"Of course." She replied, "It's kinda hard to miss a five carat diamond."

"Jake took it off the bracelet when he gave me the Chief's ring." I told her.

"Maybe we can pawn it and buy you a new wardrobe." Leah joked looking askance at my usual attire of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. She was always dressed well, and one thing she apparently shared with Alice, was her disapproval of the way I dressed.

"Ha ha ha. Like I'd ever do that…" I said "…I kinda like to think of it as my lucky charm. It's really the last link I have with Edward."

"Well, that's probably the world's most expensive lucky charm then." She said wryly, grimacing at me. "Or you could save for like…when you need to bail out the economy of some small South American country."

"Yeah, well I think I kinda like my ring better." I grinned at her, lifting my wrist to stroke the ring hanging on it like a charm, right next to the little wolf Jake had carved for me so long ago. "Owwww!!!!" I yelped. For some reason, the ring felt hot – mot merely warm from being in contact with my skin – but hot, almost blistering.

"What?!" Leah asked, alarmed "Did you cut yourself?"

"No, no…" I said. I touched the ring with the tip of my finger. It was merely warm now. Or at least it had cooled down enough for me to wonder if I had just imagined how hot it had become only a few seconds earlier. "…it was the ring. I thought it got hot…but not…maybe I imagined it." I shrugged.

"Oh." Leah said, looking thoughtful. "I guess it's true then. But I wonder what brought that on?"

"What's true?" I inquired, curious. I suppose I was silly to be concerned about whether or not Leah would think I was crazy if I had told her about what just happened. Oh. But wait. This is a girl who morphs into a giant wolf. I guess she's good dealing with crazy.

"You should ask Billy about that." Leah just said. "….and right about now."

A few seconds later, we heard the rumble of my dad's truck pulling into the Clearwaters' driveway.

--- 000 ----


	17. Chapter 17 Where Questions Are Answered

**AUTHOR'S NOTE : **SURPRISE!!I really wasn't planning on finishing Chapter 17 as early as this, but your reviews and responses to Chapter 16 really inspired me to work faster – so once again, thank you, thank you and please continue reviewing.

For everyone who was curious about the ring, this one's for you. I must clarify though that the legend surrounding it is completely fictional and I make no claims as to authenticity.

Disclaimer : All characters from the original Twilight series belong to the talented Ms. Stephenie Meyer, the rest are copyright of this author.

**Chapter 17**

**Where Questions Are Answered**

**JPOV**

There are moments when I love being a wolf - the strength and the power, and the speed that comes from being a wolf. When I phase, part of me feels freer somehow, I can run without care, just feeling the wind in the face and earth beneath my paws and I feel like I can run from anything.

Then there are moments when I absolutely hate it, to the very depths of my soul. Like now.

In this case, it was an accident. I didn't intend to eavesdrop on them. I was sitting in the Clearwaters' living room watching Seth's on-screen avatar repeatedly decimate Quil's. Another thing about being a wolf is the extremely acute senses – even in human form, I can smell, hear and see things over large distances, in wolf form, it can range for miles. Usually, I tune things out. It gets…distracting, when your senses are constantly bombarded on all sides. I wish that I had just blocked out the sound of their conversation that night – Leah and Bella's that is. It wasn't a conscious decision on my part – and I never meant to listen it. It's just that when I know Bella's nearby, I need to connect to her all the time – even if it's just to hear her voice, or look at her from across the room.

They say eavesdroppers hear no good and in my case, they – whoever they may be – were absolutely right.

"Die Quil! Die!" Seth said with relish.

"_You love Jake right?" Leah suddenly was asking Bella in the kitchen. _My eyes pricked up. I knew I should stop right there. Stop listening.

"Damnit Seth, that's not fair! You kicked my foot." Quil yelled.

"_Yes." Bella answered. _I had to grin.

"Excuses, excuses. Admit it. I'm just better." Seth retorted, dodging an ill-aimed kick from Quil.

"_But you also love Edward?" Leah asked Bella again "You loved two people." _

I waited anxiously, wanting to know, to understand.

"_Yes." Bella said, "…but not the same way." _

That's a good thing right? I mean, she did say she loves me.

"I want a re-match!" Quil demanded, pulling Seth back down on the rug as Seth attempted to get up and leave.

"_At the same time? How can that even be possible?" Leah continued, sounding argumentative._

Yes, how can that be possible? I echoed the question in my mind. I had never loved anyone but Bella and it was inconceivable to me how someone could love two people at the same time. In my book, it's not possible – not with the same intensity, one of the two would always be second best.

"Fine. But put your money down first." Seth grinned unapologetically, probably already anticipating another victory. I wondered idly how much money Quil had already lost to him before we arrived.

"_I guess they meant something to a different part of me." Bella answered. "In the end, I just had to realize that I loved Jacob more – that I was just too busy trying to hold on to my idealized, romantic notion of loving Edward, of him being my soul mate, I didn't see what was in front of me all along."_

Ok. That was still good. I mean – she does appreciate what we have.

"_But you loved him still, Edward – even after he treated you so badly? Even when, you said, you felt like dying?" Leah continued, probing._

"_I did." I heard Bella answer._

Ok, she said "did" – as in past tense, still good. Right? I drained my glass. Maybe another beer wouldn't be so bad right now. God I needed another drink.

_Damnit Jacob_, I berated myself, _stop eavesdropping._ But for the life of me, I could not possibly have stopped myself. It's like when you have a scab – and you know fully well you should leave it alone, let it heal – and yet, despite knowing it will hurt, you pick at it and pick at it until it bleeds.

And bleed it did.

"_I'll always love Edward, he'll always be a part of my life." Bella continued._

My heart sunk in my chest, a stab of pain lanced through my heart. How could she say that? After everything that's happened? Her words reverberated in my mind, in my heart _"I'll always love Edward," _, it was like an echo, mocking me. Reminding me that I was the second choice, second best. I felt the anger rising like a red tide inside me, building up – my hands shaking.

"Jake! Hey man, you ok?"

I looked up and saw Quil and Seth looking at me oddly.

"Uhmmm…yeah." I struggled to control myself. "Yeah, I'm ok."

"Uh…ok, but I think you need to wash that off?" Quil said tactfully, looking pointedly at my hand.

I looked down to see that I had crushed the empty glass I had been holding, shards of broken glass had cut into my palm and blood was slowly oozing out of my grip. Without another word, I stood up and left, shutting myself up in the hall washroom and running cold water over my hand which in fact, was already healing.

--- 000 ---

**LEAH'S POV**

"What's true?" Bella asked me, her face lit up with curiosity.

"You should ask Billy about that." I told her. I heard the distant rumble of a couple of vehicles and assumed it was Billy and Charlie arriving "….and right about now."

A few seconds later, we heard the rumble of Charlie's truck, and another car pulling into the driveway. _Please God, please don't let it be Embry._ I prayed silently. Facing him again, after last night's debacle was something I desperately wished to avoid. _Damn me and my bad temper_ I cursed myself, _I shouldn't let him goad me like that. _

As usual, the Supreme Being with the cruel sense of humor did not see fit to grant my prayers. Unconsciously, I must have tensed up, bracing myself for yet another blow that fate seemed determine to deal me. This is just great. All we need now is Sam and Emily and my evening will be perfect.

"Good thing we made so much food." Bella said facetiously, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. _God damn Bella Swan_ _and her perceptiveness – or was it just plain nosiness. _ "It seems Embry came after all."

"And not alone." I said, wrinkling my nose. I caught his scent as he entered the house, before I heard or saw him – it was uniquely his – it was like saltwater, and peppermint and fresh laundry… _and_ _ what the fuck is that smell? _ Today, it was almost overpowered a sweet, cloying vanilla scent. I would have said more but I knew that if any of the boys were paying attention, they could hear me even from here. _Watch your language Lee Lee girl. _Damn Embry. Now he had me talking to myself like an idiot.

"Hey girls!" Charlie said, walking into the kitchen, going straight to Bella and giving her a hug. I looked away. Unreasonably, tears stung my eyes. My dad used to do that too when….but never mind that. He was gone. I was about to wipe my tears away when I felt Charlie's large hand ruffle my hair awkwardly. Suddenly, I felt better. Strange how a small gesture like that can change something so quickly.

"Hey dad! Were the fish biting?" Bella asked him cheerfully, slapping his hand away as Charlie reached over her shoulder to grab a fried chicken leg from the platter in front of her.

"Yup." Charlie said with a grin. "Billy caught more'n I did though. I guess the Blacks will be having a lot of salmon these days."

"Oh that's terrible Charlie." I told him with a cheeky grin, "You and Bella are probably what…down to a mere two year supply of fish now?"

"Heh heh." Charlie laughed ruefully. "Is this my girls' way of telling me I'm spending too much time fishing?"

I smiled back, childishly happy to be included. I really missed my dad. But this was nice. After all, Charlie and my mom looked like they were getting pretty serious…and this made Bella and Charlie, well, almost family. Great. I could just hole up in here with them until dinner is ready and escape right after.

No need to see Embry and his floozy of the day.

And that's what really pissed me off last night - Embry and his freaking judgmental comments about my life - like he wasn't running around with a different little groupie every night. And what the fuck did he care about my feelings for Sam? None of his goddamn business really.

"Leah? Leah? Leah!" Bella, snapped me out of my little mental rant.

"Huh? What?" I asked.

"Didn't you hear your mom? She said to get dinner on the dining table now." She replied, already carrying the huge platter of chicken.

"Can you get those boys to come here and help?" I told her. Fine. I'm chicken shit. I'm soooo not going in there to meet face to face with "Embry-moral-guardian-of-La Push-Call". I rummaged around the kitchen drawer for a serving spoon for the mashed potatoes.

"Sure, sure." Bella said. She popped her head out over by the doorway leading to the hallway and called out loudly enough for the people in the living room to her – although I could have told her it wasn't necessary – the boys in question being blessed with very acute hearing. _Fuck._ _I hope they weren't listening – or at least Quil and Seth – Jacob was definitely listening – earlier. The whole I kissed Embry thing. Fuck. Fuck. Stupid werewolves._

Well there was nothing for it but to go out there. I quickly checked my reflection in the little mirror-magnet stuck to the refrigerator – one of my mom's weird things, she was always conscious about looking pretty for my dad – hence the need to have a reflective surface – even in the kitchen. Ok. Hair good. Nothing on face. Look ok. Then I shrugged. _Stupid. Who cares what you look like?_

That being done, I squared my shoulders, plastered the most pleasant smile I could manage to conjure on my face and walked out to the dining room - bumping straight into the last person I wanted to see as I turned into our little hallway.

"Damnit!" I yelled, clutching the huge bowl of mashed potatoes I was holding. _Serves you right if it falls down your pants and scalds you._

"Sorry." Embry said "Didn't see you coming."

"Yeah, well, you should watch where you're going." I snapped, irritated. I hate, hate, hate being caught off guard like this.

"Look Leah..." he began, running his hands through the front of his hair – come to think of it, he has pretty hair almost like a gir…OK. Stop. "I think we should talk about last night." Embry said, looking straight into my eyes.

I never noticed how much taller he was than me – I mean, I'm pretty tall for a girl, werewolf genes and all – I always thought we were about the same height. Sam was a bit taller though. I used to feel like he towered over me. And I liked that he did, it made me feel less hulking somehow...

"There's nothing to talk about." I said caustically. "It was just one of those things…a mistake. Just let it go." I shrugged dismissively.

He seemed about to speak again, when a wave of sickeningly sweet vanilla perfume assaulted my nose.

"Hey Em?" a tiny, little, delicate doll of a girl said – if tiny, delicate, little china dolls walked around dressed like Britney Spears. What idiot goes out in this weather in a halter top? And the jeans looked like they were painted on her.

"Can you show me where the bathroom is?" she smiled sweetly, coming to stand next to him and putting a proprietary hand on his arm. Typical - her hands were immaculate, manicured, like she never did a day's work in her life.

I raised an eyebrow at Embry, silently asking for an introduction. Not that I'd remember her name – since his groupies changed so frequently.

"Uh yeah…I mean, uhmmm… Vanessa, this is Lee Lee. Lee, Vanessa." Embry mumbled, gesturing vaguely at us.

I smiled sweetly at Vanessa. "Bathroom's first door on your left. And my name's Leah, not Lee Lee."

I was seething inwardly now. How dare he call me that? That was my dad's name for me. And Sam's. I stopped and glared at Embry as Vanessa finally unhooked her claws from his arm and started for the bathroom. How dare he call me that? I balled my hands into fists, controlling my anger.

Fine. He wants to piss me off? Let's see how he likes this.

"Oh Vanessa?" I called after her. "Light switch is on the right of the doorway. Please be careful you don't step on my brother's pet tarantula. It got loose in there this morning and I haven't had time to look for him."

Vanessa blanched. But I guess nature was calling too loudly for her to ignore, hence requiring that she brave the possibility of a tarantula attack. She entered the bathroom gingerly and the lock clicked into place.

"Seth has a tarantula?" Embry asked.

"No." I said, and then spinning on my heel, I left him in the hallway and proceeded to the light and noise that was spilling out through the arch leading to the dining room.

--- 000 ---

**BPOV**

I carried the platter of fried chicken into the dining room, assisted by Seth and Quil who each had a platter of food each and were as usual, taking advantage of the opportunity to sample the food before dinner started. I had left Leah in the kitchen, fuming again. God knows what about now. To say that Leah can be very moody would be the understatement of the century.

I hurried to the gathering, curious about who Embry's date was. I mean, we all knew Embry played the field, but he had never really brought one of his girls to a dinner like this.

I hoped she was nice.

Ok, maybe not.

I actually hoped she was heinous – but given that Embry was actually spoiled for choice, she probably wouldn't be chopped liver in the looks department. I knew that if Leah could only move on, there was at least a possibility of the two of them liking each other. I thought I felt a glimmer of interest from her earlier. Or at least I hoped so. They say that when you're in love yourself, you kinda want everyone around you to be as happy and in love as well. Corny. But true.

Leah had a lot of baggage though – and I wondered if Embry had enough patience to put up with her issues – at least long enough for her to see there were other men in the world besides Sam. And besides, it was hard to read Embry. He was nice to

I was assuming of course that Embry had feelings for Leah. Or rather hoping. However, his bringing a girl to this dinner was definitely not a good sign. I hope he hadn't imprinted on her...

I was wondering where Jacob had gone when I saw him coming down the stairs, his hand wrapped in a towel.

"You okay?" I mouthed, nodding in the direction of his hand. He nodded back, looking grim, almost angry. I worried for a minute, wondering what was wrong.

Dinner was a success – or at least, if success is measured in how quickly the food disappeared. We were all kept entertained by Seth and Quil's antics, and Leah's increasingly acerbic remarks. Jacob and Embry were both quiet. With Embry, this wasn't really unusual, he was the least voluble of the pack and often seemed to stand a bit aloof, as if watching his brothers and enjoying their antics without wanting to get dragged into the fray. I worried about Jacob – but as dinner progressed, he seemed to have calmed down a bit.

"So Vanilla…I mean, Vanessa" Leah said, smiling brightly at the girl. "Have you guys been dating long?"

Vanessa giggled – as dinner progressed, I noticed she kinda did this a lot. "Actually, it's only our second date." she said, a little shyly.

"Oh really?" Leah said sweetly "But you guys look sooo good together, like you've been together forever." She cooed at the girl.

"So where did you guys meet?" I asked, wanting to step in and diffuse the tension somehow, not knowing what to do or say exactly, knowing only that I had to do SOMETHING.

"Well, my car conked out in the middle of Main Avenue in town and my girlfriends recommended Black and Clearwater. Embry was working that day. He was so nice to do a rush job – they looked very busy, so I asked him out for coffee after the car was fixed.…" Vanessa narrated, grabbing Embry's hand off the table and giving it a squeeze.

"Oh, good thing that the repair job went quickly then..." I said before Leah could say anything - and I knew she was dying to.

"Uhmmm…yeah, it really was just a loose spark plug." Embry said, looking sheepish.

Typical. I was pretty sure WHY Vanessa's girlfriends recommended Jake and Leah's garage. It had turned into a local dating service as far as the single girls of La Push and Forks were concerned. No doubt the good looking, buff werewolves constantly walking around shirtless contributed greatly to the number of customers - a lot of them were girls who I seriously suspected damaged their cars on purpose.

Leah was constantly complaining about it. She believed the "herd" – her term, not mine - of silly girls hovering around the garage were driving legitimate customers away. I made a mental note to be more visible at the garage – no sense letting those girls think Jake was still available too.

"Oh really?" Leah said again smiling sweetly "That's so cute! And so romantic! I mean…it must be fate right?"

Seth, trying to hide a laugh, choked on a piece of food and coughed into his napkin. Leah looked and sounded so sincere and yet we all knew better. Vanessa – giggled – yes again. And Embry's smile was starting to look strained around the edges. I looked warningly at Leah. She just lifted her eyebrows at me and shrugged as if to say _What did I do? _

Sue looked confused as well but nonetheless hurried to intervene.

"Well, it's nice that you two came over." Sue said, ever the gracious hostess. "You know Embry's like family to us, so you're always welcome."

Vanessa giggled again. I knew Leah was about to comment and kicked her under the table, earning me an evil glare. I looked at Jacob for help and thankfully, he got my silent message.

"So dad," he said, diverting everyone's attention to Billy "I was thinking maybe after dinner, you could tell us tribal stories and stuff. You know Bella hasn't heard all of them and Vanessa might find it interesting too."

I squeezed his knee under the table in thanks, and smiled up at him. His face softened, and I wondered what had upset him earlier. He put his hand on mine and squeezed it back. I felt better immediately. Whatever it had been, all was right in my world again.

"Uhmmmm…yeah, Billy." fingering my bracelet and the ring. I looked up at Jacob for confirmation and he nodded, "I wanted to know more about this." I lifted up my wrist and the light from the lamp over the dining table hit the Chief's ring, making it shine.

Billy's face broke up into a huge smile. He nodded at Jacob and I, and for some reason, I felt like it was some sort of blessing. I looked up at Jacob again, and he kissed me on the tip of my nose, grinning.

"Ugh. Can you please avoid doing that when I'm eating? I'm getting sick…" Seth groaned.

"Yes" drawled Quil "Let's not remind the poor boy of what he's NOT getting."

The conversation turned general after that wit, no more outbursts from Leah. And Embry wasn't the only one who looked relieved.

--- 000 ---

The room was dim, Seth and Quil had lit a fire in the Clearwater's fireplace and the lamps were low. Charlie and Sue had gone for a walk, Charlie reminding me that we needed to leave by midnight.

Seth, Quil and Leah were scattered about the room in various states of repose. Leah was curled up into an armchair, her feet tucked under her. In the firelight, her face looked sad, vulnerable – so unlike her. Embry and Vanessa were sitting on the couch perpendicular to her. For a moment, I saw a flicker of annoyance on Embry's face as Leah pointedly continued to ignore him. But the moment was fleeting and I noticed Vanessa snuggle into Embry's side. And Embry didn't look he was in pain either. I had to admit they looked good together – Embry so huge and tan and Vanessa so delicate and fair – it was striking contrast.

Jacob and I were sitting on the floor, closest to the fireplace, I was seated between his legs, reclining on his chest, with his arms around me.

"You ok?" I whispered, tracing a faintly pink line in his palm,, it looked like a wound that had just healed and I wondered what had happened in the short time that we had been separated.

"Yes." Jacob whispered back, "It's nothing."

"What happened to your hand?" I asked, undeterred, my curiosity piqued by his terse replies. It was not like Jacob to hide things from me.

"Nothing." He said, dropping a kiss on the top of my head "I was just being silly."

And then we were all quiet as Billy began to speak, his voice as golden as the lamplight and the flickering flames. It flowed over me likes waves of sound and music, rich and majestic.

"_The Quileuetes have always been a small people from the beginning. And we are a small people still, but we have never disappeared. This is because there has always been magic in our blood."__1_

_For generations, our tribe lived in harmony with the Hohs and the Makahs, and there was never any war with them, for they feared our spirit warriors. For whenever other outsiders and enemies threatened our people, the tribe's spirit warriors would rise to protect them and would always be victorious. _

_Taha Aki was the greatest of our spirit warriors, and they say he had the ability to shape shift – to transform into a fierce wolf – to protect the Quileutes. _

We all were quiet. Though I knew the boys had probably heard this story before, they paid rapt attention - the old legends had special significance to all of us in the room, except Vanessa, who had no idea that the legends were true.

_It is said by our Elders that after Taha Aki first transformed into his wolf protector, he was led by the spirit of his Ancestors, the spirit of the great Kaheleha himself, into the woods. They say that for ten days, Taha Aki journeyed alone in the forests, stopping only to eat and drink but not to rest, until he found a spring whose bed glittered in the sun, richly veined with silver. _

_At Kaheleha's instructions, he mined the silver and for another ten days, he cast and recast the metal, and carved a ring in shape of a wolf. When it was done, the spirit of Kaheleha came down upon the earth and blessed this ring. It became the great Chief's ring of the Quileute people. The symbol of his leadership._

I looked up at Jacob, awed and humbled, and honored – I had had no idea just how precious his "promise ring" had been. He smiled gently, and lifting my hand kissed my wrist where the ring rested.

_Taha Aki lived long and ruled his people well. But it was not until he found his true spirit wife, his third wife, that he was truly happy. They say the third wife, Tehya Ayana whose name meant Precious Eternal Blossom, was as beautiful as she was strong, fierce and brave. _

_With Tehya Ayana at his side, Taha Aki ruled the tribe justly and with great wisdom. So great was their love, that it is said, Tehya Ayana could not rest for even one day that Taha Aki was gone from her side. On the night of their joining, Tehya Ayana asked her husband for a token of his love for her. A talisman that would never leave her possession. _

_Taha Aki, as a sign of his great love for Tehya Ayana gave her the Chief's Ring, symbolizing his offering of himself to her – to show that while he ruled all of the tribe, he belonged completely to her, placing himself in her care with complete trust, to nurture or destroy, to shelter or to turn away It tied him to her so that in moments of danger or when the Chief feels displeasure, anger or any great emotion, the ring burns or shines brightly, so that Tehya Ayana would know her husband's heart._

_Taha Aki's favor and love for Tehya Ayana was so marked and evident, that Taha Aki's other wives became jealous. The First Wife, who had enjoyed Taha Aki's favor before he wed Tehya Ayana, conspired with the other wives and stole the ring from Tehya Ayana's as she slept one night. But the ring never burned and glowed for her. When Taha Aki learned of the theft, he became angry and cast aside all his other wives. Taking back the ring, he returned it to Tehya Ayana who kept it until her death._

_When Tehya Ayana was killed in the battle with the Cold Woman, they say that for one day and one night, Taha Aki remained in his wolf form, keeping vigil and guarding her body. On the second night, it is said that Taha Aki took the Chief's ring from his wife's cold, lifeless hand and dropped it at the foot of his eldest son. And then, Taha Aki entered the forests, and was never seen again. The eldest son took the ring and gave it to his own beloved wife. When the eldest son's own son became chief, the ring passed to him and was placed in the keeping of his own wife.__2_

_From then on, the Chief's ring is said to have been passed down from each chief to his son, in an unbroken line since that day. _

We were all quiet after Billy finished his story, each seeming lost in his own thoughts. It struck me then, that the moment in the kitchen, when the ring grew hot to my touch, that Jacob must have been upset or angry. I wondered if they knew that the ring could really do this – or if they thought it was merely legend. I looked up at Jake and he seemed preoccupied.

Just then, we heard the front door slam and Charlie and Sue's voices sounded from the front hall. The spell Billy's story had cast burst like a soap bubble, and suddenly, it seemed like all was animated in fast forward. There was a bustle of activity as everyone got up and collected their jackets, located car keys, thanked Sue for dinner and got ready to leave.

"Time to go Bella!" Charlie called out from the hallway where he was talking to Sue and Billy.

"See you around bro." Embry slapped Jacob on the shoulder then turned to help Vanessa put on her jacket.

"Sure. Sure." Jake replied as he helped me with mine. I felt a gaze on me and looked to my left, Leah was standing on the stairs leading to the second floor, an unreadable expression on her face, as she watched this exchange. For a moment her eyes narrowed, and then she turned on her heel and went upstairs without another word.

"Bye! It was nice to meet you - I had a great time!" Vanessa said in a cheerful voice. "Those stories were creepy huh?" she concluded.

"You have no idea!" Jacob replied, a grin on his face. Jacob was driving back to town too, sleeping at the little apartment he kept over the garage, although he had to bring Billy home first. He walked me to Charlie's car, carrying my duffel bag for me. "I had a wonderful weekend…" I told him softly, sad that the weekend was at an end.

"Me too." He said, kissing me softly on the lips.

"Ehem…." Charlie coughed, breaking the moment. He looked pointedly at Jacob's arms wrapped around me and then motioned that I should get in the car.

"Leave the window open…I'll be by later." Jake whispered, I nodded and with a last, quick hug, I got into the car with Charlie.

--- 000 ----

1 Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer, page 244

2 With the exception of the portion about the Third Wife's death which is based on page 250 of Eclipse, the remainder of the legend is solely a creation of the author and is not an authentic Quileute legend.


	18. Chapter 18 Where A Tangled Web is Woven

Disclaimer : Anything you recognize from the books belongs to Ms. S. Meyer, the rest are figments of my overactive imagination.

**Chapter 18**

**Where A Tangled Web is Woven**

**SETH'S POV**

_Well hells bells. What the heck is wrong with her now?!_ I thought when Leah stomped upstairs, almost knocking me down the stairs. "You didn't say sorry!" I called up after her. "I'm gonna tell Mom!" I teased.

To say that my sister can be "moody" would be like calling the Rockies a little pile of stones. Which is not to say she's always been like this. The truth is, before my dad died and before that whole thing with Sam, she was just like any other older sister. Bossy and irritating. But she used to be happy – she'd laugh and make jokes and smile, and occasionally even talk to me like a real person would. Sure, she always had a temper, but not like this – now she's angry all the time and she gets angry over every little thing.

I try to not bug her so much – after all, she IS my sister. And truly, I feel, I KNOW that she got the wrong, unfair end of the deal with Sam. I'm not allowed to talk about that though – mom or Leah give me death glares if I even mention that awful time. Luckily my dad had still been alive when it happened, and at least Leah had him to comfort her when Sam left her for Emily. She was always daddy's little girl and my dad was the only person, other than Sam, who could twist Leah around his little finger. He had gotten her to agree to go to the University of Washington, to get away from La Push and memories of Sam. She was actually showing some enthusiasm about it. But just when we thought she was getting better, my dad died and Leah's plans, among other things, changed.

So the thing is, I love my sister and I wish I could help her somehow because I know that life hasn't been very good to her. I miss my dad like anything. I'll never admit it but I still wake up crying sometimes, not from nightmares, but from dreams where my dad is still alive, where he had never died – and yet by the end of the dream, I realize it's all JUST a dream and then I wake up. But dad's death sent Leah into a tailspin. All of sudden, she was back to being the sullen, bitchy, irritable and sometimes zombie-like creature she had first transformed into when Sam left her.

And the freaky thing is, try as I might to not make her angry or upset her – I can never tell what will set her off. My mom is no help – every time I complain, she just tells me I could be "_a little bit more understanding towards your sister._" One moment, she'll be perfectly pleasant and then poof! I say something "wrong" and she jumps at my throat – and I mean this in the literal sense of the word. Once on patrol, I said something wrong – can't even remember what – and she literally pounced on me. Leah's gray wolf is smaller than mine, but she's quick and if she catches you by surprise, you're dead.

And it can be about anything. Like now. I was walking past her and she was glaring at someone in the hall – could have been anyone, Bella, Jake, Embry, Quil, Embry's girlfriend or even Charlie.

"Since when did you get a tarantula?" Embry had asked me.

"What tarantula?" I asked him, giving him my patented Seth Clearwater WTF look. As in _What The Freak (or similar suitable words) Are you Talking About._

"Nothing…nothing. Lee said you had gotten one and it's loose in the bathroom. It freaked Vanessa out. Bye bro." Embry said, clapping me on the back as he turned to follow Vanilla…Vanessa…(damn Leah, now I'll keep getting her name wrong forever) out the door.

"Huh? Nope." I told him and then "Good job on the hot girl dude!" I whispered, congratulating my friend. After Vanessa WAS point in fact, really hot.

He just grinned at me and left. I shut the door and started up the stairs. Leah was standing in the middle landing, in the dark, glaring at the front door as if it had personally committed a crime against her and her family.

"WTF was Embry saying about a tarantula?" I asked her, breaking into what looked like her very intense, serious contemplation of how she could exact her revenge on our oak door.

"Oh shut up!" she said and bumped into me, on purpose, may I add, as she barreled up the stairs and slammed the door to her room.

Girls.

**BELLA'S POV**

I must have dozed off in the car, Charlie isn't exactly the type to fill in silences with long conversations, and I was tired from the weekend. I woke up because of an irritating vibrating movement coming in from my bag.

"Oh good, you're awake…we're almost home." Charlie said.

I nodded absently, rummaging through my purse for my phone – the one that was making the irritating vibrating whiney sound. By the time I had found it though, I had already missed the call. My heart froze for a second – it was Edward's number.

I was about to call back when I noticed that we were already turning into our driveway. The street was quiet, damp from the rain and it smelled of wet grass and apples from the neighbor's small orchard.

Charlie pulled over and we both got out of the truck. I was about to help Charlie bring in his gear and his catch in when the telephone buzzed again. Edward. I worried and hurried to pick up the call. After our last telephone conversation almost two months ago, Edward hadn't contacted me a single time, respecting our mutual decision to move on. I felt a stab of fear, had anything happened to him? Alice? The Cullens? I'm sure he knew it was past midnight already – he wouldn't call unless there was an emergency.

"Bella, don't stay out there too long! It's pretty late…" Charlie admonished as I moved off the side of the house – for some weird reason, my phone gets better reception on this side rather than anywhere else in the house.

I nodded at him and continued walking.

"Hello?" I answered; my voice a bit shaky. It was cold out tonight, and my breath came out in little puffs of steam.

"Bella?" Edward's silky voice sounded in my ear, surreal in the darkness and emptiness of the night and the woods bordering our house. I was immediately concerned – he sounded worried, almost panicky.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, a bit frantically, hoping only to get the suspense over with. My heart thudded in my chest, Edward wouldn't have called me unless something was very wrong.

"Don't panic – it's not bad. Or rather, it is but it's not because it has truly happened yet. And you know how imprecise Alice…." He tried to explain.

"Edward, stop!" I said, my voice rising "You're scaring me. Can you please explain later and just tell me? Please? Is anyone hurt, Carlisle or Esme? Alice?"

I feared the worst. It was as if Edward was already trying to cushion the blow without having even dealt the actual blow. I had never, ever heard him this incoherent – he was always so careful and precise in his speech, eloquent to the point of sounding like one of those old poets he loves so much. But he was practically rambling now.

"It's Alice. She had a vision." He said. And my blood froze again.

"Wha…what did she see?" I croaked out, wishing I could plug my ears, that I had never answered the phone. The vision must have been bad if he felt the need to violate his self-imposed rules that we were never to communicate with each other again.

"She saw you…decide to…kill yourself." he said haltingly, hesitantly. "You were standing by that cliff again…"

"What?!" I said in relief that that was all it had been. "That's ridiculous." Why would I do that? My life was finally going where I wanted it to go, I had Jacob – and because I had Jacob I had everything to live for, everything I could possibly want….

"No it's not." Edward said quietly, so quietly I almost didn't hear his next statement. "There's more. In her vision, you were talking to Alice on the phone – you told her that Jacob…he…he imprinted Bella. And it wasn't you."

"I don't want to hear this anymore. Don't ever talk to me; don't ever call me again Edward." I said tersely.

"Bella…wait…" I heard Edward's voice. "Please just listen…I love you…I know you don't love me but I had to do this…to warn you. If anything ever happened to you…."

In that instant, my anger dissipated momentarily. For whatever it was worth, I knew Edward and Alice had my best interests at heart. But as Edward himself admitted, Alice's gifts were imprecise…

"I love you too Edward…you know that." I told him, weary, afraid – and just wishing the conversation to end. I paused, trying to think of what to say…fighting my panic, and the unreasonable anger I felt for him and Alice.

"But I don't want to talk about this again. Please don't call me anymore."

"But Bella…you need to prep…" he was saying. But I ended the call without hearing another word. My hands shook as I pressed the "End" button, depressing it so hard that my phone beeped loudly. I ran into the house then, slamming the door behind me.

Immediately, the phone buzzed again. And I ended the call again. It kept buzzing all the way upstairs to my room until I flung it under my pillow where I didn't have to see or hear it anymore.

Pushing all thoughts of the call out of my head, and for the first time in my life, feeling anger towards Edward with a passionate intensity that I had never felt for any person, I stood under the stinging cold water of the shower, shivering, but letting the water run over me, as if it could wash away my anger – and my fear that what he said was true.

--- 000 ---

**ALIYAH'S POV**

_You go on ahead Joseph_ I said _I know your mom needs you and you must be tired from school and working all day._

We met up in the woods near first Beach, the usual meeting place. Joseph and I had drawn patrol tonight. I could tell from his unusual silence that Joseph was worrying about his mom again. Joseph and my brother are best friends, so I knew from Lukas that Joseph was carrying a lot of problems on his shoulders. I remember him from last year, and on a few rare moments lately, when he forgot his troubles – when he was still noisy, playful, the typical 16 year old, girl crazy male. But lately, I guess he had to grow up really quick.

Like us, he had no father – his dad had died when Joseph was little. He had no siblings either, so he didn't even have the support system that Lukas and I had in each other. Last year, his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. Because of this, his mom is weak all the time, nauseous and needs constant care.

Money was also tight because her health insurance didn't cover everything so Joseph worked part time for Jacob to augment their income. He was a good kid, responsible and cheerful despite the problems he had to deal with, problems that no 16 year old should have to deal with on his own.

_No Ali, I should do this. I already missed my last two patrols. It's not fair to you guys…_ he protested. Sam and Jacob had already told Joseph several times that he could skip patrols while his mom was sick, but Joseph was adamant about his responsibility to the pack – like I said, he was really a good kid. And he insisted that he needed the occasional breaks from work and home that he got by running patrols with us.

_Don't worry about it. Anytime you need to trade off, let me or Luke know, we can always cover for you. _

_Are you sure?_ He asked again, wavering. I knew he was worrying about his mom. _I mean, you'll be all alone. What if you run into trouble?_

_Yes, I'm sure. If I get into trouble I'll call one of the others. Your mom needs you at home and I know you and Lukas have a chemistry test tomorrow to study for, so go already! Oh, and pass the house before you go home, I cooked extra and wrapped up some for you so you don't have to cook tomorrow._

_Thanks Ali! I don't think my mom can eat any more of my macaroni and cheese and that's all I know how to cook. _ Joseph thought,

_And you don't even cook THAT very well _ I teased him. He snuffled in agreement, a wolfy grin on his face. He was still a kid really, like my brother Lukas. The most we could do really was to occasionally take on his patrols and help them out with food and stuff. I didn't mind that, since I like to cook anyway. But I often wished we could do something more for him and his mom, but unfortunately we're not exactly rich either.

_I wouldn't know what to do without you and Luke helping me…thanks again _ he thought, starting to run back, his light brown fur like a streak of light in the gloom of the woods.

When he had finally gone, I took a moment to stop and rest. The truth was I didn't feel so hot either. I must have caught some weird stomach flu, I was throwing up so much and I felt exhausted all the time. But at least I could sleep all through tomorrow, I was off from work – whereas Joseph had work, plus a test, plus had to take care of his mom. Still, if he had seen how tired I was, Joseph would have insisted on staying and running patrol with me, so I had to shoo him away first.

Damn Jacob and Sam for including the Swan's house in the patrol area. It didn't even belong to the tribe's territory and it was way out here in town, I thought as I ran through the woods. The pack had been patrolling the Swan's house even before I started to phase, an extra precaution they said, since apparently Miss Bella Swan was some kind of vampire magnet.

_I wish I could skip this_ I thought wearily. I really had been feeling a little off lately, and patrolling the Swan's house on my own would cost me an extra hour I would much rather spend sleeping. And worse, my mind rebelled at the logic of protecting the girl that stole Jacob from me.

I was at the edge of the woods before I saw her; she was talking to someone on the phone, looking upset. _Hmmmm….trouble in paradise?_ I wondered if she and Jacob were fighting. I tried not to be happy about that. It's just that Bella brings out the worst in me.

And then, that bitch Leah always steps in and it just makes me madder. She's always hated me and this just gives her an excuse to bitch at me. I knew she hated from the moment I joined the pack – she doesn't hide it and with our abilities, the pack mind, everyone knows how she feels about me. I don't understand her – and I don't want to make an effort to either. Leach Clearwater needs to realize that she's not the only girl in the world who has had her heart broken. If she only knew about Matt…and the baby…

I shook my head, to clear it. I reminded myself that I was phased and if any of the others were paying attention, they would be able to hear. And only Jacob knew about that. I love being a wolf, but this part of it – this is the only part of it I hate. I don't want them all knowing – and pitying me.

I crept closer, I knew it was a creepy, lowdown thing to do, to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it. It's like when you pass a car accident on the freeway, and you know it will be gory and horrible – but you look anyway, like you're irresistibly drawn to it.

And then I heard it.

"_I love you too Edward…you know that." _Bella was whispering on the telephone.

What?!!! My mind screamed. She was crazy! How could she do this? Was she back with the bloodsucker? How could she do this to Jacob? She had everything. Everything I wanted. And she was throwing it away.

I debated for a moment, I wanted to run and tell Jacob, to tell the pack. She was fooling everyone – Jacob, Leah, Quil and Embry…Billy. I hated Bella Swan more at that moment than I have ever hated her.

But could I be the bearer of bad news? I knew that I had to keep this to myself - at least, not until I found the right opportunity to tell Jacob. Much as I hated Bella, I hated the thought of Jacob getting hurt more.

I crept closer, staying within the cover of the trees, wanting to hear more but Bella ended the call and ran into their house.

Turning away, I trotted off into the darkness. I needed to finish patrol before I fell asleep on my feet. So exhausted….

--- 000 ---

**EMBRY'S POV**

"Listen…" I said, as I untangled Vanessa's arms from my neck "…I had a really great time…but I have to work tomorrow so…"

She giggled. She tends to do that a lot I noticed, when she got nervous or for lack of something to say – as if she has to fill in the empty gaps of conversation with sound – any sound. Ok that was mean. She was nice, smart, pretty and what more could I ask for?

"Do you wanna come in? For coffee? I think my roommate's still out of town." Vanessa asked softly, running her hand up and down my arm and lifting her face up for another kiss. And I knew it wasn't just coffee I'd be getting tonight. I kissed her again, not wanting to disappoint, and also well- it's not really like it's a chore to do it.

"No, not tonight." I said against her neck. She hummed in my ear, running her hands through my hair. _What is it with girls and my hair?_ I wondered idly.

We were parked in the shadow of a copse of trees, not far from the front of her building. In fact, we had been parked there for the last half hour. In that half hour, Vanessa had managed to divest herself, and me as well, of our respective shirts. In the soft, dim light from a lamp post down the street, Vanessa was beautiful – and I'm only a man. So when she suggested that we park and "talk" for a while – I gave in to the temptation to say yes. And why not? We're both unattached – and she's beautiful, or did I already say that? And she obviously wants me. And I – well – I found her attractive.

I kissed her again, lingering on her soft mouth, she started to wind her arms around my neck again and deepened the kiss. She pressed herself against me, her full breasts felt silky against my chest. My hands, seemed possessed of free will, slid up her sides to cup her breasts and she moaned in my mouth. Really. This girl was hot.

_So why are you being a pussy? Why don't you just go upstairs with her already?_ a nasty voice in my head asked.

_Because I'm tired and I just don't feel like it._ I retorted. Damn, maybe I SHOULD get laid. Clearly, the lack of activity is making me wacko, hence, these conversations with myself.

"Are you sure?" Vanessa purred.

"Uhmmm….maybe some other time? I really need to get some sleep…long day tomorrow." I found myself saying. She pouted a little and I gave her another kiss, trying to soften the blow.

"Will I see you soon?" she asked again, reaching up to tie the straps of her shirt behind her neck. I fished for mine, reaching behind me to the floor of the backseat where it had somehow ended up.

"I"ll…uh…call you." I said, starting the car and driving the few feet to the walkway leading to her apartment building. I parked the car and walked her upstairs to her front door, again declining her invitation to come in.

I stared at her long and hard after we kissed goodnight at the door.

"What?" Vanessa said finally, self-consciously reaching up to smooth her hair.

"Nothing, nothing." I assured her and said goodbye.

And "nothing" is the operative word. I was hoping if I stared at her long enough or hard enough maybe I would imprint and get the damn thing over with.

The truth is, I hate the thought of imprinting – of having my fate decided for me by some unknown force that I can't control. And yet, when I see Sam with Emily or Jared with Kim, I'm envious of the bond they have, the emotional ties and the obvious devotion. It's worse when I'm around Jake and Bella, because in their case, it's not even the imprinting – they just are so obviously, genuinely in love. While I'm very happy for them, sometimes, it's hard to watch. I know Leah feels the same. When she lets down her guard, I feel her sadness when she sees something that they do, or they say something to each other that reminds her of Sam.

I know Jake and Bella can't help it – but it makes my teeth ache. It's like they're rubbing it into my face how defective I am because I've never felt that way about anyone. The truth is, I don't think I'm capable of loving anybody that way – the way Jake and Bella love each other. I mean, it should have happened by now right? I've had girlfriends since I was 13 and then there are all the girls that hang out at the garage…after all, I'm just like any guy out there and I'm not going to say no when a hot girl asks me out. But I've never felt strongly about a girl – except for my mom and my sister of course, and friends like Bella and Leah whom I care for.

Leah. Hmmm….The truth is actually, I don't particularly "care" for Leah lately. If you pinned me to the wall and forced me to name the emotion I feel every time I see her – I'd have to say….irritation….so much irritation that I want to shake her 'til her teeth rattle.

It irritates the hell out of me that that she's so hung up on Sam that she can't realize that she doesn't love him anymore. That she's just clinging to the thought of loving him because she's so scared that she was the one that messed up – stupid, but true – that it wasn't the imprinting that did it, that it was because she was inadequate.

And worse, what really freaking bugs me the most is that the only reason she refuses to get over Sam is because it's convenient – she can skulk around like a freaking broken hearted martyr, when the truth is she doesn't love him anymore – she's just too chicken shit to love anyone else.

Which in turn points me to another thing that just irritates the fuck out of me – Leah and her moron boyfriends – I mean physically-makes-me-sick irritation. And Leah – the witch – deliberately flashes Sam (and incidentally the rest of us) with memories of the morons trying to kiss her or grope her. It bothers the hell out of Sam for sure – hell, it bothers the fuck out of me and I wasn't engaged to her! Of course, as Quil points out, Leah never lets them get beyond kissing and attempts to touch her through her clothes, but the mere thought of them trying...uggghhhh. I mean, I wouldn't mind so much if she felt something for them…ok, I'd probably mind…not for anything, it's just they're all SUCH idiots…

True, they were probably good looking, and most of the time they were loaded. And they tended to wait on her hand and foot – but damnit, they really were just horny boneheads. Like the last one – Jeremy Something or Other – I keep wanting to punch him out every time I see him because when he looks at Leah, it's like he's already got her mentally stripped naked and handcuffed to a bed – I'd like to handcuff HIM to a bed and set ten million fire ants on him, after I had beaten him to pulp of course…and dipped him in honey for the poor ants to snack on…the perverted bastard…..

"CRAP!" I exclaimed. I had somehow managed to reach home on autopilot but the artificial intelligence had suddenly run out – so that I had managed to drive right onto my mother's newly blooming and beloved prize-winning tulips.

"Crap and damnation!" I said to no one in particular, I'd never hear the end of this. These women were just going to make me crazy.

--- 000 ---

**JPOV**

It was past one in the morning by the time I let myself in through Bella's window – it wasn't really a difficult climb or anything, but I hated the sneaking around. And I occasionally worried about Charlie shooting me if he saw me, thinking I was some serial rapist climbing into his daughter's window at odd hours of the night. One day soon, I promised myself, we'll be married and I can actually come in through the door for a change.

She wasn't in her room when I arrived, but I could hear the water running in the bathroom, as well as Charlie's snores from the direction of his room. As I waited for Bella to get out of the shower, I decided to make myself comfortable on her bed. I reached behind me to plump the pillow behind my head when something clattered on the floor. Oooops. Bella's phone. She'd be pissed if something damaged it and I'd get blamed again – I forget how strong I am sometimes and I had accidentally crushed the keypad on her last telephone – this was the I-Phone she'd saved up for to replace that one, and boy would she be pissed if I wrecked it again…

I picked it up gingerly, planning to put it on the nightstand, safe from my "attentions". The phone suddenly vibrated, causing me to almost drop it. What did drop was my heart – and it literally did drop, like in those sappy romance novels Bella secretly reads - when I saw the caller ID flashing on the screen – _Edward fuckin' bloodsucker Cullen_. I was tempted to answer and tell him to fuck off. What the hell right did he have to be calling my girlfriend at this hour? I felt myself getting mad, I put the phone down carefully on the bed – the vibration stopped and the screen flashed "20 Missed Calls". I had to look. I scrolled down the phone log. All twenty from Cullen – all within the last hour and one which Bella took – one call which lasted all of five minutes.

My hands were shaking now, and I swallowed hard. Trying to control my anger. I couldn't phase here – not with Charlie and Bella so close by. There had to be some sort of explanation, I tried to convince myself. It wasn't easy to do that – after what I had overheard earlier tonight. I wondered if they were still secretly seeing each other – but no, we would have smelled it a mile away. Clearly, they were still talking though. Did he call her every night? Before I came over?

Bella chose that moment to make an appearance. She wasn't expecting me yet, obviously, her hair was wrapped in a towel and I could smell the lavender and honey scent of her shampoo, and she was wearing a tatty old bathrobe. She looked sweet, like a little girl waiting for her mommy to dress her up for bed – and all of a sudden, I wasn't angry anymore. We could talk about it tomorrow.

"Jake!" she squealed, and then covered her mouth, worried she had wakened Charlie. Then she ran towards me and launched herself into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist. And then for the moment at least, the angry, green eyed monster inside me was appeased.

"Hi honey, I'm home." I whispered. She giggled and nipped my ear. "I missed you."

"You just saw me two hours ago." She replied, tangling her hands in my hair and planting little soft kisses all over my face as I carried her over to the bed and lay down. I stilled her face with my hands as she straddled me and kissed her hard – all my pent up frustration, and fear, and jealousy expressed in that one kiss – needing affirmation that I was the one she really wanted. When I pulled back, we were both panting, Bella's eyes were heavy, dark and I knew she wanted me.

**BPOV**

The shower helped. Or at least, it calmed me down enough for my hands to stop shaking and my brain to stop reverberating _"He imprinted…And it's not you."_. I mean, it's not like Alice is infallible – she's been wrong before, and like she told me once, a vision is only as good as the decision that makes it. And once the decision changes, the vision becomes inaccurate.

Thinking through this logically also helped – and like I mentioned, as did the cold, sting of the water. I realized that had this happened two years ago, I probably would have reacted first and analyzed later. But I was older now…and I'd like to think, wiser.

The final antidote to my worry was standing in the middle of my room as I came in. Instantly, my heart lifted and I forgot most of my worries. Even if I stayed with him for the rest of my life, I know I would never stop feeling the sense of unreality that this wonderful, beautiful person loved me and was waiting for me.

"Jake!" I said, and my voice rang a little too loudly in my ears. I covered my mouth and listened for any sign that I had woken up Charlie. Thankfully, the snoring carried on from his room down the hall. I ran to Jacob's arms and he caught me effortlessly. For a moment, he just stood there, we were quiet, and content to just soak in the other's presence, the feel of each other's skin on our own and listen to the cadence of our heartbeats.

"Hi honey." Jake whispered "I missed you."

"You just saw me two hours ago." I reminded him, though truly, I knew exactly how it felt. Any moment away from Jacob, no matter how brief, always felt like an eternity, it just felt wrong.

He carried me the few short steps to my bed lay down so that I was straddling him. I knew I needed to get up and change into pajamas but I just HAD to kiss him one more time. Suddenly, Jacob caught my face between his two huge hands and kissed me hard. For a moment I was afraid – it wasn't the way he usually kissed me, not even in our most passionate moments. It was too hard, almost punishing, in its intensity – as if Jacob was trying to tell me something that he couldn't speak aloud. I was breathing raggedly when he was through – and so was he.

A moment passed and his lips found their way up my jaw, licking and sucking until they covered my lips again, parting them, plunging deeply as if he were trying to capture my soul in one kiss. It only took an instant for our passion to escalate, and suddenly desperate, shaky fingers working frantically to untie the belt of my robe, while mine pulled at his shirt, wanting to feel the warmth of his skin on mine. Wanting his caresses to erase my fears. I arched into Jacob's arms, wrapping my own arms around him and fisted my hands into his beautiful hair, as he shifted his hips roughly against me, connecting all of him against all of me.

Everything began moving so fast, my body taking over my rational mind, finally freeing it of the fear and worry that had been plaguing me since I had spoken to Edward. Jacob's hands parted my robe, and worked their way up my thighs and then suddenly I was beneath him. It was only another second before neither of us could take it anymore, both of us reaching down and fumbling with his jeans until he was as naked as I was, his lips still never leaving mine as he tugged, pulled, and shifted until both our clothes were off. He entered me quickly and forcefully, one thrust and I was filled completely.

"Oh God, you feel so good." he murmured against my neck, his eyes closing as though he were in deep contemplation. He moved steadily within me, his body thrusting forward to meet mine as his hands latched on to my hips to stabilize himself and I was consumed by him, he was like a fire that warmed me, burned me everywhere, I gasped for breath, gazing at each fleeting expression on his face as he made love to me – he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. As if he could read my mind, or feel my gaze on his skin, he opened his eyes and smiled at me.

My whole body tensed with each motion he made, and I felt my release slowly build inside of me, urgent, begging to be set free. I could that he was close, too – his labored breathing, the tautness of his muscles, the tenseness in his jaw.

"I love you Bella." He whispered before he plunged into me one last time, swallowing my cry with his kiss as our huge waves of pleasure washed over us both and I was left breathless with Jake's heavy weight engulfing me completely. I felt him chuckle into the groove of my neck, "Little wildcat – you could have woken Charlie." he said as he kissed the skin there.

"I think you took care of that." I whispered back. I would have been perfectly happy to stay here in his arms forever – to forget my worry and fear but as soon as our moment of intimacy was over and I had drifted back down to earth, the foreboding feeling that had been lurking since Edward's call came back with a vengeance. I shivered and burrowed closer to Jacob.

He was quiet, unusually so – but I knew he wasn't asleep.

"What's wrong?" I suddenly asked him. I realize I'd been asking him that a lot tonight. But I also realize, all my previous inquiries had been brushed off, like nothing had happened. I thought that whatever it was that had upset him at the dinner had been forgotten, but he was…there was no other word for it…brooding. Brooding. My Jacob. My sunshiny, happy, cheerful Jacob.

"Nothing." He said. But I wasn't convinced. There was something…and it bothered me immensely that he wouldn't talk to me about it. "Is something wrong with you?" he asked. It came out sharply, as if he was irritated or impatient and I recoiled inwardly.

For a moment, I was tempted to tell him about Edward's call, to ask him if he had imprinted. But I knew that the thought of me talking to Edward would upset him. And anyway, what Alice had seen could change at anytime. It made no sense to rock the boat – to worry about something that may or may not happen, and to involve Jacob in my own personal little hell – the hell of wondering when he would imprint and leave me.

"No, nothing's wrong." I said, hoping and praying that my words would prove prophetic.

We were both quiet then, each deep in their own thoughts. I wondered too, what secret Jacob was keeping from me.

And for the first time since we had found each other again, I did not sleep safe and comforted in his arms. Even if his body was pressed against mine, even as I felt the heat of his breath on my neck, even if his arms were wrapped around me, it was as if there was a wide, deep chasm between us tonight. One that neither of us wished to or was afraid to cross.

**Author's Note: ** Hi everyone. Please review, I am hoping you enjoyed chapter 18. No footnotes this time and I know this is probably one of my shorter chapters but it's a very crucial one. I'd appreciate your comments especially on Alice's vision.


	19. Chapter 19 Certain Sacrifices

A/N : Before you go any further with reading this, I wanted to say a few things:

Thank you for reading MPOF and sticking with it this far. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to muddle through it (even when it got boring and dragging, and sometimes downright incoherent.).

My gratitude also goes out to everyone who left a review, regardless of what kind. The input is much appreciated and always kept in mind (even when I don't follow the advice – this is not due to the quality of your advice but solely due to my own stubborn ideas.)

If you have very definite, cast-in-stone ideas about what should happen and will not accept anything other than that**, ****please stop reading now** because (a) I don't want to disappoint you or piss you off; (b) you probably won't enjoy it and you'll end up flaming me, and (c) this would just make me sad, writers block-ed and completely useless – which would not be fair to those who actually LIKE the story.

HOWEVER, that being said, I need my readers to trust me to take this story to its conclusion. Like I've said before – the ending to this story was written long before I wrote the prologue and I'm very attached to the last 3 chapters – which incidentally are already written, proofread and merely awaiting publication.

Although I'm thrown off by the sometimes "violent" reactions to my plot, I'm not going to cop out and turn this into a "choose-your-own-adventure" story.

I don't think anyone ever considered writing to William Shakespeare to berate him for letting Romeo & Juliet DIE. Not that I'm comparing myself to Shakespeare because obviously, I'm an amoeba compared to him. I'm not even the dust under his shoes, more like the dust on the dust under his shoes…. But let's face it, would Romeo & Juliet have been so great if there was no conflict? If no one died, no one dueled and everyone went straight to happily-ever-after?

However, the principle of artistic integrity and freedom of expression is the same. I refuse to compromise on plot, character development or storyline. So much as I hate Aliya too (occasionally), I think that cookie-cutter, one dimensional, predictable villains are boring.

I know that I'm not a good writer, and that this story may actually completely suck (despite my fondness for it) BUT I started writing MPOF primarily for self-entertainment – and that really remains my purpose for writing it. The fact that some people like it and were nice enough to tell me so, was a HUGE bonus that I didn't expect. And again, thank you very much.

Simply put, I have a story to tell and I intend to tell it in a certain way – it's one which may not match your expectations. But ultimately it is MY story and you're very welcome to love it, hate it or not read it at all.

This chapter is for **luvinj **who was nice enough to listen to my ranting and raving.

**Chapter 19**

**Where Certain Sacrifices Are Made**

**ALIYA'S POV**

"Yo Ali! Phone!" I heard Lukas call through the door. I rolled over in bed and reached for the alarm clock beside me. It was 7:00 am – I had crashed on my bed as soon as I had gotten home from work, intending to take a short nap, but I must have slept through dinner again. Damn. I missed cooking breakfast for Luke and my mom again – and Luke had to leave for school soon.

"Who is it?" I called out. Our house is so tiny that from my room, you can hear pretty much everything going on the second floor.

"It's Jeff again." Lukas replied. I could sense him hovering outside my door, probably with the phone in his hand.

"Tell him I'm not home!" I yelled back, hoping that Lukas had had the common sense to put his hand over the receiver and making sure we weren't being overheard.

It was quiet for a while. And then I heard a knock on my door. Sighing, I got out of bed. _Another lecture from Lukas_.

I opened the door without a word and stomped back to the bed where I buried my head under a pillow.

"Ali, you have to stop this. I mean, if you don't like him, just break up with him already. Jeff's really nice and I don't think what you're doing is fair to him." Lukas said without any preamble, sitting on the edge of my bed. "You're being a bitch."

I peeked out at him and the earnest look on his face would have probably made me laugh on any other occasion. Lukas is 16 going on 60 and from the way he acts, it's like I'm the younger sibling and not him. He was serious even as a little boy, always protective of me. But even when we were younger, he'd never hesitated telling me off when I did something stupid.

"I don't need advice on my love life from you thanks." I muttered. Sarcastically. I'm not exactly my best right after I wake up in the morning.

The truth was, I knew I should talk to Jeff. It was rude and unfair, the way I'd been avoiding him all week. Jeff and I have been dating on and off since I moved here – except for the couple of months when Jacob had finally shown an interest in me. He was sweet and smart, and good looking and I'm pretty sure he loved me.

The night Jacob broke up with me, Jeff was the person I had run to – I needed validation, to feel wanted. Although it was wrong and selfish to use him as a sop to my ego, in a way, I did love him. I do love him. He's just not…Jacob.

Jeff is not brooding or intense. He's fun and cheerful and lighthearted, and he makes me feel like things can't possibly be as bad as I think, the pessimist that I am. That night when I had felt broken and rejected and unwanted, Jeff's calm, quiet acceptance of me was balm to my wounds. He had been exactly what I needed. And after that night, we had easily fallen back into our relationship, as if Jacob had never existed.

Except in my heart.

I knew Jeff wanted a more serious relationship, some sort of declaration that we were together. In fact, this was why we had fought last week and why I was avoiding him. He had wanted to bring me home for Sunday dinner and formally introduce me to his parents. I broke up with him in response. Jeff was at U Dub and home for the weekends, so it had been fairly easy to avoid him – except for the incessant phone calls. Except lately, even during the week now, he'd make the long drive to see me when he got off school early.

He would never understand, in his naïve, childlike way of looking at life that a relationship between us would never last, would never possibly work.

Jeff's dad was mayor, they also owned the local bank, and in the little town of Forks, they were as "high society" as it gets. His mom was president of the garden club, the Ladies' Society, and they were all so white that they could probably trace their ancestors all the way to Plymouth Rock. They always seemed nice enough to me, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be all that pleased if their son ended up with a community college drop-out waitress from the Rez – especially since he had his pick of the girls at the yacht club at Port Angeles.

"Well you certainly need advice from someone." Lukas retorted. "What's wrong with you Ali? Jeff's a nice guy…he's not like Matt or…"

"Don't even go there." I said in a hard voice, getting out of bed. Clearly, there was no hope that Luke would leave me alone to get more sleep. But I think the steely tone of my voice at least put him off the subject of Matt.

"Besides, do you seriously think it would work? I mean not just that they're so rich and so different from us…did you forget that I like, turn into a giant dog? Try explaining that to the Mayor! " I said acidly

"You know you can stop that. You can retire from the pack and stop phasing." Lukas countered. "And besides, you're not giving Jeff enough credit – if he can stand up to your shit, I'm pretty sure he can take any heat from his folks."

I hate when he's right. And with Lukas, he's kinda always right. But admitting he was right didn't mean I was going to do what he said anyway.

"Ali, just talk to him ok? He really loves you." Lukas said "I can tell. And Jake…well, you just gotta let that go. He's happy now and you should move on and be happy too."

I nodded and stomped out to the bathroom. Weird but true – I've always had to take boyfriend advice from my baby brother – just because of everyone in the world, he understands me best. Though I hated to admit it, Lukas was always right about my boyfriends. And he had absolutely hated Matt from the first moment he had met him. He seemed to really like Jeff though for some reason and of course, he idolized Jacob. But then, so did all the younger members of the pack.

The water from the shower washed away the last vestiges of sleepiness – a good thing since I had homework to do – I had had to drop out of community college this semester, mom doesn't really make a ton of money as a teller at the bank, incidentally Jeff's dad's bank, and things were a little tight. I was taking some correspondence courses though, and few as those were, they ate up into the remaining time I had from work at the café and patrols, and taking care of the house when mom was at work.

I looked down at my body in the shower. It looked the same. But I knew it wasn't going to stay that way for long. And I had to make a decision. But how, and who to tell – that would be the biggest problem. My mom would freak. I couldn't do this to her. Not again.

I heard the front door slam as Lukas left for school and I was alone. Again.

**BELLA'S POV**

"Happy birthday sleepyhead!!"

Auuurrrrgh. I groaned, rolling over in bed. It was my 22nd birthday. Ugh. I was now officially two years older than Jake. Or rather, 6 years older than Jake, because he had stopped aging when he first phased at 16. I've never enjoyed birthdays. It seemed like for some reason, bad things always happened on my birthdays – like it was cursed or something.

I peered out from under the covers and saw my dad, already dressed for work, standing by my bed – a cupcake with one lit candle on top of it in one hand and a little box wrapped in bright paper on the other.

"Thanks dad." I mumbled, swinging my legs off the bed and giving him a hug.

He was really quiet for a while, just holding me tightly. "Happy birthday baby." He whispered against my hair.

"You're not crying, are you dad?" I asked teasingly, though I felt pinpricks of tears against my own eyes.

"Nah…." He said dismissively, but he held me tighter and said "I just…well…I'm just not really over…I thought I'd never get to celebrate this day again, you know?"

"I love you dad." I whispered.

"Now open your present before Jake gets here and trumps me!" Charlie said in a gruff voice, letting go of me and handing me the little box.

"Trumps you?" I asked, my curiosity piqued. "You know what he got me?"

"I think everyone in La Push knows what he got you." Charlie grinned but would not say another word.

I tore into the wrapper of my gift, not pushing the subject anymore. Normally, I hate my birthday and I hate surprises. But I couldn't help smiling up at my dad, who beamed back at me. He always said that when you're a parent, you get more joy out of watching your kid open a present than the kid gets receiving it.

It was a beautiful silver chain, with a little wolf pendant swinging from the end of it, reminiscent of the one Jacob had carved for me out of wood.

"Thanks dad! I love it." I said, giving him another hug.

"Well…your mom told me she was sending you the chain and "_suggested" _ I get a locket to go with it…but I saw this at the reservation gift shop when I was up there and I thought you'd like it better." he told me. "I thought it would go with your bracelet."

I smiled and put on the chain, then bounded over to my old dresser to look at it in the mirror.

"You were right, I like this better." I told him smiling.

"Now if I were you, I'd get in the shower because Jake already called and he's on his way." My dad said, turning to leave the room. "Oh and don't stay out too late tonight!"

"Ok dad! Love you!" I answered. I glanced at my alarm clock, it was already 7:30 and I had to be at work by nine. I grabbed some clothes and ran to the bathroom, just in time to hear Charlie's cruiser pulling out of our driveway.

--- 000 ---

I was tying my still-wet hair back in a ponytail when I heard the unmistakable beep-beep of a car horn from the street fronting our house. Leaning to look out the window, I saw Jacob, a wide grin on his face, leaning nonchalantly against Betsy – the 1965 Ford Mustang that he'd been working on for months - bouncing the car keys in the palm of his hand. Her red paint job shone and the chrome fittings gleamed even in the weak sunlight.

"Need a ride birthday girl?" he called out to me.

"I'll be right down!" I said excitedly. I'm not exactly a car buff, but hanging around Jake, Quil and Embry was bound to rub off some and Betsy had been Jacob's pet project since I arrived that the boys' excitement was contagious. Jacob, Quil and Embry had been expecting the completion of her restoration as anxiously and eagerly as new parents awaiting the birth of their first baby.

I practically ran out the door, slamming it behind me and hearing the lock click automatically into place. It had been two weeks since Edward's disturbing phone call and so far, nothing bad had happened – and by bad, I mean that Jacob hadn't imprinted, and my initial panic and paranoia that it could happen at any second was slowly starting to fade.

"Wow! You've finished her Jake! She's so beautiful." I said, reaching his side and sliding my hand reverently over her sleek red hood, the shiny chrome of her side mirrors.

"You think so?" he said. I nodded enthusiastically. Jake's heart was gonna break when he sold her – that had been the whole point of restoring the old car, something he and the guys had done successfully several times since Jake restored his first VW Rabbit, for a tidy profit. But I knew Jacob had gotten really attached to Betsy since he had spent so much time on her.

"So you'll forgive me for spending time with this girl instead of you last night?" Jacob asked, pulling me to his side in a tight hug.

"Well…under normal circumstances, I'd be upset…but seeing as it's Betsy.." I drawled out.

"I'm glad you like her too." Jacob grinned. "Happy birthday Bells." he said dropping the keys in my hand. I was struck dumb. I looked at the keys resting in my palm, and then back to Jacob, whose eyes were sparkling and whose grin was even wider – if that were possible.

"Huh?" I asked, not quite grasping what was happening.

"Betsy – she's your present." Jacob said, then he lifted one hand to my chin and gently closed my mouth – which apparently- had been hanging open in shock.

"Mine?!!!!" I squealed with delight, jumping up and down in his arms like a little kid who's just received the best present from Santa.

"Yup. All yours." Jacob replied, pulling me close to him, "…just like I am." and then his mouth was on mine, drawing the breath out of me. For a long moment, time stood still for me, the way it always does when Jacob kisses me. I leaned closer to him, his taste in my mouth, inhaling deeply of his scent, feeling his strong arms around me – this was the best birthday present really. Anything else – even something as fantastic as Betsy – was just a bonus. I was starry eyed and breathless as usual, when he pulled away.

"You can't give her to me Jake." I tried to argue, perhaps half-heartedly. But my brain was telling me that Jacob couldn't afford a gift this expensive – something he'd spent months working on.

"Why not?" he asked, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for him to give me a present that cost thousands of dollars, not to mention the many, many hours of hard work he had put into restoring her.

"It's such an expensive gift." I tried to reason with him "You know I don't expect gifts like this….you know I love home made presents", thinking of the little wolf charm he had carved for me years ago.

"Well…this is homemade too." Jacob laughed "I **did** put her together myself." His eyes twinkled. "Come on Bells, don't spoil my surprise. I really want you to have her."

"Really?" I finally acceded.

"Really. Really." he emphasized, giving me another kiss.

"In that case, can I give you a lift somewhere?" I asked opening the driver's side of the car.

Laughing, Jake got into the car and we drove off. I think starting this year, I'll change my mind about hating my birthday.

--- 000 ---

I parked Betsy and got out, pausing to admire her again as I locked the door. I was here to pick up Leah, Jake and Seth for my birthday party but had had to park almost a block away – all the other spaces were too tight and I didn't want to risk scratching my new car. The nightlife in Forks and La Push being such as it is – that is, hard pressed for choices – we were having a birthday bonfire on the beach with Quil and Embry and their dates, whoever those turned out to be.

"Nice!" I heard a voice say behind me, followed by a wolf whistle. I turned to look into the smiling face of Embry sauntering towards me along the sidewalk.

"Betsy's prettier I know," I smiled back. "So I'm pretty sure the wolf whistle wasn't for me."

With his incredibly long legs, Embry caught up to me pretty soon and we started walking the half a block to the garage together.

"Happy birthday by the way." He said quietly, smiling at me.

"Thanks. I got some pretty crappy presents though." I said jokingly.

Embry threw back his head and laughed. "I'll say."

"So are you and Vanessa coming over later?" I asked him. Although part of me was apprehensive about Leah's reaction, clearly Vanessa was not her favorite person, I wanted Embry – one of the few friends I had here – to be at my birthday celebration.

"Uhmm…yeah." He said, looking sheepish. "I'll be there."

"By yourself?" I asked, arching my brow.

"Uh…no." he said, clearly wanting me to drop the subject.

"With Vanessa then." I finished.

"With someone else." He said laughing, seeing as how I looked like I wasn't about to give up the topic. "With this girl Patricia – she's in some of my classes."

"Really?" I said, interested now. "What's she like?"

"Uh…well, she's pretty, kinda tiny, and she's blonde, has green eyes...you know…"

"Em that's like the world's worst description ever. You could have been describing Vanessa and I would have never known the difference." I scolded him. Sometimes, these wolf boys were just too much. Really. I think they get spoiled from all the female attention that they start to think girls are interchangeable – _just you wait 'til you fall in love you jerk…or imprint_. Then I shuddered, I didn't want to think about that part.

He shrugged. "She's nice." he said simply.

"What happened to Vanessa?" I asked. Despite Leah's instant dislike to her, and her irritating habit of giggling all the time, I had actually liked her a little. She seemed nice at least.

"She got too clingy…and needy." Mumbled Embry in a low voice. "She just kept calling me all the time… I felt…uh…stalked."

"What did I just hear?" I asked trying to force back a laugh. "So was she _**stalking**_ you too? Now where did I hear that recently?" I feigned innocence earning me a lopsided grimace from Embry as we walked into the garage.

"I wouldn't go there if I were you." Quil said, catching the tail end of my conversation with Embry and completely mistaking the subject of our conversation.

"She's in a pretty bad mood. Jeremy whatshisface called again and she answered the phone by accident so she had no choice but to talk to him." He continued inclining his head in the direction of the office. "And by the way….happy birthday Zombie Girl!" he told me, giving me a hug.

"Uhngg…Quil…lungs..can't…breathe…" I managed to gasp from the depths of his massive hug.

"Ooops, sorry." He said, dropping me immediately.

"Serves her right for dating those blonde bimbos of hers…" Embry muttered. I gave him an evil glare and raised my eyebrow at him.

"You really need to chill bro." Quil smirked, "You're turning green around the edges."

"Oh shut the fuck up." Embry said, stomping off towards the back of the garage.

"Nice…." Quil drawled out, going back to his work.

"Where's Jake?" I asked, when suddenly there were warm lips on the back of my neck and I felt myself being lifted off the ground.

"Hey there birthday girl." Jacob said looking into my eyes, his gaze holding mine, making me feel like we were alone in a little world of our own.

"Hey yourself." I answered, lifting my face up for a kiss. And I wasn't disappointed. His lips captured mine, gently at first and then with growing intensity as the kiss blossomed.

"Oh for crying out loud, how many times do I need to tell you guys to get a room!" Seth teased from the doorway. Then looking at my red, embarrassed face, winked "Happy Birthday Bella!"

"Oh good, you're here." Leah said, coming out of the office and walking directly toward us, a scowl on her pretty face making her look fierce. "Can we please go now before anyone else calls? We still need to buy food for tonight."

"What?" I teased her "No 'happy birthday Bella'?"

"Yadda yadda…" she intoned "Whatever…" but she smiled as she dropped a little pink wrapped parcel in my hands.

"So aren't you going to open it?" she asked mischievously.

"Uh…sure, sure." I said, grappling to open the present – a difficult task since Jake had positioned himself behind me and had me loosely, yet securely wrapped up in his arms.

I gave the wrapped box a sharp pull and a froth of pink and black burst forth – so did the loud guffaws of laughter from Jacob, Quil, Embry and Seth. I blushed all the way to the roots of my hair as I examined the tiny pieces of lingerie that were Leah's birthday present.

"Waaaay to gooo Jake!" Seth hooted. I shot him a dirty look.

"Wait, was it a present for Bella or for Jake?" Quil teased.

"I'm pretty sure it was for Jake." laughed Embry.

"Yeah…yeah…enough already." Jake said given them all a stern look after seeing my flushed and embarrassed face. "I'm looking forward to seeing you in them later though." He whispered in my ear wickedly, causing me to blush even more than I had thought possible.

"Gee…thanks Leah." I sad sarcastically.

"Anytime." She said cheekily, starting out the door.

"So are you idiots hanging out here all night or are we going to party?" Jake asked the boys with a grin.

--- 000 ---

The bonfire was fun and then there was after the bonfire….and Leah's present, which needless to say, was greatly appreciated by Jacob as well as myself.

As it turns out however, my love affair with Betsy was to be short lived. Which was fine really. My old jeep and I got along fine, and anyway, Betsy really was too pretty for me.

It was a gorgeous fall afternoon – it was cold of course, but it wasn't raining and periodically sunshine would even peek through the clouds. I was driving with the top down, I figured that I wouldn't have the luxury of doing this often given Fork's climate, so I took every opportunity I had to leave it down. I got off work from Newton's at 5:00 and was hurrying home to get dinner ready for Charlie and possibly Jacob. He had classes until 3:00 today and we had plans for him to pick up Billy and then go to dinner at my house.

Charlie's cruiser was already parked in our driveway when I arrived. I parked Betsy carefully, trying not to spatter mud since I had just cleaned her this morning, and then taking the time to put the top back up after I got out, just in case it rained again. I gave her a fond pat – then felt silly because after all, it was just a car.

"Dad?" I called out as I entered the house. "Are you home?"

"In here!" I heard him shout. I made my way to the kitchen where I found Charlie on the telephone – apparently with Jake.

"Yes she just walked in." he said, obviously referring to me. I motioned for him to give me the telephone but he lifted his hand, gesturing that I should wait.

"Ok I'll tell her. We'll be there in a few minutes. Don't worry son. I'm sure everything will be ok. He's one tough bird." Charlie said, causing my heart to pound. Clearly something was wrong. He heaved heavy sigh as he hung up the phone and turned to me.

"That was Jake – Billy's in the hospital." He told me, his face somber. Billy was, after all, his oldest and best friend – especially now that Harry had passed on. I paled.

"What happened?" I asked worriedly.

"Jacob went to check on him today and found him passed out in the bathroom – God knows how long he'd been in there. They think he forgot to take his insulin shot and went into diabetic shock. He's dehydrated and worse, that cough he's had since January – well turns out it's developed into pneumonia."

"Oh no!" I cried. "We need to go to the hospital now. Who's there with Billy?"

"Just Jake." Charlie said. "Rebecca's seven months pregnant and so she can't fly in from Hawaii, and Jake's trying to get to Rachel."

"Let's go then." I said, picking up my purse and walking toward the door, Charlie hot behind my heels.

--- 000 ---

**JPOV**

"_No Rachel." _I assured my sister over the telephone _"You don't need to come home, I know you have exams and that you can't afford the plane fare to come."_ We'd had this conversation at least once a day for the last four days – the same conversation I'd had with Rebecca, also at least once a day since dad was admitted to the hospital.

"_But how will you cope? Who's gonna help you with dad?"_

"_We'll be fine. Bella and Sue help me watch dad at the hospital when I need to work or have school and besides, they're going to discharge him in a few days and I'll move back in with him until he's better."_ I assured her.

"_Ok, well…I'll call you again tomorrow and if he's any worse…I'll come home, take a leave this semester if I have to."_ Rachel said. _"How about you Jake, are YOU ok?" _ she asked, sounding worried.

"_Don't worry about me, I'm fine."_ I assured her, said goodbye and hung up.

The truth was, I was dead tired and worried and scared. I glanced over at Billy who was asleep. His face was drawn and he'd lost a lot of weight. I thought I would have a heart attack myself when I had found him passed out on the bathroom floor four days ago. It was my fault for moving out. I should have realized that Billy needed me more now that he was getting older. The thing was, I never really thought about my dad as being "old" – even though I'm now physically, much bigger than him, the picture in my mind's eye, the impression I'd had since I was a little boy, that my dad was seven feet tall, still persisted. I'd always taken it for granted that he would be there forever, for as long as I needed him – a belief that I'd clung to, a defense mechanism I'd held on to since my mom died.

He would be fine, the doctor assured me. They said they just needed to take care of the dehydration and he was on an IV course of antibiotics for the pneumonia but that they would release him in a few days.

Now that the doctor had said he was going to be ok, I felt a little less worried about Billy and began to worry about the realities of the situation. Obviously, Billy had no medical insurance, and neither did I. All my spare money was invested in the garage, and even without this happening, money was never really overflowing around our house.

"Hey Jake." I heard Bella's soft voice from the doorway. "How is he today?" she came over to the side of the bed, where I was sitting next to Billy and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.

"He's better. The cough's improving and Dr. Gerandy says they can release him in a few days."

"That's great!" Bella said, squeezing my shoulder. I nodded and glanced at Billy, watching his chest rise and fall, listening to the beep of the machines connected to him, the drip drip sound of the IV.

"What's wrong?" Bella said, sitting on my lap and taking my face between her hands, her eyes searching mine.

"Nothing for you to worry about." I assured her. And it was true. I'd figure this out – if I had to do work on Dr. Gerandy's car or the hospital ambulances for the rest of my earthly life. Which come to think of it, my mouth twisting wryly in bitter amusement, would be a preeeee-tty long time.

"If it's something for YOU to worry about, then it's something I need to worry about too." She said earnestly

"Please don't shut me out Jake. You said we'd be together forever – and forever, well, it includes the bad stuff as well as the good stuff. I didn't just sign on for the happy times."

I kissed her then, not knowing what to say.

"What is it?" she insisted, as soon as we broke off the kiss.

I sighed deeply. Might as well tell her. Clearly, she wasn't going to give up or allow herself to be distracted by the kissing.

"I'm just a little worried about the hospital bill…." I finally told her. "But like I said, don't worry about it, I'll figure it out."

Bella just nodded absently. And then her face brightened, like she had a sudden epiphany. "Betsy!" she suddenly said, her face shining like a child on Christmas morning.

"Huh?"

"Betsy. We can sell Betsy." Bella explained, I opened my mouth to protest but she covered it with her little palm

"Just listen to me. You know a lot of people have been asking me if she was for sale ever since I've been driving her around town. Mr. Newton offered me $ 15,000 for her just today!" she said excitedly.

"I can't sell Betsy Bella," I explained to her patiently "She's yours."

"And what's mine is yours Jacob." she told me "If you meant what you said about forever, doesn't that make Billy my father too? Isn't he more important than a car? Besides, I never did like red cars…" Bella said lightly, mischievously.

I had to laugh. Bella LOVED red cars. In fact all her vehicles had been red as far as I can recall. Even the jeep she had bought before she even remembered who she was. I grabbed her and pulled her to me, holding her tightly. Unable to express in words how much I loved her.

"Thank you." I whispered into her hair.

"And I see we're taking very good care of our patient…." a teasing voice said from the doorway. Such timing this girl had!

"Hey Leah!" Bella said, turning around in my arms "What are you doing here?"

"Oh I got off class early and I was wondering if you needed help with Billy tonight." she said. "You guys need some time off I think."

I couldn't argue with her on that - Bella and I had been taking shifts every day and night since we rushed Billy to the hospital.

"Are you sure? No date tonight?" I asked her. Leah made a face at me.

"Nope. No date." Leah said. "What the hell is it with you guys and this sudden interest in my social life anyway?" she added, irritably.

"Well…it IS Friday night…" Bella said.

"Exactly. So why don't you two lovebirds go off and enjoy it."

"Thanks Leah! I owe you for this one!" I said, grabbing Bella's hand and pulling her out the door before she could argue.

"You owe me for lots of stuff buddy!" she retorted, sticking out her tongue at me.

--- 000 ---

**EMBRY'S POV**

I had some time on my hands and thought Jake and Bella could use a break from the watching over Billy at the hospital. It was Friday night and normally I'd be out – with the guys, or on a date, but I really didn't feel like being sociable tonight. And I really was somewhat tired from school and work. I hadn't told anyone but I was taking extra courses in political science and philosophy – I'm sure they'd bust a coronary laughing if I told them I was interested in possibly going to law school someday. Crap shoot right? I have no idea how I could ever afford it – even if I had managed to get accepted by a decent school. But a guy can dream right?

"You owe me for lots of stuff buddy!" I heard Leah's voice as I turned the corner into the hallway where Billy's room was.

Great. Maybe this wasn't such a brilliant idea. The last thing I needed tonight was to get into another fight with Leah – and lately, that's all we seemed to do. I mean, Leah has always been "difficult" to put it mildly, and she fights with everyone in the pack – but lately, it seems like it's concentrated on me.

"Hey bro." Jake said, finally noticing me as we met in the middle of the hall. He looked horrible. Tired, drawn, with dark circles under his eyes, and I kicked myself for not doing this sooner. It looked like Jake hadn't slept since Billy was admitted to the hospital.

"Hey." I said and then smiled at Bella, who was looking at me speculatively. After her little interrogation on the day of her birthday, Bella and I really hadn't had a chance to talk much. "Thought I'd spell you for a while so you could take a break…you look like shit." I said to Jake.

"Yeah yeah. I know." Jake said, running his hand through his hair. "Thanks Em. We'll just grab some dinner and then be back here soon."

"Look, why don't you take the whole night off – get some sleep. I don't have anything to do tonight anyway."

"You sure?" he asked, looking hopeful.

"Yup." I answered. Leah or no Leah, this was the least I could do for my friend –and Billy of course. "I'm all set. I already had dinner at Sam and Emily's and Sue sent over this." I told the pair, lifting a basket containing blueberry muffins and a thermos of coffee.

"Thanks bro." Jacob said, slapping me on the back as he started to lead Bella away. They were a few steps behind me when I heard Bella's parting shot.

"Oh Embry?" she called back

"Yeah?"

"Leah's in there – try not to be an ass ok?" she said sweetly. I lifted a hand in acknowledgment, not rising to her bait. I heard Jacob chuckle – the traitor. Of course I wasn't going to be as she so elegantly put it – an "ass". For the record, I only fight with Leah when she starts it – I mean really, a guy can only take so much right?

Speaking of the devil. Leah, who apparently has an aversion to sitting on furniture, had spread a thick blanket on the floor and was sitting there, leaning on the wall.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, lifting a brow, as I entered the room and dropped down beside her. "And did I say you could sit there?"

"I'm here for the same reason as you and I will gladly move to the chair if my being near you _bothers_ you so much." I told her.

"Why would it bother me?" she asked nonchalantly, looking the other way.

Awkward silence. Well…at least she wasn't bitching at me. I vowed right there to make an effort NOT to fight with Leah tonight. First of all, I'm pretty sure our bickering would disturb Billy and secondly, I think I can be grown up enough to be patient with her since she was here doing a good deed for my best friend.

"No date tonight?" I asked conversationally. Oooops. Clearly this was the wrong thing to ask. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I could see thunderclouds gathering in Leah's eyes.

"Wait! Wait! I take that back. No more questions on your love life ok." I said, raising my hands in surrender.

"I could ask you the same thing." She said, lifting an eyebrow at me. I notice she does that a lot – I'm sure it drives her boyfriends crazy – it draws your gaze towards her eyes, and how well…pretty they are. Like the deepest, warmest pool of chocolate. And you get stuck there…wanting to strangle her or drag her to bed

"You do know you're creeping me out, right?" Leah asked, breaking me out of my reverie.

"Sorry. I spaced out for a moment." I said embarrassed, I could NOT be having thoughts like that about Leah Clearwater.

"So how come YOU don't have a date tonight? Vanilla dump you?" she asked, again with the sarcasm. This time, I just wanted to strangle her, period.

"As a matter of fact, I haven't seen _**Vanessa**_ since that night at your house, not that it's any of your business." I said, exasperatedly.

"Look Lee, can we call a truce or something?" I finally said. I was very proud of myself. See? I could even sacrifice my pride in the interest of the better good.

She was quiet and this gave me the confidence to continue – at least she was listening.

"I'm sorry I kissed you that night ok?" I apologized, completely insincerely of course, but she didn't need to know that.

"I thought maybe…well…it seemed like a good idea at the time, and I was so angry…and you can be so infuriating…and why do even let those bozos near you? Touch you? So those idiots are allowed to kiss you but I'm not?"

"Embry, this is sounding less and less like an apology by the second." She hissed, then looking toward the hospital bed, "….and you're bothering Billy."

I stopped. Thank God I stopped. God knows what other idiocy I would have spouted if she hadn't stopped me.

"Just don't do it again." Leah said, and she looked at me, clearly wanting the subject dropped.

I kept my counsel and was quiet. Ok. I can do this. We can go back to being friends. Not a problem….

"So you want a muffin?" I offered, opening the basket and handing her one.

"Sure." Leah answered, reaching for it. Our fingers brushed. And for an insane five seconds, I wanted to grab her and kiss her until she was cross eyed and incoherent and panting my name.

Man, am I screwed.

--- 000 ----

A/N: P.S. See Bella's new car at

http://www./images/65_


	20. Chapter 20 Where Promises Are Broken

AN : Hi guys, so sorry this took so long. "Real" life took over for a while and I had to put MPOF on the back burner until I took care of several things.

This was a very difficult chapter to write because as you'll see, we're at the beginning of the end…and I've grown attached. Also, I wasn't sure if anyone was still interested my finishing the story considering the scarcity of the reviews which was pretty discouraging. At any rate, I hope this was worth the wait and I promise not to let the next chapter take so long to get to you.

If you like it, hit the review button at the end pretty please. Authors are a very insecure bunch….

Lastly : All characters from Twilight belong to Ms. Meyer, etc etc etc. (…but I'm being good in the hopes that Santa will give me Jacob for Christmas.)

**Chapter 20**

**Where Promises Are Broken**

**JPOV**

I read somewhere once that you shouldn't waste your time with worrying. They say that worrying about every single thing that could possibly go wrong is about as helpful as bailing out the Atlantic Ocean with a child's plastic bucket. In fact, said words of wisdom went, the things that you really need to worry about, the life shattering, universe changing things, will usually catch you off guard some random Tuesday night at some ungodly hour like 3:00 am.

They were right.

It was a fine enough day, the day the end begun.

Fine for Forks, that is. For the first time in about five days, the sky was actually clear – not exactly sunny, but at least warm and dry.

I woke that morning already impatient to begin making a dent in the long list of things I had to do. I had to finish a job on a client's car at the garage and I had to do it in time to leave early enough for my 2:00 pm calculus class. And then I had to rush back to La Push to attend the Trustee's meeting, my dad's usufruct grant for the land our house is built on was due up for renewal and although the hearing was a formality, I had to show up for it as Billy's representative and formally renew the claim.

I had noticed that Billy's cough was getting worse as well, he'd been out of the hospital for a couple of weeks since the bad spell of pneumonia but the persistent cough he developed during that time hadn't completely gone away. I then made a mental note to see Dr. Gerandy in town; I needed to finish my repair job so I would have time to do that before leaving for school. One more thing to do.

Maybe I should just stay in bed.

But then I realized that at the end of all that, after everything I needed to, when I had taken off the numerous hats I wore – son, student, mechanic – I could climb up to Bella's window and lie down next to her, watch her sleep, fall asleep beside her. And if all went according to plan, in two years, when I got my degree, I intended to make sure that Bella's face would be the last thing I saw before I slept and the first thing I saw when I woke up. The garage was doing better every month and we were even getting work not just from La Push and Forks, but also the little towns around it which were still closer to Forks than Port Angeles.

I'd be done with restoring my current project, a 1969 Ford Fairlane Cobra1 that Embry and I had rescued from the Port Angeles dump. It was sweeeeet – the hardtop model of which only 3,000 were ever made. I was tempted to keep it for myself, but it was so rare that already, three people were bidding on it and we could probably sell it for close to $20,000.00. I planned to use half of the profits for part of my tuition – and the other half for the money I was hoarding for Bella's engagement ring. I knew I could never match the 5 karat rock that the leech gave her, but I wanted to get her the best ring I could afford – I had two years to save up for it anyway and I really wanted to make up for the fact that we had to sell Betsy only a few weeks after I'd given her to Bella.

The thought of Bella cleared the last remnants of sleep from my now alert brain. After all, all of this, all of it was for her, for our future together.

Just then the phone rang and a few seconds later, I heard my dad call out that it was for me.

"Hello?" I said, wondering who could be calling so early – the little alarm clock by my bedside informing me that it was only 6:30.

"I love you." Bella's voice said in lieu of a greeting. I grinned. While the ideal would have been waking up with her in my arms and hearing her say this in person, this was nonetheless pretty darn good.

"I'm sorry lady. I think you got the wrong number. Who are you calling again?" I teased.

"Really? Well if this isn't who I think it is, I guess I'll keep callin' around until I find some guy who appreciates these calls." She teased back. I laughed.

"I love you too." I said.

"Ok. Good." Bella replied, a satisfied tone in her voice.

"And you called me at 6:30 am because?..." I asked

"Nothing, I just missed your voice. You never came over last night." Bella said.

"I know honey, I'm sorry. I had tons of homework plus Billy and I had to fill out like ten million forms for the land grant and stuff." I explained.

"Sure. Sure." Bella said, a bit of a grumble in her voice.

"I promise I'll make it up to you tonight." I told her. "I might be really late though. I have that council meeting and stuff."

"That's fine. I can wait up. It's the weekend tomorrow so I don't have to work." Bella reassured me. "Love you. Bye."

I hung up the telephone, got out of bed and hastily took a shower. Then I went to the kitchen to throw together some breakfast for Billy and myself. Officially, my very long day had started.

"Busy day today?" my dad asked, wheeling himself into the kitchen. He had lost a lot of weight since the hospital and hadn't really gained it back yet. When had Billy gotten so old? I asked myself. It took a lot of mental adjustment to seeing Billy so frail – like I've always said, when I was a little boy, I thought my dad was ten feet tall and even after his diabetes got worse and he had to be in his wheelchair, I never quite lost that impression. I suddenly realized how tired and small he looked. And it bothered me.

"Yup." I answered "Lots to do at the garage before I head over to Port Angeles, I have a calculus test today." I grimaced. My grades were good, not because of any extraordinary intelligence on my part, but simply due to a lot of hours studying. However, no matter how many hours I studied, calculus would always be a struggle. I wolfed down my breakfast quickly and then noticed Billy looking at me intensely, a concerned look on his face.

"Don't worry about it dad, I've got it all covered." I reassured him.

"Ok, son." Billy said, but he was still looking worried.

"What?" I asked, wondering what was wrong.

"Don't forget the Trustee's meeting tonight." Billy replied. "Maybe you could pick me up so I can attend it with you?" he added, looking at me speculatively.

"Fat chance dad. Dr. Gerandy say's you can't be exposed to cold and damp until that cough goes away. Which reminds me, I need stop by Dr. Gerandy's before the meeting, he said he'd give me a change of medication for that cough of yours."

"Don't worry about me. I feel perfectly fine. It's just you and that doctor being fussy old maids" Billy said dismissively, but as if his body wished to belie his statement, he had a coughing fit.

"You're looking pretty cheerful for someone with a day full of errands for his useless old father." he added after he had recovered, a twinkle in his eyes. "Does the lovely Bella have anything to do with it?"

I smiled back ruefully, I guess I wore my heart on my sleeve pretty much all the time now. "You're not useless dad." I said, rolling my eyes at him. "Old maybe, but not totally useless." I joked.

"Gee thanks." My dad said. And then he suddenly put his hand on top of mine, and I looked up to see that his face was serious, but his eyes were shining with happiness. "I'm really happy for you son. I'm glad she's wearing the Chief's ring."

"Thank you dad." was all I could say, his blessing meaning the world to me, leaving me with no words to express how I felt. "I'm glad she's wearing it too."

"So when are you going to make an honest woman out of her then? I'd like some grandkids before I go to the happy hunting grounds." he joked.

"Daaaaad…." I groaned. "I'll ask her when I'm good and ready. And besides, you'll get your grandkid anytime now, with Rebecca about to pop."

"Yes, but they'll be all the way in Hawaii." He grumbled. "And besides, we need a Black to carry on the name you know."

"Don't worry dad, I'll work on that right away…we don't need to get married for that." I teased, knowing how he'd react.

"Now Jake…" he said warningly "Nothing of that you hear? Charlie's my best friend and I'd hate to lose my fishing buddy if he goes to jail for murdering you. Besides, think how disappointed your local fans club will be if you become an unwed father." he added wryly.

The truth was, it was the Council who would probably have my hide if I tried any of that shit. They were constantly reminding me to "set a good example" and to do "my part as Alpha" in making sure the next generation didn't degenerate into the cycle of teenage pregnancy, alcoholism and unemployment that seemed to plague other tribes.

"Sure sure." I grinned, going back to my food. "Now can you please eat because you're getting all skin and bones!"

Billy just grunted and continued eating in silence.

- 000 -

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Or maybe I just had been too successful in blocking out the horrible memories of my excruciatingly difficult calculus test that I had blacked out everything else that had happened that day.

I strolled out of Dr. Gerandy's office that late fall afternoon with a new prescription for Billy and enough time to pass by the garage to check up on stuff there. The weather was fine – which in Forks-inese meant no rain, so I decided to walk the few short blocks to the garage. The Council meeting wasn't until eight o'clock and I would have time to grab a sandwich in the office before leaving for La Push. Besides, the whole land grant renewal thing was just a formality. The Blacks have been living on the same ten acres of land for over a hundred years. Leah was on duty but other than her, only Lukas and Joseph were working and they still needed occasional instruction if it was anything complicated.

"Hey." I called out as I walked into the garage.

"Hey Jake." Lukas said from under the hood of a car. Joseph just waved and both carried on with their work. I went over to check each one's work and offered a few suggestions, but they were good workers and really needed minimal supervision. Sometimes I worried about these kids – they were far too serious for their age. In fact, most of the time, they acted more mature than Quil and Seth. But then again…most people acted more mature than Quil and Seth.

"Oh good, you're here." Leah said coming out of the office, looking harassed and tense. "Can you stay 'til closing? I really need to get home. My mom says she needs to talk to me about something before Council meeting. She sounded really, really upset and she won't tell me on the phone."

"Is everything ok? Is Seth ok?" I asked worriedly, although I was pretty sure that if anything disastrous had happened, I would have heard of it from Embry or Quil who were running patrol tonight – and there had been no word. Nonetheless, I was worried. Sue is one tough lady and it takes a lot to upset her.

"That's it, she won't tell me." She said looking frustrated. "She just said she needed to talk to me and hung up."

"Ok stay put for a second before rushing down there. I'll phase really quick. Embry and Quil are out there. If anything happened, they'd know."

Leah looked relieved that the burden had been taken from her somehow. "Duh!" she said hitting her forehead with the palm of her hand in exasperation. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Without a word, but obviously keeping up with the conversation, Lukas posted the "closed" sign on the customer's door and shut the rolling doors of the garage proper. Obviously, we couldn't have customers accidentally walking in to find a seven foot werewolf in the garage – it would be bad for business. Once the doors were secure, I went to the office and stripped, then phased.

_Quil, Embry, is either of you paying attention?_

_Yo Jake, what's up? _Quil's thoughts came in.

_Yup, what? _ Embry replied almost simultaneously.

_Anything weird going on at the rez? _

_Nope, not in my area, don't know about Embry. _Quil responded

_Did either of you pass Leah's house by any chance? Is Seth there?_ Normally, we don't patrol specific houses, and certainly not one where a member of the pack lives, the thinking being that if any problem occurred, the pack member concerned could easily take care of it himself. The pack protected the perimeter and the general population – homes which didn't have any of our "benefits", in other words, a resident seven foot tall guard dog-slash-werewolf in residence.

_I uh…kinda did…you know, in case Sue needed something and Seth's over at some classmate's house in Forks. I didn't notice anything happening. Looked ok, no scent of leeches or anything like that. I even heard Sue talking on the phone with someone. _Embry said, somewhat strangely embarrassed.

_Ok good. You're sure?_

_Yes._

_Soooooo Em…does Leah know you're stalking her house now? _ Quil teased.

_Shut the fuck up Quil. I swear, if you even mention a hint of this to her…I'll tear your head off and that'd be kinda hard to grow back. Besides, I was just doing my civic duty…._ Embry said defensively.

_Civic duty huh? I don't see you patrolling my house. _Quil persisted. I snorted in laughter. Embry did sound extremely defensive. And the "civic duty" stuff was pure bull. Clearly, with two resident werewolves, the Clearwater house was the best protected on the rez.

_Oh put a sock on it. I'm leaving._ Embry said, as his thoughts faded out.

_Thanks guys._

_Sure Big A. See you at council meeting? _

_Yup._

Conversation over, I phased back and went to re-dress myself, feeling more at ease now. Quil and Embry were two of the strongest wolves in the pack. They would be more than capable of taking care of whatever problems there were, if any.

"Just spoke to Embry" I told Leah, drawing a small but perceptible grimace from her, "He passed your house on patrol and everything looks ok."

She nodded looking relieved.

"I think you should take off anyway and find out what's wrong – it's unlike your mom to be so rattled about something that she'd call you like this." I told her.

"Yeah boss." Lukas added his urging to mine "I'm almost done here anyway and so is Joseph."

"Ok then, thanks guys" Leach conceded waving at the boys. "And Jake, there's some stuff I left on the office table that you have to sign for the lease and some checks for the suppliers and stuff." She instructed me.

"Sure, sure. Now go already." I told her, turning her toward the door and pushing her gently.

When Leah finally left, I went into the office and got myself a cup of coffee before I sat down to the table. What she had referred to as "some stuff" turned out to be a whole pile of papers either needing to be signed or responded to in some way. I saw a bigger pile of paper that Leah had already finished – thank goodness. I'd be dead without Leah to run the business side of this place.

"Hey Jake, we're taking off now." Lukas said, coming in followed by Joseph and handing in their time cards – yet another thing I had to sign tonight.

"Ok. Did you guys finally figure out what was wrong with Mrs. Peter's car?" I asked Joseph "I can take a look at it again tomorrow."

"I think we got it Jake, Embry suggested we dismantle the radiator and change the hoses, I think that fixed the problem."

"Ok great. Remember, treat the cars with respect!" I reminded "…after all, most of them are older than you." I grinned at the two boys who waved as they left.

After a few minutes, I heard the bell on the customer's door jangle.

"Luke? Is that you? Did you guys forget something?" I called out. There was no answer but I heard footsteps approach the office and then – "Jake? It's Ali."

Aliya stepped into the small office, the bright fluorescent light bouncing off her waves of shiny hair, making her look almost otherworldly beautiful, even in the harsh light. She stopped suddenly then and looked at me – startled – staring at me for long, long moments.

"Ali?" I asked softly, not wanting to startle her. "Are you ok?"

She remained still, like a statue etched in marble. Only her eyes – wide, frightened and staring at me intensely, gave me any sign that she was alive.

"Ali?" I asked again, walking towards her.

Then as if seeing and hearing me for the first time, as if she had just woken up, Ali took a step towards me, reaching out her hand.

"Jake?" she asked, with a hesitancy in her voice that I had never heard before, looking up at me again, her eyes wide and almost frightened. "How do you know if you've imprinted?"

And so the end began.

- 000 -

**LPOV**

It would have been a hell of a lot faster I had run home. But I had to bring the car back, I needed it for school tomorrow and I would have had to waste a half an hour picking it up again if I had left it at the garage. My foot tapped impatiently as I waited for the light to change. Great. The lone stoplight in this entire town and I had to get stuck at it. I ran my mind through every possible scenario – but came up with nothing that would have shaken my normally cool and collected mother into acting the way she had. Finally, the light changed and I stepped heavily on the accelerator, hoping Chief Swan wasn't around to bust me for speeding.

I made the twenty minute drive to Forks in half the time, speeding most of the way. The house was quiet as I pulled into the driveway, but I could see my mom's car parked from the opening in the garage doors. I let myself in through the front door.

"I'm in the living room Lee" my mom called out, she must have been either waiting for me or had heard the car pull up.

"Hey mom. Are you ok? You had me worried about…." I said walking into the living room, stopping mid-sentence as I saw my mom sitting on our old sofa, her wedding dress in her hands, her fingers running caressingly over the soft white doeskin leather. Her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had been crying for a long time.

"Mom?" I asked, walking towards her, foreboding filling me with each step I took closer to her.

"Sit down honey." My mom said, looking up and patting the space on the sofa next to her "I need to tell you something."

- 000 -

**BPOV **

Finally, it was Friday night. The past week had felt like it would never end – Janie, the other girl who worked at Newton's with me had gotten sick and had been out all week so I had been pulling double shifts everyday since Monday. I couldn't even look forward to seeing Jake until much, much later tonight, if at all. He had work, plus a test, some sort of council meeting and then patrol.

The minutes seemed to drag by excruciatingly slowly until finally, the clock read 5:00 pm and I could leave. I hung up my vest and put on my winter coat. "Bye Ms. Newton!" I called out at my boss who was at the counter tallying the day's sales.

"Bye Bella! Have a good weekend, and thanks for taking all those extra shifts!" she called out.

Truth was, the extra money the double shifts had brought in were very welcome. I only had a year to save for college and every dollar I earned went towards my miniscule college fund. Charlie had of course, offered me money to pay for some of it, but I didn't want him touching any of his retirement funds. I almost had enough saved for year's tuition and I figured I could get a job in Port Angeles to cover my daily expenses when the time came.

I ran the ten yards to where my jeep was parked – just my luck, it had been clear almost all day and then suddenly, a downpour just when I was walking to my car. The engine caught quickly and quietly and I had to smile. After we had to sell my red mustang to cover Billy's hospital bills, Jacob was so overcome with guilt that the very next day, he had spirited my old jeep off to the garage and fixed everything he could find wrong with her. To be honest, I didn't really miss the mustang, I hadn't had her long enough to grow attached to her – not like my old red truck, or this jeep that I had bought down in Harbor.

In a few minutes, I was pulling into the driveway of our house, Charlie's cruiser was already parked in front of me.

"Dad?" I called out as I entered the house. As usual, the front door was unlocked – Jacob would have a field day teasing Charlie about his lack of home security measures again.

"In here honey." Charlie answered from the direction of the living room.

"You're home early." I observed

"I just came home to take a shower, change and have a quick dinner, Deputy Mark has the night off and I'm on duty tonight." He replied.

"Ok. I'll get dinner on the table soon." I replied, hanging my coat carefully on the hook in the closet and setting my bag down on the table.

"By the way, if the phone rings don't answer it." Charlie said as I headed to the kitchen, "…some idiot probably thinks it's funny to be prank calling the Police Chief's house. We've gotten like ten hang-ups since I got home."

I nodded absently as I got ready to cook dinner.

"Hey Bells, I need to borrow your jeep and leave the cruiser here tonight ok? I think I need to bring it down to Jake's tomorrow or have him look at it, it's overheating way too fast." Charlie said over the din of the television.

"Sure sure." I answered.

- 000 -

**JPOV**

"What do you mean?" I asked Aliya, my words sounding desperate and stupid even to my own ears, echoing in the now empty garage.

She shook her head, as if to clear it, sending a cascade of black silk, half covering her face. Then looked at me again, looking lost and bewildered.

"Ho…how…how do you known when you've imprinted?" Aliya asked me, her voice soft.

I was silent. The enormity of what had happened just hit me. And I had never been more afraid in my life.

"I'm sorry Jake…" Aliya said, moving toward me, her hand reaching out to touch me.

"Don't…" I said, my tone sharp. Aliya withdrew her hand, as if stung.

"I didn't choose this either." She said, angry now. "You of all people should know it's not something you control."

I just looked at her – as if seeing her for the first time – and waiting. Ever since I had first phased, I had feared imprinting on someone. I had hated the thought that I would be somehow be irresistibly bound to a person not of my own choosing. But never in a million years would I have ever thought of myself as being the imprint. Part of me waited – waited to feel some sort of connection to the beautiful girl in front of me, waited to feel…something. Anything other than the sick, despairing feeling eating away at my gut.

"What do we do now?" she half whispered.

"We do nothing." I said, steel in my voice. I sounded cold and unaffected. And yet inside, I was raging, panicking. Why did this have to happen? Why now? Why, when finally, I had the life that I wanted?

"What about the imprint?" she said, tears in her eyes. "I love you Jacob...even before the imprinting."

"I'm sorry Ali. You know I don't love you…I could never love you." I told her. "And you know you never really loved me... before this imprint."

"That's not true!" she shouted, magnificent in her rage. "This isn't over." She said. "You know you're bound to me now…no one has ever succeeded in fighting off the effects before…please Jake. You wanted me once. I'll make you want me again…I'll do anything…be anything you want me to be."

I shook my head and turned away. Part of me was exulting – maybe I COULD fight this. Maybe we were all wrong about the whole imprinting thing. My thoughts raced at warp speed - after all, shouldn't I be feeling something for Aliya by now? Shouldn't I feel drawn to her somehow?

"It's over Ali." I said, as gently as I could. Then, overwhelmed by the enormity of it all, I sank down to the sofa and covered my face with my hands, wanting to block out the sight of her.

"There's more." Aliya said, I heard her coming towards me.

She knelt in front of me and pulled my hands from my face, looking into my eyes. "Jake…I'm pregnant."

"Is…is it…mine?" I asked, part of me already knowing the answer.

Aliya just looked at me, her eyes stormy. "Is that what you're thinking Jacob Black?" she spat out "…that you can get yourself out of this by pinning it on someone else? You asshole!"

"Aliya…look…" I said, wanting to reason with her.

"You stupid stupid ass!" She yelled at me. "Are you going to turn your back on me? On this baby? Over that insipid little Bella?"

"You leave Bella out of this!" I said angrily, gritting my teeth, feeling my anger rise and knowing I had to resist the primal urge to phase.

"She's not even loyal to you!"

"Shut up Aliya!" I said, my fists clenching, wanting to hit back. "She loves me."

"Does she? Or are you still some sick substitute for that leech she loves so much."

"Fuck you Aliya! You don't know what you're talking about!" I said, almost unable to control my anger now.

"I've seen her…heard her. Do you know she still talks to him? How do you know she doesn't secretly see him?" Aliya taunted, her eyes blazing.

" Shut up!"

"I dare you to see what I've seen. To hear what I've heard." Aliya turned on her heel and ran out the back to the woods behind the garage, where she phased.

_It was late…the night of the dinner at Sue's house…the night Bella told Leah she still loved Edward._

_I was looking through Aliya's eyes, in the gloom of the woods, I could see Bella talking to someone on her mobile phone._

"_I love you too Edward…you know that." _

My heart froze and was still.

For a long time, we were both silent, Aliya staring out into nothing, as if the dark woods before us held the answer.

"_Follow me." _I heard Aliya before she turned and ran off into the gloom. Instinctively, I knew where she was headed. The same place I would have been on my way to tonight, if all this had not happened.

I followed her, knowing that what lay at the end of our path would most likely break what was left of my heart.

- 000 -

**BPOV**

It was the tinny ringing of the telephone that woke me. Rising from the couch, I rubbed my back where it had gotten sore from the lumps in our old sofa. I remember taking a shower after dinner and sitting down to watch TV, and not much else. I seem to be tired all the time these days, or just sleep deprived for some reason.

I fumbled for the receiver.

"Hello?" I said sleepily, glancing at the clock, I saw it was only 10:00 pm, but the line was dead and my ears only met the shrill beep of the dial tone.

I got up to go to my room, padding through the quiet and mostly dark house. Charlie must have already left and Jake would be here soon. I was suddenly wide awake. I hurried up to my room, barely containing my excitement. I hadn't seen Jake in two days and with Charlie on duty all night….

I heard a branch snap, the sound magnified in the quiet of the evening. I rushed to my window and threw it wide open.

"Jac…Edward? What are you doing here?" I asked, astonished as the visitor who entered my room noiselessly was the last person I had expected to see tonight.

"You've been avoiding my calls since that night…" he began, running his hands through his hair in a gesture that was, at once, familiar and heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry…" I tried to explain, but he came close to me and sat me gently on the bed, sitting next to me and keeping my hands still in his cold, smooth ones.

"I had to come. To talk to you. Just please hear me out Bella." Edward said. His face was grim, and yet as breathtakingly beautiful as it had been the last time I had seen him.

"It was you then? Hanging up on Charlie?" I asked.

"I needed to talk to you alone. I would have had no excuse to offer your father for suddenly appearing at your doorstep." Edward replied.

I nodded, not knowing what to say, dreading what I was about to hear.

"When I called you that night, Alice had a vision of you." He began, his face grave. I tried to stand up, but his hands held me fast, his gaze locking into mine.

"You…you were at that cliff, in La Push, where you jumped the last…." He paused, the memories of that time clearly as difficult for him to remember as they were painful to me. "She saw you calling her…you were alone…despairing…and you said Jacob had left you…imprinted."

"That doesn't mean anything." I said vehemently, "You told me yourself how Alice's visions are imprecise…subjective."

"I know. I know." Edward reasoned, "And I would have stayed away except…"

"Except what?" I asked, frantic now. Although part of me wanted to believe my own argument about how imperfect and changeable Alice's visions were, I had a sudden realization - if she had seen me in a vision, that meant Jacob and I were no longer together; that the strange mechanism that prevented her from seeing the wolves and me, as Jacob's mate, was gone from me.

"She had the vision again two nights ago." Edward said.

"I won't give up Edward. I won't give him up." I said, my mind made up. "I don't care how much hurt I have to got through….it would be worth even just one more day with him." I knew each word cut into Edward's heart like a knife, but they were words he needed to hear.

"Bella…listen to me." He said urgently, tilting my chin up and looking me in the eye. "You have to believe me…I'm not making this up. I didn't come here to break you up. I just…."

"Ssssh...I know Edward." I reassured him. "You just want to protect me form the hurt that you know is coming…but it doesn't make a difference to me. Don't you see? I'm all grown up now…don't worry about me, I won't jump or do anything stupid." I promised him, knowing that every word he had said was true – he had come here to protect me from hurting myself or from the world that seemed out to hurt me.

Edward nodded, silent now. The dim light from the one lamp in my room cast soft buttery light over us, turning his copper hair to gold, making him look even more godlike and otherworldly than ever before.

"Take care of yourself my Bella…remember, you only need to call." Edward finally said, moving toward the window.

"Are…are you going?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Goodbye Bella." He said over his shoulder, as if this had been any other night four years ago, when he slipped in and out of my room every night, like a welcome shadow. Suddenly he paused, stiffened and then nodding, started to climb out the window.

"I'll always love you Edward." I whispered to the beautiful boy about to disappear into the night. "Goodbye."

And then he was gone. As if he had never been there.

I walked to the window to shut it. It was cold all of a sudden, and I wrapped my arms around myself to ward away the cold. I did not know if it was the wind blowing in, or the words that Edward had said that chilled me.

And in the dark, deep woods, I heard a wolf howl.

1 See Jake's car here : .3?q=43451&enlarge=ax


	21. Chapter 21

AUTHOR S NOTE:

Just when the writer s block left me and I was able to get at least parts of a chapter out my laptop s hard drive crashed taking all my chapters of MPOF with it as well as irreplaceable work (from real life) and all my daughter s pictures.

I have no intention of giving up on the story but it s so disheartening to have lost all that work and just thinking about re-writing everything almost makes me want to give up.

At the moment, I m making outlines of what was in the lost six chapters in order to recreate them somehow. I will hopefully be able to update soon.

Thank you for staying with me all this time. 


	22. Chapter 22 Where Heartache Lives

**Chapter 21 **

**Where Heartache Lives**

BPOV

My limbs felt heavy, my back sore, and my mind numb when I woke. The floor was cold beneath me, seeping even through the heavy denim of my jeans. I rubbed the back of my neck as I rose. A cold draft blew in from my open window – wide open and empty. I had waited for hours for Jacob to come last night, hoping against hope that the anguished howl I had heard as Edward slipped out of my bedroom window was not his. But even as I had waited, I knew he wouldn't come. I knew that somehow, he had witnessed Edward's departure and that he had assumed the worst. Part of me was angry with him – how could he assume the worst of me so easily? – but part of me understood, and realized it was partly my fault, that our tortured history had bred in him an insecurity so deep that it would never truly be banished.

Spying my telephone on the floor, I picked it up – hoping to see at least one missed call or at least one message in response to what seemed like hundreds of calls and messages I had sent Jacob's phone through the night. But like my cold, empty room, the telephone was silent.

The sun glinting off a reflection in my window pane hit my eye. As if to mock my unhappiness, the weather was actually fine although a brisk wind occasionally sent gusts of cold through my window. I hit the redial button and was once more redirected to Jacob's voicemail. I couldn't hold back the sigh that escaped me as I shut the phone. Obviously, he didn't want to talk to me today. Knowing Jacob and his temper, I tried to comfort myself with the thought that he would eventually cool off and be willing to hear me out.

I spent the morning in a frenzy of unnecessary housework and forced normalcy. It was with relief that I watched my dad drive off for the day and I cold let the mask of determined cheerfulness fall from my face. Eventually however, Edward's revelations of the previous night, the thought of Alice's vision that Jacob imprinted, and Jacob's continued absence and the emptiness of my quiet house grated on my nerves.

Frustrated, I dialed the Clearwater's number. Maybe Leah or Seth had seen Jacob.

"Hello?" Sue's voice answered after the first ring. She sounded strained, tense.

"Hi Sue. It's Bella, is Leah home?" I asked

"Hi Bella." She responded, a tired note unmistakable in her voice "I'm afraid she and Seth are both out. The council called a meeting this morning…"

"Oh..." I said, relief flooding through me. Perhaps Jake wasn't avoiding me after all, perhaps he was just held up at the meeting. "Thanks Sue."

"Bella?" I heard Sue say softly as I was about to hang up.

"Yes?"

"I know that somehow you and Leah have become closer lately…and I think…maybe…" I heard Sue's voice catch, as if on a sob, as she paused.

"Sue? Sue?" I asked as the other end of the line was silent for a few minutes. "Are you ok? Is Leah ok?"

"Yes, yes." Sue hastened to reassure me. "Leah will be home in a few hours, and I was hoping…I think…maybe you could come see her? She's going to need a friend today."

"What happened?" I queried, worried now.

"It's just…I think Leah would prefer to tell you herself – I'm not sure yet myself. I don't even know if she'll talk about it…." Sue responded. "I need to leave though – I need to be at the shelter and I don't want Leah coming home to an empty house."

"Don't worry Sue, I'll come over right away." I assured her, realizing that it was Sue's day at the Crisis Center in La Push, where she did counseling and other volunteer work.

**EARLIER THAT MORNING**

**LPOV**

I gazed out the window as if my life depended on memorizing each detail of the scene before me. The ticking of the clock on the wall behind me seemed louder every second, grating on my nerves and making me want to kick and scream, to hurt something. Someone.

It's been years.

I should be over it.

I AM over it.

There have been others…I've even kissed a few of them. And hell, I've even occasionally enjoyed it.

I shouldn't hurt like this.

Not anymore.

Fuck you Samuel Uley. You can't hurt me. Not anymore.

I won't let you.

I AM over this.

I hastily wiped my eyes with the back of my hand as I heard my mom's soft footsteps come into the room behind me.

"Andrew Call was just on the phone…" she said, her voice soft and sad, hesitant. "They want you at the meeting hall in an hour. It's to schedule…."

"I know mom." I said, cutting her off brusquely. "Please tell them not to worry. I'll be there for their little farce."

I turned around and with a sigh, embraced her, regretting the harsh tone of my voice borne by the frustration I felt at the unfairness of it all. Wasn't what I had already been through enough? Was it necessary to further humiliate me? I wondered if this was the council's way of punishing me for not toeing the line, for not being "grateful" that I had been chosen a "protector" of our people, of expressing their disapproval of my choices, what to them was my rejection of tradition and our culture. But regardless of whether or not I deserved this treatment, my mom certainly didn't deserve any further heartache. Wasn't enough that she had just lost my dad? That her only daughter was a dried up, bitter spinster and that both Seth and I were genetic anomalies constantly putting ourselves in danger?

The house had been quiet and dark when I had come home last night.

"Mom?" I called out as I entered the house. "Mom? Is everything ok? I got…."

I stopped, my words cut off in my throat as I entered our living room. My mom was sitting in the pool of light cast by the glow of a single lamp in my dad's old recliner. She had her wedding dress on her lap – the traditional Quileuete one, of white doe skin that she had worn to her joining ceremony with my dad – her fingers smoothing the soft material over and over as if soothing a crying child, or touching a grieving lover. The dress seemed to glow softly in the light. I froze as the sight of the dress touched a nerve that I thought was long dead, as my heart broke again when I hadn't even realized there were still parts of my heart that were still whole. I had not seen it since the night of my joining ceremony with Sam, what seemed like a lifetime ago.

She looked up and smiled at me – a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. A smile that cut me more than tears would have.

"Mom?" I asked, my voice sounding too loud even in my own ears, as moved towards her. "What's wrong?"

"It's beautiful isn't it?" she asked, her voice sounding as if it were coming from far away. "Your grandmother and your great grandmother wore this before I did…before…" . Then her hands stilled and she looked up at me, her eyes wet. "Sam and Emily are to have a joining ceremony…"

My breath caught and my heart stopped for a second – I knew, I had known this was coming, I had been expecting it even – but I had not foreseen how much it was still going to hurt.

"And what it to you or me?" I asked, feigning a disinterest that I didn't feel. And knowing that I wasn't fooling my mother.

"The council…they want…" she stammered, looking pained. "I told them it wasn't right…that they shouldn't make you…" my mom tried to continue, her hands trembling now, shaking as they smoothed the dress compulsively.

"Just tell me mom…" I said, my voice low now – as if by talking softly, I could avoid the hurt that I knew was coming.

"You're still the tribe's spirit dancer…" she began.

"And they want me to dance at the joining ceremony." I finished for her. I felt my heart take an erratic leap, as if it wanted to jump out of my chest. And then a laugh broke out of me. An awful, sad, bitter laugh as I acknowledged cruel, fickle fate– the cruel joke it was playing on me was apparently not over. It was not enough that I had had my heart torn open – it seemed it was also necessary to put that broken, battered heart on display for all to laugh at and scorn – or worse, pity – at Sam Uley and Emily Young's joining ceremony.

All of a sudden, the room was stifling. I felt as if I could barely breathe and the walls were closing in on me.

And I ran out of the house as swiftly as I could, and still barely made it to the tree line behind our house before I phased.

I ran for miles. I saw nothing, I heard nothing. And I felt only the searing pain in my chest. Unbidden, memories of my own joining ceremony pushed their way into the forefront of my mind – how tall and handsome Sam had looked in the flickering bonfire – how beautiful I had felt in my mother's white dress – the feel of his hand wrapped around mine as Old Quil blessed our union – what seemed to be millions of stars that lit up the sky night. I shook my head, as if this would drive out the memories. I was terrified that one of the pack had phased and would be nearby - near enough to see my memories. Near enough to cause me even more pain and humiliation.

Thankfully, I sensed no one.

I ran on and on, until the dull, rhythmic thud of my paws hitting the earth had soothed some of the pain in my breast.

_Leah.._

_Jake? What the fuck are you doing all the way out here? _I snarled, stopping in my tracks. Of course I hadn't heard him. He was alpha now and he could keep me out of his thoughts at will. I crouched, poised to start running again.

_I could ask you the same thing. Are you alright? _

I snorted, puffs of steam rising in the air before me.

_Did you know? _I demanded of him

_Did I know what? What happened? _He asked, sounding so bewildered that I had to believe he knew nothing.

_Sam and Emily are having a joining ceremony…_

_Yes. I knew that…I was going to tell you…I just wanted to find the right time._

_And when exactly was that Jacob? Right before they asked me to do my spirit dance? You asshole! _ I railed. Part of my brain knew it wasn't fair to lash out at him and the other part didn't care. He was a man same as Sam. And he was here. That was enough. _Did they even have to have a joining ceremony? What the fuck is that? They're already living together anyway…_

_I'm so sorry Leah – I had no idea what you're talking about…what do you mean?_

_Let me spell it out for you then high and mighty alpha Jacob – the council has commanded me to dance at Sam and Emily's joining ceremony. And why is that? Why? I only have to do this dance when someone important dies or it's the chief's joining...or the.._

And then I had to stop. Could it be? Jake and Bella too? But she had said nothing to me… I would have heard…

_Jake, are you and Bella going to be joined at this ceremony too? _I asked, my happiness for them warring with my sorrow for myself.

And he was quiet until a few seconds later, I saw Jacob, in his human form, standing in the midst of the clearing. His face a hard mask of sorrow, and anger and guilt – tears streaming down his face in silver tracks, down his neck and over his chest. Making no sound. And I knew I was wrong.

I quickly phased back as well, came to stand near him, my arm outstretched.

"Jake ? Jake…" I said, trying to get him to speak. He said nothing. And after a few minutes of the heavy silence, I sat down at his feet, waiting.

"I've lost her Leah." He said quietly. "I've lost her."

"What the hell do you mean? She loves you! And you love her. What are you talking about?" I demanded.

"She's left me for the leech again…and Aliya, she imprinted on me…I saw him Leah…I saw him come out of her window…and Aliya, she said…we're…damnit it Leah. I don't know what to do…" his earlier silence was broken now and he was shouting, his voice echoing off in the dense forest around us, his body shaking with sobs.

"Jake! Jake!" I cried, shaking his arm "What are you saying? Bella left? That can't be true." I shouted back

"Don't you get it Leah?" he demanded, grabbing my arms tightly "It's better this way. That she has Edward again."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I cried. "Aren't you going to fight for her? Are you just going to run away again like you did last time? She loves you. And you love her! Are you just giving up?" I shouted, my chest heaving from the effort and then I realized I didn't know if I was talking about him and Bella anymore or about Sam and I. And the tears I had been holding back since I talked to my mom all came flooding out.

"Didn't you hear me Lee?" he said. His voice was soft now. Defeated. Dead. "Aliya and I – we're imprinted. It doesn't matter anymore. I have no choice now."

I looked at him, my limbs seeming disconnected from my mind. I wanted to comfort him as he sank to the forest floor and great sobs wracked his massive body but found I could not move.

"Does she know?" I asked him.

"No." Jacob answered "How could I tell her? How Leah?"

"Then…what…what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." He stood up and turned his back to me, gazing deeply at the gloom of the forest as if it held the answer to our problems.

"Aren't you going to fight it? Aren't you going to fight for her?" I demanded, getting angry now. The pain that this damned curse had brought to my life had just reared it's ugly head and now, two more lives were about to be ruined as well.

"You can't just give up after everything you've been through together! Answer me Jacob! Tell me you're going to fight this!" I pushed at him with all my might, my arms meeting no resistance from him. "Answer me you coward!" I shouted.

"I'm trying!" Jacob finally shouted, pushed to his limit my hysteria. "I'm trying…but there's more…more than I can tell you. More than you'll understand."

"Then try me…tell me what's happening!" I begged him.

"I…I can't." he said.

"I thought we were friends…I could help…you…and what about Bella?"

"She's better off without me. She's back with Edward now…and I…" he said tersely.

"You what?" I asked. "What? What Jacob?"

"And I choose Aliya." He said.

His words hit me like a blow. His betrayal of Bella was a betrayal of me as well. All of a sudden I was hurled back into the past – to the day when Sam told me he was leaving me for Emily. When I was Bella. When I had my heart handed back to me in a million little pieces.

"Aliya imprinted on you? Is that what she says? And you believe her?" I mocked him. "I'll believe it when I see it. She's a clever little actress you know.:."

Jacob just shook his head. Looking away. Refusing to meet my gaze.

"Where is she anyway?" I demanded "All I need to do is phase and we'll all know she's lying…." I closed my eyes, my rage was simmering so close to the surface that I knew I could phase at any second.

"She can't." Jacob said quietly.

"Can't?"

"The council has forbidden her." He explained. His voice dead and cold. Almost as dead and as cold as I felt myself.

"Oh. The high and mighty council has spoken again." I said bitterly. "Of course. How convenient for her that she's not allowed to phase…that we're blocked from her thoughts now."


	23. Chapter 23  When It Was Night

_Wow! I'm so surprised (and ecstatic) that so many of you are still reading this BUT also a little sad that of the 500 people that read the chapter, so few reviewed it. __ Before anything else though, BIG BIG thanks go out to JSH (for inviting me to Easy As Breathing, which got me to writing this again..) and those that DID review – thank you for making my day._

_Sorry to inflict such a long AN on you but I thought I'd share an interesting discussion I had with Animemaniagirl. When I originally created Aliya's character, I was trying to avoid creating a cookie-cutter villain, someone stereotypical and easy to hate because precisely, I knew everyone would absolutely detest her. I don't personally like her either but just for background:_

_1. She's a product of her background - all the bad things that happened to her were bound to have some effect on the way she reacts to things._

_2. She obviously hates Bella because she feels that Bella stole Jacob from her - and while I don't approve of how she deals with it (i.e. picking fights with Bella and being downright nasty), on some level she IS justified in feeling bad- after all, Jacob sort of led her on to believe they had some sort of relationship and then he suddenly dumps her when Bella returns._

3. Also, there's been no evidence that she's EVIL – she's bitchy yes but so is Leah, and unpleasant and just all around nasty but she hasn't done anything dishonest (yet). Really, a lot of Jacob's issues stem from his own insecurity and the fact that Aliya has the worst timing (or is it the best timing?). Remember, Bella DID make the statements that Aliya overheard – Aliya (or Jacob) just jumped to the wrong conclusions.

_4. I also don't agree with the confusion or the accusations that she's faking being nice to Joseph or her brother - because (a) Jacob wouldn't be such an abyssmal judge of character, if he liked her at one point, there must have been a "nice" side to her that maybe we just don't appreciate (b) even really bad people CAN have a good side and (c) in real life, I don't think there are people who are entirely good - unless they are saints and conversely, there are no entirely purely evil people. _

_5. Aliya is clearly acting destructively, but then again, people WILL do stupid things when they're threatened or because they're insecure. In her case, it's because she's very bitter and angry about her past and also because she feels she's protecting her child._

whew. nice to get that off my chest.

_PS Did I mention I lost the concluding chapters? Well…uhh…thing is…because of the re-write, things are not going the way they did and this may take a little longer than that to reach the end,_

_PPS Brace yourselves, it will get worse for Bella and Jake...a lot worse. I did say it was angst-sy right?_

**CHAPTER 23**

**When It Was Night **

JPOV

I stood in the woods long after Leah left, cursing at me as she ran off and swearing that she was out of the pack, that she would never phase again. I knew that as Alpha, I should have felt concerned, that I should have tried to explain my predicament to her. But I didn't care. The world could have come crashing down about me at that moment and I would not have moved a single inch. In fact, I would have welcomed death.

After Aliya's revelation last night I had hoped that she was wrong, that there was no imprint. That I would phase and with the pack mind, I would be able to confirm that she was lying. That the claim of imprinting was nothing but the desperate action of a woman scorned. I prayed that she was lying about the imprinting…about the baby…about Bella and Edward.

"_I'll always love you Edward…"_ her voice echoed in my head. I thought she loved me. I wanted to believe it was a random visit, that she had no more feelings for him beyond friendship – but then I remember her words to Leah at the Clearwater's house, how she always compared me to him, how she had told him she loved him on the telephone – and most damning of all, if it was all so innocent, why did she never mention these things to me? Why had she lied about his telephone calls?

But as it turns out, I was wrong on all counts.

As soon as I phased, I felt my heart fall with a sickening thud to the pit of my stomach as the truth - that Aliyah had in fact imprinted on me and that indeed, she was pregnant – rushed over me in a wave. I saw myself through her eyes, I felt the moment she imprinted on me and then she showed me flashes of the last few days, the nausea, the lethargy and finally, the sight of the little plastic test confirming she was pregnant.

I waited to feel bound to her, drawn to her somehow. But felt nothing – only the cold dread of the realization that this would forever end my relationship with Bella, and the sick regret that the responsibility to my child was not something I could walk away from. I wondered then, why we had never thought to ask Emily or Kim how they felt. I wondered if the love they now felt for their mates had been instantaneous with the imprint or if like me, they too felt nothing at the start. And I imagined an attachment to Aliya growing in me – like a cancer that I could not excise.

- 000 -

The night that Aliya imprinted on me, I had run back from Bella's house with no real plan as to what to do or where to go and somehow, ended up my house. In the back of my mind, I knew Aliya was still behind me but she stayed silent, though I waited for her to gloat, to rub it in that she had been right, that Bella had been playing me for a fool. It was pitch dark now and the only light spilled out from the little window in my dad's room. I phased back, and waited for Aliya to join me. In a few minutes, she walked out of the woods. I waited for her to speak but an awful silence stretched out into a gulf between us as Aliya just gazed at me, her eyes were shining with tears but she was not crying, she seemed defiant but at the same time, vulnerable.

"We need to talk about this." I said, breaking the awful silence.

"Is this where you tell you want me to get an abortion?" she said. Though her voice was soft, her face was ravaged and angry. "Is this where you say I'm nice, but not nice enough. That it's not me, it's you? That I'll make some guy very happy someday? But when really, what you really mean is that I'm not good enough to be the alpha's mate?" she said.

"Ali…" I began, grasping for words to make this the least painful for both of us.

"Don't Jacob." She said, her shoulders slumped in defeat. "I won't_ make_ you choose me. I won't force you to be with me. Just don't…."

"Don't what?" I asked

"Don't decide right now…" she said, her voice suddenly pleading. "Let's talk to the council…see what they say."

"The council?" I asked "What the hell do they have to with this?"

"You are the Alpha - the next chief – don't you think they have a right to know? This is your heir – the next chief after you that I'm carrying."

"They have a right to nothing!" I snapped. What more could they take from me? I wondered angrily. Wasn't it enough that they had taken my choices away? That I was thrust into a role as protector of the tribe – something I never wanted or asked for? But part of me knew she was right. I had a responsibility. I had a role to play. My fists clenched and I felt my eyes burn. I wanted to cry, to shout –

"Jake? You out here?"

I heard the swish of my dad's wheelchair swish as he rolled across the kitchen floor and the sound of the screen door as it creaked open.

"I'm out here dad…why are you up so late?" Aliya and I stepped into the light – and if my dad was surprised that we were together, there was no sign of it.

"I just got a call from the council – they said you never showed up for the land grant hearing." He answered quietly, bewilderment and disappointment on his face. "They're waiting for you at the hall…it's on another matter…I've been asked to recuse myself from this meeting, Sue Clearwater also. They said its about something we can't vote on."

I felt my blood drain from my face.

"Don't worry dad" I assured him, with a certainty that I didn't feel. "I'll take care of it. "

He nodded and turned away, back into the house. And as the door shut, blotting out the amber light that had been streaming from the doorway, it felt like the light was being shut out of my life as well.

"You told them." I said to Aliya – not asking her, confirming only what I already knew to be a fact.

"I told my uncle…I had to…I was afraid for the baby… I needed to know if it was safe to phase…" she tried to explain.

Somehow, I was not surprised. Aliya's family was just as close to the council as mine or Leah's was. Her mom's brother Andrew Call sat on the council with Billy and Sue in the council seat that should have belonged to Embry's dad if he hadn't run off. The seat that would one day belong to Embry.

"And what?" I asked, secretly aghast that I didn't care, that I felt absolutely nothing for the little scrap of flesh and blood – my flesh and blood – growing within her.

"And they said to avoid phasing – to give it up completely until I have the baby." She answered.

"Then why…why did you do it tonight?" I asked her bitterly.

"I needed you to see." She said simply.

"You needed me to see?" I asked bitterly "Or is it that you needed to stake your claim and make sure there would be nothing left for me to fight for?"

Then she straightened up, her eyes flashing. "My child - OUR child is royalty to this Tribe – he carries the blood of chiefs from you and the blood of my family as well. There have been Calls on the council for generations. OUR child has the right to be recognized as the Chief's son."

"You ARE crazy!" I snarled at her. "This child…he…it hasn't even been born yet!"

"It makes no difference Jacob. He is who he is and you are who you are. You have a responsibility." She said quietly.

And I knew that no amount of argument from me would change her mind.

Once again, I turned my back on her and phased, and then run off in the direction of the meeting hall to face my fate.

- 000 -

It was almost midnight when we arrived at the hall. The lights were all blazing from the windows and the brightness hurt my eyes. While there were only three vehicles parked out front, I caught the scent of the pack and knew that Paul, Sam and Jared were inside. I immediately phased back to my human form and put on what little clothing I had with me.

"Jacob." Old quill said as I entered the hall. The hum of sound quieted as one by one, conversations ceased and all eyes were on me and Aliya as she entered the hall behind me.

I nodded curtly and walked to the front of the room to stand in front of the council.

"So you know?" I asked them.

"Yes, we do." Old Quil answered. "What we don't know is what you intend to do about it."

"You don't need to worry." I told them "I will do my duty by the child."

"And what do you mean by that?" one of the council asked.

"It means what it means – the child will want for nothing. I promise you. I will acknowledge it and support it. It will never want for anything"

"And the mother?" another voice asked.

"I'm sure Aliya only wants what's best for the…." I said. My decision forming as I spoke. There was no need to tie myself to Aliya – the baby would be mine and hers, but we need not be together.

"That's it? You think that's all this is about?" an angry voice asked behind me, Aliya.

I turned around slowly to face her.

"I told you Aliya. We, you and I are over." I said, enunciating each word clearly. "This child changes nothing."

"And the imprint?" Old quil asked again.

"It is not my imprint." I said "What is it to me?"

I saw Jared and Sam react from the corner of my eye – and even without the pack mind I knew what they were thinking. If I questioned Aliya's imprint – if I was able to resist it – then it cast doubts on the strengths of their own imprints as well. And for Sam, it took away the excuse he hid behind for treating Leah so badly – that he could not help it, that the imprint took away his freedom of choice.

I knew I was being cruel to Aliya but I could not stop myself. This was my last chance to be free. To make stand for Bella and myself – and I knew at that moment, regardless of what I had seen that night, if Edward WAS back in her life, I would still fight for her. That I would rather be alone than be without her.

"You are the Alpha…" Moses Crow started "…you have a responsibility to Aliya, to the tribe."

"A responsibility I never asked for!" I shouted. I was quivering, fighting down the rage that was beginning to build inside me.

"But it's yours nonetheless." He replied shaking his head sadly. "You are Alpha, the next chief…"

"I step down – Sam can have it back. He can be Alpha again." I said. I looked behind me and saw Sam, Paul and Jared staring at me, their eyes hard and unflinching.

"You can step down as alpha but you cannot fight your bloodline. It is your heritage. Will you throw all that away over a girl? Some white girl who has brought nothing but trouble upon this tribe?" Moses demanded. I heard voices of assent, saw nods of agreement and I felt my hackles rise, my anger growing like a tsunami. I shook myself, struggling to control the phasing.

"You WILL NOT speak about her that way!" I shouted, tensing myself, feeling the urge to phase almost overwhelm me.

"And YOU will not address this council in that disrespectful manner!" he shouted back. There was a tumult, a rumble of voices as each person present seemed to talk at once and each tried to be heard over the other.

"_You owe this tribe young Jacob. You have a duty to us!"_

"_Aliya is one of us. Her line is as noble as yours. She is the mate you are destined to have."_

"_You cannot abandon her and your child. If you do, we will cast you out of the tribe."_

"_This child – if it is a boy – is the next chief. You cannot deny it legitimacy."_

Their voices, their angry opinions washed over me like giant waves, battering me – but I felt nothing. As if my soul were not bound to my body and I was a mere observe.

"_It will be of pure lineage. A true Quileute. A warrior…"_

"_And what about your father?"_

It was that last statement, one that Andrew Call made, that brought me back.

"_What about my father?"_ I asked.

"You missed your family's land grant hearing tonight – you know what that means."

And in that short second, I knew I had lost everything. Could I choose the desires of my own heart over the needs of my father? Could I allow myself to be happy at the cost of letting the council throw my sick father off the land that his family had lived on for generations.

I nodded. To show my understanding and my acceptance of the terms. My father would be allowed to stay on the land he loved and I….I would marry Aliya and raise her child.

"We will announce your engagement at the next bonfire. The next full moon is in two weeks. That will be an auspicious sign to your joining." Andrew Call announced. Victory gleaming in his eyes.

I nodded once again. Then spun on my heel and started to walk out – wanting to run but forcing myself to slow down. They had won and they knew it. But they would not see me break down.

"Jake…." Aliya said softly, reaching out a hand to me…

"Don't. Touch. Me." I said, just as softly and walked on, the door leading outside seeming like it was a hundred miles away.

SAM'S POV

The slam of the door echoed as Jacob walked out. Part of me wanted to go after him – to reassure him that this was the best for him. That this was part of his destiny, part of what he was born for. He could not – should not – keep fighting the imprint. It would be the best for everyone. Once he and Aliya were joined – the pack would be whole again. And I knew, that like Emily and I, he and Aliya would be happy.

None of us had asked for this. None of us had wanted to transform. To give up our dreams of a life outside the reservation. To be bound forever to protect people who did not even know what we did, much less thank us for the sacrifices we made.

But it was part of who we were and the sooner Jacob accepted it, the better it would be for him – for all of us.

I had nothing against Bella – but Aliya well, Aliya was ONE of us. And the child she would have with Jacob would be the ultimate culmination of what we were. The child would have warrior blood on both sides. It would be the fiercest protector, the very best out of all of us. And if Emily's and my child was a girl….

I saw Paul and Jared out of the corner of my eye. They looked uneasy. None of us agreed with the way Andrew Call had all but blackmailed Jacob into agreeing to marry Aliya. But in the end, this was what was best for Jacob and the Pack, and the Tribe. The end justified the means. And I knew in my heart Jacob would thank me for this one day. And though we disliked the way it had been done, we all knew we had to act for the best interest of the Pack.

"You will watch the young Alpha, Samuel."

I realized the council was addressing me and I snapped back to reality.

"Yes." I answered.

"You will make sure there is no further contact with the white girl." Andrew Call emphasized.

"Is that all?" I asked. I just wanted out of here. I knew what had to be done and dislike it as I might, I would do my duty. They should have known that without asking.

"Do you have any other matter to bring before the council?"

"Emily and I wish to be joined as well." I told them, my joy overcoming my sadness for Jacob for the moment.

"Then we shall do it at the same ceremony as Jacob and Aliya." Old Quill said.

"There is a problem." I heard Moses Crow say. "…as you are already joined to Leah Clearwater."

"That can be resolved…."

"No!" I shouted. Realizing suddenly what they meant. "It's not necessary…I'm sure Leah would pose no objection."

"Whether or not Leah Clearwater objects is not important – it is what our laws require." Old Quill explained and I detected sadness in his voice. He had been mostly silent during this entire meeting.

And I knew that while it pained him to agree with the decisions made tonight because of his close friendships with the Blacks and the Clearwaters, he could not allow himself to choose sides. With Billy Black absent from the Council, Old Quill held the next highest rank as the Tribe's Medicine Man.

"It is just a tradition…." I tried to argue.

"And if we let go of tradition, what do we have left?" Moses Crow asked, shaking his head.

"She would have to be there anyway. The Spirit Dance must be done to appease the ancient ones to bless the next Chief's union"

I stayed silent. "Then I will not announce my joining with Emily on the same night…" I tried to bargain.

"You cannot delay it for much longer Samuel. She is beginning to show and you must marry her before she gives birth to your child."

"But…" once again, I tried to argue.

"No more arguments Samuel. When you first became Alpha, you took an oath to obey this council. That oath still stands even if you have relinquished Alpha to Jacob. This is the council's decision. There will be no more arguments."

I wanted to say more – to argue for Leah and yet, my heart was torn. Unbidden, memories of my joining ceremony with Leah crept into my mind, bringing the same bitter taste of regret I always felt when I thought of her. She had been so beautiful in her white dress. Her limbs glowing in the firelight. Her eyes shining. Not the bitter, angry girl I knew of late.

And then I knew I owed it to Emily to make the same public commitment. I owed it to Emily to have traditional joining ceremony - to proudly show the whole tribe that I had chosen her, that I would commit to her forever. To show Jacob and the Pack that imprinting – this was right. This was what was meant to be.

"And what about my niece?" Andrew Call asked, exchanging a long look with Aliya.

"There is no issue there." Old Quill responded, a sharp note in his voice, as if warning the Calls to cease pushing the limits of their luck. And much as I liked Aliya, I felt quite the opposite as to her Uncle. Andrew Call did not even hold this seat by right – only by default. And once Embry stopped phasing, the seat would be rightfully his.

"The white girl is not joined to the Alpha. There is nothing in the way of the joining between your niece and Jacob Black." He continued.

"…but she wears the Chief's Ring." Aliya burst out.

And there was silence in the hall.

"The White girl has a name" Embry's voice rang out. Unnaturally loud in the quiet that had pervaded the hall after Aliya's outburst.

We all turned to look and saw Embry, flanked by Seth and Quill standing by the doorway.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Paul snarled at Embry. We had not been expecting them. In fact this meeting had been called precisely because we knew that Embry, Quill, Leah and Seth had been assigned to patrol. This had been – was – a matter for the more senior members of the pack.

Embry just ignored Paul's outburst and strode up to the front still flanked by Quill and Seth.

"And what about Bella?" Quill asked, looking directly at his Grandfather. As if he had the right to demand answers from the council! As if they were equals!

"It is not your business Young Quil." His grandfather said, shaking his head sadly.

"Jacob is our friend and our Alpha. His business is our business." Quill answered defiantly.

"If he is your friend, then you want what's best for him - and the White Girl is NOT what's best for him. He is the Alpha, he should be with his imprint. Sooner or later, you all will be."

"Imprinting?" Embry asked, disbelief and shock coloring his voice. "Jacob imprinted? On Aliya? I don't believe it! This is bullshit!"

"Imprinting is "bullshit"?" Moses Crow spoke up, his tone dangerously mild.

"Yes." Embry said, standing his ground. "I will NEVER imprint. And if I do, I will fight it to the day I die. You CANNOT take that away from me. I will choose my own mate. This…this imprinting...it's sick and unnatural… it's not real."

"It's not "real"…it's not "real"…" Paul chanted in a sing-song voice, mocking Embry.

"It is as real as it will ever get for you Call." Jared said, speaking for the first time. And I knew that like I, Jared had a personal stake in this – for if an imprint could be fought, if it were, as Embry and Jacob said, unreal – then his relationship with Kim and mine with Emily, were built on lies.

"Jacob loves Bella – if he were to imprint at all, he would have imprinted on her!" Embry added, ignoring Jared's outbursts and Paul's taunts.

I started to speak, to correct his error, but with a small, barely perceptible shake of his head, Andrew Call stopped me.

"Believe what you want Embry. Just know this – Jacob chose to marry your cousin and they will be joined. It was his free choice. She bears the next chief."

"What the hell?" Quill burst out again. "She's fucking pregnant? What do you plan to do to Bella? Does she know? What are you planning?"

"Again, young Quill, that is not your business. Know only this - Isabella Swan must be brought to the bonfire in two weeks."

"What are you planning?" Embry demanded.

"We are part of the pack too. We deserve the right to know!" Seth seconded him.

"You might as well tell us - we WILL find out as soon as any of these assholes phase!" Quill added.

I felt a low rumble emanating from Paul on my right and I knew he was on the verge of phasing.

"Jacob is joining with Aliya and the White Girl must relinquish her claim over the Alpha." Andrew Call answered his nephew, a gleam of triumph in his eyes. "Aren't you happy for your cousin?"

Embry said nothing, his lips drawn in a tight, white line as he glanced over to Aliya who looked back at him, defiant.

"And how much did you torture Jacob to get him to agree to that?" Quill asked, sarcasm dripping from each syllable. "Did you check if it's really his? She hasn't exactly been…." He drawled, leering at Aliya up and down "…_discriminating."_

"Fuck you Quill!" Aliya burst out, lunging for him, her hands extended like claws. Jared caught her by the waist and restrained her, as Quill continued to stand there nonchalantly.

"You will not speak to her that way!" Andrew Call shouted.

"What the hell are you all doing here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be on patrol?" I demanded angrily. "Get the hell back out there!"

"We'll go when we get some answers." Seth said standing taller, straighter, as if to emphasize that he was not leaving.

"You WILL go when I tell you to." I told him.

"Fuck you Sam Uley!" Quill burst out. "You are no longer my Alpha! I don't have to obey you!"

Loud growls burst from Paul and Jared's throats. I knew that if it came to a fight, these two would stand beside me. Paul because he had always been loyal to me and because unlike the rest, he had never resented turning into a protector – he had been nothing, a high school drop –out, a thug, until he had phased. And suddenly, he was Spirit Warrior, he had respect, a pack. And for a long time, he acted as my second, I knew he resented Jacob for becoming Alpha and stripping me and incidentally him, of his powers. I knew he resented Bella Swan for dividing us amongst ourselves, for causing a rift in the pack he lived for. AS for Jared, I knew he would fight to defend the sanctity of the imprint – to prove that his imprint was right. That it was our fate. The right thing, the natural thing.

"You little shit! I'm going to kick your fucking ass!" Paul ground out through gritted teeth.

"Then come and get some you prick!" Quill challenged. Embry and Seth tensed, as of prepared to phase. And so did Jared and I. Clearly, it was a time to pick sides and they had chosen their side – the wrong side.

"Silence!" Old Quill's voice rang out - strangely powerful and strong, unbelievably emanating from his old, frail body. "You will all not speak of this. Jacob has made his decision. Respect it. And respect Sam. Jacob is stripped of his Alpha powers until the joining is complete."

WE all looked at him in shock - could he do that? – could he… and then with a shock that sent me reeling to my knees, I felt an immense wave of power sweep over me.

"You will NOT interfere." I spoke, the double timbre of the Alpha back in my voice and as I looked at Embry, Quill and Seth, I knew they heard it too – the reverberating power almost literally bringing them to their knees.

When the echo of my voice around the room had died down, Embry, Quill and Seth exchanged glances – as if agreeing on some unspoken decision.

"You win Sam. I will not interfere. " Embry said quietly.

"But know this - I am no longer part of your pack – I will not phase after this." He announced quietly and spinning on his heel, began to walk out.

"You would walk out on your pack?" Your brothers? Paul shouted after him, incredulous. "For a white girl?"

Embry stopped and stood very, very still. And then he turned and said - "Bella is part of this, but she's not the reason for my decision. You - all of you…" he said, as his gaze swept past us and each of the council, resting longest on his Uncle. "You have all lost sight of who you are with your talk of pure blood and heritage. We are NOT a pure race, imprinting is NOT the way love and marriage and life are supposed to be."

He paused then, and suddenly , he looked younger – his age really.

"I never signed up to be a protector, but I am. And I've done my duty. But I will not be party to this. If any danger comes I'll phase to protect our people. But beyond that - I'm done with this. Done with all of you."

And with that, he walked out.

"Ditto." Quill said and with a mocking salute, he and Seth walked out of the hall and into the darkness.


	24. Chapter 24 Where Visions Are Made True

A/N: Finally updating –sorry for the long wait, the characters are not behaving! This story seems to have taken on a life of its own and is now beyond me. I know the last chapter upset some people and as a result, I'm very, very sad to have lost readers who had been loyal from the beginning. While this really saddens me, I can only go where the story leads. As I said, I lost the original chapters of this story when my computer died and now that I'm re-writing it, it seems to have taken on a completely different direction than what I intended. But if the angst is too much for you, I suggest you stop reading right now. It's going to get much, much worse BUT REMEMBER (1) this is just a story – and for a story to be interesting, it can't be all sunshine and roses all the time. (2) There is no life where there is no conflict and (3) where there's an unhappy ending, there's always room for a sequel (considering the many, many hours of my life I've spent on this story do you really think I'd let my favourite couple suffer like that for nothing?)

And P.S. I have great faith in my Bella, Leah and Jake. Remember this is OOC for all of them and my Bella and Leah are made of sterner stuff than those in the books.

Also, I own nothing. But I wish I could bring Embry home with me.

**Chapter 24**

**Where Visions Are Made True**

BPOV

I stood on the Clearwater's front porch undecided. Like I had promised Sue, I had come up to see Leah as soon as I could, determined to be as good a friend to her as she had been to me these past months. But after a fruitless ten minutes of knocking and calling out her name, I knew Leah either really wasn't home or she didn't want to see me.

I was about to try knocking again when I heard a sound behind me – and turned to see Sam Uley standing in the yard, looking solemnly at me.

"Sam." I nodded, greeting him as briefly as I could. While I had seen him several times since my return, things had never been the same between us. He could never again be the older brother I had treated him as before all the trouble with Edward and Jacob.

"Looking for someone?" He asked, walking closer to me. He seemed to have come alone and yet I had a menacing feeling that something – someone – was lurking just behind the tree line, waiting for him.

"I uh…wanted to see Leah."

"Well, she's obviously not home. You should go home Bella. There's forecast of a big storm coming…it wouldn't be safe for you to be here all alone." He told me.

Bewildered, I realized that while his words said one thing, he was talking of something else altogether.

"Uhhh…yeah." I said, starting to walk to my truck. "I'll just head on to Jacob's then…"

"Wait." Sam, his hand suddenly clamped around my arm. He didn't hurt me but his grip on my arm was firm. I looked up at him in surprise and was taken aback by what I saw in his eyes – there was anger there and resentment, but also pity and compassion which I couldn't comprehend.

"Bella…." He started. Then paused, looking far off towards the trees and yet looking for all the world as if he could see nothing. Then he straightened his shoulders and looked at me again, and his eyes were hard and cold. "You must leave. Don't try to see Jacob again. He's not for you."

"What?" I asked, not comprehending what I had just heard. "What?" I almost shouted. I was angry now. If he thought I was the same girl he had frightened off years ago, Samuel Uley was sadly mistaken. I was different now. Stronger. And I would fight for Jacob.

"You are not the one for him Bella." Sam repeated, and for some reason, I could see sadness in his eyes – how much sincerity there was in this look, I did not know – what I DID know was that he was trying to break my heart with each word he spoke.

"That's not for you to decide!" I shouted at him, my fists clenched, my hands shaking.

"It's not your decision either…." He countered. "…and the decision HAS been made - for both of you." Sam said.

"Wha….what the hell are you talking about?" I demanded. I was surprised that the sounds were able to force themselves out of my throat; that I could speak at all. That I still breathed. Or lived.

"It's a little thing called…imprinting Bella." Paul said, striding out of the woods and coming to stand next to Sam. "Ever heard of it?"

And with a sinking heart, I knew exactly what he meant.

"You're lying." I said, trying to be brave, but my own fear betrayed me in the quiver of my voice, the shaking of my hand.

"No, Bella he's not." Sam said. Again, he looked almost sad and I realized that much as he hated me, perhaps at this moment, I reminded him of Leah and how things had ended between them. "Jacob...he and Aliya…they're engaged."

"I don't believe you!" I shouted and flew at him, my hands fisted. In the seething haze of fear and anger and hurt, I forgot that nothing I could do could hurt this man, that my feeble blows would only glance off his skin like water on a rock – and yet, I needed to do this – I needed to lash out at something. As if by beating him, I could change the ring of truth that was evident in his voice.

"I don't believe you!" I shouted over and over, as Sam gripped my arms firmly to my sides.

When my paroxysm of weeping had passed, he carried me to the front steps of the Clearwater's house and set me down on the steps.

"Do you love him Bella?" he asked me.

I didn't answer. My world was black and I felt like I was wrapped in a thick, dark woollen blanket – stifling, oppressive and strangely welcome. I wondered idly if it would suffocate me. Perhaps death would be easier than this.

"Do you love him?" he asked again.

"You know I do." I answered, not looking up.

Then I felt Sam kneel down beside me. "If you love him, you will let him go Bella. This is his destiny. This is what he needs to do. This is what he needs to do – or else he loses everything."

"I don't believe that Sam!" I argued "He promised me forever…he promised…" I stammered, and then stopped realizing how stupid and illogical I sounded.

I stayed still, feeling tears falling slowly down my cheeks, stingingly cold in the open air.

Winter was coming.

**- ooo -**

**SAM POV**

Truth be told, I have never really disliked Bella Swan. Though I'm sure it may have often seemed so. I had always felt that she was wrong for Jacob, that he should stick to the tribe and marry within it. God knows there were less and less of us as the young people grew up, left the reservation and inter-married with Anglos.

I always just felt that She and Jacob – they were like planets on the same orbit, headed directly for each other – for a collision that would only destroy them both.

And so far, I had been right.

I had hated her guts when she broke Jacob's heart and picked her leech but it was a reaction to the hurt she had caused my brother. And now, it became clear that I was right. Jacob WAS meant to marry in the tribe, to be Chief, to be Alpha.

But seeing Bella so broken, so small – and I felt a wrench in my gut and a pain in my heart that I thought I never would feel again – not since the day I told Leah goodbye. And then I knew that while I could not alter the course of Jacob's and her eventual parting, I could try and make it a little less painful for her. If not for her – then for the memories I had of Leah.

"There are things that are bigger than the promises he made." Sam said. "Don't you understand? Jacob had no right to make those promises – you should just leave Bella. Get out of Forks. The council…. they want you to…they want you to publicly break off your engagement with Jacob. " I said in a rush, wanting to get this out, to warn this little slip of a girl that more heartache was in store for her.

Part of me feeling like I was betraying the council.

Another part of me hoped that this girl would once again prove to be a coward, that she would take this warning and run, like she did all the other times and it would save her and my brother some heartache.

"Wha…what?" Bella asked, looking up, a bewildered look on her face.

"The Chief's Ring – Jacob had no right to give that to you – it is meant for the Chief's wife. But since he did, the Council feels that you are as good as engaged – you need to formally renounce the engagement so Jacob can be free." I explained to her. "You need to go – so you don't have to go through with the unbinding."

She looked at the ring attached to the bracelet on her wrist, silent for long moments, as if it held the answer to all her pain.

I felt Jared step out of the woods and join Paul beside me. We exchanged uneasy looks. And I hated the Council for imposing this burden upon us.

Then Paul spoke.

"Jacob was born to be Chief, to be Alpha, Bella. This is part of who he is. Would you take that away from him? He offered to step down as Alpha for you. Do you know that?" Paul asked her.

"He was willing to become an outcast from the tribe – to never be allowed to set foot in La Push again. He would become a pariah to all his friends and relatives. He would lose his status, his family's land, the scholarship that allows him to go to school. Is that what you want for him Bella? IS that how much you love Jacob?" he asked, relentlessly, cruelly. "If that's how much you love him - then by all means, fight for Jacob … "

I raised my hand, and Paul quieted. This was not necessary.

"Bella, please listen to me for once. Just give me the Chief's ring and go. You don't need to put yourself through this…the bonfire, the ceremony…you can just run away." I tried to convince her.

I expected more tears and in truth, I wanted her to hit me again, and I wanted to feel the pain. Because I wanted some atonement for what I had done. What I was about to do. But if you asked me, I would say yes, I would do this again.

Because it is for my tribe.

Because it is my duty.

And because this was the right thing to do.

"What do I need to do?" she finally asked, her voice broken.

"You need to let him go – it needs to come from you. He'll never leave you otherwise." Paul answered for the us. "Maybe you ARE better off with Cullen." He added. I glared at him – this wasn't necessary.

"And maybe you should tell Jacob that…" Paul continued.

I turned to him, my anger clearly showing on my face

"What?" Paul asked innocently "…you know it's the only way he'll let her go – if he thinks she's going to the leech."

As if she had not heard a word, Bella got up slowly and turning towards me, simply said "Good bye Sam."

And getting into her truck, she drove away.

And I started praying that she would listen to me. That the little girl would run away, as far away as she could, as fast as she could.

Again.

**EMBRY'S POV**

I was so goddamn tired that I felt like I would fall on my face at any moment. But I pushed on, although I had passed well beyond my patrol hours what seemed like hours ago.

"_You__ gotta__ slow __down__ man.__"_ I heard Quil. "_He__'__s __not__ here__…"_

We were phased into our wolf forms.

After the confrontation at the Council Meeting, Quil, Seth and I had run for what seemed like days trying to find Jacob. But while his scent was everywhere, we could never seem to catch up with him. Hours later, defeated by our repeated failure to find our Alpha, we huddled together in the cover of the woods behind my house and talked about what we would do, and how the Alpha Order not to tell Bella anything affected us all.

In the heat of my anger I swore I would never phase again. But Seth, the level-headed one and peacemaker as always reasonably pointed out that or duty was NOT to the pack, or to Sam or to the council – our duty was to the tribe and personal feelings aside, we still needed to keep doing our duty. I thought Quill was going to gut him when Seth pointed this out – Quil hates it when Seth is right. Eventually, we all agreed we would continue to phase but only for patrol and resist the urge at all other times.

Over the months leading up to it and the weeks since Jacob had become Alpha, we had been getting better and better at concealing our minds from the pack, and from each other. And then later, Jacob thought us how to communicate with the pack mind even when we were in our human forms. The change, the realization that our powers were more limitless than we had first imagined actually started when Leah first phased – none of the old legends ever spoke of a woman spirit warrior – but here she was. At first, we thought she was an aberration, and then Aliya changed as well. And now, Aliya claimed to be pregnant as well when all this time, Leah had been suffering, thinking that even motherhood had been taken from her. And imprinting – none of the wolves had ever imprinted on the other wolves before. And whatever I may have thought of Aliya, I at least believed she wasn't lying about the imprint.

We were constantly discovering there was more to us than what the legends said. In fact, we realized that the legends only covered a fraction of the reality - we were capable of so much more than what the legends said and that what we knew was only a small fraction of what was.

At first, only Jacob could do block out his mind, but then we assumed it was because he had Alpha blood – he could do much more than we. But then I discovered I could do it as well. And eventually, Seth, Leah and Quil learned too. I had no idea about Sam and his henchmen but I assumed they too had discovered this. We had not been able to explain it at first, but the Council told us that we were the biggest Pack in the tribe's history and that Jacob was the strongest Alpha there had ever been - even before Ephraim Black - and that perhaps this was why we were so different.

We had hoped to push our limits – to see if we could override Sam's Alpha Order not to speak of what happened at the Council Meeting – but apparently, in this at least, the legends were right. We could NOT overstep an Alpha Order and the last few hours had been futile.

I stopped running and rested in my belly, my face on my front paws.

"_I __guess__ Jake __doesn__'__t__ want __to__ be __found, so I__'__m__ going__ home __guys..__" _Seth thought_ "…__I__ need __to __see__ if__ my __mom __is__ ok.__.. and if Leah is ok."_

"_D'you mind me going with you bro? I don't think I could stomach being around my grandfather today." _

"_You__ have __to __go __home __sometime__ Quil__" _I reminded him. He just shook his massive head and snorted, puffs of cold air rising around his face.

"_I__ know.__" _He thought "_But__ "__sometime__" __could __be__ anywhere __between from __now__ and __the __next __two__ years__…__I __just__ don__'__t__ want __to__ say__ something __I__'__ll__regret.__ Better__ to__ hang__ with__ Seth __for__ a__ while__…"_

"_Ok."_

"_And__ where__ are__ you__ going?__" _he nudged me.

"_I__ have__ a__ lot __of__ thinking__ to __do__… __don__'__t __feel __like __going __home __either.__" __I __told __them. _Quil and Seth understood. My house stood in between Aliya's house and my uncle Andrew's - chances were I'd see at least one of them. They rose, and with a quiet grace at odds with their huge bodies, loped of into the forest and I was alone.

I decided to continue trying to find Jacob. And hoped that all the running would quell my own fear that I wold be next...that I too would imprint and that my choices too would be taken away from me.

**BPOV**

I had vivid memories of how I had felt when I lost Edward – the ragged, throbbing hole in the center of my chest that would ache and tear which each breath I took. And yet, compared to the cold, leaden, heavy emptiness that seemed to have wrapped around me, I would have preferred the pain. At least the pain reminded me that I was still alive – that I could at least feel something.

As I neared Jacob's house, my foot automatically lifted off the accelerator and my heart gave the same usual jump, the thrill of expectation that I would see Jake again, before it realized that Jake was gone from me. I stomped on the brake and the car ground to a halt, the engine protesting loudly. I was going to talk to Jacob – at the very least, I deserved to know the truth – I would NOT be left the way Edward left me – with no word, no explanation. I needed to hear why.

But if I was honest with myself, I would have said that the truth was, I hoped that Sam had been lying. That there would be no imprinting. That it was all a joke – or a plot to be rid of me. That Jacob would come running out of his house and wrap his arms around me. That he would soothe me and hold me and tell it was all a mistake.

As I approached the little red house, my heart sped up and my fists clenched. It used to feel like coming home – coming to this place. Its warmth used to wrap me in a blanket of comfort. But now, I felt nothing but cold dread.

"_When__ will __you__ announce __it?__" _I heard Billy's gravelly voice say. I froze on the step of the small porch, unable to move forward and yet, also unable to turn back.

"_At __the __next __bonfire.__" _Aliya said._ "__I__ want that is...__my__ family __wants__...__the__ traditional __binding__ ceremony.__"_

"_And __the __wedding?__" _Billy asked again, his voice was grave. But not angry I idly thought, no, not angry. Just somehow, sad.

"_As__ soon__ as __possible __after __that.__" _Aliya responded.

"_What__ about __Jacob__'__s __scholarship?__School?__Isn__'__t __this __a __bit __sudden?__" _

"_You know the __inter-tribal council__ that makes __the __recommendations __for __the__ scholarships __given__ to__ minorities__ – my uncle said they __would__ make __sure __Jacob __got __a __full __ride__ – because he's going to be chief, apparently they have a special one for tribal leaders - __not __just like __the __scholarship __he __has now. __A__ much __better __one.__ This is a__bigger__ grant.__ Jacob __can__ even __stop__ working__ and __study __full__ time__ with __this __scholarship.__" _Aliya said.

"_And __you __Jacob?__Is__ this __what__ you __want?__" _Billy asked.

"_Yes.__" _

"_And__ what__ about __Bella?__"_

And then the wind shifted, a sudden cold gust of frigid air swept past my face, lifting strands of my hair and pasting them to a cheek which I hadn't realized was wet with tears. And suddenly, my feet found their life and I turned quickly, starting to run for my truck.

"_Bella!__" _ I heard footsteps behind me. But I kept walking. I need to reach the truck. Just reach the truck, just reach the truck – I chanted in my mind.

"Bella, please! Please stop."

I froze where I was, my hand on the handle of the truck's door. I almost laughed at the futility of my actions. As if I could outrun a werewolf.

"Is it true?" I asked, my voice quiet.

"I would know your scent anywhere…." And I felt his hand lift, and reaching over my shoulder, he gently brushed a strand of hair away from my face. "Your scent – it's the smell of home to me…."

"Is. It. True?" I asked him again, my voice harder now. I knew Aliya was watching and I would not give her the satisfaction of seeing my tears.

"I dream of you at night…I dream of your scent, the sound of your laugh…"

"Answer me Jacob. Is it true? Are you marrying her? Are you two imprinted?" I turned around to face him.

And looking up at the face I loved, the one I knew so well. I didn't need an answer. The pain and the defeat in his eyes, the slump in his shoulders and the dead light in his gaze told me it was.

I just nodded and turned to my truck once more.

"Bella…wait..I need to…"

"Explain?" I asked. "It's not necessary Jacob. I think I heard enough."

"It's not like that!" he shouted at me, hands shaking, raking through his hair. "I'm fighting it Bella! I am…please, you have to believe me! Just please, let me explain…don't walk away from me."

I reached up to still his hands. And his skin called to mine. The smooth russet silk of it, the heat of Jacob warming me – and I wondered if I would ever feel this warm ever again.

The shaking lessened and he dropped his hands to his side, his head hung down low.

"If I let you explain – would it change anything?"

He was quiet again and I saw the tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Would it break the imprint?"

He was silent. Still.

"I thought so."

"Where are you going?" he asked. And my heart ached for the boy I would always love. And I remembered Paul's words, each syllable echoing in my mind

"To call Edward." I said. And as I said it, I knew I would – but not for the reasons Sam or Jacob would think. . _"__Maybe__you __ARE__ better__ off__ with __Cullen.__"_ _"__And __maybe__ you__ should __tell__ Jacob __that__…"_ _"…__you __know__ it__'__s __the__ only__ way __he__'__ll__ let__ her__ go__ – __if__ he __thinks __she__'__s__ going __to __the __leech.__"_

I realized Paul was right – though cruel, this was the only way Jacob would let me go.

And I knew that letting Jacob go would be my last gift to him. To make sure he had the life he deserved. The one unselfish thing that Bella Swan ever did in her entire life. The one thing that maybe, would be enough to pay for my multitude of sins.

And with that, I got into my truck and drove away. I swore I wouldn't look back. That I would drive off without a backward glance. But as it was with all things related to Jacob, I could not resist one last look.

Jacob stood where I left him, head bowed an shoulders slumped – but Aliya stood by him now. Her arms were wrapped around him and with the late afternoon light bathing them in gold, they looked like figures from a fairy-tale.

He was not pushing her away.

I drove around La Push aimlessly for what seemed like hours, telling myself I was looking for Leah. When in truth, I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going.

Perhaps it was Alice's vision, auto-suggestion I think they called it, a self-fulfilling prophecy that I found myself at the cliffs.

It was a beautiful fall afternoon. Nothing like that stormy day years ago when a much younger, more foolish incarnation of myself jumped over the cliff just to hear an imagined voice. The wind was strong but not fierce and it felt good on my face, drying the tears that I had given up trying to fight. The air smelled of sea, of salt and pine, it smelled of all the things I loved about La Push. All the things that reminded me of him.

I walked closer to the edge, watching as the sun began its slow descent, painting the waves amber and gold and red and tinting the clouds with color and light. It was beautiful. Twilight. I remember Edward once telling me this was his favourite time of the day. And I realized that while beautiful, I hated twilight – because the light, the day – no matter how beautiful it was – was dying.

I stood by the edge and looked out but saw nothing. I struggled to feel, waiting for the same throbbing hole I felt at Edward's departure to open again. I wanted the pain. It would be something to focus on. But there was nothing.

And then all of a sudden, a wave of nausea hit me, driving me to my knees as I heaved and retched – bringing up nothing from my empty stomach. My vision swam and I lost my balance. Then I felt myself fall forward, towards the precipice. So this is how it ends I thought. Maybe the pixie was right after all. And in spite of myself, I felt a quirk of amusement. Probably the same gallows humor that condemned men feel before they are executed.

But suddenly, big strong hands pulled me back and I felt myself hauled against warm skin, taut muscles. And my heart, which I thought had died, came to screaming life, beating fast, as if it could burst out of my chest so I could lay it at his feet.

"What were you thinking!" he shouted at me, hugging me tight. As if unsure whether to hold me or shake me. "Bella! What the hell were you doing?"

And I looked up knowing it was not who I wanted it to be. For the eyes that looked down on me were gray and the arms that held me were not his.

"It's not what it looks like Embry…"I explained as he gently let me go and led me several feet back to sit on one of the large boulders scattered near the cliff's edge.

"I saw and looked away for a moment to phase back…" he said, his voice still worried "…and then there you were about to fall over…do you know what Jake would…"

And then he stopped and looked at me. His eyes sad.

"It's ok Embry." I said, not knowing why I was comforting him, when it was my heart that was broken. "I know."

He nodded.

"I was looking for him and his scent led me here…but I found you instead. "

"I just saw him."

"And?"

"And he was with Billy and Aliya." I looked down, studying the grass beneath my feet. Part of me wishing Embry had NOT been there to save me. "They were discussing the wedding."

"Fuck!" Embry exclaimed. Jumping to his feet and moving away to look out over the cliffs. "What else…how much else do you know?" he asked me.

"Enough to know it's over." I told him.

"Do you know about…" Embry said, his face contorted, trying to say something but not quite being able to say anything. His eyes looked anguished. And I remembered another night, another boy wanting to tell me but being bound not to speak a word.

"About the unbinding ceremony?" I asked. Embry visibly relaxed and came over to sit next to me.

"We...that is…Quil, Seth and I…we wanted to warn you." Embry explained. "But we had Alpha orders not to tell you."

"I understand. Thanks Embry, you're a good friend." I said, kissing his cheek and embracing him. I closed my eyes and for a moment could pretend it was my Jacob.

**EMBRY's POV**

"You know he'd kill me if he smelled that." I joked half-heartedly as she untangled her arms from around me and the strawberry scent that always seemed to float around her swirled about me in the breeze. Bella smiled. A small bitter smile which never quite made it as far as her eyes.

"I'm pretty sure he's busy to notice right now." She said, the same bitter smile twisting the corner of her mouth.

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and wondered what had changed. Where this girl had come from? This strange, new – strong girl. What had happened to the emotional, beautiful, fragile wreck who had been my friend Bella Swan?

We sat there for a long time, neither saying a word.

"Did you ever think…wonder…if you would imprint?" she asked, finally breaking the silence.

"I've thought about it…I suppose we all have at one point. Leah swears she never will. She thinks it's evil and unnatural. I kind of agree with her…" I said. "After the shit it put Leah through…she never deserved any of that! And neither do you. And Jacob…"

"Do you know if…"

"If Jacob's imprint is true?" I finished for her.

She gave a small nod, her eyes far away.

"It's actually Aliya's imprint…she imprinted on Jacob." I told her.

"Then he could fight it right?" Bella suddenly turned to me, clutching my arms.

"I don't know Bella….if he could then why couldn't Sam?" I said, not wanting to finish. The unspoken part, that Jacob could fight the imprint but was not doing so hung between us. "But what if…"

"What if he doesn't want to fight?" she asked.

I had no answers for her and once again, all I could do was hold her, her tiny bones feeling like china in my hands.

"I always thought…well…hoped…that if Jacob imprinted, it would be on me." She said. The same sad smile was on her face. "But in the end I guess all I want is for him to be happy."

I felt a chill of foreboding.

"What did you do Bella?" I asked, grasping her by her arms, wanting to shake an answer out of her.

She shook her head, and said nothing until tears started slowly falling down her pale cheeks, each tear glistening a little in the dying light.

"What did you do?"

"I let him go Embry – I told him I was going back to Edward. That was the only way I know he would let me go."

"What?" I asked, surprised I could speak at all.

"I'm not going to be selfish anymore - he needs this, needs Aliya to be happy, to stay in La Push…I needed to let him go…I'll be at the unbinding ceremony." She said and then she finally broke down, the trickle of tears bursting like a dam, a torrent of grief and sorrow so violent and painful that I could do nothing but hold her through it until finally, exhausted by her grief I carried her to her truck and drove her home.


	25. Chapter 25 Where the Last Dance Begins

AN : Here's goes nothing. Please read and enjoy (or not). We're nearing the end and I'm glad I've stuck with this story. One reviewer asked me why it was so dark - and I had to stop and think and then realize that a lot of it is cathartic. I was in a really dark place in my personal life whilst writing this and getting my pain on paper has helped me move on. Once more, I know this chapter will upset a lot of you but again, have faith.

I wrote this story precisely because I didn't want a Bella who was weak, who would throw herself off a cliff because basically…her boyfriend broke up with her, one who needed protecting by everyone.

**Chapter 31**

**Where the Last Dance Begins**

**BPOV**

"Are you going to be…uhmm.." Embry asked, turning towards me as he pulled my truck over into my driveway. Strange that I had been staring out the window the whole drive and had not noticed we had reached my house.

"Ok?" I asked, finishing his question for him. Embry's shoulders slumped and he looked old, weary. "I guess that was a stupid question." He said quietly, returning his gaze to the windshield.

"Why Embry?" I asked.

"Why what?"

"Why does it matter…why do you care so much?"

"Because Jacob could have been me - it could have been me! I could have had everything I ever wanted, everything I've ever dreamed of and this stupid tribe—this stupid curse could have taken it away…"

I sat back, surprised and alarmed by this Embry – this angry, bitter man who was so different from my calm, easy going friend.

"This imprinting…this curse…it destroys people…it's destroyed lives…because it destroyed the girl I lov… I mean it could have happened…"

"Because it destroyed the girl you love." I said, again finishing what was unsaid.

He was silent for a long time, his hands gripping the wheel until his knuckles were white.

"Does she know?" I asked. And for a brief moment, my heart leapt – as if it still lived, or beat or existed. A moment of fleeting happiness for the friends I had regained with my return to Forks. Friends that I would have always, even if Jacob was gone from me.

"God no!" Embry said, his voice thick with frustration "I didn't know myself…not until now."

"She'll be ok." I assured him, "I'm not sure about me, but deep down I know Leah will get through this. She'll be ok. This thing…this ceremony, maybe it will free her…"

"Or maybe it will destroy what's left of her." Embry said.

And then with a brief, tight embrace, and a whispered "Don't worry, we'll be close by." He leapt out of my truck and loped off into the woods behind my house.

The telephone rang as soon as I entered the house and I was unsurprised to hear Edward's voice on the other end of the line. "Alice saw – could suddenly see you...you were on the cliffs again." he said in lieu of a greeting. And the velvet of his voice wrapped around me like a blanket. "I'm ok." I hastened to assure him but even to my own ears, my voice sounded dead and lifeless. "Where are you?" I asked. "It doesn't matter – if you need me I will be there, wherever I am."

I paused, and asked myself if it was right to do this. But then at that moment, I felt nothing I did mattered. That I had to do what I had to do just to get through with freeing Jacob.

"Do you still love me Edward?" I asked.

"You know I do." He answered, his voice musical and gentle.

"I need you." I said simply.

And I closed my eyes as pangs of guilt that I was betraying Jacob assailed me. Yet, I convinced myself that that guilt was unnecessary now – I was betraying no one. I was not Jacob's any longer.

And then in what seemed to be mere moments.

Or lifetimes.

It was the night of the betrothal.

And I found myself in La Push with no clear memory of how I got there, or where the past two weeks had gone. Or how I had lived to reach this moment.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Leah asked, her voice low and urgent. And I knew that with a single word, she, Seth, Quil and Embry - my only friends here – would take me away, back home. Where it was safe.

But I knew what I had to do. I had to cut the tie that bound me to Jacob so that he could be with the woman he loved – his imprint – Aliya. I felt Embry, Quil and Seth fall in behind us, and I felt heartened because I would not be alone. I said a silent prayer of thanks – for the four people I had not really expected to take my side today.

Even as we were already at the border of La Push where they had met me, and where Edward waited for me now, Quil and Embry continued to try and convince me not to go, they said they couldn't protect me from Aliya. I guess they didn't realize that Aliya couldn't hurt me anymore – nothing could possibly hurt me more than Jacob's betrayal did – and they could not protect me from that.

Leah had added her pleas, begging me to stay away, bravely forgetting that she would be facing the same heartbreak as I and setting me free of the promise I had made to her on the beach that night - what seemed like a lifetime ago.

Leah pleaded with me, tried to reassure me that she would be fine – that she had weathered countless Saturday bonfires before this. But I had known that the formal announcement of Sam and Emily's betrothal – the death knell to any hope Leah may have had – was something that even she could not stand through alone.

It was only when I learned from Leah the exact details what she needed to do – or rather, what we both needed to do - at the betrothal ceremony that I fully understood why Leah, who was always so fearless and brave, had made me promise to be with her on the night the elders officially announced Sam and Emily's engagement. What I had thought would be a simple announcement had turned out to be nothing of the sort – for the tribe had certain rites that must be observed, especially when the engagement involved the breaking of a previous commitment to another. And especially for Leah who held a special place in the tribe.

A year ago, I would have refused to go – and promises be damned. But then a year ago, I had been a weak effigy of a girl, a spineless creature who lost all will to live simply because I had lost a boyfriend. A doll that needed to wound up and told where to go, to be protected.

But I was older now. And stronger. And I would, for one, keep my promises – even if it seemed that everyone else had forgotten their promises to me.

So I would go. And I would stand by Leah in her moment of humiliation. And I would face my own with the same stoic grace that Leah did. At the very least, we would not be alone.

By tradition, I had to formally release Jacob from our engagement in the presence of the elders and witnesses. It seemed that when Jacob had given me the Chief's ring, we had become as good as engaged in the eyes of the tribe – an engagement that now needed to be ended. Otherwise, he would not be considered free to marry another girl of the tribe. Leah had walked me through the steps – and sleep eluded both of us late into the night and until dawn started creeping up, bathing my room with weak light. She was dry eyed, her face drawn and harsh – and I know she too was dreading having to do the same thing, to release Sam. To formally free him for his marriage to another woman.

It was simple really. The council would formally ask me if I was freely letting Jacob go and I would answer "yes". And then they would ask me if I freely agreed to renounce all claims to Jacob and I would answer "yes". Then I would return Taha Aki's promise ring and it would be over. Simple it seemed. But even then, I already knew that saying those two short syllables would be the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.

"God Bella! Don't you get it? You don't have to do this!" Embry railed at me last night in my living room. "You're not even Quileute – it's not expected. Don't you understand it's just some sick power play?" He paced the room back and forth, hands twisting in his hair, muscles taut, as if he would phase any moment.

I had shaken my head at him, determined to do this. "I know that Embry. I also know that Sam and the…the others…they expect me to run away again. They think I'm too weak to do this. To let Jacob go – to let him be happy. I want to show them I'm not. And I'm going to do this. For Jacob."

"Fuck Jacob!" Quil suddenly erupted. "Don't you know what they plan to do? This is all just Aliya's scheme to humiliate you – so that she can save face with the tribe – because otherwise, she knows they'll all always think she was only second best. Do you really want to give her that satisfaction?" Quil said, joining the fray.

I said nothing. I would do what I had to do. And I needed to see Jacob – needed to hear him deny me – so that I could know for sure if this nightmare was real. Because I knew that if I didn't do this, I would forever hold on to the hope that maybe…maybe, it wasn't really over. And I would never be able to move on.

"God Leah - you talk to her…you need to make her see…" Quil said, running his hands through his hair in frustration and moving away to stare out the window, as if he could not bear the sight of me anymore.

"Actually, I think BOTH of them need to see sense." Embry suddenly said. In all the years I'd known him, I had never really seen the easygoing Embry act this way – and I was touched again but his unexpected allegiance. "Leah, you know better than Bella what's going to happen – and you don't have to be there. Screw Sam, screw Jacob and screw the freaking council!" he exclaimed.

"Bella, Leah – you need to listen to your friends." Edward added his voice to theirs. Then addressing me directly, he said "You don't have to do anything. You don't owe that dog Black anything." He had been silent through this until now, only lending me his support by his mere presence. "He doesn't deserve anything from you - not this, not a single one of your tears, not your time, not your pain."

Quil and Embry looked askance at Edward, and I was sure they would start an argument to defend Jacob. Surprisingly, although their mouths were set in grim lines, they said nothing.

They had been taken aback to find Edward at my house that night – but they made no protest, said nothing. Perhaps they were afraid that any further conflict would push me over the precipice of sanity I seemed to be holding onto somehow. Or maybe they knew that I needed him – this - if not as a lover then as a friend, or at the very least, an accomplice for a quick getaway when the difficult deed was done.

Leah came to stand next to me. "Bella, I'm releasing you from that promise you made me – don't worry about me, I think I can…you know…I can do this alone. You don't need to suffer with me."

I just shook my head. I refused to be dissuaded. "If you're going" I told her, "…then I'll be there with you." I told her. Absently, I stroked the little wolf charm on my bracelet, thinking of the day, it seemed so long ago now, that Jacob had given it to me. My fingers brushed the Chief's ring – and recoiled, for it was cold, almost freezing, to my touch. I wondered what Jacob was feeling – but then, I guess I had no more right to know. I would not– I already DIDN'T- have the right to be wearing the ring for much longer.

"Why are you really doing this? Are you really doing this for Jake…or is it because you're hoping he'll still change his mind? That if he sees you there that he'll leave her for you?" Leah probed gently. And I didn't answer _No_ because half of me would have been lying.

I saw three werewolves and one vampire exchange worried looks over my head. At any other time and in any other situation, a detached part of mind told me, this would actually be funny – or at least one for the books.

Leah looked at me long and hard and then nodded, perhaps seeing something in my eyes that convinced her - "Bella and I are going." Leah finally said, her voice soft but firm, brooking no argument. "We're not cowards."

"Auurrrgh!" Embry just growled in frustration while Quil slapped his hand against the windowsill, causing the window frame to shake and the glass to rattle.

We heard a loud keening howl - Seth was outside running perimeter around my house, to warn us if any of the pack came near. Jacob was Alpha now, but Embry said that he had not used his authority since that day that we last spoke. Was it only days ago?

Jacob may have been Alpha, but Sam was still giving the orders – and the orders were for all of them to stay the hell away from me.

Yet, here they were.

And they had stayed all through that night, keeping vigil with me and Leah as we prepared ourselves for the coming day and the coming heartbreak.

- 000 -

"Bella…Bella.." I heard Leah repeat my name. I looked owlishly in the direction her voice seemed to be coming from and realized I had been staring off into space the past few minutes, reliving last night and wishing I had allowed Quil and Embry to convince me not to go. "Bella, it's time." she said.

I nodded. And heads held high, we walked out of the shadows of the woods and towards the light of the massive bonfire – where we were awaited. As I walked to my place, I found myself noting the details around me with detachment – as if it were a film I was watching, one where I was not a part of the scene, just an observer.

I saw Charlie next to Sue on the blanket near the fire. Charlie's face was hard, and tense, set in grim lines although he was making an effort to keep his expression blank and neutral. He too had threatened, cajoled and even begged me not to go today. But realizing that I had inherited his stubborn streak and would go with or without his blessing, he insisted on going with me.

I knew how hurt Charlie had been by his fight with Billy over this – they had been friends long before Jacob and I had even been born. I had overheard him yelling at Billy on the telephone. Charlie had been refusing to take Billy's calls for days and that afternoon, he must have been caught off guard and answered the telephone inadvertently.

"Damn you and your precious tribe!" he had shouted into the phone "This is my daughter you're hurting. No! I don't want to hear it – your fucking explanations mean fucking less than bullshit to me Billy! I thought you were my friend for Chrissake. I'm not having Bella go to that farce for all of you sick sonofabitches to laugh at…so fucking leave her alone or God help me…"

I had grabbed the phone from his hand. Charlie looked as if he was about to fight me for it but perhaps, the look of acceptance and calm stoicism on my face convinced him that I knew what I was doing.

"Don't worry Billy" I had said "Tell the council I'll be there. Your son will be free."

And then I hung up the phone, cutting of a stream of explanations from Billy – not really hearing one word. I wasn't ready to listen to Billy – to face him again – the pain ran too deep, so deep that I wondered if I would ever be ready to face him again.

I was thankful that my father had come tonight despite my protestations. I was thankful he was with me to show the council and the pack that we were proud people too. That we were strong. That we could be gracious in our defeat.

- 000 -

**EMBRY'S POV**

"_Come __on __man__"_ I heard Paul's voice in my head. _"__Bring __Quil __and __Seth.__It__'__s __time.__"_

I said nothing. Careful to shield my thoughts, because my choice to stand by Leah and Bella – and not by my pack – was made, and I knew it would arouse conflict. It was a small enough gesture. I would simply stand behind Leah and Bella, so they knew I was there, as if my presence would somehow help, as if by merely being there, I could give them my strength as they spoke the words that would free Sam and Jacob. A small gesture but one that to the pack, would be like a slap in the face, a denial of them and a betrayal what they stood for.

But I didn't really care. I planned to resign from the pack anyway – it had been something I had been thinking about for a while – and I would tell Jacob as soon as this God forsaken night was over. This - hurting people over some sick powerplay – was NOT what I had signed up to for. Hell, I never even signed up at all. It was a sick genetic experiment… some twisted cosmic joke that we were all the butts of. And I'd be damned before I too became a victim of imprinting and the suffering that came with it.

Nonetheless, it was painful for me to go against my brothers. If Jacob knew what we planned and had given an Alpha order for us to stand with the pack, I could not possibly have disobeyed. Or maybe I could have, for the anger I felt at this moment was so vast and deep that I felt I could have done anything. Even defy my Alpha.

Over the years since Sam first phased, I had often felt that the tribe was becoming too caught up in tradition, that they were valuing blood more than character and dead customs more than living people. But no one listened to me - who was I to question tradition?

_For __what?_ I once asked Quil, frustrated with Jared and Kim's heartbreak – a heartbreak we all had to share, a heartbreak we relived over and over along with Jared and his painful memories – when Kim's second miscarriage caused her to go into a near state of catatonia due to the trauma, not to mention the silent looks of disappointment and unreasonably, looks of reproach that she had received from the Elders after each miscarriage - as if she had deliberately miscarried, as if she had wanted it to happen.

_What__ the __fuck __do__ they __want?__A whole __army__ of__ super __werewolves?_ _Aren__'__t __there __enough__ of __us __freaks __already?_ I had ranted. Quil just shook his head. It was easier for him – he had already imprinted on Claire and had years and years to go before he had to deal with it.

I swear that if the day comes that I imprint – I will fight it to my last breath. No one will make that choice for me. I will not let the Elders or the pack control my life. And quitting now before it happened, maybe it would stop me from imprinting altogether.

I saw Quil at the western edge of the woods, maybe ten feet from the bonfire. The places for the Elders and the pack were still empty – and since their places were arranged with their backs to the sea, the "audience" who had already gathered for the bonfire were facing away from Quil, and did not see him there. He motioned to me, tilting his head in the direction of the woods and I knew that Leah and Bella waited there for me.

I was all for boycotting this whole farce. When I warned Bella and Leah of what the pack had decided and what the Elders had required, I thought that they would accept my offer to take them away. In my mind was some vague plan to just get into my truck, bundle the girls into it and drive off. Quil however was not surprised when the girls stood their ground; he said he knew they were made of sterner stuff. Nonetheless, he too had tried every trick he knew to convince Leah and Bella to stay away. Neither would budge.

So by tacit agreement, the most – the only – thing we could do was to stand behind them tonight. And take them away after, if need be. Fuck the pack. Not one of them had the right to do this…even Jacob…especially not Jacob.

I knew it would be doubly hard for Leah. Not only did she have to participate in the unbinding ceremony, she was the Tribe's spirit dancer as well, and had to perform tonight. As if it weren't enough that her heartbreak would be on display for all to see.

I wanted to run to her side and hold her there, as if I could shield her from the looks of pity, the speculative glances, the malicious whispers. It seemed only so recently that Leah and Sam had been on this same beach, at their own joining ceremony – yet it was over two years later and I was afraid that Leah had been damaged for good.

Yet, like Bella, Leah was adamant about doing what she needed to do. She said that she would not show weakness in the face of Sam and the Elders. And I marveled again at how brave she was – how she would put most of the men I knew to shame.

I saw Lukas and Jared and looking at me expectantly. The Elders of the tribe, representing each of the major families, the Atearas, the Uleys, the Calls, the Clearwaters, the Beaulieus, the Crows – ten in all, with Billy at the head – walked to their seats before the fire. In the daylight, they were just ordinary men…our neighbors…friends…fathers…uncles - but at these Councils, they changed somehow. They gained a majesty that was bestowed by the office, by their pure blood. And I hated them all for what they were about to do. I turned away now. Leah and Quil would be looking for me.

"_Where __are __you __going?__" _ I heard Jacob's voice.

"_To__ stand__ by__ what__'__s __right.__" _ I answered bitterly. I had never been so ashamed of Jacob in my life. He was my brother. My best friend. And he was making the worst mistake of his life.

"_Then __you__ need __to stop being an asshole and __stand __by __us.__" _ Paul's harsh voice interrupted. He was suddenly there, in front of me, barring my way. Teeth bared, prepared to fight. And if it came to that, so was I. Bring it then. I was fucking spoiling for a fight right now. My hackles rose too, the tingling began in my spine, my hands shook and I could feel the change – I knew I was about to phase.

"_If__ you__'__re __so __convinced__ what __you__'__re __doing __is __right, __then __do __what __you __have __to __do - you don't need me or Quil or Seth to back you up. __But __don__'__t you fucking __decide __what__'__s __right__ for __me. __I__'__ll __do __what __I __have to do - our definitions of what's right are not even close you sick bastard.__" _ I retorted. I controlled my anger, realizing that Leah and Bella needed me more now than I needed to get into a fight with Paul.

"_YOU__ ARE __A__ TRAITOR!__" _Paul's angry thoughts thundered in my mind. "_YOU __AND __QUIL__ AND __SETH __AND__ THAT __BITCH __LEAH!__"_

I just shook my head and began walking away. "You wouldn't know a bitch if it was standing in front of your face." I said quietly, grimly - staring Paul down and dragging my gaze to Aliya. She was standing between Paul and Jacob, a look of triumph on her face and God help me, I've never come so close to hitting a woman in my life.

"You get your ass in line now!" Paul hissed at me. The people nearest to us looked our way, uneasy – sensing the tension.

"Make me. Asshole."

I knew this would set him off and I really didn't care. I could hold my own with Paul any day - I tensed, prepared to phase.

"STOP." Jacob's voice intervened. It resonated with the double timbre of the Alpha. Something Jacob had not used before now. "LEAVE HIM ALONE PAUL." He ordered. And then in a calmer voice "You too Aliya. Leave us. I'll be there soon."

With a last glare at me, Paul left followed by Aliya, the smirk still on her face.

All the Elders were in place now and everyone was waiting for the pack to come in, followed at the end by the engaged couples.

"I think you should go too Alpha. Your…bitch…er…_fiancée_…awaits." I said mockingly, bowing to him. I knew it would make him mad. I wanted to make him mad. To hit me. So that I could hit back. I braced myself – but the blow never came.

I finally saw his face as he stepped closer to me. In the flickering firelight, it was the face of a man about to walk to the gallows. But I felt not a single shred of pity for Jacob Ephraim Black, and I offered him no words of comfort. He had made his choice and he needed to start living with it.

"Take care of her." He asked.

I almost laughed at the stupidity of his request. Take care of her? He was asking me this? The same person who was the reason for her being hurt in the first place?

I would never understand why he would subject Bella to this, regardless of the fucked up imprinting, it was unnecessary to hold this travesty of a joining ceremony – and to subject Bella to it. And he never offered any explanation - though in fairness to Jacob, we had avoided him and shut him out of our thoughts as hard as we could since it happened.

I said nothing, gazing at him impassively as the seconds stretched like an eternity.

"I'm sorry Embry." He said softly. I wavered in my anger and outrage for a moment. I had never heard my friend so broken, not even when he thought Bella had died. Nor had I ever seen him apologize for anything – at least to me and Quil – before.

But I was too far gone in my anger to reconsider my next words.

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry too. You and Aliya, you sure made a lot of people sorry." I almost spat out at him.

And then he walked away without another word.

- 000 -

**LEAH'S POV**

It was time.

"Are you sure you want to this?" I asked Bella one last time. I knew that if we stepped out of the woods, once we were seen, there could be no turning back, no saving face if we ran away.

I've always found that I can be stronger for other people than I can be for myself. That I have the ability to bury my own fear and sorrow deep into the recesses of my heart, when I have someone to care for, to help.

When my father died, for days, I was able to stem my grief, able to numb myself – because Seth and my mom needed me. And I needed to be needed – because it allowed me to pretend my own pain didn't exist.

Bella would never know how much I owed her for her presence tonight – for her needing me.

Though with all my heart, I wished that Bella had stayed home, that she had decided not to come to this ceremony – a small, selfish part of me was happy that she was here. Because if I focused on distracting her from her pain, if I could somehow shield her from the stares and whispers, I would be able to forget my own pain and my own sorrow - I could forget that a lot of the stares and whispers, and the looks of pity were meant for me.

Bella looked at me, lost in thought for a moment. "Bella…Bella" I said again, "It's time."

She focused, and then straightened up her back and lifted her chin. Then she nodded at me and the moment had come upon us.

I knew what I had to do. And I would do it with pride and with grace. With the pride and the grace of a Clearwater. And I hoped that when the night was over, and all the ties the bound me to Sam were broken forever, I would finally be free.

I calmed my face into a mask of serenity, adjusted my mother's beautiful dress. She had worn it to her and my father's traditional joining ceremony, like my grandmother Crow, and her mother before her. I had not worn it to mine, I had wanted to save it for my wedding, to begin my new life with Sam – I supposed it was ironic that I would be wearing it to my own funeral, to end the life I never had with Samuel Uley.

But my mother had given the dress to me tonight to wear - for the good luck spirit dance she said – but I knew better. It was as if my mother had pinned all her hopes, and good wishes, and love for me in that dress and it would armor me tonight. Shield me from curious eyes, form pitying looks. From Sam and Emily's happiness.

And I would need it.

**BPOV **

I held my head high, looking neither left nor right. Taking comfort in the thought that in an hour at most, I would leave this place forever. I heard whispers around me, unintelligible, vague – rising and falling like waves around me but never really reaching me.

I felt looks of pity from some, daggers of resentment from others, and from a group I recognized as Aliya's friends and family, looks of triumph and condescension, as Leah and I walked slowly towards the front, to the right of the Elders. I straightened my back and lifted my chin. I would not cower or slouch – I had done nothing to deserve any of this.

I turned my head slightly to look at my friend. She was in native dress and she had never looked lovelier or more regal than she did at that moment. Leah's face was sad but determined – but also strangely detached, as if she were not here at all. And only I, who shared the same sorrow and who was looking forward to the same ordeal, had any idea how much pain she was going though. None of it showed in her face, and I prayed that mine too, if not as beautiful or regal, looked as tranquil and serene.

The bonfire was huge – burning with the intensity of the sun, all gold and red and orange, sending waves of heat towards us with each sea breeze, and yet I felt cold. I felt goose bumps rise on my arms but resisted the urge to wrap my arms around myself. I would not show weakness.

And then I saw him – them.

The pack strode into the circle of light cast by the fire. The proverbial cream of the Quileute crop - Jared, Paul, Collin, Brady, and the three younger boys. And then the crowd hushed expectantly and looked towards the darkness a little bit behind Joseph, the youngest one, who had entered last. Sam walked forward, Emily's hand in his. And I heard Leah's small gasp of pain. I wanted to reach over and squeeze her hand – but I knew she wouldn't want that – any visible acknowledgment of her weakness in front of the hundreds of eyes that were curiously looking her way. Like maudlin spectators watching a car crash or a train wreck in gory fascination.

And also, I was frozen in place, for I knew I was next.

He walked forward, one hand holding Aliya's, the other supporting her back as if she were a fragile china ornament in need of careful handling. As they walked forward, she leaned up to him and whispered something in his ear. Jacob whispered something back with a quiet laugh and looked down at her, his eyes lit up, his face glowing in the firelight. And I prayed to the God I worshipped, and all the other gods who may have been listening, that I would be given the strength to remain upright, to hide the pain from my face. And I prayed for the grace to forget that once upon a time, his face had lit up for only me.

Just then, Billy raised his hands and the crowd was silent. I heard him say some words in their native tongue – some sort of invocation it seemed, for everyone bowed their heads respectfully.

And then it began. With the calling of the names of the families. And the calling of the names of the pack. As each name was called, each of the pack members came to stand in front of the fire. There were long awkward moments when Billy called Embry's name and Embry remained standing behind Leah and I, silently yet clearly declaring that he would not move from where he was. I saw faces tense, frowns deepen in the faces of the Elders. I saw Paul take a step forward, as if to lunge until Jared put out a hand to hold him back. And yet Embry stayed where he was.

Billy nodded gravely, and seeing Seth and Quil standing behind us as well, no longer called their names. I tried to read his eyes from where I was, wondering what he felt – if he was as happy as the rest of the Elders, at this formal joining of some of the oldest families in the tribe, to carry on the purity of their lineage. I saw Sam's eyes narrow in anger, and Paul's fists clench, and I wondered how much hell my friends would have to pay for this act of defiance. Yet all I could only see in Billy's face was sadness and perhaps regret.

From somewhere in the back of the crowd, drums began to beat, and a young man I didn't recognize began to play a flute. As if on cue, the huge flames from the bonfire fire danced in the wind, casting flickering shadows on the faces of the Pack and their mates as they stood close to it, and illuminating Billy as he stepped forward.

A hush fell across the crowd, and beside me, I felt Leah leave my side and walk forward. Her glossy black hair shone in the firelight, her white dress glowed as if lit from within, the turquoise and coral beads decorating it making a rhythmic clacking sound as she walked gracefully to the center of the gathering. Despite the roar of the waves and the whistle of the wind, Billy's voice carried in the night, hushing the expectant crowd.

_"This is the legend of the how The Great Raven Bayaq and how he stole the Sun, the Stars, and the Moon."_

Leah moved then, the Raven's head Mask perched upon her head, and her hands fluttered about her, light as air, graceful and ethereal, like a bird about to take flight.

"_In the beginning Bayaq was the most powerful being. He created all living creatures. He created men and women, and the animals and fish that they hunted, and all the plants and trees that grew on the earth. But all lived in darkness for Bayaq had not created the sun, the moon nor the stars in the sky." _

Everyone stood rapt, their faces shining in the firelight, mesmerized by Leah's dance. She was the Raven soaring in the heavens, she was a gazelle leaping over a stream, she was a willow, a leaf falling to the ground.

_"One day Bayaq looked down from the sky and saw a beautiful woman who lived on the banks of the river. She was the Chief's daughter and she possessed the sun, the moon, and the stars which she kept safe in carved cedar boxes. The chief guarded her and the treasure well." 1_

All of a sudden, Leah was transformed. She was no longer Leah Clearwater but the Chief's daughter, as she acted out Billy's story with the lissome movements of her arms and hands, and the pendulous movements of her body.

_"Bayaq wanted the treasure for himself, and knew that he must trick the Chief to steal it. Bayaq flew up on a tall tree over the Chief's house and turned himself into a hemlock needle. Then, as the needle, he fell into the daughter's pail when she came to fetch water. When the Chief's daughter drank from the water, he slipped down her throat. Inside the chief's daughter, Bayaq became a baby and the young woman bore him as a son. This little boy was dearly loved by the Chief and was given whatever he asked for." _

The movements of Leah's arms, legs, hands and every part of her body blended seamlessly with Billy's voice and the notes of the drums and flutes. Leah brought life to each word with each flick of her wrist, each twist and each graceful bend of her head.

Though I could barely take my eyes away from Leah, I looked across the bonfire toward Sam, wondering what he felt at that moment. And then sorrow for my friend momentarily overcame my own sorrow – for on Sam's face at that moment was one of rapt attention, of regret – of a love lost that can never be regained.

_"The Chief's daughter kept the stars and moon in a beautifully carved cedar box and the sun in a separate box on the wood floor of the house. The grandchild, who was actually Bayaq, wanted to play with them and wouldn't stop crying until the grandfather gave them to him. But as soon as the Chief handed him the box, Bayaq opened it and threw the stars and moon through the smoke hole. Instantly, they scattered across the sky. Although the Chief was unhappy, he loved his grandson too much to punish him for what he had done." _

Leah paused, head tilted upwards, her face enthralled us all with her beauty as she curved her body, suddenly becoming the grandson as he began to cry, his misery apparent in every flick of her arms and wrists.

_"Now that he had tossed the stars and moon out of the smoke hole, the little grandson began crying for the box containing the sun. He cried and cried and would not stop until finally, the Chief gave him the box." _

Now Leah was acting out the opening of the box with fluid motions

_"Bayaq played with the box for a long time. When he had tired of this, he suddenly turned himself back into a bird and flew up through the smoke hole with the box." _

Leah's feet danced across the sand, gliding, as if she were Raven taking flight.

_"Once Bayaq was far away from the village on the Nass River, he heard people speaking in the darkness and approached them. "Who are you and would you like to have light?" he asked them. But the people, who did not know him, refused to believe Bayaq. To show them that he was telling the truth, Bayaq opened the cedar box and let the sunlight out into the world. The people were so frightened by it that they fled to every corner of the world. This is why the Raven's people can be found everywhere." _

Leah moved in flurry of motion now, as she sprinted across the sand, her hair whipping in the wind, the flickering flames making her look ethereal, mysterious. Her hands reached up to the night sky and her body stretched too as she scattered imaginary stars across the night sky.

"Now there are stars, the moon and daylight, and it is no longer dark all of the time."

Leah ceased moving. A still, magnificent statue.

I had never seen anyone as beautiful. Or as cold.

All eyes remained on Leah as she moved back to my side. She stood proudly and quietly, yet I could feel her body beside me drawn as tensely as bowstring.

The moment she had been dreading had come. And Leah knew.

"_Leah__Bethany__Crow__Clearwater,__step__forward.__"_ Old Quil Ateara said, standing up and taking over from Billy. His white hair shone in the firelight, like a nimbus on his head, he looked as ancient as an Old Testament prophet, and yet, his voice was strong and clear.

Of course, they would save Jacob for last. The mighty Alpha and his warrior princess bride.

Leah took one step forward into the firelight, her bearing erect. Looking like the princess that she was – but one made of ice and stone. Not a single emotion showing on her face.

"_We have called you here tonight, to release Samuel Uley from your troth. Do you so release him freely and of your own accord?" _

"_I do so release him."_

"_Do you forever renounce your troth with Samuel Uley and waive any and all claims you may have him to in the past, the present and from this day forward."_

"_Yes. I do."_

With that Sam and Emily stepped forward. Hands clasped.

_Samuel Uley now that you are freed from your old bonds and ties, do you pledge your troth to Emily Jane Young in the witness of your tribe and the Elders gathered here today?_

"Yes" Sam answered. His voice was clear and loud, carrying over the sound of the breaking waves. Old Quil stepped forward and tied Sam and Emily's hands together with a red rope, symbolizing the binding of their union. In the eyes of the tribe, they were as good as married now.

_Emily Jane Young, do you pledge your troth to Samuel Uley in the witness of your tribe and the Elders gathered here today?_

"Yes, I do." Emily's voice rang clear, melodious.

Then lifting one hand over Sam and Emily's heads in a benediction, and clasping their joined hands in the other, Old Quil chanted:

_Now you will feel no rain,  
For each of you will be shelter to the other._

_Now you will feel no cold,  
For each of you will be warmth to the other._

_Now there is no more loneliness,  
For each of you will be companion to the other._

_Now you are two bodies,  
But there is only one life before you._

_Go now to your dwelling place  
To enter into the days of your togetherness_

_And may your days be good and long upon the earth.2_

I felt rather than saw Leah flinch. And behind us, Embry stepped up closely behind Leah – as if to lend her his strength.

I knew it would be mere seconds now…before my turn.

I searched across the fire and found Jacob's gaze trained on me, his eyes burning. I gazed at him and wondered if my torn heart was reflected in my eyes, but after a few moments, I had to look away.

For how long can you look at the sun before it blinds you?

And then Aliya lifted her hand, pulled his face closer to hers and whispered something in his ear. And the moment was broken.

And from a long, long distance I heard Old Quil, as he pronounced my death sentence.

"_Isabella Marie Swan, step forward." _

- 000 -

FOOTNOTES:

1 Adapted from "_Raven Steals the Light"_ by William Reid and Robert Bringhurst

2 Anecdotally referred to as a traditional Sioux Wedding prayer. However, known origins point to it being actually written especially for the 1950s film _Broken Arrow_


	26. Chapter 26 Where the Dance Ends

**Chapter 25**

**Where the Dance Ends**

**JPOV**

I used to love First Beach. Even in my darkest moments, when all seemed lost and my world was the pitch black and cold, I always found comfort here.

This was where my few memories of my mother were and where I had run when it became too hard to hide my tears from my sisters after she had died.

This was where Bella and I had played as children, not knowing the heartache that was to come. Innocent in our happiness.

This was where I had first seen Bella again after her exile in Arizona. This was where I had fallen in love with Bella what seemed like light years ago, and where we had spent this last beautiful summer together.

It was where we had made love for the first time.

And it seemed only fitting then, that this is where it would end.

I watched her across the fire. The flames from the fire cast flickering lights across her face. Making her eyes sparkle, like stars had gotten caught in them.

She wore a white dress. Like a bride. Like the bride she would never be for me. And I cursed this day and I cursed once again, who I was.

I had tried to fight the imprinting…I was still fighting it. Yet inexorably, in various little ways, I found more threads holding me – a hundred new threads binding me to Aliya, with each thread that I broke in my struggle against it, it seemed two new ones grew in its place. I wondered idly how long it would be before I completely lost myself if I stopped struggling – and how much relief I would feel. And yet, every part of me that was still ME, rebelled at even the thought of giving up – even though I knew, after tonight, that my fate was sealed. My life was decided for me because of one stupid, idiotic night when my body ruled my brain and my heart. My life decided for me by duty and obligation. And my future, a sacrifice for the good of the pack.

Bella's eyes were not filled with tears as I expected - there was only hurt and pain in the brown pools that I used to drown in. Her face was pale, and she looked as if a strong wind could blow her away.

But I suppose I should have known that she would come today – I had hoped that she would not - but I should have realized that my Bells...no not my Bells anymore…was not the delicate little doll that she physically seemed to be.

Bella's face was impassive as she said the words the freed me from her. But the fact that her voice was so cold and emotionless, so dead and unaffected – cut me more that any words of anger or reproach that she could have thrown at me.

And more than anything, I wanted to leap over that fire and carry her away from here. I wanted to take her in my arms and run as fast as I could, as far away as we could, to be together.

_Look__at__me!_ I screamed inside, despite knowing she could not hear me. If she had but given one sign, I would have gladly leaped over the fire to get to her side. Desperately, my mind feverishly tried to plan an escape, where could we go? Where could we run? _Please__…__Bella,__I__need__you.__Please__don__'__t__let__me__go._ I pleaded silently, knowing she could not hear – and forgetting that there were others that could.

_Jacob!__Please__don__'__t__do__this__…_ I heard Aliya's voice in my mind. Then she leaned up to me and whispered _"__Please__don__'__t__do__this__Jacob,__please__don__'__t__leave__me__…__please__don__'__t__leave__us.__"_ And I was trapped again.

_You__need__to__let__go__Jake._ Sam added. And there was sadness in his voice and I wondered if he too felt what I was feeling, when Leah said the words that freed him. _She's not meant for you._

I said nothing. Not trusting myself, and praying only that these minutes would end.

Because I knew without a doubt that I couldn't run away. Because my own life, my own happiness, my freedom – they were less important than love and duty.

I closed my eyes for a moment. Freezing the memory of her in that white dress in my mind – for future use – for those times when I would finally have the luxury of remembering when my life was still mine – so that I could imagine it was her wedding dress, and that it was her hand being bound to mine by the red cord in Old Quil's hands.

I felt Aliya stiffen beside me, and I knew she had seen what was in my mind – and that it had hurt her. But at this moment, I didn't care. I would make my amends later. I would be the most attentive of husbands, the best provider, the most responsible father to our children. But I would never love her – never love anyone – the way I loved the tiny, pale girl in the white dress.

For now, I was just a man who needed to grasp at the last moments of the life he gave up so that he could store memories. Because those memories were all he would have to cling so that the remainder of his life would be at least, bearable.

**JPOV (THE NIGHT BEFORE THE BONFIRE)**

I had been railing at the Elders all night. Begging, pleading with them. It was the last pack meeting before the betrothal - and I fought to subdue my fury as I made a last ditch effort to demand that they call off the ceremony.

My father, as chief of the tribe, had again been asked by the rest of the council of Elders to recuse himself from the meeting, saying that he was too personally involved because I was his son, to be objective. They claimed that also, he had personal feelings stemming from his long friendship with Charlie to make any impartial vote on the matter. He had then had no choice but to leave the meeting. They had asked Sue to leave as well, citing her growing relationship with Charlie and the fact that Leah too was to be part of the ceremony.

And I was alone.

I had no idea where Quil or Embry were – I had not seen them for days, and truth be told, it felt like we were all deliberately avoiding each other. I because I was ashamed of what I had to do, and them because I assumed they hated me for what I had done. And I knew Leah and Seth were with Bella.

Sam, Jared and Paul, as the more senior members of the pack, were at the meeting, but none said a word. I knew even then, that they had never forgiven Bella, that they would never accept her and that they were happy that I was to marry Aliya. For Sam and Jared, it validated the rightness of their own imprints.

"I'm still going to marry Aliya. You have my word. This has nothing to do with my obligations to her." I tried to reassure them. "You don't need to do this…please. Not to Bella."

"You have to – she has to do this. To free you." Andrew Call, Embry's uncle said. Obviously, I expected no succor from him. He was Aliya's uncle as well.

"No, not Bella. She's not part of our tribe – as you've so often pointed out – our customs don't apply to her." I insisted.

"I'm sorry son." Old Quil said. And my heart dropped. I had expected him to at least, see my side. "But when you gave her the Chief's ring, you dragged her into this."

"She didn't even know what it was!" I said, my voice escalating. "And it's just tradition – I'll just ask her for it."

"No." Andrew Call broke in. "She must renounce you formally, and then you can be free, you can give the ring to Aliya." I tried to ignore him - wanting nothing more than to phase, to attack him, to rip out his throat.

"It's your duty Jacob. You are the Alpha now. You have a responsibility to your tribe…you need to set an example." Moses Crow said.

"What about my life?" I asked "What about my happiness?"

"That's something you give up when you become one of us." Old Quil said sadly. "You are Alpha now. Never forget that."

"As if I could." I spat out. "As if you would let me!"

"And you have a responsibility to your father…you know he's not well after that bad spell he had last winter. Where would he go if…." He paused portentously "…if he had to leave ?" Andrew Call said quietly. And I knew exactly what he meant.

None of us owned the land where we lived. The government held it "in trust" for our people, our tribe. And the same nine men before me, as the ruling counsel, were the trustees of that land. They had the power to give or to withhold.

I knew what he threatened. I had understood this since the first meeting. And he would never let me forget.

And at that moment, I knew I was defeated.

- 000 -

**BPOV **

My mother used to say that there is nothing to fear about death. According to her theory, you can only die once and when it happens, well...you won't remember anything anyway – because you'd be dead. Renee always had her own particular brand of logic. I used to laugh when she tried to explain this concept to me. Young as I had been, death was an alien concept to me, something that didn't touch my life in any way, something I didn't want to think about.

At 24 years old, I think I've seen enough of life to conclude now that this isn't always true.

There are different kinds of deaths and there are some people, like me, who are doomed to die – painfully – more than once. And when you die the kind of death I died that night, you remember everything.

I died that night again at the bonfire – when I answered "I do." – ironically the same words that bind you in a wedding ceremony - and gave up the person I loved above all. Or at least some part of me had died – the part that believed in happily ever after, and love conquering all – it was gone forever. Come to think of it, after that night, I never so much as picked up Romeo and Juliet, or Wuthering Heights ever again – I was done with all that now.

But I had prepared myself well. I did not cower, I stood by my friend, and I did not give the pack the satisfaction of knowing that their acts had broken me.

Charlie later told me how proud he was of me – for how my voice had been clear and unbroken as I said the words to free Jacob. For how I had been able to simply walk away afterwards, head held high, stopping for nothing and looking at no one – unaffected by the whispers and stares thrown my way.

Standing beside Leah, he said my face had been serene. It surprised me to hear him say this for as I listened to the announcement of Sam and Emily as well as Jacob and Aliya's betrothals, I felt as if I were slowly breaking into pieces.

I insisted that Charlie stay behind at the bonfire. He would follow me home when the furor had died down somewhat. This would allow me to save face. I would not have the pack sneering behind my back that I hid behind my daddy like a scared little girl, that I had needed Charlie to take care of me.

I would leave La Push once and for all, but I would leave on my own terms.

As the ceremony ended and the crowd began to disperse, I could overhear snatches of conversation – most of them speculating as to how Leah and I must have felt. It was along time before either Leah or I moved.

"So I guess this is goodbye then?" she finally asked me in a soft voice. I turned to her and felt some happiness through the pain, for my friend's face was softer now, no longer angry or bitter - like the face of a man who has done what he needed to do and was now at peace.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear that I would break down in front of all the eyes that I could feel gazing upon us curiously – some pitying, others – Aliya's friends and relatives – triumphant.

"You know…" Leah said softly, "…you don't need to leave tonight. You could wait for me…we could…"

"No Leah." I said softly, cutting her off. "I need to do this now, while I still can."

"Will you let them just drive you away like that?" she asked sadly.

"They're not driving me away." I told her.

"Then why leave? Why give them the satisfaction?" she pushed. "Stay and fight!"

I just shook my head and looked down. Ashamed at how much I wanted to be convinced, at how much I wanted to grasp the lifeline that Leah seemed to be throwing.

"Damnit Bella, say something!" Leah hissed grabbing my arm.

"I'm leaving because if I stay and I'll never be able to go. I'll keep hoping until it kills me. And God help me, if he asked me back…I'm scared…afraid that I would agree to anything. To be anything. His friend, his lover, his mistress….just to still be in his life."

"And in the end, I would hate myself more and more everyday." I confessed.

She nodded, finally understanding.

"Be happy Bella." She said simply, squeezing my hand. "And I will try to be happy too."

"I'll miss you most of all I think." I smiled through my tears. "I've always wanted a sister."

"You'll always have a sister." She said quietly "…and I always wanted a sister too."

"I need to go…Edward…" I said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the parking lot.

"We know." Embry suddenly said, enveloping me in a huge hug. His size, his warmth, the sheer mass of him, the coppery russet of his skin, reminded me so much of Jacob that I felt tears spring to my eyes again and I swallowed hard, pushing away the thought.

"We won't ever see you again, will we?" he said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Take car eof her." I whispered to him, and against my hair, I felt him nod, his arms tightening around me a bit more.

"But don't forget who your real friends are zombie girl." Quil added, giving me an embrace of his own. He was smiling, though his face was sad too.

"Bye Bells." Seth said shyly, hugging me as well. "Drive safe." I was surprised how big he had grown. I would always think of him as the "baby" of the pack.

I took a mental photograph - Embry by Leah, his arm around her waist, Quil standing beside them, Seth, tall and almost grown up now – this was the last picture of La Push I had in my mind.

I managed to shrug off the boys' concerned offers to drive me to the border, and somehow I managed to get myself on the path to the small clearing where all the cars were parked.

It was strange but at that moment, all I was thinking about was how I had managed to live through all of that – and get here in the middle of nowhere afterwards, on my own – without tripping or falling a single time. I almost laughed. And I would have had I not been afraid that the laughter would turn into sobs. And the sobs into hysteria.

In another place and time, this would be the perfect setting for yet another episode of Bella getting lost in the woods, or Bella hurting herself, Bella needing to be rescued. I shook my head. I had never been a nature girl – and a small, bitter laugh escaped me – for I just realized that all the episodes of my heartbreak – Edward leaving me, Jacob telling me about Aliya, and now this – all had happened in the woods. Perhaps this was Nature's vindictive way of getting back at me for all the times that I complained about the great outdoors.

And then I had one thought, and one thought only – and that was to get out – to end this once and for all. But for all my preparation, it seemed that I had stocked up only enough energy to last me through the bonfire. And that being done, I was suddenly, deeply exhausted. Trudging through the small path, I concentrated on willing my feet to move, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other - to just get me far enough to reach the car…and refuge.

"Bella! Wait!"

My eyes were blind for the tears that suddenly filled them – and I feared that the tears would be unending, like a great flood, a deluge of heartbreak carrying the broken little pieces of me away. So I fought against them - but I would know that voice anywhere. It would haunt me every day and every night for the rest of my life.

I kept walking. Was I strong enough to do this? To face him? To be strong enough not to beg him to take me back?

"Bells….please." he pleaded.

I schooled my features into a mask of calm as I slowly spun around to face him. I was too tired to run anymore and I knew this had to end somehow – that if the end had to happen, this would be as good a place and time as any.

Because is there really any good place or time to have your heart and soul ripped out?

"What Jacob? What more could you possibly want from me?" I asked wearily.

He was silent. And as the seconds stretched into minutes, my heartbreak gave way to anger. Anger at Jacob for betraying me. Anger at myself for being here despite having been warned off. Anger at the fates for bringing me to this – for giving me my heart's desire and then taking it away in a few short months.

"What the hell do you want Jacob?" I shouted at him, surprising even myself at the deep, seething anger that leeched out of every word, angry at his silence.

"What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be out there celebrating your engagement? Haven't you had enough of torturing me already? Do you want a scene so you can replay it in your mind for your sick pack to gloat over? Well congratulations because here's your scene." I screamed at him.

He said nothing still and I felt like a fool. Despite my tirade, I knew I had been hoping that he had come to stop me. And then the skin of my wrist stung and looking down instinctively, I saw the Chief's ring glow briefly, almost red hot – I hurried slipped off the bracelet - in my desire to leave the bonfire, to end the ceremony, I had forgotten that I was supposed to return the ring…and no one had asked me for it.

"Oh I forgot, did you come for your precious ring? Take it back and give it to her. I don't need it and I don't need you." I continued my tirade, flinging my bracelet at the ground before his feet, the promise ring glinting in the faint light, as if it were mocking me.

I knew I was incoherent now, I must have seemed crazed, out of control. And yet, I didn't care.

"And now that your friends have had their petty little revenge at my expense, I hope that you'll all be happy ever after and that your precious blood will always be pure." I said bitterly, my chest heaving, my heart feeling as it were being slowly and forcefully ripped out of my chest with every word.

"What? What?" I shouted at Jacob. Anger, hate – any reaction would be better than this – this cold silence.

"I love you. I'll always love you." He said quietly, brokenly, looking at me in that way he has, the one which - before tonight – always had the result of me flinging myself into his arms for a kiss.

I was disconcerted. This was the last thing I expected him to say, because notwithstanding the wonder of the time we had had together, and his constant reassurances, a part of me could never forgive him for sleeping with Aliya.

And that betrayal made me doubt if he loved me, if he had ever really loved me.

It was then that the realization hit home – it didn't matter anymore.

Whether he loved me or not was no longer relevant.

And suddenly, all the anger I felt a few seconds later was gone – to be replaced with nothing. Nothing – because nothing meant anything anymore. And nothing is all you feel when you have no more heart.

"I had no choice Bella it was imp…" he tried to explain. And I could see him fighting back tears.

"I know. It was the imprinting." I finished for him, defeated, all my anger gone now.

"I have no choice." He said, softly.

"You had a choice Jacob. You always have a choice. You just chose Aliya instead of me."

"It's not like that!" he shouted, grabbing me by my upper arms and shaking me as if by doing so, he would succeed in winning me over to his point of view. I felt pain, his hard fingers digging into my arms, bruising me. And I welcomed it – because it was better than the numbness that enveloped me.

Suddenly he stopped and looked beyond me. "Fucking leech." he spat out.

"Take your hands off her dog." I heard a low, mean voice say behind me, menace dripping with each word.

Edward.

"You've crossed the line bloodsucker." Jacob said. I could see his hands fisting, his jaw clenching and I feared he would phase right there and then. "You know this means war."

"By all means dog." Edward said, lowering himself to a crouch, preparing to fight "And war or not, I would do it again – for her."

"NO!" I shouted, placing myself between them – a familiar dance that the three of us had danced before, coming full circle to this one moment and I prayed, ending our mutual destruction of each other's lives.

"I asked him to come. I broke the treaty. Tell that to your pack. They can come kill me if they want. They all know where to find me. LEAVE HIM ALONE." I said.

"No Bella! I don't need you to protect me." Edward said, never raising his voice but sounding frighteningly fierce nonetheless. Deliberately, he pushed me behind him.

Then directing his steely gaze at Jacob, he warned "I'm the only one responsible for this. And you mongrel, tell your pack that if a single hair on her head is harmed, there will not just be war, there will be annihilation." Edward threatened. "We will return and we will kill each one of you."

"No!" I shouted again. And then I turned to Jacob, he was poised to phase, and I wondered if at the very moment, he was already using his Alpha voice to summon the pack.

I looked at him mutely, asking him with my eyes for clemency, "Please Jake, just let me…let us go….this is the last favor I'll ever ask you."

Edward seemed about to protest but I knew we were outnumbered, that if it came to a fight – even if Quil, Embry. Leah and Seth did not fight – Edward would be no match for the pack.

Jacob was still for a moment, and then looked past Edward at me. His eyes were no longer seething with anger now, they just seemed empty and tired. Old. Beaten. He wasn't my Jacob anymore.

"A last favor?" he said bitterly "To let you go so you can choose him again?"

"No Jacob." I answered, shaking my head sadly. "I already chose you. I would have loved you all my life, until my last breath. I gave up forever for you and I would do it again in a heartbeat – but none of that matters anymore, does it?"

He said nothing as I paused.

"Just remember, this time it was you that made the choice."

He didn't answer me except to ask me again, as if he didn't hear me the first time, didn't hear that the choice had not been mine.

"So you're leaving with him? Leaving me for him again?"

"I really don't think that you're entitled to ask me that anymore." I answered. "I think you left me first."

And then I had no more words.

"Good bye Jacob." I said, my voice coming out as softly as a whisper, and turning away before the tears could overwhelm me.

I started walking to the car – Edward, reading my need to leave as quickly as possible, already had the passenger door open for me. As I approached, he was suddenly in the driver's seat, gunning the engine, so fast that I didn't even see him move.

My feet felt heavy, as if all the world's sorrows were leaden weights attached to my ankles, and as the distance between me and the car diminished, any remaining hope I had harbored, that Jacob would try to stop me, that he would disavow his engagement to Aliya, that somehow this was all a nightmare – withered little by little.

My hand was on the car door when Jacob spoke again.

"I didn't choose her Bells. I had no choice…it's my duty…she's having my baby."

I nodded simply. Not knowing what to say and afraid that if I spoke, I would collapse into hysterical laughter at the cruel irony of it all.

A cruel irony that I could never explain to Jacob.

I got into the car and shut the door. Never once looking back although every fiber of me begged for one last look to remember him by, I left La Push, and my Jacob behind.

As the car sped away, we left his Bells there too – she died that night.

For I would never be Bells again.

- 000 -

We drove the twenty minutes home to Forks in complete silence. Parking in my driveway, Edward turned off the engine and turned to me. His angel's face was sad and pitying – and I thought, maybe this pain, this loss, this was my punishment for hurting this beautiful person.

Perhaps the fates had decided to punish me for selfishly loving two people by allowing me brief happiness with each, only to lose both in the end.

"Thank you." I whispered, hating how ordinary, inadequate and mundane the words sounded, how they could not possibly express the depth of gratitude I felt for all he had done for me. I traced the contours of his angel's face with my hand, his skin smooth and cold beneath my fingertips.

"I did tell you that you could call me if you ever needed me, right?" he said, a small smile on his face. "I'm glad I was here for you – for even this one last time. All I did was drive…" he said deprecatingly.

"I'm sorry for…." I tried to say, but where would I even begin. "…for running away, for not being brave enough to tell you before, and for even now, using you as a crutch…"

But before I could continue my litany of apologies, he stopped me with a finger to my lips. Then he gently took my hand and kissed it - an old-worldly gesture that was so very Edward.

"Never be sorry Bella." He said gently. "Do you remember when I said I loved you unconditionally?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

"I still do. And I always will. Although I realize now that you would never love me the way that you love him. And that if we were to be together, I would never be able to live knowing that." He explained.

"But all those months when you loved me best, when I was the one, those are enough to last me forever…because you made me feel human again. And before I leave, I want you to know I should be the one thanking you – for sharing those months with me, for showing me how to feel again. For reminding me I was human too, once."

I wished then with all my heart that I could love him back. That I could go back to that day before I fell in love with Jacob Black.

"So is this goodbye?" I asked him. It was a day for goodbyes. And loss. And I wondered how much more I would lose, how many more friends I would leave behind before the day was through.

"Not forever." He smiled, the crooked smile of the boy I had first fallen in love with. "Remember…."

"I know. I know. Cullen & Hale. Boston." I smiled through my tears. "Even when I'm old and gray and we can pretend I'm your Granny Bella."

We both laughed, me through my tears.

"And I promise you'll never see me again unless you call and ask me to come."

And then he kissed me goodbye. The beautiful boy with the crooked smile and the bronze colored hair, the angel's face that would never grow old.

I got out of the car and stood on the front porch. He left with a burst of speed, sending clouds of yellow and gold and orange leaves into a whirlwind in his wake. And I stood there watching until his taillights were just dots, like a couple of fireflies, lost in the dark.

I wanted nothing more than to go upstairs to my room, curl up on my bed and weep the way I used to as a little girl. But I knew I had promises to keep, people who needed me and somewhere to be. Unbidden, an old poem from when I was a little girl came to mind -

_The woods are lovely,_

_dark and deep._

_But I have promises to keep._

_And miles to go before I sleep._

A/N: If you're still with me up to this point, thank you thank you thank you. This was the worst part - promise. And it gets better from now - didn't I tell you this? Thank you for keeping your faith in my story and sticking with me. Please review - your comments and reviews inspire me so much which is why this update came out much earlier than I had predicted. Reviews are love! We're hitting 349 now - and I promise to work my ass off on the next chapter and will post the update the minute we hit 370 - how's that for a proposal? :) Love, Daphne. 


	27. Chapter 27 Where She Finishes Her Story

**Chapter 26**

**Where She Finishes Her Story**

_**BPOV **_

And so it ended.

And the ending was so remarkable by its ease.

It was very late by the time Charlie came back from the party. I knew he had had to stay for appearances sake – I had begged him to. I didn't want the pack to think that I needed my daddy to babysit me after their sick little ceremony. I wanted them to think that I was fine. That I could be alone.

I collided into Charlie on my way out the door and as he reached out to steady me, there was no surprise in his eyes at the two battered suitcases collected around my feet. "Bells…" he started gruffly. "Where's Edward?" he asked, looking around.

"Please don't call me that." I said quietly.

"What?" Charlie asked, puzzled.

"Bells. Don't call me Bells anymore." I said quietly and he nodded.

"Edward? He's gone – back to Boston. He only really came for this, to help me get through that…." I answered, gesturing vaguely towards the direction of La Push.

"Are you going to be uh…seeing him again?" Charlie asked, looking at me intently. "You know, I admit I never liked him for you…even when you were already getting married to him…but after all this…after tonight…I'm sorry I misjudged him. He really does love you."

"I know dad. He really does." I answered smiling sadly as I continued "But I don't think I'll ever see him again." I bent down and started to pick up my bags.

"Bells….Bella" Charlie started and then corrected himself, putting a hand on my arm as if to stop me.

I lifted a finger to his lips. "It's ok dad. Really. This is just something I need to do. By myself"

"But I just found you again."

"You're not losing me again Dad. I promise." I reassured him as we started walking to my car. "I need you now more than ever."

He looked confused and I wanted to explain, but now wasn't the time and I didn't want him to try and stop me from leaving. If there was one thing I was sure of at that moment, it was that I couldn't stay here and watch my Jacob…no…just Jacob, marry someone else.

"Why don't you stay the night? It's dangerous to drive this late…" he asked, and I knew he was worried, remembering the last night I had driven off on my own.

"Why don't you just leave tomorrow? Or I can drive you." My dad offered, his eyes apprehensive. I shook my head, knowing I would not have the strength to stay one minute longer than necessary. Knowing that if I stayed tonight, I would not have the strength to leave tomorrow. And also, accepting that I had no more reason to be here – that it was no longer my home.

As if reading my thoughts, Charlie spoke again. "You know you'll always have a home here honey, and damn them all if…." He started.

"Sure…sure." I said smiling through my tears. We both laughed, and then stopped. I realized that in my selfishness, I forgot that Charlie loved Jacob too.

"I know Dad" I said somberly. "Thank you."

And then we were quiet and he wrapped me in a tight hug - my normally taciturn father saying all the things he couldn't put into words in that one embrace. I inhaled deeply of the scent of his old leather jacket and peppermint candy he likes to carry around that I remembered from childhood. The scent of home, and love, and safety.

"Promise you'll call me as soon as I can come see you...and tell Dr. Jake and Emma, thank you again." Charlie said in my hair.

"I will. Please tell Sue goodbye for me." I said, moving out of his embrace and getting into the drivers seat. He stood beside the door of my car, as if he wanted to say more.

"Bella…" he started again, squatting beside the car so that his eyes met mine in my seat "…I don't want you to go. You shouldn't just give up on him. You have to stay and fight. Like he fought for you all those times…"

I cut him off in mid-speech. I didn't want to be convinced to stay, not when it would be so easy to convince me to stay because I wanted to, not when staying would destroy what little was left of me.

"Sometimes there are just other things that are more important to fight for." I responded instead. He was quiet, the look of confusion back on his face.

"I don't understand Bella." Charlie said.

I lifted my hand from the wheel and stroked his cheek. "Good bye dad. I love you. I'll call you soon. Tell mom I love her…." I said, turning the ignition.

The ignition caught quickly and my jeep started quietly - I shook my head free of memories of an earlier time, of an old red truck that would roar monstrously in protest – and the beautiful boy that built her for me. Then I tightened my seatbelt carefully around me, to hold what was little there was of me left, safe.

As I drove off along the highway, I thought I heard a wolf howl behind me. But then again, the mind plays unkind tricks when the heart is full.

Or maybe it was Leah, saying goodbye to me in her way. They all knew I was leaving tonight. I had told them last night what I had planned to do. And though I didn't want to abandon Leah, I couldn't tell her everything either. At the end of the day, she still belonged to the pack.

As the howl faded off into the distance, I said a small prayer for her, praying that she too would have the means and opportunity to start over. Maybe one day, when it was safe, I would find her again. Didn't they say that true friends will always meet again? And I prayed again, that this was true.

I was fifteen minutes out of town now and as I turned into the curve of the highway, the expanse of the sea lay before me. Far below, I saw the twinkling lights of the bonfires on the First Beach and people, just shadows in the light from my vantage point, milling about. Celebrating Jacob and Aliya's engagement, I thought idly.

And then suddenly, it was very, very cold.

- 0 -

It's been over two years now since I left and honestly, I cannot recall much more of that trip than that I drove all night, sleep eluding me anyway, only stopping to force myself to eat and then stopping again a few miles later to empty my stomach in a paroxysm of dry heaves that left me gasping for breath. I don't even know how long it took me to reach Oregon or what roads I traveled to get there.

I remember only being cold and exhausted, my eyes burning, my stomach raw and nauseous. My mind kept bringing up memories, some new - Jacob's face as I saw him last, his smile flashing, his cheeks ruddy in the glow of the bonfire, and his eyes looking down lovingly…at Aliya.

But there were also some old memories – my Jacob, his eyes tender, telling me he loved me, that he would always love me; Jacob and I in his garage, the way he his eyes glistened with pride when he'd finished restoring our motorcycles; my Jacob on the day I told him I had chosen Edward, his heart breaking in his eyes - all of them, even the ones where we were happy, were nonetheless painful.

I wondered idly what his face would have looked like if that night, the night before my wedding, I had been able to tell him that I had chosen him. It didn't seem fair I thought then, that I was deprived of that one memory I would have cherished above all others, whereas all the other, infinitely more hurtful memories were there.

After what felt like years, I reached my destination. Emma stood watching me from the doorway in the darkening afternoon when I pulled into the service courtyard at the back of the Wolf River Inn. I had asked Charlie to call and tell her to expect me. She didn't ask me what happened and I guess she could tell from my face that I wasn't ready to talk about it, or if I would ever be. She just led me to my old room and after wrapping me in a quilt, sat next to me on the bed and held me all through that long night as finally the tears came.

It was almost dawn before I started to feel even a little bit of warmth. And then I told Emma everything that had happened since I left. We talked for hours, waving away Maggie or any of the other staff who hovered outside my door and who dared venture in to ask if we needed anything.

I told her how every fiber in the fabric of my life changed in those short autumn months that I had gone back to Forks to reclaim what I thought was my life. And how I could never, never go back. When we were done, I fell into a deep exhausted sleep. After that night, we never spoke of my leaving again.

When I woke, I called Charlie and Renee to let them know I had gotten safely to Harbor. Later, I swore them to secrecy and begged them to tell everyone I had moved to California, to allow me to start a new life without the baggage of my old one. Reluctantly, and after many promises that I would regularly check in with them, they agreed.

My life was peaceful and structured, no more talk of forever or imprinting, or mystic warriors or loves that would live forever. In a few days, I resumed my old duties, greeting guests, doing the accounts, ordering supplies and overseeing the staff. I enrolled myself in school, now working towards a degree. I had a good life. A new life.

Here I was just Bella. Not the vampire girl or the wolf girl. Not a prize to be fought over or an unrequited lover to be rejected.

After a few months, there was Caleb – and the moment I first saw him, for the first time in a long, long time my life, while not complete, was happy again.

Most evenings, I would walk in the woods around the inn by myself, smelling the Douglas fir and watching the stars from a canopy of trees that was close to but not quite the same, as the patch of woods behind Charlie's house. Sometimes, late at night with only the wind for company, I would allow myself the luxury of remembering.

And grieving.

One weekend, I discovered the proximity of Rogue River, a few miles west of the Inn and often I would walk there to spend the day with a book and blanket. Lately, Caleb had been coming with me and he seemed to like it as well, often falling asleep on our blanket in a patch of sunshine while I read a book. On warm days, I would pack a picnic basket and we would sit by the river, making a game of throwing leaves in the water and watching them float away.

It became one of Caleb's and my favorite spots to be alone. I smiled a little and paused with my work, looking out the window anxiously and hoping that the good weather would hold until the next day. Caleb and I were both looking forward to tomorrow when we had a picnic planned.

There are still many of Native American descent in Oregon, and Rogue River was a popular spot for hikers and fishermen. Often, my heart would beat faster and my breath would catch, when a flash of a white toothed grin or the sunlight glinting off russet skin would lead me thinking that he had, impossibly, come to find me. But it was always someone else and after a while, I stopped hoping because each time I realized it wasn't him was harder to bear than the last time.

In the last few months, Emma left more and more of her duties to me, saying that she had earned the right to retire after thirty five years of running the inn alone and that anyway, since she intended to leave the inn to me, that I should start learning to run it by myself. Dr. Jake and Jodi finally got married, to everyone's delight but to no one's surprise. Bethany was almost done with nursing school and now works with her mom at Holy Trinity. We still see each other for coffee on Tuesdays and Thursdays after my classes and she still always over-orders food. She and Caleb adore each other.

I never heard from Edward, Rosalie, Alice or any of the Cullens again – but I knew they knew where I was. A few months after I returned to Wolf River Inn, a very substantial sum of money mysteriously appeared in my checking account which along with the twenty five thousand Rosalie originally gave me, would allow me to live independently for many months. I went and tried to give it back – but the Bank Manager was no help, claiming the source account was untraceable and there was no way to return the money. All he would say was that the money was wired from Europe and would reveal no more. I called Cullen & Hale but they denied any knowledge of the wire transfer.

The money sat untouched for months until I decided that this was where my home was now and that I had to start building a new life. I then decided that if Emma was really leaving me the inn, then I should put my own money into the place and become a full partner.

Charlie and Renee visit often - after they met Caleb, they seemed to be finally happy for me and accepting of my decision.

In Renee's case, she came sometimes with Phil or by herself, when Phil was away at a game. In Charlie's case, he always came alone. On one of his visits, Charlie began to talk about Jacob – but after one look at my shuttered expression, he stopped.

"Bella…" he had started.

"Hmmmm…." I asked, looking up wondering what was wrong, Charlie was staring intently at his place and his hand unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck the way he always does when he's nervous. "What is it dad? Are you ok? Sue?" I asked, picking up on his nervousness.

"I just….I mean…I thought you ought to know that Jacob…"

"Stop right there dad." I told him, steel in my voice. "Whatever it is…I don't want to know."

"Bella…this is…import…"

"I don't want to know." I said stubbornly, fighting the urge to cover my ears like a five year old.

"Bella, you have to listen to me!" he insisted.

"No Dad I don't." I said as I moved to get up from the table. I lowered my voice and smiled comfortingly at the couple at the next table who had apparently been disturbed by our exchange. "I never want to talk about Ja…him…ever again."

That was when I first laid down the rules to govern his visits - one, he could tell no one from Forks where I was; two, he could never ever bring anyone from Forks with him, three, that he would never talk of the people there unless I asked and lastly, he must never, never mention the name Jacob Black to me and especially not to Caleb.

I never asked him what he was about to tell me that day and Charlie, after realizing that to breach even a single one of my rules, especially this one, would forfeit him the privilege of visiting, never ever brought Jacob Black up again.

Charlie and Sue were still "dating" but from Charlie's sheepish grins when asked about it, I knew it was very serious. One day, he asked me if Caleb and I would go back to Forks for their wedding, and I promised to think about it. Sue had never come to see me as I had forbidden Charlie to bring anyone from home. She and Seth were often at Charlie's house in Forks and we spoke on the phone often. I knew that it would be time for me to return there soon – if only for Sue and my dad's wedding.

Seth was done with high school now and was planning to go out of state for college. He had decided to take a year off to run the garage for a while and save money for college. Sue proudly told me that Seth had been offered both an academic scholarship at the University of Washington and a football scholarship at UCLA but he was thinking of declining UCLA – the Elders had gotten up in arms at the thought of Seth playing college football, which might accidentally showcase how fast and strong – unusually so – he was, and place the pack's secret in danger of discovery. I declined to comment on this, but it was clear that the Elders still ruled the tribe. Nothing much had changed.

Leah – well – that's a story for another day. Charlie told me that soon after I left, Leah had sold her share in the garage to Jacob – one of the few times Charlie accidentally mentioned him, sneaking a glance at my suddenly shuttered face – and had transferred out of Port Angeles Community College to the University of Washington.

We call and email each other regularly, but Leah seemed to understand my need to be away, and never pushed for us to meet. I wasn't sure how I would explain Caleb to her and until I figured that out, I felt it would be too soon to see her again. It was enough the she knew I had someone and it was wonderful to have her in my life – even in this limited way. And I could tell when we talked and from her emails that she was happier now.

I never asked about the others. It was too painful – it was just easier to heal and forget when I didn't hold on to memories of people, friends, like Embry and Quil – because my memories of them were too enmeshed with my memories of Jacob. Leah never mentioned the pack, except occasionally for Embry, it seemed he was at the University of Washington too – in law school of all things.

Despite their pleas to come home, I knew I wasn't ready to go back to Forks. I also knew that Arizona, which not too long ago I had pined for, was never going to be home again.

This was home now.

- 0 -

It was late, the dusk already darkening into early evening as I closed the page of the account book in front of me. I rubbed the back of my neck, rubbing away the stiffness there from many hours poring over paperwork. I hadn't realized how long I'd been sitting at my desk and I knew Caleb would be waiting for me upstairs.

I thought about how much I hated dusk now – the moments of twilight when the bright light of day began to fade, and yet the comforting blackness of the blanket of night had not yet set in – when only a few years ago, it had been my favorite time of the day. Or rather Edward's.

When I was a little girl, Renee used to tell me that dusk was when the ghosts and witches, vampires and werewolves came out to play – and that I should beware. Little did she know how right she was, at least in my case. And I should have listened to her – except she never explained that the danger was not from the vampires and werewolves hurting you, but rather, the danger was in loving – and losing - them.

I climbed up the stairs and walked to the door at the end of the doorway. Caleb was already in bed but when I opened the door, he turned to look at me - a sweet smile on his little face, a tattered stuffed wolf in one hand and a dog eared copy of James Howe's "Bunnicula" already in the other.

"Mama!"

My heart gave a little tug in chest as I looked at my little son. People stop me in the streets sometimes to tell that how beautiful he is. So beautiful, that he reminds me of Botticelli angels in paintings I've seen only in pictures and travel magazines. So beautiful that it hurts to look at him smile – when his smile looks so much like his father's.

Caleb had turned one year old a few months ago and even now the babyish roundness of his cheeks were giving way to the sharper planes of toddler-hood. But though I loved him more than anything or anyone I had ever loved before, whenever I look at his face, I will always remember the one I lost and the life I could have had.

"Mama?" he asked me quizzically, probably wondering why I was just standing by the door, and waving "Bunnicula" at me to get my attention. A wry smile crossed my lips at his choice of bedtime reading material as I crossed the room towards him.

"Mama! Bunnicula!" he demanded in his baby voice, tugging on my arm. Only one and a half and already he was bossing me around. I smiled wryly and sat on the side of the bed and began reading,

"_I __shall__ never __forget__ the __first __time __I __laid __these __now __tired __old __eyes __at __our __new __visitor._

_I __had __been __left __home __by __the __family __with __the __admonition__ to__ take __care __of __the__ house__ until __the y__returned__…"_

A quarter of an hour later, I felt Caleb's small warm body relax next to me, and for a few moments, I watched his little chest rise and fall with the deep, even breaths of a child's untroubled sleep. I moved slowly off the bed, not wanting to wake him. He was sprawled in the middle of the bed, an arm flung over his eyes and his hair in wispy strands all over his neck. It shone like coppery silk in the lamplight – brown like my hair but a million times softer and shinier - I made a mental note to get him his first haircut soon. I had resisted cutting his hair since he was born and now it fell almost to his little shoulders.

My beautiful, beautiful son. My one, true love.

So now you know my story.

And why all the love songs are wrong.

Even when you've lost the one person you love, or when faced with a choice, you make the wrong one and lose both, sometimes you find that there are still have enough little parts of you to make a new whole.

Sometimes, it's when you think that you have lost all, that you will find your one, true love.

Caleb was mine.

I leant forward and brushed the wispy tendrils off the back of Caleb's neck, and there just behind his right ear, I kissed the little red mark he had been born with, the little red mark that looked remarkably like a crescent moon.

All the Black men had one.

- 000 -

A/N : I'm sorry this took longer than I expected – when I said I'd update when we hit 370 reviews we were only at review # 349 and I thought that like before, it would take several weeks to reach the 370 mark - I am so overwhelmed that so many of you took the time to review! Thank you very much – your words inspire and I look forward to you feedback as we continue this journey with Jacob and Bella.

So what does everyone think? Should I run away somewhere to hide? This is how the story was originally supposed to end – but I could not leave it this way because I'm a sucker for HEA. We'll see how we'll manage that..

Meanwhile… I'm writing my butt off and will update ASAP (all the reviews help with that…hint, hint.)

Love Daphne.


	28. Chapter 28 Where Does The Time Go

**Chapter 27**

**Where Does the Time Go?**

JPOV

It was a bucket of rust. And the parts that weren't rusted, they were covered with flaking red paint so faded that it seemed more orange than red. And she was beautiful. I stood back from the open hood, wiping the grease off my hands with a rag. Mentally, I catalogued the work that I still needed to do before her engine was up and running again, before I could even think of restoring the body – and it was monumental. But it was alright, I certainly had enough time on my hands to do the job. It was not as if I had anything better to do or anyplace better to be than in the garage which had become home to me this past year. I had looked in three different states for her…and finding her, this rust eaten disaster of a truck, would save my sanity, my soul. She was the fourth one – the third in a series of identical trucks I'd worked on since…well…anyway, Seth and Quil couldn't complain. I bought these old trucks – all them red, all of them falling apart – for a few hundred dollars and we sold them for a few thousand. I knew I was crazy – a fact echoed in Seth and Quil's looks of disbelief when I had brought her back with me – but fuck if I cared.

"Jake – Quill and I are heading out." Seth said "I left a bunch order forms for you signature on your table upstairs. You need to get those out with the morning mail or the parts we ordered won't get here on time." He reminded me for what seemed like the millionth time today and I shrugged off a prickle of irritation.

When Leah had left for U Dub in August, she had sold her shares in the garage – half to me and the other half to Quill. Seth retained his share and with Leah's departure, had taken over what used to be her duties. He took a gap year before starting University and was managing the garage with the same efficiency as his sister had done. Business was better than ever. Jed Dowling's wife had inherited some money and they had retired, sold off their house, closed their garage and moved to sunny Florida – which meant we now had an exclusive on Forks as well as La Push. What with dad's medical bills, the roof falling down in the living room last winter, debt for what my scholarship didn't cover and now with the new baby coming, the money was welcome. More than welcome. At least I didn't have to worry about paying for Billy's medicines and hospital visits anymore. There was never enough left over to save, but I was getting by.

"Alright" I answered "Please lock up when you go."

"Later dude!" Quill called out

"You sure you don't want to go with us?" Seth asked, more quietly.

I shook my head and wondered how much of his invitation had been because we used to be – or were we still? - friends, and how much of it was pity. I shook my head and then nodding, he and Quil left. The garage was quiet now and I was alone.

I knew Seth and Quill were heading off to dinner or maybe a bottle of beer or two at the local bar but as had been the since…since the day Bella left, although I was invited to come along I preferred to stay here. I tried to shrug off the faint feeling of loneliness– I mean Christ! I should be used to it already, right? I suppose I should be thankful that Seth and Quill were even still talking to me or rather, that they had started talking to me again.

When Bella left, I lost not just her, but I lost my best friends too. Leah, Quill, Embry…Seth – they had all withdrawn from me. For weeks they refused to have anything to do with the pack and the Council kept forcing me to use the Alpha command to order them to. I refused. Over and over I refused. Until they took the decision from me and made Sam, who only too gladly, did it. They showed up, unable to resist the Alpha command, but they phased only for patrols and avoided the rest of us. The Pack – once like a family – was no more. And even then, they blocked their minds from the rest of us, communicated only when necessary – again, I could have used the Alpha voice to command them to open their minds to me but I knew that would have been the basest, most despicable thing I could have done and also because I knew I deserved it. Hell, if they only knew, I hated myself even more than they could possibly hate me. No one could hate me more than I hated myself.

Eventually, Leah and Embry both quit the pack – or rather, they just didn't show up one day and I got a text message from Leah telling me not to expect to ever see her or her wolf again.

Embry just left. A few months after the joining, Embry quit working for us at the garage, passing on a terse, short resignation letter to me through Leah. And another few months passed when I heard that he had left for UDub. And all through this, I heard not a word from the best friend I had had, along with Quill, since I had been a scared four year old on the first day of school in Mrs. Whitefeather's nursery class. I see Embry's mom sometimes and have longed to ask her how he was and what he was up to now – but the Calls have been aloof to me too after everything that had happened the past year. I called him once – a few months ago, after Aliya had gone. I had been almost drunk, and I had felt so damn alone and I wondered if maybe, enough time had passed for him to forgive me. But he never picked up my call and I knew better than to try to call Leah.

In the beginning, I had hated every minute that I had to be at the garage. But then – I had hated that LESS than I hated being at home. So between the devil and the deep blue sea, I chose the devil. And for a few months, the devil's name was Leah. I knew she hated me, but like I said, none of them could have possibly hated me more that I hated myself. And in a perverse way, I kept waiting for her to yell at me, scream obscenities, to bitch at me – anything would have been more preferable than the cold, stony silence from the girl who had been as much of a sister to me than my real sisters had been, if not more so, in the last few years. But she never said a word beyond what was necessary to keep running the business and eventually, she had left too.

But Seth – he's always been a good kid and I knew Quil - because he too was imprinted - found it easier to understand, if not forgive me. I suppose they felt sorry for the hellhole that my life was – and eventually they started talking to me again. At first, it had been very difficult, very stilted, as if each word, each question and response had to be drawn out, like a thorn from skin. But eventually, especially after Leah had gone, things began to get better. Not back to normal. Not that. But pretty normal.

It was May, and the spring had finally come to La Push. The weather was still cold but new life was starting to stir, the ice was beginning to thaw. I glanced out the window and noticed it was starting to get dark though it was not even seven yet. It had been still dark when I left the house that morning and it would be dark by the time I returned. And I hoped Aliya would be asleep by then. My mind wandered again, back to this morning's exchange – a scene becoming all too familiar, a common one in the Black household.

"You leaving for the garage already?" Aliya had asked me, walking into the kitchen just as I was putting my now empty bowl of cereal into the sink. She walked slowly, her belly swollen and distended. The baby was due anytime within the next two weeks.

Because of our "unique" physiology, Aliya obviously could not visit Forks County Hospital for pre-natal check-ups or the usual other battery of tests that a normal expectant mother would have. Instead, she received home visits from Sue Clearwater, who was an RN and she planned on a home delivery attended by Sue and the tribe's midwife practitioner, Mary Ateara, Quil's aunt. At the last visit, Mary had said we needed to be ready any day now. As a necessity, she was made privy to the Pack's secret, and I could tell despite the Council's constant assurances to her that Aliya's werewolf constitution would ensure an easy delivery, Mary was worried. After all, this baby would have werewolf blood on both sides of its family tree, something that Mary had never dealt with before - and the Council's constant looking over her shoulder, to ensure a safe and easy delivery for the much awaited "heir apparent" to my family's line as Chief and Alpha, did not help.

I turned to her, my eyes drawn to her belly – and I waited, and waited. Wanting to feel a spark of love, or even affection or excitement - something, anything - for this baby who would soon join us.

"Yes" I answered "Just as soon as a get my lunch ready." And I rummaged around the refrigerator for the makings of a sandwich.

"It's still so early…" she said. "it's still dark out…"

I shrugged by way of response. This dialogue – these lines – they were so often said that they felt like a script. And I was tired of being in the fucking movie.

"What time will you be home?" she asked her voice tentative.

"I have no idea. It depends on how much work there is today…" I said, continuing my mindless task of assembling my lunch.

"Is there anything you want me to cook for dinner?" she asked.

"No I'll grab a bite at the diner" I said.

"It's ok Jacob. I don't mind cooking." She insisted. "I'll make meatloaf…Billy gave me your mom's old recipe…."

I said nothing. I was tired of this whole charade. This pretending to be some sick sort of Brady Bunch type family that we were most definitely not. I wanted to scream this at Aliya. Ask her to just leave me alone. But…she was pregnant with my baby and much as I wanted to, even that was too much of an asshole move for me. So I just shook my head.

"That's ok…anything's fine…I probably will be too late to eat dinner anyway. Just leave my food in the oven. I want to finish working on the truck…"

She went quiet and by the tightening of her lips, the narrowing of her eyes, I knew she was close to blowing up again. I counted under my breath – ten, nine, eight… it would be any second now,

"Fuck you Jacob and Fuck that truck." She said quietly though her voice dripped with venom. "It's so stupid...you and your stupid red trucks. You can build a thousand of them and she'll never come back to you."

"Aliya…." I said, my voice calm, knowing that it was bad for her in her condition to get stressed. But then again, our entire marriage, as short as it was, had been like this almost from the beginning. "Please...try to keep it down…Billy…"

"Fuck you!" she said again, deliberately louder now "And fuck your precious father!" she shouted. "Don't you think he knows you hate me? That you don't want me or this baby? I know and he knows…the whole fucking village knows you were only forced to marry me…" she practically screamed.

Then sitting at one of the kitchen chairs she buried her face in her arms. Her shoulders shook and I knew that she was crying. Again. Like I said…my life was now like a bad movie. One that would never end. It just repeated itself every single time I foolishly thought it was starting to get better.

It hadn't been like this at the start. I barely remember my wedding to Aliya – it had been a rush and all the arrangements had been taken care of by her family. And frankly, at the time, I didn't really give a shit. But at the start, I had tried. Tried to be affectionate. To return her feelings for me. But every day, instead of drawing me closer to her as he expected the imprint to, I felt if possible, colder and more detached. And Aliya – it felt like every day, the love she professed to have for me turned more and more bitter. Until it degenerated to this – the soap opera of screaming and crying and recriminations that we were unwilling actors in. Day in and day out.

I sighed. I had REALLY wanted an early start today.

"Look….I'll come home early, ok? I'll have dinner…."I tried to pacify her and in my gut, I felt a pang of guilt because I knew my motives. I was not pacifying her because I cared about her – I only did it because I wanted some peace and quiet.

"What do you want from me? I've tried Jacob! I've tried to cook for you, take care of the house….I don't know what you want! Just tell me and I'll be whatever you want me to be!" she begged.

"I never asked you to…" I tried to reason with her. But she was beyond listening now.

"I'll be anything…your lover, your friend…do you want me to act the whore? I'll do that for you too….just fucking tell me! What do you want Jacob? Is it because I'm so fat now? You haven't touched me since we made this child…." She screamed and started tearing at her clothing. Her face distorted with tears and her hands clutched in fists, her shirt gaping open. Shaking. Vibrating as if she were about to burst from her skin.

And I looked at her, concerned in a detached way. But emotionally, unmoved. And for some reason, faintly embarrassed for her. And guilty because I could not feel the same.

"I'm sorry Aliya… I DO care about you…it's just that…." I tried to explain. "Look you have to calm down! The baby….you can't phase!" This seemed to reach her and finally, the shaking stopped.

"Just that I'm not fucking Bella leech loving Swan." She said bitterly. "Don't you fucking get it Jacob? She's gone! She's never coming back for you! Never! She left you for the leech again remember? Just like all those other fucking times she left you!"

"Do NOT ever talk about her that way again." I said. I thought I had said it quietly, but there must have been something in my voice, perhaps I had used the Alpha voice unknowingly. But whatever it was, it quieted her. "Do NOT ever even mention her name to me."

"Please….Jacob. Please, just try to love me…for the baby's sake….it's not his fault…." She begged, her shoulders heaving with her sobs. "Why won't you love me? Why won't you love him? It's not his fault…."

"The baby…he'll want for nothing. You know that." I said, starting to put on my jacket and walking to the door.

"You know that's NOT what I'm talking about! You keep saying that as if it would solve everything….please Jacob…please…the imprint…it hurts me…" she said, her voice hoarse and thick with pain.

"It's not my imprint." I just said as I walked out into the still dark early morning.

And then my telephone rang, breaking me out of my reverie. Sighing, I wiped my hands on a clean rag and rummaged around from my telephone. I didn't know why I felt so bothered by this morning's scene. After seven months of marriage to Aliya, I should be used to this by now.

Luckily, whoever it was calling me was persistent. The telephone kept ringing until I managed to find it under a pile of clean rags sitting on the truck's roof.

"Jacob?" said a voice I never thought I would hear again.

- 000 -

AN : Yes, yes that was an evil cliffhanger. But don't you think suspense adds spice to life? I am overwhelmed by your continued support. I thought to ending MPOF and starting this as a sequel but it seems to make more sense this way. From here on, it will be a series of flashbacks to answer the sudden jump from Bella's departure until chapter 27 when she reveals Caleb. I hope you stick around for the ride – it will be great fun!

This chapter was such b_ tch to write! But your reviews are love! (And all the love helps with inspiration!) R&R please!

Love, Daphne


	29. Chapter 29  Fathers

**Chapter 28**

**FATHERS**

**CHARLIE**

"G'night chief" young Andy Newton my deputy, called out as he left the station. I waved him off and went back to shuffling the never ending pile of paperwork on my desk. You'd think in a town as small as this one, we wouldn't have to make so many reports. But I reckon red tape is the same everywhere.

It was early still, not even ten pm yet, but with Bella gone, the house was empty I had not much to do with Sue working the night shift at the County Hospital. Used to be, Billy an' me - and most of the time Jacob too – would have been at my house watching whatever game was on while Bella puttered around somewhere in the house, her off-key humming and the occasional crashing noises when she had her little accidents in the background. But of course now, Bella was miles away and I hadn't spoken to Billy or that son of his since she left. Sue keeps bugging me to at least listen to what Billy wants to say – I haven't taken a single call of his since Bella left in November – but it's easier said than done. Easy for her anyway – she still has Seth. And Leah still comes home occasionally.

Good thing that son of his hasn't tried to talk to me. I don't know what I'd do. And really, since that bonfire, I've been itching to shoot something real bad. I see Jacob in town sometimes but luckily, never with that wife of his. Or I don't know what I'd do. And the boy looks like hell warmed over. Serves him right to my mind.

If I didn't have Sue, I would have taken that early retirement the force is offering and moved to Oregon to be with Bella. But she said Harbor already HAD a sheriff and he was doin' just fine – so there went that idea. I think I laughed when she told me that in that sassy voice of hers – my baby girl was just fine. For a while I was worried she'd get all catatonic again that way she did after that Cullen boy, Edwin – Edward – left. But she's different now. Jacob may have broken her heart, but he didn't break HER. She's studyin' and working and running that Inn with Miz Emma and while I know it's been really hard on her, I've never been so proud of her and how she's gone on and made a good life for herself even after what that boy of Billy's did to her.

Also helps that I get to visit her a lot. Good thing I have all that vacation time stored up from before Bella came to live with me and I never took any long vacations.

So here I was on a Friday night volunteering to take the night shift - I knew young Andy was anxious to get home – he and his wife Jill just had a new baby, Samantha. Cute little thing. The Newtons are so proud of her they got her picture plastered all over their store. I couldn't help but grin. Bella was due in a month or so and I can't hardly wait to meet the baby. I reckon the only reason Jacob Black hasn't taken a mysterious stray gunshot to his back is that I'm pretty sure my grandson or granddaughter would be mad if I shot his (or her – although I was rooting for a boy) daddy.

I wonder how people'd react if their Police Chief's office was all papered up in baby pictures. But then again, Bella'd never allow it. She made me swear not to tell anyone and more importantly, to make sure Jacob never found out she was pregnant. So's aside from me, only Sue knew about Bella's secret and why she never visited from Oregon. Which was fine by me. I love Forks and all, grew up here, lived here all my life – but people can be nasty and for a long while, what happened between Jacob and Bella and that whole drama with Aliya Call - well Aliya Black now – sure gave the gossips a lot to talk about.

I was all for hauling Jacob's ass into the station and pistol whipping him when I found out Bella was pregnant and he was getting married to that Aliya girl. At least ask the bum for child support I told her – I always say, if you can't keep it in your pants, prepare to pay out of your pants pockets. But Bella was having none of it. She had a good job at Wolf River Inn and would make enough for both of them she said. And I must confess, I was never more proud of my little girl when she told me her plans. At first, I wanted her to come back to Forks, this way they could live with me and I could help her with the baby. But Bella insisted she wanted a quiet life, she didn't want people pointing and staring and speculating about her – or worse, the baby. And I suppose she's right but damn them all if I care - my daughter and her child had the right to be here. She shouldn't be the one hiding away. She was the one that got the short end of the damn stick after all. Bella won out in the end and I realized I wouldn't want my daughter and grandkid exposed to all that – my trigger finger's been to itchy lately for wanting to shoot a certain Quileute boy, no need to add more people to the list I figure.

It would have been nice to at least get to share this with Billy. Ever since Jake and Bella were just tiny little things we had always sorta hoped they'd end up together. And for a while, we had both thought our lifelong matchmaking would come true. But then there was the Cullen boy and then when they finally got together, Jacob had to go and screw things up. Truth was, what happened hurt me very badly not just for Bella's sake but for my own sake. Billy Black and I had been best friends since our chubby little hands could hold fishing poles – since old Ephraim brought him to my grandfather's old general store for supplies and we became friends. I never in all my life would have thought Billy'd betray me like he did by letting that Tribal Council of his force Bella to participate in that farce of an unbinding ceremony.

Well. What's done is done and ain't no use crying over spilt milk.

"Chief? You there?" The staticky squawking of the two way radio and our dispatcher Flo's voice snapped me back to reality.

"What's up Flo?"

"There's been an accident off of 101 heading north."

"Ok. Pull out whoever's on patrol and send them there. Any casualties?"

"Reports aren't clear yet sir but there appears to be one wounded. The driver was injured but they say she's pregnant and they're waiting for someone to check her out too."

"What's ETA on the ambulance team? D'you dispatch it yet?"

"10-4 Chief. It just got there when I reached you."

"Alright. Do you need to head out there still?"

"Well…uh...not really…no Chief, we got two black and whites on the scene. Looks like a hit and run. They pulled the pregnant girl out of the driver's side. She was conscious but she went into labor. They've rushed both passengers to La Push Emergency. But uhhh…Chief?" Flo said, her voice hesitant.

"What is it Flo? Just spit it out will you?" I asked impatiently. Flo was usually loud, brash and obnoxious. And we loved her for it. But there was an unfamiliar tentativeness in her voice that made me stop.

"What?"

She cleared her throat a few times and forced a cough. As if buying time. And giving me the cold chill that accompanies the foreboding that she was about to give me some news I didn't want to hear.

"The pregnant girl? They pulled her out of the driver's side. She said she was trying to get her passenger to the hospital…she thought he was having a stroke or a heart attack. The passenger…uh…maybe you should get down there Chief…it's uh…"

"Well? Damnit Flo! What the heck is it?"

"It's Billy Black sir. I know y'all had a falling out over uh…uhmm…and uhmm… the EMT says he's asking for you sir."

"10-4….thanks Flo. " I answered and the radio fell silent.

**BILLY **

I heard the door slam and the rumble of Jacob's truck as he left. It was still dark outside, but in the frigid air of early spring, sounds carried in the wind. And the paper thin walls of the house did nothing to block out the harsh words between Jacob and Aliya.

It had been a bad idea for them to move back in with me – but after the bad spell of pneumonia I had had in the winter, Jacob insisted that it was for the best. I never healed properly and mu diabetes was worse and I was nothing but a burden to Jake. Anyway, a few months after their wedding, the couple had moved back into the old house - Jacob back to his old room and Aliya taking over the twin's old bedroom. I had said nothing about this arrangement but my son knew me well. "My room's too small.." he had muttered, not meeting my eyes. "Difficult pregnancy…Aliya needs more space…the baby…" he had said and then shrugged as he left the room to carry more of their things in.

The fights were getting worse every day and I wondered how long I could pretend I didn't hear…that everything was ok.

At first, I chalked it up them just adjusting as newlyweds. God knows the pressure of the first year of marriage are hard enough on a couple that's…well…in love with each other. What more on a couple like Jake and Aliya? But with newlyweds, the fighting is interspersed with the loving – and there was none of that with them. I never saw them exchange a single loving look at each, much less touch or kiss. In fact, as far as I knew, Jacob never one spent a single night in the same bedroom as Aliya since they moved in with me.

Even at their wedding, Jacob moved like an automaton, like a dreamer not quite aware of where he was or why he was there. The Calls had insisted on a lavish party and Aliya had wanted a ceremony on First Beach near that huge beached driftwood tree that Jacob likes to go to - that was the only time in the whole process that I saw Jacob come to life, when he vetoed any plan of having the wedding on the beach.

Jacob never did tell me the whole story. And all these months I've wondered what happened on those council meetings I was never allowed to attend. My damn poor health has kept me practically shut in all winter and with Charlie not talking to me…well…I don't get much news. I KNEW though that something was terribly wrong. I KNEW that Jake was forced to leave Bella for Aliya. And I KNEW the council forced his hand somehow – under what threat I don't know. But everyone around me seemed to move like skittish deer – and I knew it was because they were afraid to accidentally slip and tell what I wanted to know.

And I was disappointed in my son - for being so damn irresponsible that he had to marry this girl to give their poor baby a name, for allowing himself to be forced into marriage over a baby. And most of all, for not fighting for Bella. But he would never talk to me about it. Would brush me off brusquely the few times I had mentioned it. And I was afraid that if I pushed him too hard, he would run again and selfish old bastard that I was, I was so afraid to lose him that I never did. But I was afraid I was losing him anyway. Between work and school I only saw him a few minutes a day, and even then, he was bone tired and quiet.

But most of all, beyond the disappointment and fear, I felt a deep, painful grief for my son – who didn't deserve such a life after losing his mother, losing his sisters, being stuck taking care of his useless crippled father. He was a good boy, my Jacob. And while I was proud of him for taking on so much responsibility so young I often wished he had had a normal life. And I prayed that he would be happy - something that seemed impossible after that whole business with the Cullens and losing Bella. But for a while, after Bella came back, I had thought my son would be finally happy. And then all this…

It's not that I don't like Aliya. She's not a bad girl. And she tries. But I'll never love her like a daughter…not the way…well…I mean, I practically raised Bella right along with Jacob. And it's sad because Aliya knows it. And she knows that I know that she knows.

I heard the shouting and the weeping. And I stayed in my room, trying to give the poor girl privacy. Like I said, the walls in this old house are thin and after Jacob slammed out of the house, I heard her crying until she finally went into her room, slamming the door behind her too.

I was in the kitchen having coffee when she finally came out many hours later, her eyes puffy and her face swollen. But even then, in the fading golden sunlight of the afternoon, Aliya was still beautiful.

"_Hach__toch'oktiya_Billy." Aliya said as she noticed me at the doorway leading to our tiny kitchen.

"It's actually afternoon now Aliya" I said, giving her a smile. "Why don't you sit down and eat something? It's bad for the baby…"

"Don't you start with me on that too Billy…" she sighed, dropping heavily into her seat.

We were both quiet for long, awkward minutes.

"So I guess you heard…this morning I mean…" she said, breaking the tense silence.

I nodded.

"I'm sorry…It's just that Jacob…he never spends time with me...he doesn't care about the baby." She complained, her voice accusing and defensive.

"I don't think that's fair Aliya…you know he's working very hard…and what with work and school and his duties to the Pack, he's just tired all the time." I reasoned with her. I knew Jacob had his shortcomings, but no one could accuse him of not working his butt off to provide for both of us.

"Huh." Aliya snorted. "You don't know what you're talking about Billy." She said, quietly still but with anger in her voice.

"I know Jacob. I know my son."

"Don't you get it? He doesn't HAVE to work this hard. He WANTS to. It's just an excuse to be away from us. He wants to be away from me and this house and this baby."

"You're not thinking straight Aliya. You of all people should know how much expense a new baby will add, and how much school costs and this house…the bills?"

"Like I said, you don't know anything."

"Then why don't you tell me?" I challenged her.

"When he married me, the inter-tribal council, and the Council of Elders, they gave Jacob a full scholarship, a grant - it covered tuition, books, transportation and living expenses, and he had a stipend." She said "It would be enough to take care of everything, he doesn't have to kill himself like this."

"What?" I asked, startled. It was the first I had heard of this. I knew Jacob was pressured to marry Aliya but I had no idea about this grant she was talking about.

"And the irony is – after all this, Jacob won't touch a cent of it." Aliya said, speaking quickly, as if a dam had burst. "He'd rather work his whole life in that dump of a garage of his… You'd think after selling himself to me…he'd enjoy the fruits of his sacrifice" She laughed bitterly. Only the sound held no mirth or humor. Only bitterness and anger. Bitterness so strong I could almost taste it in the air on this cold winter afternoon.

"I don't believe you! I can't believe you would say that about Jacob – that he would "_sell__" _himself for anything!" my hands shook, and the coffee in the mug in my hand sloshed. I felt the sting of the hot liquid on my hand and was glad of the distraction - for the first time in my life, I wanted to hit a woman

And then she looked at me and sneered.

"Oh he didn't sell himself for that grant. Don't get it wrong Billy - he sold himself for YOU…all this was for you."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"This…" she swept her hand towards herself and her swollen belly "…he was ready to abandon this...us… for Bella Swan. In the end, the only reason he stayed was because the council promised him they would renew your land grant if he married me. So really, Billy, he sold himself for YOU. To make sure YOU could keep this pathetic little house in this pathetic little village."

"You're lying." I said, my voice shaking. But at the same time, I could not deny the ring of truth in her voice and the memory of the night of the council meeting I was excluded from…the meeting that Jacob almost missed…the meeting where the council scheduled a hearing on our land grant application. I felt my chest tightening and felt like the air was being sucked out of my body.

"You know I'm not." She said. "So don't blame me for your precious son's unhappiness. He chose this life. He chose this life for YOU!"

"You're lying…." I managed to gasp, and then suddenly, a wave of blacknesss overwhelmed me and I felt nothing more.

**CHARLIE **

"He's in stable condition now. The injuries from the accident are minor, although were monitoring him for concussion. The stroke was not as bad as we initially thought...he was very lucky this time. And we won't need to move him to County. There'll be some paralysis on the left side, but if he can control his diabetes and keep up with the physical therapy, he should show much improvement in the next two months."

I thanked the doctor and he hurried off, leaving me to hesitate about whether to go in or not. La Push Emergency Clinic was a small thirty bed hospital in the Reservation. And with the nearest hospital being the one in Forks County, it was often filled to capacity. Today was no different.

I eased the door open and peeked in. Billy lay on the bed, his eyes closed and his normally ruddy skin dull and gray against the whiteness of the sheets and the bluish light of the fixture overhead. All at once, I felt a pang of regret for the many months that had intervened since I had last spoken to my old friend – since that farce of an engagement ceremony they had for Jacob and his wife. And while I knew part of still seethed with anger at how my little girl had been treated, I knew I would never have forgiven myself if Billy hadn't made it today and we had never had a chance to talk things out.

His eyes flickered open and he tried to rise.

"Lay back down old man." I said, trying for a jovial tone of voice. "Doc just finished patching you up – he's too busy to have to do it over again." I pulled a chair next to the bed and sat down next to my old friend.

I saw his lips moving but the sound he made was so faint I couldn't make it out. He motioned for me to come closer and I bent my ear close to his face.

"Jacob?" he whispered, his eyes worried.

"It's ok Billy, he's on his way here."

"'D'you…tell him I…ok?" he asked. His words were slurred, but I knew what he was asking. He and I both were reliving that night when Sarah Black had died in a car accident. And how the then 8 year old Jacob had answered the telephone call that no child should ever have to receive.

"I told him you were ok."

"Sure?..not want him…worry…"

"I talked to him myself Billy. He's shaken but I think he's ok, he'll be here soon."

"Don't…tell…twins…not worry them…" he pleaded with me.

"They're your kids Billy…they have the right to know…"

He shook his head and looked as if he were about to argue. Then he suddenly and reached toward me.

"Charlie…sorry for Bella and Jake…my fault…" he whispered, clutching my arm.

"What are you talking about Billy?" I asked, confused. "Don't worry about it…we can talk when you're better and out of here."

"No…." he insisted, his weak grip tightening on my arm. "you need…to know…want to tell you… Jake...married….to keep house. Council…they blackmailed him…land grant expired…did it for me." He said, his eyes glistening with tears.

I sat back stunned.

"Did you know?" I demanded.

"Just..today..fought..Aliya..she told." He explained, each word slurred and a drawn out effort. "So so sorry. Didn't know…please…tell Bella…forgive…."

My mind reeled as I realized the implications of what Billy had said. Even I, at the height of my anger, could not come up with a single acceptable reason why Jake did what he did. I knew how much he loved Bella, especially after everything they'd been through. It made sense now. I knew Billy and all the other Quileuetes lived on the reservation on land grants from the government, like long term leases, the rights over which were passed down from generation to generation. Billy's family had lived on that land for at least five generations. It was where he brought home his bride, where they raised their children – where all the memories of his beloved Sarah were. It would have killed him to have to leave it.

Before I could respond, a nurse came into the room.

"You're wanted in the Emergency Room Chief Swan." She said. I knew Sue, who was on duty today, was attending to Aliya. As much as I couldn't stomach the girl, my job as Chief of Police required me to be there to oversee the investigation. I had no idea why they would want me right now though. I knew she had gone into labor after the accident. Wouldn't she still be having the baby?


	30. Chapter 30 Sons

**A/N : Happy New Year everyone! ** I know this took a while but you'll see if you read on why it was a particularly difficult chapter to write. I hope you find that it was worth the wait.

PS Once again, nothing belongs to me. I was just hoping to find Jacob in my Christmas sock last holidays but was sorely disappointed by Santa again.

**CHAPTER 29**

**SONS**

**JACOB**

"Jacob?"

"Uh yes, chief? What can I do for you?"

I recognized the voice immediately and felt a wave of dread, warring with surprise, wash over me. Charlie had stopped speaking to me or to my dad after the bonfire. On the rare occasions I saw him at Sue's he pretended not to see me.

"I'm at the Emergency Clinic at La Push son. It's your…wife…she's gone into labor, won't be long now."

"Wha…why? I mean, why are you there? Is something wrong?" I stuttered. I knew there was more. I knew it in my gut and moreover, since when did the Chief of Police start going to the hospital when total strangers went into labor? I heard Charlie pause, as if to catch his breath or prepare himself and I held myself rigid, preparing for the blow I knew was coming.

_I was eight years old and I had just come home from Quil's birthday celebration. His mom had taken Quil, Embry and me to a movie in Port Angeles – the first movie we had ever watched by ourselves – and they had just dropped me off at home. The car was gone and so I knew mom and dad must still be at work. They would be coming anytime soon though; it was almost five after all. As I was letting myself into the house, I heard the telephone ringing. I tried to hurry but the key got stuck in the lock as usual. I had my own key! Quil'n Embry made fun of it because mom had it on a shoestring around my neck but I knew they were just envious – their mom's didn't trust them enough for their own keys yet. The twins weren't home either or they'd have answered the phone by now. They were always pouncing on it. _

"You'd better get down here Jacob…..son, there was an accident. Aliya has gone into labor but your dad's here too. He's had a stroke. The doctors are with him now and they think he'll make it – but you should be here anyway."

"_Hello?'_

"_Hello son, is this the Black residence?" _

"_Yes."_

"_IS there an adult there with you?"_

"_No. Just me ma'am."_

"_Do you have older brothers or sisters?" _

"_Becks and Rachel ma'am but they're not here. I dunno where they went, momma will be mad at them…"_

_There was a long pause._

"_Who is this? How old are you son?"_

"'_I'm Jacob ma'am, I'm eight now." _

"_Can you tell me the names of your mom and dad?"_

"_Yes'm. William and Sarah Black."_

"_Look Jacob, you have to be a big brave boy for me ok?"_

"_Ok ma'am."_

"_Do you have neighbors or someone you can call?"_

"_Yes'm! I can call Uncle Harry. He's my daddy's best friend….well, him and Uncle Charlie"_

"_Ok then son. I need you to call your Uncle Harry and tell him he needs to take you and your sisters to Forks Country Hospital right away."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

"_Do you understand Jacob? This is very important."_

"_Yes ma'am. I call Uncle Harry and tell him to take me and Becks and Rachel to Forks Hospital"_

"_Ok Jacob, I'm putting the phone down now. Call Uncle Harry right away ok?"_

_That was the last day I had hugged my mom. Or seen my father walk on his own. Before I could even call Harry Clearwater, Charlie's cruiser pulled up at our front yard and as I opened the door, he merely pulled me into a tight hug. He carried me to the cruiser and I remember wanting to object…big boys of eight didn't need to be carried! But something in his eyes stopped me. _

I almost dropped the phone as if it were a hot brick and started to run for my car, barely managing to leave instructions with Joseph and Lukas who were still working.

"Jacob? Jacob? Are you still there?" I could hear Charlie's voice on the phone until the line was cut.

"Lukas, you'd better come with me…your sister…Aliya's gone into labor. I gotta go…my dad's in the hospital too…there's been an accident. Joseph, make sure you lock up…call Seth."

"I'll drive." Lukas said as he neared me, reaching out his hand for the keys to my truck. I was going to argue, but stopped when I saw my hand shaking. I nodded curtly and dropped the keys in his palm, walking swiftly to the truck.

The ride to La Push seemed endless. Aliya in labor – I was going to be a father. And would I become a father on the day I lost mine? The thought of losing Billy overshadowed any other. And truthfully, I wasn't ready to face what I felt – or more precisely – what I DIDN'T feel about the baby. Billy was all I had – I knew deep down that when Rachel and Rebecca left, that they would never call La Push home again. And for a long time, it had just been me and my dad taking care of each other. I couldn't face the possibility of his loss – not now – not so soon after losing Bella.

Thankfully, Lukas stayed silent. Of all the Call's, Embry and Aliya included, Lukas was the only one I actually still liked and who still liked me. He was a good kid, a hard worker and though I'm sure he knew how bad things were between me and the sister he loved so much, he never interfered or so much as ventured an opinion. But then again, maybe it was simply because I was his Alpha and he was afraid of me.

When we arrived, he pulled over to the driveway and stopped the truck. "Go on Jake. I'll park the truck and follow you in. I'll call mom and make sure she gets on the way here."

I nodded. The relationship between me and Lucia Call had been strained at best – I had barely conversed with her for more than two minutes at any given time since Aliya and I got married.

I jumped out of the car and ran into the small hospital. "Billy Black -please, he was brought in a few minutes ago…"

The lady at reception looked at me but before she could answer, I saw Charlie hurrying towards me. "Never mind miss…thanks…."

"Jacob!" he said "Good you're here." He said gruffly. It was the first time he had spoken to me in months and I wondered if it was because something had happened to Billy. Maybe he had lied on the phone…

"Hi Charlie...is my dad…"

"He's ok son, stable. The doctor says he'll pull through." Charlie reassured me, patting me awkwardly on the back.

I let out the breath I didn't even know I had been holding.

"Thanks Char…uhhh… Chief…thanks for calling me…I wouldn't know…I mean, I know you didn't have to…I'm so sorry for everything…." The words seemed to tumble out of me, disorganized, frantic, as much of a jumble as the emotions churning within me – knowing only that I had to say them, that I had to make my apologies, not knowing when or if, he would ever listen to me again.

"Where is he?"

"He's out of critical care and they've moved him to a regular room. I just left him, and the doctor said he'll be fine. But they gave him something to help him sleep so he's out for the count….Jake son…" He explained, then hesitated.

"What is it Charlie?" I asked, my stomach churning. _Calm down! _ I scolded myself. IF dad was ok... and then it hit me. "How is…the baby? Aliya?"

"You should go talk to Sue son. She's in the delivery room waiting for you." Charlie replied, enigmatically, shaking his head and patting me awkwardly on the shoulder. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me because in the turmoil of all this, I had completely forgotten about my wife and child.

"Is everything…ok?"

"Fine. Fine. Just go on in there son, they're waiting for you." He just said, grasping me by the shoulders and turning me in the right direction, just like he used to do when Bella and I were little kids.

- ooo -

The delivery room was a bustle of activity when my leaden feet finally dragged me there. I was immediately met by a nurse who handed me a face mask and indicated that I should put it on.

"You must be the father?" she confirmed "Mr. Black?" she asked again, when I didn't respond, my eyes drawn to the small group of people surrounding a gurney - Aliya I presumed.

"Uh yes…yes I am." I finally answered, still unable to tear my gaze away from the hubbub surrounding Aliya.

"You're just in time then…the baby is due anytime now…" she said, motioning me towards the gurney.

"Will it…be ok? I mean…it's not due for a couple of weeks or so…" I asked her.

"Not due?" she asked, "You must be mistaken. We did a sonogram – her first, your wife tells us…" she said, pausing to look at me disapprovingly, "the baby is almost 41 weeks – it was due to be delivered two weeks ago, not two weeks from now. Something you would have known if you had had regular pre-natal checks.." she said, again with the disapproving tone.

"Forty one weeks?" I asked. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. About. Although first babies are tricky. But the ultrasound and sonogram place him at that gestational age." The nurse confirmed.

"But it's… early…"

"Not by the book I used in nursing school - forty one weeks is overdue. But like I said, first babies are tricky and first time moms are not usually reliable about when exactly they got pregnant…now don't worry…a few weeks more in his mom's tummy just gives them more time to grow…but any later than this week and she'd have needed to be induced." She said handing me a gown and mask which I put on – they seemed ridiculously small on me, uncomfortable. Constricting.

"Nurse Wallace?" I heard Sue's voice before I could ask any more questions - my mind was in overdrive, whirring, doing the math and wondering. She looked up and all I could see of her face were her eyes, dark and serious. Looking at me with something like pity. "Please ask Jacob to come here now. The baby's head has just crowned."

Her voice was urgent and tense, and it seemed to float above all the other noises, the whirr of the machines in the room, the swish of the fan overhead, Aliya's pants and gasps as she pushed. I moved closer to the bed, the smell of antiseptic and blood almost overwhelming. And suddenly, without knowing how I got there, I was next to Aliya and her hands held mine in a death grip. Her hair was matted to her heard and her skin glistened with sweat, her face wet with tears, the knuckles on her hands white as she gripped my hands, tightening with each push.

"Now." Sue's voice, still calm, instructed Aliya. "One big push…wait for the pain to crest Aliya, then push as hard as you can."

Aliya stayed silent, just gripping my hand tighter. She panted in short breaths, her knees coming up under the sheet that covered her as the contraction in her belly reached crescendo.

"Now!"

And then there was a sudden gush. And suddenly Aliya let go of me as she gave one last, massive push and then lay back on the gurney, panting and exhausted.

A cry.

"It's a boy." Sue said quietly as she lay him on Aliya's breast.

Aliya's finger gently stroked the little soft cheek resting against her chest and he opened his eyes.

They were bright blue.

"Did you know?" I asked Aliya. At the harsh sound of my voice, she tore her gaze away from her son, her eyes still filled with tears.

"No." she answered, "You have to believe me…I didn't know… I'm so sorry Jacob." She answered, the tears falling down her face.

I said nothing, feeling my fists clenched, and my heart contract. And I felt a wave of sadness wash over – for all of the pain – mine, Aliya's, Bella's – all the suffering that the past few months had brought.

"I…I was always irregular...and with the phasing, I didn't even think I could get pregnant…and it was just that one time…and the imprint…." She tried to explain.

"What about it?" I asked

"I thought it was a sign…that the baby was yours…"

"Who is the father?" I had to ask, wanting to shake her.

She stayed silent, simply gazing at the little boy.

"Whose is he?" I asked.

"He's MINE." Aliya said harshly, clasping the baby to her chest tightly. "He's MINE, and that's all you need to know." She said, turning her face away from me.

Before we could speak further, I felt a hand on my arm and turned to see Sue who gently drew me away from Aliya, as Nurse Wallace came and took the baby from her. Then Sue returned and closed the drapes, separating me from Aliya and then Sue led me from the delivery room.

**SETH**

It had been a strange month. A really quiet one. Jacob barely spoke at the garage. Lukas wasn't talking either – to Jacob or to anyone other than Joseph. And if it weren't for Quill's constant griping, I would have probably gone insane with the quiet.

While we still phased for patrols, Jacob did all his patrols alone and I had no idea what was going on in his mind. And even if we DID patrol with Jacob, his mind was so closed off from us that I wouldn't know much more than what I did now.

I patrolled with Quill and one of the kids usually. Since Aliya wasn't phasing and with Embry and Leah gone, patrol teams were limited to a pair of wolves now and we took our turn, as always. But after the rift created at Jacob's joining on the beach, it often felt like Quill and I weren't really part of the pack - oh they needed us of course, Quill and I were still two of the pack's best fighters – but by choice, we stayed away from Sam, Paul and Jared. The younger kids were ok - even Lukas, notwithstanding being related to Aliya – maybe because they didn't know Bella, weren't around long enough to understand what went on before she left.

One day, Lukas asked me if he could borrow my truck – and it turned out he was moving Aliya's stuff out of Jacob's house. But beyond that, we had no idea what had happened the night Aliya had her baby. She had moved back in with her mom and Lukas and Jacob stayed behind with Billy. And no one mentioned the baby. In fact, no one had even seen the baby beyond Jacob, Aliya and their families. And my mom – who refused to say a word.

I knew Jacob and Aliya had spent a lot of time locked in meetings with the council –meeting after meeting after meeting – and Jake would come back to the garage looking old and worn, his mouth set in a thin line.

And at home, when she was actually home that is and not at Charlie's, my mom barely spoke either. I knew she knew what had gone down at the hospital when Aliya delivered the baby – but all she would say was that the "..situation will resolve itself" and that she and Mary Ateara were forbidden by the council to speak about the matter.

It was a slow day at the garage – since Jacob had been working like an insane greasemonkey and fixing everything in sight, we hadn't had a backlog of work in months, even if business was actually improving and were in fact getting more work. I decided to call Leah – it had been at least a week since I talked to her and I did miss her – bitching and all. It was almost six – she wold be back from her classes by this time.

The phone rang and rang and rang…I figured maybe she had gone out and was just about to hang up when "Hello?" a cranky voice answered. A cranky MALE voice. One that sounded awfully familiar.

"Hello…is Leah there?" I asked.

Whoever it was apparently dropped the telephone and I heard muffled sounds of cursing "_Shit. It's Seth…" _ Well how about that for sisterly love? "_Ooooof -will you quit…just get off me…." _ Hmmm. Very interesting. More shuffling about until Leah's voice finally came over the receiver.

"This better be good Squirt" she said in lieu of a greeting.

"What? Am I _interrupting_ something?" I asked trying for sarcasm. "Kinda early for that doncha think?"

"Oh no…not at all…I just usually sit around at home alone on Friday nights waiting for you to call." My sister retorted.

"Hmmm…well make sure whoever it is knows your little brother can beat up his ass if he messes up." I said.

Leah stifled a giggle. A giggle? Leah? Giggling?

"Are you alright?" I asked her.

"Yeah yeah…I'm pretty sure he can hold his own…" she retorted with a snort.

"Against me?" I asked "Super Werewolf Seth?"

She laughed again and I heard uncontrollable male laughter in the background. I was pretty sure I knew who it was.

"Yes, yes... And you called because?" Leah asked impatiently.

"I've been summoned to the council meeting tonight – the whole pack has – I mean, the more senior ones at least, the pups are patrolling tonight."

Leah snorted again.

"You know…that's a really unattractive sound you make quite often…must drive the boys away in droves…no wonder mom thinks you'll be a spinster forever" I teased.

"Since when did I care what the council wanted – and why would you have to call me about it if they summoned you?" she said instead of responding to my teasing.

"That's the thing…Jacob summoned us…used his Alpha voice to do it."

"What?"

"Exactly." I said. "He's barely used the Alpha command since Bella left. And all of a sudden, he issues this order and I swear, the force of it almost drove me to my knees! The pups were all but whimpering at last night's pack meeting and he wasn't even directing it at them. Sam and company were definitely not happy."

"Oh yeah – and we all know how _concerned_ I am about Sam's happiness." Leah said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable.

"It must be pretty big…" I said

"Or maybe Jacob finally grew back his balls…" Leah said drily.

"'Thought you'd like to know."

"Thanks Seth." She responded "Let me know what happens ok? I don't care how late you get home."

**THE COUNCIL MEETING **

"That's unacceptable!" Old Quil practically shouted at Jacob. I saw Jacob clench his fists, suppressing hi shaking.

"It's the only acceptable thing to me." He retorted.

"There will be no divorce…no annulment." Old Quil said again.

"The child is NOT MINE!" Jacob insisted – beginning to raise his voice.

"You have no proof…." Old Quil began.

"Have you seen him?" Jacob asked.

The council was quiet.

"Have ANY of you seen him?" he asked again.

"True, he doesn't look fully Quileute…but there has been intermarriage between our tribe and the Hokwat…" one of the council members tried to argue.

"Unless you prove he is mine with a DNA test I will not claim him." Jacob answered.

"You know we can't do that…that would expose the Pack!" Paul interjected, jumping to his feet.

"And what does Aliya have to say about this?" Sam demanded, grabbing Jacob's arm. "You're going to ditch her like day old garbage after getting her pregnant - after marrying her?"

"Aliya is here…and she has her own voice."

We all turned to look and Aliya stood by the doorway, carrying a small tightly wrapped bundle in her arms.

"Joshua is mine. That's all you need to know. I will agree to whatever Jacob wants." She said quietly.

Quil and I exchanged glances – this wasn't the Aliya we knew – and hated. Maybe it was true. Maybe parenthood di change everything. There was an uneasy silence.

"I will not have you – any of you speculating about Joshua – he is part of this tribe – regardless of who his father is!" she said, her tone challenging, her gaze direct and angry. "He is Quileute because I am Quileute. And he is mine!"

"I am getting an annulment." Jacob said "I am NOT asking your permission. I am TELLING you."

Jacob roughly shook off Sam's grip and stared at him, as if daring him to oppose. Jared and Paul rose, standing by Sam.

"It's still because of that white bitch isn't it?" Paul taunted. "After all this time…you're still panting after Bella Swan like a dog in heat…"

A low growl rose in Jacob's throat, warning Paul. "Shut up Paul." Jacob said. But Paul stood firm – and Sam and Jared moved to stand behind him.

I often wondered why Paul felt so strongly about all this – when none of it affected him directly. It wasn't like he was imprinted, as Sam and Jared were and felt he had to justify his imprint. But Quil, in a rare moment of perceptiveness once told me "Paul had no family before the Pack, he was going nowhere…not like you, a Clearwater. Or even me, my family's old." He had grinned ruefully. "My grandpa told me in the old days, the Lahotes, their family was lowest caste when that still mattered. And Paul, he never did well in school, was about to drop out really - and then suddenly, BAM! He's a Pack member, a protector, the Council listens to him, respects him – he'll do anything to keep the Pack together, anything to stay in the Council's good graces."

Quil and I looked at each other. And it was a moment to choose – and at that moment, with a simple exchange of glances, we chose to forgive Jacob. This was all we had waited for – for him to stand up to the Council. To take responsibility.

"You are a Black! The Chief's Son! Think of the scandal in the tribe if this gets out…" Moses Crow argued.

"I AM MY FATHER'S SON – AND I **WILL** BE CHIEF OF THIS TRIBE SOME DAY!" Jacob's voice roared, echoed in the seemingly cavernous room.

The double timbre of the Alpha voice reverberated, and while we were not phased, I could feel it's power almost bend me over. Moses Crow, who had been arguing with Jacob moments before suddenly sat back in his chair as if pushed back by a giant hand. I wondered if the Alpha voice worked on the council too? Impossible. They weren't Pack. Right?

The arguments, the turmoil of opposition quieted down.

"I have had enough of you blackmailing me." Jacob said quietly, authority dripping from each syllable he spoke.

"You can take away my home, my family's land, you can take away my grant – I don't need them. But I will NOT bow down to you running my life again. It ends tonight. I **AM** Alpha. I **WILL** be Chief. I **WILL** head this Council one day soon. You had best remember that."

The Council remained silent, none of them daring to argue.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Quil suppress a smirk. Jacob had just effectively put the Council in their place. I wondered only why he hadn't done this sooner. And what the fuck was that about his land?

Jacob walked out of the room, head held high, not looking at anyone, not even Aliya when he passed her at the end of the room carrying her baby.

Quil and I followed him. But as we were about to exit the meeting room, something occurred to me and I turned.

"And just for the record…" I said. The council all turned toward me, as well as Sam, Jared and Paul, in unison, reminding me of those creepy puppets…marionettes. "I am my father's son too. The Clearwater seat on the Council belongs to me. And when Jacob Black takes his seat, I will take mine too. Consider yourselves warned about whose side I'm on."

I felt Quil clap me on the back and we walked out into the night, following our Alpha. And for the first time in a long time, Jacob's pack felt like a pack to me again.

Wait 'til Leah hears about this I thought.

A smug smile must have plastered itself on my face. Couldn't help it. Don't really care. Sorry.

"Nice." Was Quil's elegant comment as we hurried after Jacob.

"Hey Jake!" he yelled. The dark figure that was Jacob, paused as if surprised, and turned, "Wait up bro!" he said.

**LUKAS**

"He's beautiful." I told Aliya, sitting on the arm of her chair where she was feeding Joshua. I had put the last of the boxes in the trunk of Aliya's car and had assembled the car seat in the back for Joshua.

Though she looked tired, and there were shadows under her eyes from the late nights, I had never seen my sister look so beautiful in my entire life.

I tried to define it in my mind – what the change was – and could only conclude that it was that she had found some sort of peace. Something she had not had in the past year – not since that horrible night she had told my mom and my Uncle Andrew she was pregnant, not through the entire joining and the wedding and her life with Jacob.

All these months, I've wanted to hate Jacob – wanted to hate him with the same intensity that I loved my sister. But at the end of the day, I couldn't.

I knew nothing of what had happened at the council meeting – I only knew that Aliya came out of it announcing that she and Jacob were imprinted – getting married. But despite the wall of silence that the older members of the pack had thrown up against us, we all knew that marrying Aliya was not Jacob's choice.

What angered me most though was why Jacob agreed to marry her in the first place and then didn't even give their marriage a chance. It wasn't that he was cruel to her – just the opposite in fact. He treated her with the politeness of a stranger – and with the same cold detached disinterest.

Sometimes I wished he would hit her – not that I wished for my sister to get hurt – but sometimes, and I know this is strange, I wished he WOULD hurt her, just so I could manage to hold on to my anger and have some reason to fight him back.

And to be fair to him, Aliya was not the easiest person to live with. Especially not in those last few months before Joshua was born. After they had moved back in with Billy, I knew how many nights Jacob stayed late at the garage, taking on jobs we were supposed to do and how many nights he slept on the lumpy sofa in the office.

On the days she visited my mom, I would hear Aliya rant and rave and then cry over how Jacob wouldn't accept the imprint, how it hurt her that he just well… didn't care. The first time this had happened, I saw red – felt my hackles rise, felt my skin tingle, felt the urge to phase – _"Did he hurt you?" _I asked her. She just kept quiet, and kept sobbing. My mom just looked on helplessly.

"_Ali, did he hurt you?" _ I insisted

"_What if he did?" _she yelled at me "_Do you think you could fight your Alpha?"_

"_If he's laid a finger on you…." _I gritted out, fighting the strong urge to burst out of my skin.

Mom said nothing, her lips set in a tight line.

And then Aliya had laughed – a strange, bitter, painful sound that I had never heard before.

"_Sometimes, I wish he would just hit me and get it over with…that would be better.."_

"_Ali…you don't know what you're talking about!"_ mom had interjected, outraged. "_He loves you…he married you… your son, he will be the next Chief. You are the future Chief's wife…"_

Aliya laughed again mirthlessly.

"_He married me…" _she said, emphasizing each word_ "…because you, because the Council forced him to. And as for me being the Chief's wife, that was never my dream mom. That was yours."_

"_I only wanted what was best for you!" _mom argued.

"_No mom. You wanted to save face. That was what was "best"." _Aliya retorted bitterly. "_And Uncle Andrew – he wanted to control the council. And he could do that if his niece was the Chief's wife. Too bad it didn't work out that way huh mom?"_ she said, sarcasm edging each word.

"_That's not true!" _Mom had answered in a low angry voice. _"And you know if your Uncle Andrew were here..."_

Aliya jst looked at her sardonically. _"I know what mom?" _she asked. _"That if Uncle Andrew were here he'd what?_ _Pressure Jacob into 'loving' me? Even HE can't do that. And even if he did, too bad he moved to Florida for that cushy job huh? Whatever will we do now?"_

Mom was quiet, her lips drawn into a thin, tight line. I looked away. I often wondered - asked - nagged my mother and sister for information as to why Jacob had suddenly decided to marry Aliya. I mean, it was no secret he was crazy about Chief Swan's daughter and then suddenly, he was marrying my sister? I knew Uncle Andrew must have forced Jacob's hand somehow. But how? He was Alpha! And the Chief's son. But none of them said a word to me.

"_It's OK mom." _Aliya eventually said quietly._ "I was wrong too. I wanted him too...wanted him any way I could get him. Too bad things don't turn out the way we want them. I thought…" s_he continued. And we were all silent, the only sound, the steady ticking of the clock on the wall and the hiss of the kettle on the stove.

"_I thought the imprint...that it would be enough…for him to love me."_

"_Maybe he just needs time…he's the Alpha, maybe it works differently for him...maybe it takes longer."_ My mom said, rubbing Aliya's back, trying to soothe her.

"_Or maybe because he IS Alpha, that the imprint doesn't affect him at all…because he must choose his own mate…because he can't be CHOSEN."_ Aliya said quietly.

And I knew this was what had been on her mind the past months. That this was why every day, she seemed to lose hope that Jacob would one day come to regard her and love her as Sam did Emily or Jared did Kim. And I knew, even if I hurt for my sister, that she was right. That Jacob would NEVER accept the imprint and they would be trapped in this disaster of a marriage – and worse, they were bringing a baby into the mess with them.

"_Even if that's true...you're still his wife…to hurt you...to hit you...that's just wrong."_ I insisted.

"_He's never touched me…not since we got married…but there are worse things Luke."_ She said looking out the window, one hand absently rubbing her belly. _"Indifference…that's much, much worse."_

And though we never spoke of it again, I knew how much Aliya suffered. How they both did. And I wondered – who's life would be next? Who else would imprinting ruin?

I always knew how Jacob felt about Bella. I had seen into his mind, in unguarded moments, those months when they were together - before Aliya announced she was having his baby. I had felt how happy he had been, how much he loved her – we all felt it. And I know that all of us – Colin, Brady, Joseph and I – we all secretly hoped that one day, we would feel the same about someone too.

And then when all the trouble started, I felt how hard he had fought against Aliya's imprint and how he struggled with wanting to do the right thing and yet, wanted to keep a part of himself - to not let himself be completely controlled by the imprint. So every time I felt the anger rise inside me, felt the outrage for the pain my sister was feeling, the anger just as quickly died down again – with the thought, and the fear that I could be Jacob. That any one of us – we could be just like him and Aliya. Trapped in a relationship we did not want. Trapped in some cosmic joke where the universe decides to play matchmaker. And forced by the council to accept a life we did not ask for – as if becoming part of the pack, turning into a werewolf was not sacrifice enough.

Joshua fussed as Aliya lifted him off her breast and wrapped him more snuggly in his blanket, his tufts of bright hair sticking up.

"He'll be ready for his nap soon…"Aliya said, laying him down in his carrier on the sofa. It was the last thing we needed to put in the car. I looked around and felt a pang of sadness – even he'd only been here for a month, Joshua had taken over our little house - and now, with all his toys and diapers and baby stuff packed away, the house looked so empty and sad somehow. "We should get going….so he'll at least be asleep for some part of the drive."

I looked down at my little nephew and wanted to lift him, hold him close – I never liked babies before but he was special. All golden and beautiful. He looked exactly like Aliya except for his coloring – the tufts of strawberry blond hair and the blue eyes - the same blue eyes that ended Aliya and Jacob's short lived marriage.

"Does Jeff know?" I asked quietly.

My sister suddenly froze – her hands stilling on the spare clothes she was packing into Joshua's baby bag.

"I'm sorry Ali…he's…Joshua…he's Jeff's isn't he?" I persisted.

She said nothing. Acted as if she heard nothing and went on folding Joshua's clothes.

"He…Jeff…he doesn't need to know." Aliya said. "And Joshua's MY baby. That's all anyone needs to know. Joshua doesn't need anyone else."

"Ali…" I tried to reason with her, knowing that when she left today for Florida, she would never come back. That I would see her and Joshua only when I visited and that she would make a new life for herself away from all of us.

"He doesn't need to know." She whispered.

"What are you afraid of?" I asked her "He's Joshua's father! He has a right…."

"He has the right to take him away from me!" Aliya exclaimed, her hands shook as she continued to packing. "I'm never going to let that happen. Joshua is MY son. MINE."

"You don't know that he'll do that!" I argued.

"Really?" she said sarcastically "Jeff's the mayor's only child…Joshua – he's their first grandchild. You really think they'll let me raise him here? Dirt poor? On the rez? You know it's a possibility they'll take him from me…"

"Jeff is a good guy. You should at least give him a chance…."

"And if I did…do you think they'd what? Make him marry me?" she laughed bitterly. "Sorry. Been there. Done that. It's not all it's cracked up to be."

I shook my head. I knew I couldn't argue with her. Not when she was like this. Not when she had her mind set on something.

"Look…" she said, putting her hand on my arm as went to sit on the sofa next to Joshua's carrier "…we'll be ok." Aliya assured me. "Uncle Andrew has friends who'll help me with a job and we'll stay with him and Aunt Mary until I save up enough to get my own place. Maybe you could come visit us, baby brother." She said.

"I wish…" I tried to tell her how I felt but the words seemed so lame. "You could stay you know…mom and me, we'll help you with him and when I graduate from high school, I can get a job…."

"I know Luke…" she answered, sitting down next to me and wrapping her arm around me. "But after that thing with the council….and Jake…I just can't…It's better I leave. For everyone."

"What about the Pack?" I asked her "Your imprint?"

"I've been allowed to leave – they let Leah Clearwater and Embry go, they owe me the same. The council – they're so embarrassed that they forced Jacob's hand and got him into all this…they're only too happy for me to leave. I'm their dirty little mistake. They don't want me around to remind them of that…and the imprint…." She answered, her features twisted. A play of emotions washed over her face – regret, pain, remorse. "It's still here but…you know, after I saw Joshua, it seems less…less painful somehow." Her eyes were glowing as she looked at Joshua.

"Florida's so far away…" I said

"You can always visit Luke." She said gently. "Don't you want that for Josh? A normal childhood…no vamps and no turning into a giant dog?" she joked.

"Awwww come on…." I teased, "You know for while you loved it…."

"Well…" she said "I'm certainly going to miss the speed…"

And then she picked up Joshua's carrier and smiled at me. The old Aliya smile. The one I remember from when I was a little kid. The Aliya smile before Matt, before Jeff and before Jake.

The smile that Joshua gave back to her.

And I knew somehow, my sister would be ok.

LOVE IT? HATE IT? Let me know please! Reviews are love! Next chapter hopefully in a week or when we hit 575 reviews whichever comes first. Ta ta!


	31. Chapter 31 Phone Calls at Midnight

A/N: Sorry for the long overdue update. Real life - a new baby, new job - just got in the way. Will certainly not wait another year to update again, but i hope you can be patient with me. I haven't written in over a year and this is my first attempt to get my feet wet again.

Chapter 30

PHONE CALLS AT MIDNIGHT

SETH

Rrrrring….rrrrring….rrrrring….._damn it_! _Answer the phone Leah!..._rrrring….rrringgg….

"_What? Spill it runt!"_ I finally heard Leah's voice come on the line. It was past midnight now but she sounded wide awake and a little breathless.

"_You always this charming when you answer the phone?"_ I said sarcastically.

"_Only since I got call waiting and knew it was you calling." _She retorted, the smile in her voice making me grin as well.

"You should have been there Lee!" I said excitedly. "And tell Embry too…I know he's right there."

"_I have no idea what you're talking about."_

"Seriously Lee?" I snorted in disgust. "Super wolf senses remember?" I actually had no idea if Embry was there or if he was in fact, the mysterious person who had been taking up so much of Leah's time the past year.

"_Whatever."_ She said dismissively. "_So are you going to tell me what happened or did you just call to speculate on my lovelife?"_

"Aha! So you have one?"

"_I'm hanging up now…" _she threatened.

"Ok ok. Fine." I said, trying not to laugh.

"Jacob's divorcing Aliya…or annulling her…whatever...it's over." I said.

There was a long moment of silence on the other line.

"I'm putting you on speaker." Leah finally said. "I think Embry needs to hear this too."

BILLY

The damn line just kept ringing – this must have been the tenth call I'd made to Jake's phone since he left for the council meeting. And although I knew the meeting must have ended at least an hour ago, Jacob had not called in.

"Will you stop acting like an old lady?" Charlie said from the armchair where he was nursing a beer. "Jacob will call when he has news."

I rolled my wheelchair over to the sofa and grimaced at him. It had been six months since the accident. I was slower than before, some words still had to pronounce without a slur and weaker in my left arm - but I was improving the doctor said. Charlie and I had mended our bridges – and although he never spoke to Jacob and probably had not forgiven him, he had at least seemed to have forgiven me.

"I know…It's just…." I said, trying to explain the turmoil I was feeling. I knew how important tonight's Council Meeting would be. Charlie had no idea what Jacob was doing tonight…what he was putting on the line. Hell – after tonight, we might not have a roof over our heads.

"It's just what?" he asked, unusually nosy for Charlie.

"It's just…"

"Look old man." Charlie said, sitting up. "I know something is going on. I know Jacobs wif…Aliya..moved out. I know Jacob's no longer friends with Seth or Leah…or Embry Call and those two have been friends since they were in diapers." He ran his fingers through his hair, frustration clearly etched on his face. "After the..after Bella left, I told myself I'd never forgive that boy of yours for breaking her heart Billy…and I was pretty damn pissed with you too. But what you told me at the hospital…well that's helped. And Jacob's been almost as much as my son as he is yours so you better tell me now – is he in some kind trouble Billy?"

I stopped. Wondering how much to tell him. Or how. Or where to begin. I stared at the ceiling – hoping the sky would open up and show me how.

"Charlie – Jacob went to the council to ask them…no…to tell them…that he's getting his marriage to Aliya annulled…or divorced…not sure how..some fancy lawyer out of Port Angeles is giving him advice. Jake's been working 16..18 hours a day now just to afford the fees. But he's..it's like he's obsessed with ending this marriage. Can't say I blame him…." I tried to explain. "He and Aliya…it was miserable…painful."

Charlie didn't say a word. Just looked down at the beer in his hand as if it held the wisdom of the universe inside.

"He never stopped loving Bella.."

Charlie stood abruptly – the old armchair protesting loudly as the force of his movement threw it backwards to slam into the wall.

"I don't want to talk about it Billy." He said, his voice quiet but tight with anger.

"He never lived with Aliya..not as man and wife…" I tried to continue

"Enough Billy!" Charlie said, his voice rising and his face getting red.

"He was forced to marry her – you know that!" I said, my voice rising too. "He never wanted to hurt Bella.."

"Shut up!" Charlie shouted, his fist clenching. Crushing the can in his hand.

"No!" I shouted back "You shut up! And listen! He loves her Charlie – always has. He's gone to the council – to ask for his life back.. To make things right…"

There was a long silence.

And then finally – the phone in my hand leapt to life.

"Hello? Jake?"

"Dad?" I heard my son's deep voice on the other end of the line. "It's done."

I heard him take a deep breath.

"I'm going to be free."


	32. Chapter 32 Intersections

Chapter 31

Intersections

BELLA – PRESENT DAY

"No really dad. I mean it." I smiled at the sudden silence on the other end of the line. I could imagine Charlie's face - red and flustered, his grin probably a mile wide.

"Well now…that's...that's… just great! Fantastic!...you have no idea how happy you've made your old man…wait 'til I tell Sue…I mean…I can tell Sue right?" he stammered.

"Of course you can." I said, smiling into the telephone although I knew he couldn't see me. "No parade though, dad? Ok? No brass bands?" I teased.

He laughed and I had to laugh with him.

"I mean it dad. I just have a few rules about this visit."

"You and your rules…" Charlie grumbled. But I know it was just a show – that Charlie would agree to anything I would ask for if it were at all possible, just to bring me and Caleb home.

"I don't want any big announcements…and it will be Caleb's first trip there... but it's your wedding and Sue's…I don't want this to be about him."

"Yes honey, of course." Charlie agreed, his voice more serious now. "But Sue and I…well, we'd like you and Caleb to be part of the ceremony…it really means a lot to us Bella."

"What do you mean part of the ceremony?"

"Well…Sue wants you and Leah to be her bridesmaids….." He said

"Awww dad…."I had to whine. And then stopped. I was being selfish. And besides, everyone in town would already know I was there. It's not like there was any point hiding…

"Ok Dad. You win. Bridesmaid. But no parties or welcome home dinners…I mean aside from Sue and Seth.."

"Done."

"I was hoping Caleb could be ring bearer?"

"Dad…." I sighed. This was a colossally bad idea. "He's too little to walk down the aisle… I was actually thinking maybe we could get a sitter and leave him home while…."

"No." Charlie said, surprising me with vehemence of his response.

"What Dad?" I asked, feigning innocence "You know he might just run around and ruin the ceremo…"

"No Bella." Charlie interrupted me again. "You're not hiding away my grandson like he's some dirty secret. Are you ashamed of him Bella? Is this what this is about?"

"Of course not! You know that's not true!" I shouted into the phone.

"Then why?" Charlie asked quietly and sighed into the telephone. "Bella honey, you don't have to do this for me. Don't come home if you're not ready – and maybe you're right, maybe Caleb is too young...But Bella…you'll have to come home someday…but if you did, I don't owe anyone any explanations about Caleb and neither do you."

The disappointment that tinged his voice was so deep and palpable that I felt immediately guilty and contrite. My dad had been a lifesaver over the last two years – quietly supportive and there when I needed him but never pushy, always respecting the boundaries I set. From the day I left and until I told him I was having Caleb, he never displayed any anger or recrimination, never so much as told a single "I told you so".

"No dad. You're right." I told him. "It IS time for me to come home and for me to bring Caleb."

"Sue and I'll be with you every step of the way honey. And you know she'll be thrilled to finally meet him in person."

"And dad, about the Blacks…"

"Honey…" Charlie interrupted "You know they're related to Sue… and I've made my peace with Billy…if you'd only listen…"

"Dad." I said, my tone cutting into his monologue and he stopped. "I realize that. I realize all of that. And it's been a long time. I know I can't avoid Jac…them…forever if I ever want to come home to Forks again. I just want it…I mean…I just want them to find out on my terms."

"When are you coming down?"

"We'll be there on Thursday. I thought if we left on Wednesday night, Caleb will sleep through most of the drive and we'll get there first thing on Thursday morning. This way, I won't be driven crazy dealing with him on a four hour drive."

"Honey you know I could come down there and pick you guys up…" he offered.

"No dad… it's ok. Actually..uhmmm…I was gonna give Leah a call. I mean...we've talked on the phone a lot but I haven't seen her since I left…I was hoping she'd come up here for a few days and we could drive down together."

"That's great!" Charlie said enthusiastically.

And as soon as I hung up, I dialled Leah before I could change my mind.

LEAH – PRESENT DAY

The incessant ringing of the telephone woke me abruptly from my much needed rest. Dragging myself from the bed, I ended up groping around on the floor and under the bed before finding my telephone hidden under the pile of books I was studying last night. Or rather, a few hours ago.

It had been over a year since I left La Push – a few months after Bella left, I got up the courage to resuscitate my old college and scholarship applications. I mailed them and forgot about them – I figured it was a long shot anyway.

No one was more surprised than me when I received a letter granting me a scholarship to UDub's nursing program. It only covered tuition – I'd have to figure out a way to pay for books, and rent, and all the other expenses that college entailed – but it was enough. It was my way out – and if Bella could do it – get out and start a new life on her own, so could I.

So I sought out the only lawyer in La Push – basically badgered old Mr. Hawkbill out of retirement and he handled all the arrangements resulting in Jacob buying out my share of the garage. I never even had to talk to Jacob personally through the process. And the money I had received, more than what I had asked for, was enough to pay for the rest of my expenses for a couple of years. But I figured that if on top of that, I got a part-time job and was careful with my money I could make it last until I finished school. I had tried to return the excess – I knew Jacob couldn't afford it. But Mr. Hawkbill refused, saying that the contract had been signed and that this was what Jacob wanted to pay.

It had been hard – being away from home, from Seth and my mom – and to be perfectly honest with myself, it had been hard not being part of the pack anymore. I missed those jerks more than I cared to admit – and while I still hadn't forgiven Jacob completely, I missed him like I missed Seth.

But it was also good. And I wasn't completely alone. But that's another story.

It was good to be away from Sam and the memories. Good to be somewhere where no one knew me or cared who I was. And good to have at least one friend close by.

So about Embry. Well he just showed up on my doorstep the day I was leaving for UDub. A battered duffel bag slung over his shoulder and another battered suitcase on the ground, with a sheepish grin on his face.

"What are you doing here?" I asked

"Same's you. Going off to college…" he said "…thought maybe you could use the company?"

He then thrust a packet of papers in my hand. I quickly skimmed over the page on top and my eyes widened in surprise…

"Full scholarship?...plus stipend and lodging? Pre-law? What the fu…."

"Hey, despite your delusions, you were never really the brains of this operation…I was." He said cheekily.

I had to laugh. "Whatever."

"Mom!" I shouted over my shoulder "…looks like you have two passengers today."

My mom came out of the house shrugging on her sweater, a wide smile on her face. "Oh hi Embry dear, you're right on time."

"You knew about this?" I turned narrowing her eyes at her.

"Oh yes." she said calmly as she rummaged through her bag for her keys "I offered Embry a ride when I saw his mom at the supermarket the other day."

I swear! The woman was being deliberately obtuse! Moms!

"Moooooommm!"

"What dear?" she asked me as if I were a five year old – or Seth.

"I meant the scholarship!?"

"Oh yes that." She said, as she finally found her keys and unlocked the car doors. "Well I worked with Embry on his application."

"And no one told me?" I said, my voice rising. "No one thought this was relevant information to me?"

"Why ever would we tell you honey?" my mom asked mildly "I didn't know you cared so much what Embry was up to."

The idiot just stood there smirking at me. I wanted to smack him.

Or kiss him.

Hmmm. Sudden flashbacks to that night at the beach. Soft but strong lips. Live velvet. The feeling like I was going to melt. Wanting to run my hands all over….

"_Leah this idiocy has got to stop" _my logical side screamed at me."But why?" the traitorous half of me asked. "_Because he's another one of them...he'll imprint too. And leave you." _ "But he's stopped phasing. That's not going to happen anymore…"

I shook my head. Dammit. "Whatever.." I mumbled and got into the car as Embry laughed silently and started loading our collective baggage into the trunk of mom's car.

The phone rang again and I finally found it.

"This better be good Seth…" I growled into the phone when I finally found it.

"Leah?" a familiar voice said on the other end of the line.

"Bella? Is that you?" I asked. I sank to the floor cradling the telephone in my hands. "Are you alright?" I asked urgently. We had kept in touch sporadically over the two years since she had left Forks – not on a schedule or anything regular, but we both knew the other was there if we needed them. I knew she didn't tell me everything but I knew somehow, she was alright. This is why this call alarmed me. Bella never called me this late and usually, she or I – whichever one of us needed to talk – would send a text message first to find out if the other could talk. And she sounded different tonight – scared, or worried – not at all like the content, quietly happy Bella she had finally evolved into over the last year.

The first few months after she left, she would rattle on during these calls, a fake note of cheer in her voice and I could tell that she was homesick, just needed a familiar voice from home. We would talk of Charlie and my mom, and Seth, Quill and Embry – even the weather in Forks. But we never ever mentioned Jacob. Not that I had much to tell – my only conversations with Jacob right after his engagement to Aliya were limited to as few words I could possibly manage. Just enough to convey key messages about the business. Nothing personal. Nothing friendly. And while part of me felt sorry for the quiet, miserable man he had become, I figured he deserved it after that shit he pulled on Bella.

My mom often tried to talk to me – telling me to keep an open mind about Jacob, that I didn't understand the whole story and that it wouldn't kill me to try and be objective.

By the way…I hate it when my mom is right – because she always is.

So a year or so ago, Seth called me in the middle of the night – I don't know what it is about teenaged boys and not sleeping – and dropped a bomb on me and Embry. We finally knew the whole sordid story – how Andrew Call had all but blackmailed Jacob into marrying Aliya or else Billy would be kicked out of his home. How the "Heir of La Push" turned out to not be Quileute at all. And how Jake had finally grown a pair and laid down the law with the council. As far as I know, Jake and Aliya's marriage had ended almost a year ago and according to my mom, Jake was still living with Billy, working at the garage and well…that was all he did. Embry and I went home for Thanksgiving but only overnight and didn't see him – Billy came to Charlie's for Thanksgiving dinner with us, what with my mom practically living over there – but Jacob never showed. In a way I was relieved. I didn't know how or where to begin. And honestly, whatever his reasons? I still hadn't quite forgiven him.

But back to Bella.

It took almost a year before the lost, despairing quality in her voice disappeared. I suspected she had met someone because she had stopped pretending to sound happy – she just did. She never told me who he was but occasionally slipped and mentioned someone named Caleb. I once asked her jokingly when I would get to meet this mysterious guy but she just laughed and said "He's not a very good conversationalist yet."

But hell, I figured that Bella was entitled to her secrets – and certainly entitled to some happiness after all the crap she had been through so I never pushed. And anyway I had my own secrets as well.

"Who's it?" Embry's sleepy voice said from somewhere under the depths of the blankets. It was almost Christmas and it was freezing outside but we had the heater off – one good thing about the wolfy thing? Although we had both stopped phasing, we were still warmer than normal. So it cuts down on the heating bills. Still, it gets chilly at winter – enough for us to need light blankets at least. And honestly? Snuggling with Embry has turned out to be one of my favourite winter activities.

"Go back to sleep Em, it's Bella." I whispered, covering the receiver with my hands.

"No nothing's wrong…" Bella's soft voice said, a hint of laughter there. I let out a breath. I guess she was alright if she sounded on the verge of laughing. "Tell Embry to go back to sleep."

"No idea what you're talking about…" I said airily.

"I know he's there Clearwater you slut!" Bella teased, this time really laughing.

"Excuse me?" I teased back "Who would be the slut here? I'm not the one shacking up with some mysterious Caleb guy that no one in their family has even seen?"

"That's actually why I called..." Bella said, pausing for a few moments, you know, like when you're about to jump off the high diving board and are not quite sure that this was such a smart idea. "I've decided to go home to Forks…uhmm…for Dad and Sue's wedding."

"Really!" I practically squealed and bounced on the bed. Ok, so first of all, I've never been one of those girly-girls who squeal in delight. So for the record, this was just because of Bella's news. I mean, she hadn't been to Forks in over two years. And not a single one of us have seen her since she left except for Charlie and he isn't exactly the loquacious type so all we ever got out of him was "Bella's fine. She's ok. Happy" or words of two syllables or less. My bouncing had dislodged the blanket covering my torso – and apparently, had woken Embry up. He was blatantly eavesdropping now and as he noticed the blanket had fallen off, he was getting a smouldering look in his eye. His hand swept slowly, slowly up my side towards…and I had to slap it off, giving him the eagle eye. How was I supposed to talk to Bella when he was turning my insides to mush? He grinned and rolled over to his side facing me.

"So uhmmm…I was wondering…if well…we could drive down together?" Bella continued "You ARE going home for the wedding right?"

"That's great Bella! Yes. We..uhh.…Christmas break starts on the 18th but I'm actually off on the 15th so I was going to leave here then and give mom a hand with the preparations."

"Would you mind meeting up with me first?" Bella said. Then she laughed, a little shaky nervous laugh. "I have someone I want you and Embry to meet."

"A-ha!" I said triumphantly into the phone "So we finally get to meet to the mystery man. I do hope he's cute Bella, you normally have such bad taste in men." I teased.

"You have no idea how cute he is…." She said, laughter still in her voice.

"So I'm staying in Forks until after New Year – my term doesn't resume until the 5th of January. What are you plans?" I asked her, curious. I knew Bella was working in Oregon and was in college too.

"About the same…depending on, you know…" she said, her voice hesitant again. Then she sighed and we were serious again. "I don't know Leah – I guess it depends how long I'll last knowing Ja…he's nearby and with someone else."

"Bella. Listen." I told her. A year ago, after Seth had dropped the bomb on us about Jacob, Aliya and the whole sordid story, I had immediately called wanting – wanting to tell her what happened. But Bella of course, being the stubborn little thing she is, cut me off and told me she had absolutely no interest in what was happening to Jacob. "I think it's time we had that talk about Jake…"

"Don't want to hear it Lee." Bella said firmly.

"But…"

"No!"

"Bella, you have to listen to me sometime - it's not what…"

"Stop Leah! I told you I never wanted to talk about him ever again!"

"Bella! Listen to me – Jake's not married to Aliya anymore!" I practically yelled into the telephone.

"Wha…what?"

And then the phone went dead.

A few minutes later, my phone buzzed. Bella just sent a message telling me…well..us..how to get to some place in Oregon and when she would be expecting us.

"Now where were we?" I turned to my boyfriend.

"I believe we were somewhere here…." Embry said, playfully sliding his hand up my thigh. Lighting a thousand little fires…and shame on me, I completely forgot about my soon to be sister.


	33. Chapter 33 Meetings

CHAPTER 33

Meetings

"Bella, if you peek out that window one more time, I'm tying you to a chair." Miss Emma said drily, looking up from the sofa where she had Caleb on her lap reading a storybook. "Watched pots never boil and all that pacing is making me crazy." she said. She reached up to turn on the reading lamp and the room filled with a warm light. It was barely five pm but winter was coming again and afternoons were getting darker.

"Cwazy momma!" Caleb repeated, nodding his head in emphasis.

He was growing up so fast and was a sturdy little boy. - he had started walking early and now he was already speaking short sentences. Dr. Jake said it was a sign of early development and how smart he was but we teased him that he was biased since he delivered Caleb into the world. Dr. Jake insisted it was a professional opinion, purely unbiased of course…the ruined the effect by blowinf raspberries unto Caleb's tummy earning giggles from my rambunctious son.

But Caleb WAS beautiful though - when he was a baby, people would stop me in the streets to admire him - and even though I'm his mother, I think I'm being objective about that. He had my eye color and his hair was a deep copper brown, darkening now more to my coloring as he got older, but in everything else, he was all Jacob. He had the same beautiful smile, a dimple in the left check making his smile a little lopsided - even as a toddler, you could already see he had the same strong jaw, the determined chin and the high cheekbones. His skin was a little lighter than Jacob's but darker than mine - and one look at him and anyone would know without a doubt that he had Quileute blood in him.

"...and they lived happily ever after." I heard Miss Emma finish her story.

"Caleb don't like story!" my son said emphatically, shaking his head. "Bad man kill Wolfy"

I giggled. "Were you reading Little Red Riding Hood again?" I asked Miss Emma. "You know he always gets mad at the end."

"Yep. That's what makes it fun." She replied mischievously, her eyes twinkling. "I don't really understand why but it's cute that he gets so outraged by it."

Miss Emma got up from the sofa and scooped Caleb into her arms. "Would you like a snack young man?" She asked him, giving him a small kiss.

"Cookie! An' appa juice!" He said enthusiastically.

Alrighty then." Miss Emma said balancing him on her hip and walking towards the door. "We'll be in the kitchen Bella. I need to check on dinner anyway. Let me know when your guests arrive."

Today was the day. Leah and Embry were coming to pick me up for my return to Forks...well pick me AND Caleb up. They just hadn't met him yet. I knew that I needed my friends at my side, or else I would lose all resolve to return to Forks. It had been over three years since I had left and no one other than Charlie, Sue and Renee knew about Caleb. Only Charlie and Renee had met him and all three had been sworn to secrecy.

I had often wondered if I had done the right thing, keeping Caleb from Jacob and Billy - but each time my resolve weakened, I would remember that night of the betrothal and how Jacob had cut all ties with me. How Billy had sat there, allowing this to happen. Caleb was mine - mine to love and protect.

If I had brought him to Forks, would Jacob even claim him? Could I stand to watch as my baby `was treated like an outcast? The Alpha's bastard son? Leah told me Jacob was no longer married to Aliya - but that piece of information raised more questions than answers for me. I knew at some point that I would have to bring Caleb to meet the tribe - to know who his father was, and what heritage he had. I knew this was my responsibility, that much as I would wish to think so, Caleb was not mine alone. I had spent a long sleepless night - the weight of the decision hanging heavy upon me. For totally selfish reasons I wanted to stay in Harbor forever and protect Caleb from the outside world. But how long could I keep doing this? Oregon was not that far away from Forks. And Caleb would not remain a baby forever. Would I - could I - lie to him forever? And if he ever found out, would he not hate me? And what if something happened to me? Would he ever know the truth?

With the breaking of the morning, in weak, milky light of dawn, I knew I had no real choice. I had no way to escape my responsibility – much as I hated the thought, my son had the right to know his father, to be recognized by his tribe.

The sound of crunching gravel drew my eyes to the window and dragged me from reverie. Suddenly, I was nervous. Was this the right thing to do? My eyes darted to direction of the kitchen – it wasn't too late to hide Caleb. Miss Emma would understand. She would do this for me. What if Leah and Embry didn't understand? What if they hated me for keeping this secret?

"Miss Bella? Your guests are here." Maggie said, pausing by the door. "And that's one fine young man out there." She said, with her eyes twinkling mischievously. "If he and that beautiful girl out there didn't look so much in love, I'd tell you to go for him yourself." She said.

I smiled. The staff we indefatigable in trying to fix me up. They couldn't seem to understand why I never took an interest in the opposite sex and were convinced that they would all succeed in finding my prince charming for me.

"Thanks Maggie. I'll meet them outside." I looked out the window and had to grin at the sight of Embry giving Leah a big hug while Leah shook her head at him, trying to struggle out of his arms but looking up at him, clearly with love in her eyes. It was good to see my friend – and soon to be sister – happy at last.

Leah was still giggling and struggling to squeeze out of Embry's arms when I stepped out the front door of the Inn.

"Hey Call!" I shouted mockingly "Don't make me have to go over there and make you let go of the lady."

"Bella!" Embry exclaimed letting Leah slip to the ground and rushing to meet me. I was immediately lifted up in a huge bear hug – and I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering.

"Ok" Leah's laughing voice cut in, mock anger in it "That's it, let her down Embry."

"Awww Leah, you know you don't need to be jealous - you know all this hotness is yours!" Embry joked gesturing up and down at himself.

"Ok enough…" I laughed. "I'm not sure if this is better or worse than the constant bickering you guys…"

"Leah!" I said. We both reached toward each other at the same time, and as she embraced me, I felt tears slide down my cheeks. It had been too long.

"Hey.." she said, gently holding me away from her and looking me up and down. "You're looking good Swan. And is this because of the mystery man..."

But Leah never finished her sentence because at that same moment, a little brown whirlwind flew out of the house and almost knocked me down, wrapping his little arms around my legs. "Momma!" Caleb said. Then realizing there were two pairs of strange eyes looking at him…in shock?...dismay? Caleb hid behind my legs and peeked out at Embry and Leah shyly.

"Is he…." Embry finally got out the words. "I mean, he's…so obviously..I mean..he looks just like Jake." He ended awkwardly.

I nodded. Not really knowing what to say or where to start. "This is Caleb. He's two."

Leah knelt down so she was eye level with Caleb. "Hello Caleb." She said gently.

"You pwetty." Caleb said, reaching out to stroke Leah's cheek.

"He's very smooth Swan" Leah grinned up at me. "No wonder you're crazy about him."

"I'm your Auntie Leah." She introduced herself. "And that's Uncle Embry" she said, nodding in Embry's direction. Embry gave a little wave, which Caleb solemnly returned.

"I's gots cookies." Caleb announced. "wan' some Auntie Weah?"

"Sure!" she said. And proudly, Caleb led her into the inn.

I looked after them, a quiet happiness spreading through me. If only all his introductions would go this well.

"I guess…I mean…are you going to tell Jake?" Embry asked.

I was quiet – not wanting to commit to something I wasn't sure I was brave enough to do yet.

"Caleb has the right to know Bella – even if Jake doesn't." Embry said in that quiet, emphatic way he had.

And I knew he was thinking back to his own childhood. Call was his mother's maiden name. And despite – or perhaps because of – the fact that the Calls were a respected name in the tribe, his mom had never revealed who Embry's father was when she got pregnant, unmarried, at eighteen. Embry's prestigious family name never protected him from the fact that in the eyes of the tribe, he was still a bastard. Unclaimed. Paternity unknown.

"You need to do it for Caleb – not for anyone else."

I nodded. He was not telling anything I didn't already know.

"We..Leah and I…we'll be there with you." He said, his large, warm hand on my shoulder, lending me his strength and I leaned into him, wondering if by doing so, I would absorb some of his strength for the trial I knew was to come. "Whatever you need to do…you know we'll be there right?"

"I know." I started, wanting to explain. "It's just…what if…I mean, he's only half blood Embry…and Jake's family is old and Billy…"

"Does Billy know?" Embry asked.

"No. Only Charlie, Sue and my mom." I explained. "I made them promise not to tell anyone…he's mine Embry..we only had each other since he was born…what if the tribe…."

"What if what?" Embry asked sharply "Do you really think we would let anything happen to him? To you?"

"It's not that…"

"Then what is it?" He asked, his eyes piercing.

"It's not that simple!" I shouted. "He's all I have Emby….could I let them…what if they try to take him from me?"

"I don't think Charlie would let that happen Bella." Embry said "…and you're being unfair to Billy."

"Or worse…" I said, half whispering "What if they doubt who he is?"

Embry was quiet, his eyes sad.

"They only need to look at him to know Bella." He said. "I don't think there could be any doubt whose son he is."

"He's MY son. Mine." I said, tears running freely now. "I'm all he has…all he's ever had. And…"

"And what Bella?" Embry asked gently.

I turned away, wiping my tears on my sleeve.

"He's my piece of forever – all I had left of Jake… " I tried to explain. "When I left Forks that last night..I knew I was pregnant. I couldn't tell anyone because I knew you would all try to stop me…"

"So you let everyone believe you ran off with Edward?"

"If that was what they chose to believe…" I said sadly. "I haven't seen Edward..or any of the Cullens…not since that night."

"I wish you had let us know." Embry continued. "We could have been here for you." His arm wrapped around shoulders and for a moment, they felt like...his. The warmth, the solid strength. And then I pushed away, not wanting the memories to come back – memories I had struggled two years to put away. But seeing Embry and Leah…especially Embry…the memories had broken through like water bursting through a dam, rushing through me in torrents.

"I didn't want to complicate things." I tried to explain. "How could I tell him Embry?" I asked, "..he had just announced his joining to Aliya…and..then the bonfire…"

He nodded. "But we would have understood Bella – Leah, Quill, Seth and I – we would have been there for you."

"I know that. I knew that" I said, grasping both his hands in mine. I looked up and his handsome face was troubled. "I just didn't want to cause even more trouble for you and the pack…"

Embry shook his head. "The pack? The "pack" stopped being the pack you knew after you left Bella." He explained. "Quill, Leah, Seth and I – well we were pack but we weren't you know? And Jake, he just himself away from all of us..until…"

"Until what?" I asked, knowing there was more.

"Look…Leah and I we don't know this personally…I mean we were in Washington State when it happened…but one night Seth called us. It was after Aliya had had her baby – and Jake, he faced down the council…told them it wasn't his baby..and then asked…no…told them..he was getting annulment." He explained in a rush, looking at me from the corner of his eyes, gauging my reaction.

"Not..not his..not his baby?" I managed to ask. My heart seemed like it was in my throat.

"That's what Seth said…apparently, no one except Jake and Aliya's families had seen him.."

"Him. Jake..he had..it was a boy too?"

"Bella…listen to me." Embry, both hands on my shoulders, turning me to face him. "It ws a boy. But he wasn't Jake's son."

"Where.."

"They're gone. My Uncle Andrew got some cushy job down in Florida and Alia moved down there with the baby. They've been gone over a year."

I nodded. Not quite sure how to process the information or what to do with it. And at the same time, trying to control the rapid beating of my heart.

"Look…I know Jake made mistakes…lots of them…but Bella, he's still the same Jake you loved. He made some bad choices, but don't we all?" Embry asked softly. "And there's more to this…I don't know what..I haven't spoken to Jake…I mean not really…but I know there has to be more."

"And the imprint?"

"We asked Seth about that – Bella, Aliya imprinted on Jake but he never imprinted back…it was all her."

I nodded again, not knowing what to say.

"I know this is hard Bella. And I know Leah has been trying to tell you but you wouldn't listen. But I need to ask you something…and I've never asked you for anything right?"

I looked up and my old friend was smiling his lopsided smile at me, and I remembered all the times he had been there for me. My eyes were questioning.

"All I ask is this…will you just hear him out?"

Just then and before I could answer, Miss Emma appeared at the doorway. "Where are your manners Bella?" she chided me teasingly. "Bring the boy in out of the cold – dinner's almost ready and Caleb's looking for you."

I turned to look at Embry and he hadn't moved. Waiting.

"For you." I said. And then I led him into the house where Caleb waited.

For the next few hours, all serious talk was forgotten as Caleb worked his usual charm – Leah and Embry falling in love with him with each minute they spent.

"All set?" Miss Emma asked as I loaded the last bag into the car. It was still dawn, barely light and Caleb, still half asleep, snuggled deeper into her arms.

I nodded, my voice having seemed to desert me.

"It'll be ok Bella." She assured me, leaning her forehead against mine, Caleb a warm sleepy bundle between us. "You know you don't have to stay…it's just a few days..for Charlie." But there was a false note of reassurance in her voice – we both knew it was more than that.

"Time to go Bella." Embry's voice broke the moment of silence, and giving Caleb a kiss on the top of his head, Miss Emma handed him over to Leah who strapped him to the car seat.

And as the sun's first weak light traced the horizon, my journey home began. I looked back once. Miss Emma was a dwindling figure in the distance. I remembered that trip home years ago with Charlie and how frightened I had been and how at the end of the trip, happiness...more happiness than I had ever hoped for had waited for me.

I looked over at Caleb, fast asleep. His tattered toy wolf clasped tightly in his hand, his cheek rested on the side of the car seat. With each even breath he drew, I swore that whatever awaited us in Forks, I would die rather than have him hurt the way I had been.


End file.
